Mail Order Meddler (7 page)

“That’s fine.”

Tracy sighed.  “Have you heard one word I’ve said to you, Andrew Harvey?”

Andy looked over at her in surprise.  “What?”

She shook her head sadly.  “That’s what I thought.  You’re not listening to a word I’m saying!”  He was even more distracted that morning than he’d been the past few days.  Something was definitely wrong.

“I’m sorry, Tracy.  I’m just…thinking.”

“About what?  Rich men?”

When Andy didn’t respond to that, she knew that’s what he was thinking about again.  “Andy, there is no way I’d take a rich man over you.  Now stop worrying.”

Andy looked at Tracy like she’d grown two heads.  He wasn’t worried about her running off with a rich man.  Why would she even think such a thing?  “I know that.”  He kept staring off into space, finally pulling up in front of the church.  As he helped her down, he looked around for a well-dressed man that he’d never seen before, but he didn’t spot one.  He still kept Tracy as close to him as he could.

Once they were inside the church and sat down,
Tracy felt a tap on her shoulder.  She turned around and smiled up at the stranger behind her.  “Can I help you?”

He stared at her with wide eyes, as if he were looking at a ghost.  “Is your name Tracy?” he asked.

She nodded, her eyes wide.  How did this stranger know her?

Andy left his hand on her shoulder, indicating she should stay in her seat, before getting up and grabbing the man’s arm, pulling him out of the church. 
“Who are you and what do you want with my wife?”  He’d been waiting to confront this man since he’d heard he was in town.

The man sighed.  “I’m a private detective. 
Tracy’s mother hired me to find her.”

“Tracy doesn’t have a mother.  She was left on the doorstep of a church.”

The stranger indicated a bench in front of the church.  “My name is Steven Chandler.  Tracy’s mother came to me a month ago, and told me the whole story behind what happened.  When Tracy was a week old, her father was killed in a fire.  Their house was destroyed, and she and her mother were left penniless.  Her mother searched for someone to take them both in, but couldn’t find anyone.  Finally, she took a job in Boston as a maid, but one of the requirements of the job was that she not have a child.”

Andy looked at the other man, listening to him.  He didn’t want their lives to change.  “Go on.”

“She decided to leave Tracy on the doorstep of a local orphanage with a note, saying she would be back for her.  She had every intention of going back a month or two later, but the months turned into years.  To make a long story short, her mother has married again, and her husband has agreed to let Tracy come and live with them.  She’d have money and a life of leisure.”

Andy shook his head.  “No.  She’s my wife.”
  Why would the man even think such a thing was possible?  Women didn’t just leave their husbands for better opportunities.

Steven sighed.  “She could have so much more than this life.  Her mother is married to one of the wealthiest men in Boston.  She could have a real life there.”

Andy stood.  “She has a real life here.  Go away.”  He walked back into the church and sat down beside Tracy, his mind going over and over the words Steve had said in his mind.  Should he let her go?  Shouldn’t she at least meat her mother?  But what about Mattie?  Mattie would hate him if he let Tracy go.

After church, he grabbed Tracy’s arm and hurried her out of the church, helping her into the wagon.  He told Francis to get the other two and get into the wagon immediately.  He needed to tell Tracy what had happened, but he wasn’t about to do it in the churchyard with everyone listening in. 

As they drove, he told her what the other man had said, and Tracy sat worrying the skirt of her dress.  “I don’t want to leave,” she said in a whisper.  But inside, she couldn’t help but wonder what her mother was like.  Her whole life she’d dreamed about what it would be like to have a real mother.  And now she was being offered one?  Now when she was finally with a family who loved her? 

She didn’t want to leave, but she wanted to meet the woman who had given her life.  Why had she left her on the doorsteps?  And why hadn’t she come back for her as she’d said she would?  Why was she looking for her now?

She asked Andy those questions, and he gave her the story Steve Chandler had told him.  Tears streamed down her face.  For the first time in her life, there was more than one person who wanted her, but they lived in different states. 

When they got home, Tracy served the roast she’d had in the oven while they were gone, but she just toyed with her own food.  The children had no idea what had happened, but they could tell something was upsetting her.  After lunch, she did the dishes with Mattie as always, and then announced she needed a nap.

Mattie watched the door close with Tracy on the other side.  “Tracy never takes naps, Andy.  What did you do?”  Her voice was filled with accusation.  She obviously blamed Andy for Tracy’s upset.

