Make Me Soar (2 page)

“It’s not what you think,” Dorian blurted out, his stomach churning.

Pietro regarded him silently for a moment, eyes narrowed, before glancing around the spacious room. “Let’s go over here.”

Without waiting for Dorian’s reply, he grasped him by the elbow and tugged him over to a quiet corner, away from the groups of men who were standing around, chatting and drinking champagne. Dorian was too weary to complain and allowed himself to be led. A table stood empty, and Pietro pushed Dorian to sit down before sitting next to him. From their vantage point, they could see Alex and Leo, a small crowd gathered around them.

Dorian watched them, his heart aching. He raised his glass to his lips, but Pietro stopped him, taking it from him and placing it on the table. Dorian scowled, but Pietro merely sat back, arms folded across his chest.

“So it’s not what I think, yeah? Then explain. ’Cause from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’ve still got a thing for Master Leo.” His gaze narrowed once more.

Fuck
. Dorian gulped. “Yeah, I can see why you might think that.”

Pietro said nothing, but waited. Dorian took a deep steadying breath in an effort to inject a little calm into his system.

“I haven’t felt that way about Sir for a while, not since I’ve seen him and Alex together. I mean, they just
fit
, right?”

Pietro nodded, his eyes grave.

“And you don’t need to remind me what a little shit I was, trying to stir things up, but
look
at them. They just got married, for God’s sake. No harm done, yeah?”

Pietro tilted his head. “So if you’re not burning up with jealousy, what’s going on?”

Dorian couldn’t meet Pietro’s direct gaze. He twisted his hands in his lap, fingers laced. “This is really hard, Pietro,” he whispered.

Pietro shifted his chair closer, his demeanor changed. “It’s okay, y’know. You can talk to me.” His voice softened. “C’mon, Dorian, you and me go way back.”

That much was true. Dorian’s heart raced.
For God’s sake, just
tell
him
. Keeping it all bottled up inside him had only made matters worse.

“It’s not just Master Leo and Alex,” he confessed. “It’s seeing you and Miles, Master Thomas and Peter, Ben and Scott—” He swallowed. “—Master Andrew and Gareth.”

Pietro’s brow furrowed. “I don’t get it.”

Dorian heaved a heavy sigh. “What’s wrong with me, Pietro? Why can’t I find someone who fits
me
?” His stomach turned over.

Pietro’s frown cleared. “Oh, Dorian.” He took Dorian’s hand and squeezed it tight. “Is that what this is all about?” He studied Dorian for a moment. “You’ve never shown any signs of wanting to find a partner. You’ve always been so focused on….” His frown returned.

Dorian snorted. “Yeah, I know what you’re going to say.” He knew his reputation around the club. He might as well walk around Collars & Cuffs with
Pain Slut
tattooed on his rear. That was partly what had made it easier to come to his decision. “I’ve had contracts, plenty of them, but nothing beyond three months. So I have to ask myself: why hasn’t
one Dom
wanted to extend a contract beyond the trial period?” As if it wasn’t bad enough that he couldn’t achieve his one goal….

Dorian shivered.
Can’t think about that now
.

Pietro regarded him with dismay, his mouth turning down. “Dorian, I had no idea.”

He huffed. “Why would you? We may have known one another for years, but it’s not like we’re that close, right?” Pietro’s eyes widened, and Dorian swallowed. “I’m sorry. That’s not fair. You’ve always been nice to me, even when I didn’t deserve it.” He ran his fingers through his short layers of hair. It still felt strange not to feel curls there anymore. The change in hairstyle had been an impulsive decision. Dorian’s heart pounded. “There’s so much going on in
here
right now”—he pressed a finger to his temple—“that sometimes it feels like it’s going to explode.”

Pietro’s hand tightened around his. “Then talk to someone. Don’t go through this on your own.”

Dorian barked out a bitter laugh. “I wouldn’t know who to talk to. Besides, I think I’ve burned my bridges with the Doms at Collars & Cuffs. Time for a change.” Just the thought made his heart race even faster.

Pietro stared. “What do you mean?” He became very still, his attention focused on Dorian.

