Making It Through (15 page)

It was Christmas morning. Normally, we would all be bounding downstairs, just like children, to rip open our presents and listen to cheesy Christmas tunes. Instead, I found myself lounging in bed, returning a good morning text from Max. When I had no more excuses to keep me curled  in bed, I threw on my robe, grabbed my sister’s present, and walked down the hall to her room.

I knocked on the door and heard a muffled response, taking that as permission to enter. Sam was still snuggled in bed, facing the window. She turned her head, her sad eyes meeting mine.

“Hey, Sam,” I said, as I plopped at the foot of her bed, her gift resting at my feet. She sat, drawing her knees to her chest. “Merry Christmas.”

She smiled weakly at me. Guess I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t feeling very festive.

“Merry Christmas,” she muttered.

“Do you have plans today?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Figured I'd hang out here with Mom. You?”

“Max invited me over to his parents' house.”

Silence fell, each of us in our own thoughts.

“This sucks,” Sam said after a time, leaning against her headboard. I crawled up the bed and joined her there, my head propped by her shoulder.

“Yeah, it does.”

“How do we stop feeling like this?”

I laughed humorlessly. “If you figure that out, you let me know.” I retrieved her gift. “Here, you might as well open this.” She took the bag and smiled when she pulled out the gift certificate for the spa. “I thought maybe you and Mom would enjoy some time there.”

She nodded. “Yeah, it’s perfect. You didn’t get one for yourself?”

I shrugged, looking down at my fingers. “You two have been spending a lot of time together. I didn’t want to be a third wheel.”

Sam reached over and wrapped her arms around me. “Is that how you’ve felt? God, Mady, I’m sorry for that. You’ve always been closer to Dad, and Mom needed someone. I just gravitated in that direction.”

“It’s not your fault. Anyways,” I said, trying to change the subject, “
I'm
going to the spa with Chloe and Meagan.”

She let me go and reached under her bed, pulled out a box, and handed it to me. “Here.”

The box contained a bottle of my favorite perfume and some new makeup, which we both knew I wouldn’t have bought for myself.

“Thanks, Sam.” We hugged tightly for a moment, before I stood. “I should get going. I have to be ready to go and still have to find Mom. Talk with you later, okay?”

She smiled. “Have fun today.”

I stopped at the door and turned. “Oh, and Sam? Dad would like to spend some time with you, too. Don’t forget him.”

I slipped out the door and headed to the master bedroom, but Mom wasn’t in there. Making my way downstairs, I could hear the coffeemaker brewing. Mom had her back to me when I entered the room.

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” I said quietly, trying not to startle her. She turned slightly, and I could see how rough she looked. A dullness muted her eyes as she glanced back at me.

“You, too, dear.”

“I have something for you.” I handed her the envelope. She turned the rest of the way around and moved closer to me, taking the folded paper.

“You didn’t need to get me anything, Mady. I didn’t get anyone anything this year. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t step foot into those stores with all the festive people around.”

“I understand, Mom; don’t worry about that.” She looked down at the spa certificate. “Sam has a matching one. Thought you might like a day to relax.”

She slowly nodded, and then hugged me lightly. “Thank you.”

With nothing more to do here today, I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and wandered upstairs to get dressed. Too much time was spent on figuring out what to wear. I settled on casual, choosing a nice pair of jeans and a heather gray sweater. I tried to do something with my tangled red hair, but finally decided that a clip on one side, to keep it
from
my face, was probably the best choice. I cracked open the new make-up and applied just enough to know I was wearing something.

As always, Max was punctual, and I rushed down the stairs, backpack in hand, when I heard the bell ring. He wished my mother a happy holiday as I shoved on my boots and coat. I cringed inwardly at what she might say, but she was polite, and relief filled me.

Max took my bag as I slipped into the passenger seat. When he settled beside me, he leaned over and kissed me, his hand wrapping gently around the back of my neck.

“Merry Christmas,” he murmured. “I missed you.”