Andy shook his head, not knowing how to answer that.  Truly, he’d done nothing wrong, but his sister wouldn’t see it that way.  After a moment, he followed her into the bedroom and sat beside her on the bed, stroking her back.  “Do you want to meet your mother?” he asked, feeling as if his heart was being pulled from his body as he asked.

Tracy turned toward him on the bed, her eyes bloodshot with tears.  “Of course, I want to meet my mother.  How could I not want to meet her?  But I don’t want to leave you or the boys or Mattie.”  She sat up and threw herself into his arms.  “I truly don’t know what to do.”

Andy sighed.  “If I could leave the ranch, I’d go with you, but I can’t just leave my brothers and sister.”

“I know.  I’m not asking you to do anything.  I’m just telling you how I feel.  All my life I’ve felt rejected, like I wasn’t good enough to be loved by anyone, and now suddenly I have a mother who wants me, and a husband who wants me to stay.  What can I do?”  She felt torn between her mother and her new family, but she knew deep down that her responsibility was to her new family, not to the woman who’d given her birth and abandoned her.

Andy just held her close, letting her cry.  “Why don’t you write to your mother?  We can give the letter to Steve Chandler tomorrow.”

Tracy considered that for a moment before nodding.  “I can do that.”  It seemed like a good solution.  It wouldn’t be meeting her, but at least she would know that Tracy cared to meet her.  She loved the idea of corresponding with her mother.

That evening, after the children were in bed, she carefully penned a letter to her mother.  She didn’t even know how to start the letter.  “Dear Mother” seemed way too familiar when she hadn’t seen the woman in over eighteen years. 
What was the right thing to do?

Finally, she settled on, “Dear Mother
,  I’m not sure exactly what to say to you.  I’ve waited for fifteen years to finally meet you and now that you’re ready, I’m newly married with a family to take care of.  My new husband has three younger siblings that he cares for, and a ranch he can’t leave, so I really can’t make a trip out to Massachusetts to meet you right now.  My heart breaks as I write those words, because I so desperately want to sit and talk to you and ask you all the questions that I’ve wondered about for years.  I’ve married a good man.  His name is Andrew Harvey and his younger siblings are Francis, age sixteen, Arthur, age ten, and Matilda, age seven.  Mattie is my little shadow and does everything with me.  I truly wish I could come see you, but I can’t abandon the family I’ve come to love.  I would be happy to correspond with you, though, and I’m glad to finally be able to do that.  I will give this letter to Steven Chandler tomorrow, and I hope that you’ll respect my wishes and write me in return.  Sincerely, Tracy.”

Tracy set the letter on the work table and left it there.  “I need to get some things from the mercantile tomorrow anyway, so I’ll go ahead and take it to town then.”

Andy walked up behind her and rubbed her shoulders, his hands soothing her.  “I’ll go with you.  There’s no reason for you to face him alone.”

Tracy turned into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around her husband.  The children were there, but for once she didn’t care.  She kissed him softly.  “Thank you.  I was hoping you’d offer.”

*****

The long drive to town
the next day had Tracy wiggling in her seat.  “You have ants in your pants?” Andy asked, his eyes filled with mischief.

Mattie, sitting between them, said, “She doesn’t wear pants, Andy.  She’s a girl!”

Tracy laughed as the words broke the tension she’d been feeling since he’d told her who the man was.  Once they got to town, they went to the mercantile.  Andy went straight to George.  “Do you know where the man who’s been looking for Tracy is staying?”

George nodded.  “He’s been at the boarding house.”

Andy took Tracy’s letter.  “You do your shopping.  I’ll give it to him.”

Tracy smiled with relief.  She really didn’t want to have to tell the man why she’d decided to stay in Texas, instead of taking a train to meet her mother. 

Andy went to the boarding house for men and knocked on the door.  When Mr. Jones, the proprietor answered the door, Andy smiled.  “I have a letter for Mr. Steven Chandler.  Is he in?”

Mr. Jones stepped aside.  “He is.  I’ll go get him.”

When Steven came into the room, Andy held out the letter.  “Tracy wrote her mother a letter, and we’d appreciate it if you could take it to her.”

Steven nodded.  “I’d be happy to.  Tracy looks exactly like her mother.”
  He shook his head.  “When I first saw her it was like looking into her mother’s face.”

Andy sighed.  “There’s no doubt she’s the one then, is
there?”

“None at all.  She doesn’t want to go live with her?”

