Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! (13 page)

1. Are you holding on to grievances against your parents from childhood? How much time do you spend reliving the past? What impact does it have on your aliveness? On your irresistibility?
   
2. Is holding on to the story of your childhood serving you? Is it supporting your aliveness? Do you have the relationship of your dreams?
   

Irresistible Action Challenge

Write down any "poor me" stories about your childhood that you're holding on to. Ask yourself if they are accurate. Is it possible that your memories are skewed? Have you considered how challenging it is to raise a family? Put food on the table? Manage a household, career, and bratty kids?

Even if your story is factual, the important question for you is, now what? Are you willing to let go of the past in order to allow your irresistibility to fully blossom? What gifts are you stealing from the world by remaining entrenched in your past?

Are you willing to let go of the idea that your parents raised you wrong? Are you willing to be a wildly successful, expansive, and irresistible woman?

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

The truth you believe and cling to makes you
unavailable to hear anything new.

—
Pema Chödrön, author and Buddhist nun

Every woman has a story about her life. Your story is your personal history, as you remember it, from the moment you were born up to this very moment now. It includes all of the details of your childhood, your family, and where you went to school and, most importantly, the reasons you have come up with to explain why you are the way you are today. It includes all the things about others that you believe to be the truth.

We all need to recognize that our stories are based in the past and often disrupt our relationships and, of course, our irresistibility. Let's take a closer look and see how.

When a man asks you to tell him a little something about yourself, your personal story is usually what comes out. It often includes the basic facts like your age, your ethnicity, your education, your political ideology, and your religion or spiritual beliefs. Your story also includes your personal shortcomings and the various ways you label yourself, like "I'm not pretty/tall/thin/interesting/young enough" or "Men just don't find me attractive" or "I'm a strong, independent woman," or "I'm too sensitive." Here are some more stories we tell:

I'm bad in relationships.

I'm not a good cook.

I'm introverted.

I'm bad with money.

I'm talkative.

I'm unattractive.

I'm shy.

I'm lazy.

I'm too old.

I'm too young.

When you drag your story into this moment, a few things happen. First, you pollute your present with the past. You contaminate the freshness impregnated in every moment and limit your potential and—yep, you got it!—your irresistibility. Second, you may also be telling a tall tale that's not even true. For example, in seventh grade your teacher
may have said, "You're too tall, Jen. Stand in the back so others can see." It's quite possible that, at thirteen years old, you may have been big for your age. However, as an adult, you may not be. And even if you are tall as an adult, by putting your tall story in front of the fact that, first and foremost, you are a human being, you encourage everyone (especially men) to focus on that which you focus on and consider a shortcoming.

Third, you get stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy because you believe your story and disregard any information that doesn't support your perspective. It's like you have blinders on and will only gather evidence that proves your story true and will completely dismiss anything that suggests otherwise. For example, if you hold on to a story that all men cheat, you will effectively filter out any information that proves to the contrary. While watching a TV show, you may notice a man cheating on a woman and say to yourself, "See, they all do it." Without realizing it, you'll completely dismiss examples of faithful men because that information doesn't support your perspective.