I laughed. “I haven’t been gone that long. Besides, I hear that absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“That’s a load of crap,” he grumbled. “Are you saying you didn’t miss me?”

“I did,” I admitted. It was true. I’d missed him so much that, whether he agreed to let me or not, I had planned to stay at his place for the next couple of nights.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He grinned at me, squeezing my hand.

“So, tell me, what can I expect today?” I was a little nervous to be crashing someone else’s holiday celebrations.

“I would, but we're here already, so you'll just have to come in and find out.”

We walked up the path, hand in hand. The door swung open, and Gloria was there smiling warmly at us.

“Hello, you two! Glad you could make it, Mady. Come in. We're waiting for some more people to show up. Here, let me take your coats,
I'm
just going to throw them in my room. Now, you go and grab some food, then find a spot in the living room before everyone else gets here and takes all the good ones.”

I don’t think I had ever known a woman so jovial. Her spirit was contagious, and it warmed my heart.

Max pulled me toward the kitchen and handed me a plate. The entire counter was filled with trays and bowls, full to the brim with so many different options of food. I couldn’t begin to understand how one woman accomplished all of this.

“Oh, wow. I’ve been here twice, and both times, there was enough food to feed an army. Does your mom sleep?”

He chuckled. “She’s pretty amazing. Piece of advice? Fill that plate, because you don’t want her to do it for you.”

With rounded plates, we turned to the living room. The first time, I hadn’t had time to notice much, but I could see a room filled with more couches than really should be in there. “Does it look like this all the time?” I whispered to Max.

“Nah, they usually store the extra furniture in the basement. But do you remember the last time, how many people were here?” I nodded. “Well, most of them will be here today. Let’s grab ourselves half a couch, because I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be stuck sitting on the floor for hours.”

We dug into our food while we waited for everyone, and it wasn’t long before the place became a mad house. Everyone who came in had gifts, and the tree in the corner was soon buried. When the last person arrived, it was two minutes, tops, before wrapping paper began to fly. I curled beside Max, his arm around me, watching everyone’s faces.

I can’t say that I had ever experienced a holiday from this perspective. In years past, it had always been about what was under the tree for us, but this time, I was able to observe everyone. One woman sat on the floor with her child in her lap. The smile of pure happiness on her face as she watched her child beam a big, toothy grin, left me with feelings of fulfillment and longing. I wished, more than anything, that I could have seen moments like that with my own family.

Max squeezed my shoulder. “You okay?” he whispered.

I nodded and gave a small smile. It wasn’t easy to see so much happiness in one room, but I was glad I was there to share in it. A box dropped into both of our laps and I looked up to see Gloria smiling down at us.

“You two look like you need something to open.”

I glanced at Max, and he just shrugged his shoulders. Inside both of our boxes were gorgeous, handmade scarves.

“Thank you, Gloria. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

She waved off my words with a smug grin. “Nonsense, I didn’t buy you anything. Besides, you both came here with no scarf or hat. Clearly, you needed me to make sure you stay warm.”

I laughed and wrapped the scarf around me. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

As time wore on, some people left to spend time with other family. I volunteered to make coffee when it ran out, a simple act that made me feel even more like I belonged there.

Max sauntered into the kitchen, his scarf also around his neck. “It’s time to get going, I think. Things are winding down.”

I nodded, feeling tired. We hugged his parents and said goodbye to everyone else. The air was chilled as we headed to the car, and I was glad for Gloria’s gift.

We were halfway to Max’s place when he said, “Talk to me about how you feel, Mady.”

I looked at him and slid my arm through his. “I’m fine. I wasn’t sure I would be, but I was. And you truly have a lovely family. I am tired though. Would it be all right if I crash when we get back to your place?”

He raised his eyebrow at me. “What makes you think
I'm
going to let you stay over?”

I laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, how about the whole ‘I missed you’ bit from earlier. Plus the fact that you aren’t driving toward my place.”

“Damn you and your perceptiveness.”

The apartment was quiet when we got there. I guessed that Jordan and Scott probably were still with their families. I slumped onto the couch, my body drained. Max sat beside me, and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. Funny how it seemed more natural than it had with Sam earlier in the day.