“Tracy spent her entire life waiting for her mother to return to the orphanage and get her.  She’s been all alone feeling like she was unlovable all that time.  She’s finally found a place with me and with my family, and she just can’t leave it.”

“She’d have wealth beyond her wildest dreams.”

Andy shook his head.  “She’s happier with feeling loved and wanted.”

Steven nodded.  “I’ll take her mother the letter.  I don’t think she’ll give up, but I’ll try at least.”
  He looked as if he understood Tracy’s decision to stay, but it was hard to tell.

“Thank you.”  Andy turned and left the house, walking back to the mercantile.  There was another small mountain of supplies. 

He walked up behind his wife as she placed several skeins of yarn atop the pile.  “Do we really need all of this?” he asked.

Tracy turned to him and nodded.  “I want to get started on Christmas presents for all of you.  I have a lot of sewing to do.  And I’ve discovered a secret in the time I’ve lived with our family.”

“You have?  What’s that?”

Tracy looked around as if she was about to share the location of a secret treasure.  “All of you like to eat.”

Andy laughed, rubbing his hand up and down her arm.  She seemed a great deal happier today than she had the day before.  “That’s very true.  I gave him the letter.”

If Tracy was surprised by the quick change of topic, she didn’t let it show.  “Thank you.”  She added two more things to the top of the pile.  “I think that’s everything.”

Mattie stood behind Tracy, the gap where she’d lost her two top teeth showing through her grin.  “May I have a peppermint stick?” she asked.  “Just one please?”

Tracy smiled, having expected the question.  “Because you were so good, you may have one.”

Mattie quickly selected her stick while George used a pencil and paper to add up their purchases.  Tracy tried not to think about the woman who was in Boston, wondering if she’d be coming to see her soon.  She couldn’t think about it.  She was too busy with her new family.

Chapter Six

Tracy had been in Texas for four weeks when she realized that
she was carrying.  She waited a couple of days for just the right time to tell Andy, but finally blurted it out in bed one night.  “We’re having a baby!”  She watched his face carefully for his reaction. 

Andy’s face slid into a slow grin.  “That’s great!”

“I wasn’t sure you wanted a baby.  You’ve never mentioned it, and you’re already raising your siblings.”

Andy shrugged.  “Of course I want a child of my own.  Well, since I’ve met you I do.  I guess I never really thought about it much before, but I can’t imagine not having a baby with you.”
  He stroked her cheek gently, thrilled that they would have a child together.  “You’re going to be a good mother.”

Tracy smiled.  “So is that why you’re always pouncing on me in bed at night?”

Andy shook his head.  “I do that because you’re beautiful, and I can’t seem to keep my hands off you.”  He showed her he was serious by starting to stroke her once again.  How could any man be expected to not touch such a beautiful woman?

She snuggle close beside him, wondering if this was how her mother had felt when she’d found out she was pregnant with her.  So happy she couldn’t imagine that life would ever not be perfect again.  She put her hand over her belly, wishing she could already feel it kicking.  She’d never wanted anything in her life as much as she wanted the child she was carrying.
  She couldn’t imagine any circumstance where she would not keep her child by her side.  For the first time in her life, she wondered what her mother could have been thinking to leave her.  Was she not someone who felt motherly affection?

They’d heard nothing yet from her mother, and she wondered if they would.  She wouldn’t be surprised if the woman just didn’t want to mess with her after she rejected her, but Tracy had done what she needed to do for her own family. Surely her mother would understand that.

*****

Francis drove the wagon into town for supplies with Tracy and Mattie as passengers
.  Tracy was in her fifth month, and was thankful the weather was cooling off for her.  November was proving to be a busy month.  She’d finished all the canning and jam making the month before, and had thought November would feel like a rest, but she was working at making gifts for her family for Christmas.  She’d never had a Christmas with people she cared about, so it was special for her.

Andy was sweet and gentle to her, but still hadn’t told her he loved her, and she wished the words would come.  She couldn’t make herself say them before he did, though.  She had spent so long feel
ing unloved and unlovable, there was no way she’d ever be able to say the words first.  She had to know that he felt them before she could say them to him.

Her greatest sadness was that she’d never heard back from her mother.  Apparently the fact that she’d refused to go see her had been enough to make it so her mother didn’t want her at all.  Tracy tried not to care, but she’d felt like she was so close to having the mystery that was her mother solved, it hurt not to hear from her.  She had never been told the woman’s name, so she couldn’t send another letter to try to find her.

