Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! (16 page)

When you commit to being yourself from the start and to communicating your truth no matter what, you'll avoid virtually all the drama, angst, and anxiety of not knowing where things stand that many other women experience on a daily basis. Most women are afraid to be real because they mistakenly believe that they're not enough exactly as they are. This "I'm not enough" mind-set not only is inaccurate but also destroys your well-being and ability to have a loving and satisfying relationship.

Being yourself and speaking your truth from the moment you meet is the secret to having relationships unfold naturally and authentically. It is also the key to maintaining your irresistibility.

Be yourself. Communicate what works for you and what doesn't. Do it from day one and never stop. This is the most powerful step you can take at the beginning of any relationship to set it up for long-term success.

Speaking of relationship success, don't confuse relationship longevity with relationship success. Just because a relationship lasts for many years does not mean it's a success. Many couples cling to a lifeless and miserable existence they call a relationship because they are too afraid to be alone or to face the uncertainty of the unknown. Living a life of quiet desperation devoid of true love, passion, and spiritual partnership is not my idea of success.

Relationships, again, are life's grandest opportunity for spiritual growth and evolution. They exist so that we may discover ourselves, awaken our hearts, and heal our barriers to love. Every relationship you've ever had, or you ever will have, is designed to bring you closer to your divinity and ability to experience and express the very best of who you are.

Irresistible Action Challenge

Use this chapter to expand your possibilities of what it means to live a full life. Recognize that it is possible to have it all. Allow yourself to get used to the idea of including things in your life rather than excluding things. Think "both" rather than "either/or."

1. Take a class or workshop that you've been meaning to take but never got around to. Stop waiting for "someday" and start having a full life now.
   
2. Investigate how you operate around work and money. Have you been holding back investing in your career or financial health? What steps do you need to take to become an S&M queen?
   
3. Practice keeping your word with yourself and others, whether or not you are dating right now. When you say that you are going to the gym, go. When you say that you'll show up at a party, show up. This will strengthen your personal power so that when you do have a relationship, you'll be well practiced at keeping your word.
   

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
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The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy
beauty, even one's own—even more one's own,
for that has been put in our care and we are
responsible for its well-being.

—
Katherine Anne Porter, Pulitzer Prize–winning author

Let's be honest, shall we? No matter how foxy we are on the inside, it's difficult for those of us who are fashionably challenged to really get out there and
feel fabulous in the dating game. And while who you are "being" is definitely more important than how you look when it comes to irresistibility (remember poor Sheila?), why sabotage your irresistibility when you don't have to?

Perfect packaging is the art of making your outer appearance a natural and irresistible extension of your inner fox. For those of you who think you've got this department handled, I invite you get over yourself and read on.

Like it or not, we sell ourselves 24-7. Our appearance sells information like our marital status, profession, financial worth, degree of self-worth, age, religion, ethnicity, and intelligence, just to name a few. The clothes you wear, the way you style your hair, and how you put yourself together from head to toe communicate more about you than your words can ever say.

Most of us are blind to what we are selling simply because we're so used to being ourselves. We are unaware of how others perceive us, and friends, family, and associates often don't feel it's their place to give feedback—although that feedback could transform our lives. In a way, it's like watching an episode of Donald Trump's reality show, "The Apprentice." The contestants often have no idea how difficult, unmanageable, cranky, childish, and rude they come
across. They are simply being themselves. But to everyone who is watching, it's crystal clear.

Similarly, many women get stuck in a clothing trend or hairstyle and forget to move on with the times. Others are in perpetual pajama-like clothes. Some showcase a flabby tummy when in reality they should cover it up and show off their shapely arms instead. And then there's a certain population who are simply clueless when it comes to fashion and unfortunately no one is around to say, "You're fired!"

Thank goodness you don't need a reality TV show to discover the art of perfect packaging. All it takes is an open mind, a desire to explore, and a willingness to try on new possibilities. A style-savvy friend or professional image consultant can quickly and painlessly help you see yourself in a new light. As my client Heather discovered, you're either selling "Come 'n' get me, baby" or "I'm
so
not interested."

One day I was sitting across from my client Heather, a forty-something environmental consultant who said she was ready for a relationship. Her career was cruising along, she owned her apartment in NYC, and she had a blossoming social life. She asked me, "What am I doing wrong, Marie? Guys just don't seem interested in me."

"I'm not surprised," I said. "You're not exactly selling 'I'm a hot available babe looking for a relationship.' It's more like you're selling 'I'm a dumpy middle-aged woman with zero interest in men.'" No one was able to see her inner babe-ness behind the fashion catastrophe she had created to hide it. Heather, an attractive, successful, and loving woman, was hiding her voluptuous, full-figured body underneath ill-fitting, high-waisted jeans and baggy, faded men's T-shirts. She wore dusty brown clogs and a yellow kerchief around her head. Not exactly a come-hither look. Heather was interested in getting honest feedback and did not hurt herself with my remarks. She took a look for herself and discovered that, ironically, she was purposefully dressing frumpy to keep men away. While she believed she wanted a relationship, in reality she was terrified of the potential rejection inherent in the dating game. In that moment, however, Heather realized that her desire for love and intimacy outweighed her fear of rejection. By not judging herself for what she discovered, she instantly became excited about a new, more stylish look. Since that conversation, Heather has begun to wear colorful, feminine tops and flowing skirts that complement her voluptuous figure. Instead of clogs, she now wears beautiful sandals and other comfortable, well-made shoes. Her clothing and accessory choices are now more appropriate for the beautiful and available woman she is. She no longer wears kerchiefs and instead allows her beautiful curly brown hair to be seen.
She is taking regular salsa classes and goes shopping with fashion-conscious friends who support her in finding great clothes for her budget and body type.

The bottom line is this. How you look impacts how you feel. You can package yourself to either support your inner irresistibility or suppress it. And supporting your irresistibility does not mean dressing provocatively or inappropriately for your age or taste. It's about taking care of yourself in a way that's in concert with your desire to be irresistible and have satisfying relationships with men. It's about bringing awareness to how you communicate to the world who you are through your appearance.

Perfect packaging comes down to awareness. Here are a few questions to consider to get your juices flowing:

Do you wear clothes that actually make you look and feel attractive or do you pray that someone will notice your inner goddess underneath the layers of T-shirts, baggy sweaters, and sweatpants?

When was the last time you went through your closet and got rid of old, unattractive, and unflattering items?

Do you wear makeup? When was the last time you updated your cosmetics?

How about your figure? Do you maintain a strong and fit body or do you hide your babe-ness behind a layer of unhealthy extra weight?

Do you know how to dress for your body type? How clear are you on what you should not be wearing?

Looking good is all about making the most of what you've got. Learn to use your assets to your advantage. One option is to hire a personal image consultant. For a set fee, she or he will help you go through your wardrobe and edit it down to keep only what works best for you. Most will also shop with you for new clothes and help you put together appropriate looks to take you from desk to date.