“Do you want some tea, or do you want to go straight to bed?” he asked in between leaving soft kisses against my forehead.

“Tea would be nice.” I moved to get up, but Max was quicker. He gently pushed me back. “Just stay put. I’ll get it for you.”

My eyebrows pulled together. “You don’t have to do everything for me.”

He stopped in his tracks. “I know, babe, and I won’t. But is it so wrong that I want to take care of you, just a little bit?”

I shook my head and smiled. “No, it’s very sweet.”

He grinned and went to make the tea. When he returned, he handed me the mugs and reached over to turn on the tree.

“It is still Christmas.”

We curled up together and gazed at the lights. We each shared some memorable moments from Christmases past.

With the tea drained, and both of us yawning, we went to his room to get ready for bed. When I was ready, I crawled in beside him, giving him a sweet, chaste kiss, before burying myself deeper in the sheets. He instantly turned toward me and pulled me close to him.

“Merry Christmas, Mady.”

I smiled to myself in the dark. “Merry Christmas.”

Max practically dragged me through the solid wooden door of The Frayed Rope, a well-known bar, located just off-campus and largely frequented by the student body.

“This is the surprise you had for me?” He had convinced me, after a long day of classes, that we should go out, promising a great surprise.

“Just wait,” he said, squeezing my fingers. The place was pretty busy. There was a large bar situated in the middle of the room, tables surrounding it, and pool tables along each side of the room. At the far end of the bar sat a stage, which looked more like a couple of stacked risers. Max wove me through tables, closer to the stage. When he stopped, I peeked around him to find our friends sitting there.

“Hey! I can’t believe Max was able to get you out here! It feels like it has been forever since we’ve been to a bar!” Chloe shouted, hopping up from her chair to hug me.

I looked over to Max who was laughing. “Good surprise?”

I shook my head. “You couldn’t have just told me we were going out with our friends?”

Jordan piped in. “Yeah, but from what I've heard, you can find an excuse to get out of doing stuff if you know in advance. This was easier.”

I faked offense. “I do not know what
you're
talking about!” He was right, but I would never admit it. “So what's the plan tonight?”

“Well, we can always try and snag a pool table, but the bar has karaoke.”

Chloe and Meagan both grinned at me. “Uh, no. I don’t think so.
I'll
happily cheer you guys on if you like.”

Max disappeared for a few minutes while I joined our friends and we got caught up, as we hadn’t seen each other since before Christmas. I stole a glance toward the bar in search of Max, finding him heading back to us with his arms full of drinks. As I watched him, out the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of someone I thought I recognized. But with the bar being as packed as it was, there was no way of finding out who I might have seen. I shrugged it off and returned my attention to our friends, who were all about the cheers.

“To us!” Chloe shouted above the noise.

A man, who had the bar’s logo on his chest, tapped on the mic. “Hello, everyone!” There were some hoots and hollers in response. He waved his hands in the air and the room quieted down once again.

“Okay, folks,
we're
going to start up the karaoke. Who'll be our first victim... err, I mean volunteer?”

A guy jumped up from a table to the right of us and bellowed, “ME!”

He made his way to the stage, and he was swaying, clearly having already had quite a bit of liquid courage.
Born to Be Wild
pumped through the speakers, and the guy began to rip the poor song to shreds. I turned my attention back to my friends, who were all laughing at the sight before us.

A couple more shots, and everyone was feeling pretty good. Meagan dashed over to the DJ table to sign her and Chloe up to sing. Max volunteered to grab the next shots. The DJ called my name, along with my friends. I looked at them, wide-eyed, horrified at the fact that they would pull such shenanigans.

“Come on, Mady. Please??” Meagan begged as she looked at me with big doe eyes.

I stuck my tongue out at both of them, and they squealed in delight, knowing I had caved to their wishes.

“And we picked the perfect song for us to sing, too!” Chloe squealed.