Mattie was doing very well with the schoolwork Tracy gave her.  She was reading well and learning her sums as quickly as any child Tracy had ever seen.  Tracy didn’t feel like she was a qualified teacher, but apparently that didn’t matter, because Mattie was learning.  The two older boys were doing their lessons in the evening once the ranch work was finished for the day.

The afternoon air was chilly, but not cold.  Tracy and Mattie had shawls over their dresses, but there was no need to even wear a coat yet.  In Massachusetts there would have been snow by that time of year.  Thanksgiving was just a week away, and Tracy was getting the groceries she needed to prepare a feast for her family.

A strong wind blew up just as they got to town, and Tracy shivered a little as Francis helped her down from the wagon.  She laughed as the door to the mercantile seemed to fight her and she was barely able to get it open.  Mattie hurried inside with her, ready to carry the shopping basket for Tracy.  Andy was adamant that she carry nothing and take it as easy as she could while she was large and unwieldy.  Tracy told him over and over that being pregnant was normal, and she could continue to do what she needed to do, but Andy wouldn’t listen.

When Tracy stepped into the store, George turned to stare at her, nodding his head toward the back of the store.  “Did you get new fabric in?” Tracy asked with a smile. 
She didn’t wait for his answer, but instead rushed to the back of the store to see what was new there.  While her new family didn’t have unlimited funds, they were much more wealthy than anything Tracy had ever experienced.  She and Mattie each had several new dresses.  Tracy was forever perusing the fabric display and finding more material to make dresses with.  She’d also made new dress clothes for the men, but they bought their work clothes ready-made.

She and Mattie rushed to the back of the store to look through the new goods, and Tracy stopped short.  There was a new woman in town with hair the exact shade of red as her and green eyes to match.  Her features were older, but she could have been Tracy’s big sister…or mother.

“I…”  Tracy didn’t know what she’d started to say.  What she could say.  Was this her mother?  Who else could it be?

Mattie clung to Tracy’s hand.  “Tracy, is that your sister?”
  She stared at the older woman, trying to figure out who she was.

Tracy looked down at the little girl.  “You’re my only sister, sweetie.”
  Mattie seemed to instantly hate the other woman.  Tracy wasn’t sure if it was jealousy or what, but she knew she needed soothing.

The woman spoke for the first time, her voice shaky.  “So you
are
Tracy?”

Tracy nodded, unsure what to say.  What did you say to the mother who abandoned you as an infant and then refused to respond to your letter you sent her as an adult?  What
could
she say?

Her mother’s eyes dropped to Tracy’s expanded waistline, before studying her features carefully.  “I’m Cecelia Hebert.  I’m your mother.”  She still stared at Tracy’s face as if she were trying to memorize every feature.

Tracy and Andy had not told the children about the possibility of meeting her mother, because they didn’t want Mattie to be afraid she’d lose Tracy.  The two had become closer than ever, and Mattie was just starting to come out of her shell with strangers and turn back into the precocious little girl she’d always been.  They would do anything they could to keep her feeling confident about herself and not afraid of losing loved ones.

Tracy felt like she was being too formal, but she didn’t know how else to react as she lifted her hand to shake the other woman’s.  “I’m Tracy Harvey.”

Cecelia reached out and took Tracy’s shoulders in her hands, pulling her close for a hug.  “I’m so happy to meet you.”

Tracy held herself stiffly, feeling that she’d been rejected by this woman not once, but twice.  Once as an infant and once
six months before when she’d not answered her letter.  Tracy nodded formally.  “It’s nice to finally meet you.”  She took a step back.  “This is my sister-in-law, Mattie.”

Mattie looked at the older woman with wide eyes.  “You can’t be Tracy’s mother.  Tracy’s an orphan.”
  Her face was filled with disbelief in the other woman’s words.

Cecelia shook her head, a sad look on her face.  “I left Tracy on the doorstep of the orphanage because her father died and I couldn’t take care of her.  It was either that or starve.”

“Tracy would have found a way to keep
you
.”  Mattie turned away.  “I’m going to pick out some fabric for the Christmas dress you’re going to make me,” she told Tracy.  The little girl walked away, going to the nearby table with the fabric.

Tracy looked at her mother, feeling nothing.  All those years she’d dreamed of meeting her mother finally and flying into her open arms, being held tightly. 
Now, all she really wanted was to get this first meeting over with.  “I’m sorry about Mattie.  She feels very protective of the people she loves.”  Tracy stood with her fists clenched at her sides.  What did this woman want from her?  She obviously wasn’t feeling motherly affection, or she’d have come for her a long time ago.