He sighed. “I think it’s time to move on, maybe find another club where I can get a fresh start. And maybe I need something new, something to really push my boundaries.” Voicing his decision for the first time somehow made it all the more real.

Pietro shook his head. “I don’t like the sound of this. You’re starting to worry me.” He glanced around the room. “Let me find Miles.” He made as if to rise from his seat.

“No!” Dorian said in a loud whisper. Pietro gave a start, and he took a deep breath. “I’m not going to leave this very minute, okay? Right now I’m just thinking about it. But the part about wanting to push my boundaries?” He shivered. “I need something to get me out of my head.”

“Like what?” Pietro whispered.

Dorian smiled at him. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t have this mess in my head. I’d be doing something about it.” He sighed. “But if I think of something, you’ll be the first to know, yeah?”

Pietro tightened his grip on Dorian’s hand. “You’d better. I don’t want to come to the club one night and find you’ve disappeared on me.”

“I promise,” Dorian assured him. “Now how about another glass of champagne? This is a wedding, right?” He winked, affecting a demeanor that was pure fiction. Inside his head, the storm was still raging.

I need to do something
.
And soon
.

Pietro giggled. “I daren’t drink too much. Miles says I get really silly when I’m drunk, and I wouldn’t like to embarrass him.” He stared longingly at his empty champagne flute. “It’s not something I get to drink that often.”

Dorian said nothing. His parents’ wine cellar had never been without at least a dozen bottles on any given moment when he’d been growing up. He could understand Pietro’s liking for it, but for Dorian, champagne had lost its appeal.

I suppose that’s true of lots of things
, he mused.
Have something too often and it begins to lose its luster
. And what once had made him giggly and muzzy headed after one glass, now failed to have the same effect.

It was ironic that this also applied to his experiences within the walls of Collars & Cuffs.

Definitely time for a change
.

A
LAN
M
ARCHANT
couldn’t stop staring across the room at the two young men, apparently deep in conversation. Judging from their body language, the subject matter must have been very intense.

What I’d give to be a fly on the wall in
that
corner
.

Of course it didn’t help matters that one of them was Dorian Forrester. It was bad enough that the boy intrigued Alan at the best of times. The fact that his hair was not only cropped of its youthful curls but that he’d also had it dyed blond, only served to bring Alan’s dick into the equation. The combination of short blond layers and rich brown eyes was very striking, and it was all Alan could do to keep himself from frequently adjusting his hard-on.

Fuck, boy, what you do to me….

Only now he looked less of a boy and more of a delectable, erection-inducing young man.

“Alan!”

A deep, rich voice broke through his heated reflections. Alan twisted his head to regard Thomas Williams, co-owner of Collars & Cuffs. Thomas lifted his eyebrows, his lips twitching.

“That’s the third time I’ve called your name. What planet are
you
on?” For a moment Thomas’s gaze flickered toward Pietro and Dorian at the corner table but then returned to give Alan his full attention.

Alan shifted on his chair and chuckled. “Okay, you caught me. I was woolgathering.” He picked up his glass of champagne from its position on the bar and took a long sip. The chilled liquid cooled the burning in his cheeks. He made a concerted effort not to look over in Dorian’s direction but peered around Thomas. “Where’s Peter?”

“At the buffet table with Scott and Jeff when I saw him last.” Thomas smiled. “He kissed me on the cheek and told me he was a big boy now, and he’d be just fine.” His eyes shone. “And that if he needed me, he’d find me.”

Alan had to smile at that. It had been wonderful to see Thomas’s submissive lover at the wedding and even more wonderful to watch Thomas almost bursting with pride at how Peter handled himself.

Then a thought occurred to him. “I have to ask. Did you
really
know nothing of Leo’s plans for this wedding?”

Thomas snorted. “I’m still trying to get over the shock. All these years working with Leo, and he finally managed to keep a secret from me.”

They both laughed at that.

Alan glanced across at the two grooms, their arms around each other’s waists, and let out a sigh. “It does my heart good to see two people so much in love. That’s what the world needs right now—more love.”

Thomas smirked. “I feel a song coming on, but that would be far too queer.”

Alan snickered. “Yeah, and it wouldn’t be me singing it. I have a singing voice that can turn milk sour.”