Before I was able to ask what song that would be, I was dragged
from
my seat and soon found myself clumsily up on stage. The first notes of the song had me scowling at my friends.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the song, but did they have to pick something so frilly? They each wrapped an arm around my shoulders and began belting out the song. I’ll admit, about half way through, I began to let loose and enjoy it a little more. The girls were playing to the crowd, and the response was—loud. Looking over to our table, I was hoping to see what Max thought of it all, but he wasn’t there. I turned my gaze toward the bar to see what was taking him so long.

My eyes finally locked on him. He was standing by the bar with his back to me. Close beside him, I saw her, the girl from the football field. She was leaning into him, her hand running up and down his arm. The worst part? When her eyes locked with mine, and she raised a perfectly plucked brow at me. As I watched her lean closer until her lips touched his, I don’t think she could have possibly missed my damaged heart being shattered into tiny little pieces. I squeezed my eyes tight immediately. I couldn’t stand to look at the scene for more than a split second. Thankfully, the song had just ended.

Sometimes, there are moments when you think that
you're
finally getting to a good place, one that you feel safe in. Then, you come to realize that it was all bullshit.

At the side of the stage, Chloe and Meagan stopped to see if I was okay. I was anything but. I felt as if the bottom of my safety net had just fallen out from underneath me.

“Max just kissed someone else,” was all I could get out. They both took one look at me, then ushered me to the bathrooms, as they whispered quickly to each other, setting whatever plan they had made into action. Meagan helped steady my shaking legs, wrapping a protective arm around my waist. Chloe disappeared into the crowd.

“She’s going to go get our purses and make the excuse of freshening up. When she gets back, hon, we are leaving. You’re coming home with us tonight.”

I nodded numbly. Thank God for good friends.

Chloe joined us in a flash, and we escaped quietly and unnoticed out the front door. We were in a cab, and headed to their shared apartment, when the calls started. I knew it was Max, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone. Anger, hurt, nausea, defeat—they all swam around in my head. What an asshole! I had trusted him! Ugh, he deserved a drink—no ten drinks—thrown in his face. Then the text messages started.

Mady, you guys are taking an awfully long time in the washroom.

Is everything
all right
?

Babe, where did you go?

Can you pls answer me?

Look, I’m getting worried. Call me.

Please baby, call me and let me know
you're
ok.

I finally got sick of my phone going off.

“Just turn your phone off. Bastard doesn’t deserve any better.”

I pulled up our text chat, and typed with shaking fingers.

I cannot talk to you right now. I need you to leave me alone.

The first tears fell as I sent that message. Max had become my best friend, and it killed me to not have him there to comfort me.

Do I get to know what I did?

I shook my head in disbelief. I didn’t think Max would ever be the kind of guy to do that. But maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought.

I'm
sure you can figure that out. Goodnight Max.

I turned my phone off before having to endure another text message.

I sat in numb silence, tears flowing freely down my face, until I heard Meagan’ phone ringing. She cursed under breath before answering.

“Hi, Scott. No I don’t think so. She doesn’t want to talk to him okay? Yeah, we’re safe. We’re heading home. No, he better not show up. I don’t know. Maybe she will when she's ready. Okay, bye.”

There was nothing else to say. He’d let that girl kiss him. When the three of us were comfortable on the couch,  I filled them in on what I saw.

“Are you sure, Mady?” Meagan asked softly. “It really doesn’t seem like him to do something like that.”

More tears fell. “She was looking at me as she did it. Guys, I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?”

Chloe left the room for a minute, and when she returned, her arms were overflowing with blankets and pillows.

“We haven’t had a good sleepover in a long time. I think tonight warrants it,” she said with a hint of excitement.

I smiled, in spite of the way I felt inside. What amazing friends I had, who'd go to whatever lengths to cheer me up and take my mind off things. The coffee table was moved, and the floor in front of the couch was piled high with every blanket in the apartment. We cuddled together, and Meagan turned on an old 80’s movie. Somewhere in the middle, exhaustion set in, and I drifted off into a troubled sleep.