Cecelia gave a half smile.  “Who can blame her?”  She reached out as if to touch Tracy’s shoulder, but let her hand drop after a moment.  “I always planned to come back for you.”

Tracy nodded once.  “Yes, that’s what the note attached to my basket read.”  The note had long since been destroyed as she had read it and re-read it over the years.  Every time she’d opened it she’d been certain she would find some clue as to why her mother had left her and when she would be back.  She had spent hours as a young child staring out the window of the bedroom she shared with nine other girls at the orphanage just waiting for her mother to drive up in a big white carriage and take her to her new home.

“You
r father died in a fire when you were just a week old.  I…had no family.  Everything we had was destroyed.  I was a seventeen year old widow with a newborn baby.  I didn’t know what to do!  I found a job in the city, but one of the requirements was that I not have a child.  I wouldn’t have been able to support us if I’d taken you with me.”  Cecelia had shrugged as if to say she’d had no choice in the matter.

“So you left me.”  Tracy wanted to say she understood, but honestly?  She didn’t.  Mattie was right.  If the house burned down tomorrow and she lost everything she had, including Andy and his brothers, she would find a way to keep Mattie and the child growing inside her.  She couldn’t do anything less.

“I didn’t
leave
you.  I was going to come back for you as soon as I had a better job.”  Cecelia’s face begged for Tracy to understand.

Tracy nodded.  “It’s hard to find a job when you’re young and female.  I know that.”
  She knew because she’d been there. 

Cecelia’s face seemed to relax a little.  “So you understand why I did what I did.  I loved you with everything inside me.  I cried when I left you there on that doorstep.”

Tracy shrugged.  “It must have been difficult for you.”  She sighed.  “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you want me to do now.  I’ve spent the last eighteen and a half years as an unwanted orphan.  Six months ago, I married and I have a family who loves me for the first time in my life.  I’m not leaving them.”

“But I can offer you and your baby so much more!  My husband is a banker.  We have a huge beautiful home in Boston with servants to take care of us.”  She eyed Tracy’s hands which were definitely red and callused from the hard work she
did every day.  “You’d never have to wash another dish.  You’d never have to scrub your clothes against a washboard.”

“I’d never be able to be with the family I love.”  She took a deep shuddering breath.  “Mattie may not be my child, but she’s a child of my heart.  The child I carry is going to grow up in a house filled with love and laughter.  I didn’t grow up in that kind of house.  I will give my child everything I didn’t have where love and laughter are concerned, even though that means that I won’t be able to give them everything financially.  Love is more important than all the money in the world.”

Tracy turned away from the woman and her fancy silk dress.  She walked over to wear Mattie was looking at the fabrics for her Christmas dress.  She picked up a pretty green fabric and showed Mattie.  “What about this one?  I think it would look good on you with your light complexion, and it would match my eyes.  We could make matching dresses.”  Tracy did her best to act as if nothing had happened, but her hand was shaking visibly.

Mattie clapped her hands together excitedly.  “I’d like that!”  Tracy picked up the fabric and took it to the front of the store while she picked through the groceries.  “Oh, you got some cranberries in, just in time for Thanksgiving.  We need both potatoes and sweet potatoes as well.” 

Mattie trailed along behind Tracy carrying everything the older girl picked out.  She watched Tracy with a look of absolute adoration on her face.  When Mattie stopped in front of a display of crochet hooks, Tracy followed her gaze.  “Do you want to learn to crochet?”

Mattie nodded enthusiastically.  “Yes, please!  I want to be able to make presents without your help for next Christmas.”

Tracy smiled, rubbing her belly.  The baby had been kicking like crazy since they got to the store.  “With as fast as you learn, there will be no problem with that.”  She selected a hook and put it in the basket Mattie was carrying.  “I’ll start teaching you as soon as I can.”

Tracy paid for their things while Mattie ran out to the wagon to get Francis so he could carry everything out for them.  After helping her into the wagon, Francis walked around to the other side to drive them home.  “Thank you for helping,” Tracy said with a smile.

As they were about to drive away, she heard a yell.  “Tracy wait!”

Tracy turned and looked at the woman standing beside her wagon.  “Yes?”
  She held her breath while she waited to hear what her mother had to say to her.  She thought everything had been said.