Thomas winced. “Ouch. Remind me not to ask you to join the carol singers next Christmas.” He took a drink from his glass and gave Alan a speculative glance. “So you’re happy with us? Found your feet?”

Alan hesitated long enough to have Thomas gazing at him, frowning. Alan shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong. I love the club.” When Thomas arched his eyebrows, Alan expelled his breath. “The Doms are a great bunch, and I’ve shared some really good scenes with the subs. They’re well-trained, responsive, and most of the time it’s been a very satisfying experience.” He fell silent, studying his flute.

“I’m waiting for the
but
,” Thomas said at last. Around them was the low hum of chatter and laughter.

Alan rested his chin on his clasped hands, elbows on the bar. “I’ve been fortunate to live and work in a variety of places around the world, Thomas. I’ve seen a lot of things that some here would find a bit… excessive.” Thomas merely arched his eyebrows, and Alan smiled. “Not you, probably, but then you’ve seen more than most.” Thomas let out a wry chuckle. Alan considered how best to put his thoughts into words. “I guess what I’m trying to say—and making a pig’s ear of it—is that I haven’t had the opportunity at the club to do what I do best.”

Thomas put down his glass and turned to face him on his chair, his face rapt. “Now you have my undivided attention.”

Alan leaned against the back of his chair. “The club has a lot of Doms who are very adept with a whip, cane, or flogger. Their skills are impressive, to say the least. But what impresses me
more
is someone like Andrew Barrett. He is a very sensual Dom. I watch his scenes whenever I can, because he’s a joy to observe. The heights to which he takes the subs is astounding.” His gaze drifted once again across the room. “In fact, I found one such scene almost mesmerizing.”

Thomas followed his gaze. A slow smile crept across his face. “Ah.”

Damn
. Thomas always saw far too much.

Alan cleared his throat, which had tightened. “What I love most of all is working with a sub, taking time with him, training him, until I’m all that’s in his head, until we’re so in tune that all he can think about is submitting to me.”

Thomas regarded him steadily. “I once asked you if you liked a challenge. Remember?”

Alan nodded. “I’ve never forgotten it.” He gave up any pretense of glancing surreptitiously at Dorian—there seemed little point now—and studied him openly from across the room. “But to be honest, until recently, I didn’t think he was worth my efforts.”

“What changed your mind?” Thomas spoke in a low voice.

Alan didn’t hesitate. “The Shibari scene with Andrew. What I saw that night was not the same lad. Something happened to shake him up, and he’s not been the same since. And I found the change intriguing.”

“Ah, I wondered if you’d noticed.”

Alan gazed quizzically at Thomas, whose brow furrowed.

“Leo and I had noticed the same thing. We were going to wait and see how he was after Christmas, and if nothing had changed, we’d intended to talk with him. And we’re not the only ones. I’ve had several Doms approach me, voicing their concerns. They felt uneasy about speaking directly to Dorian because none of them really know him that well. Dorian isn’t one to encourage intimacy.”

“Which is strange,” Alan interjected, “because I get the feeling that intimacy is something he craves.” He stared at Dorian, noting his pallor. “What do you suppose they’ve been talking about? Because Dorian appears to be in the grip of some very strong emotions.”

Thomas widened his gaze, and then his smile returned. “Do you like Dorian’s new look?” he asked with a nonchalant air, his eyes glittering.

Damn the man
.

Alan stared at Thomas. “How do you do that? I mean, seriously? What is it, some sneaky, underhanded mind-meld?”

Thomas let out another snort. “Alan, I’d have to have been blind to miss the hard-on you were sporting when I first sat down.”

Alan stifled his groan.
Trust Thomas to see that
.

Thomas pushed on. “But this is all good. You’re attracted to him. That much is obvious. And you may be right about him desiring intimacy, so start with that. Work with him, but according to
your
rules, not his.” He leaned forward. “Do what you do best—get into Dorian’s head. If you manage that, you’ll be the first man at the club to do so.” He turned his head to look at Dorian. “And who knows what you’ll find once you get in there.”

Alan couldn’t deny the appeal of the challenge. To break down Dorian’s defenses one by one, to lead him into uncharted territory, and ultimately, to help him find what he was looking for.