Making the Cut (19 page)

Rosie’s style was ever changing, she almost dressed as a different character every day. Today it was biker babe. Wearing a ripped Harley tee, tucked into short denim cutoffs with a fringed leather vest over top, she looked edgy and cool. I loved her designer motorcycle boots. Balenciaga if I wasn’t mistaken.

Amy had gone all out. No wonder a lot of the men were currently giving her hungry looks, apart from Brock, who was sitting at the table across from ours, scowling. Her red hair was piled into a messy ponytail, she had on the shortest leather shorts, ever, paired with red bustier style top which tucked into her shorts. Her heels were red booties with leather laces.

“So Gwen…” Lucy started, mischief in her tone.

“So Lucy...?” I replied on a smirk.

“Things look like they’re going good with Cade, you two make one hot couple.” She exclaimed.

I sneaked a glance at Rosie, knowing she was happy for us, but still feeling weird.

“Gwennie, I could not be happier for you and my big bro, finally he has got an awesome chick instead of some skank!”

My stomach dipped a bit at her words thinking about my conversation with Ginger.

“Speaking of skanks.” Ashley muttered and I followed her gaze.

My stomach well and truly dropped seeing Ginger, talking to Cade within a group of men, stroking his arm.

“Bitch!” I heard snarl Amy from beside me and she stood up. I grabbed her hand and she glared down at me.

“What?” She shot. “Aren’t you going to do something? She is practically humping Cade.” She pointed and I watched as Ginger sidled up to Cade. He scowled at her and shrugged her off, but she stayed close.

“What do you suggest I do Amy? Walk over there and rip her tacky earrings out?” I asked sarcastically.

“That would be my suggestion.” Rosie put in, giving Ginger a death stare.

“Mine too.” Ashley chirped.

Amy raised an eyebrow at me smugly. “See?”

I towed her back down beside me, taking a swig of her beer.

“That’s what she’s trying to get me to do.” I moved my eyes around at the girls, “She’s a shit stirring bitch and she is just trying to start a fight. I’m not going to even bother to acknowledge her existence.” I stated, deciding not to tell them about my encounter at the store, knowing there would be no stopping Amy from going into bitch smack down. She may be an Upper East Side princess, but she wouldn’t hesitate to give a skank a bashing, especially for me. She really warmed to Cade, seemingly impressed at how he treated me and how happy I had been lately.

“Whoa Gwen.” Rosie gaped at me in astonishment. “You are like super restrained, I don’t know any of Cades exes who wouldn’t be up there ripping Ginger’s throat out.”

“That’s probably why they are his exes.” I decided and take another pull of Amy’s beer. I was slightly pissed that my boyfriend hadn’t gotten mine like he promised. Maybe I was more pissed about the ‘him talking to a slut part’.

“Now can we stop wasting breath on Queen Bitch and talk about something else?”

“Gladly.” Lucy started talking about one of the men from another charter who she was crushing on.

Not long after that, I got a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Lucky smiling down at me with a beer.

“Hey Princess, Cade got caught up, asked me to give you this.” He handed me the beer sitting down beside me.

“Thanks Lucky.” I smiled at him. “What’s new?”

He rolled his eyes, then gave me a sad look.

“Bitches Princess, they are driving me crazy, don’t know what they are thinking half the time, drives me insane.” He grumbled. “Sorry.” He added looking sheepish.

I laughed. “It’s okay.” I took a swig of my beer. “Tell me all about it.”

Lucky didn’t need much probing, he launched right into the stories of his women troubles, talking easily to me, I started to like him more and more as the conversation went on. He obviously had respect for women, he just dated too many at the same time. During our chat, more men came to shoot the shit and introduce themselves. Most were friendly, albeit it scary. Some were flirty, and very attractive, giving Amy lots of attention, which she was lapping up. I started to feel a little intimidated by the men as night went on, they were getting rowdier, but I pushed through it, drinking more beer. Lucky stayed by my side for ages, he kept me feeling calm. I was starting to get a bit pissed Cade hadn’t showed up, primarily because of the way Ginger was with him, I scanned the yard and couldn’t find either of them. Great. My eyes did fall on Bull though, sitting apart from the group, in front of a fire drum. I saw his eyes in the flickering light and something in them alarmed me. I got up, purposefully, Lucky stood too.

“Algood princess?” He asked, the concern in his eyes registered. Cade told him, the prick.

“Yeah Lucky I’m fine, just got to do something.” I replied.

He followed my gaze. “Wouldn’t if I were you Princess, he doesn’t like company so much lately.”

“I’ll be fine.” I responded before turning into the party and making my over to Bull. After multiple glares from some women, and winks from the men, I made it over. I sat beside Bull on the bench and he didn’t even look up.

“Don’t want company Gwen.” He muttered, staring down at the beer in his hands.

“Too bad.” I shot back and he glared up at me, hoping to scare me away. I didn’t move, he shrugged his shoulders and returned to contemplating the fire. I followed his gaze, watching the flames, sitting in silence for a bit. I had also seen Bull a lot during the past week, him and Cade seeming to be attached at the hip. Every time I saw him I became more concerned.

“Haven’t told anyone this.” I started, speaking softly. “Not even Amy, my brother, no one. I would appreciate it, if after I tell you, we keep it between you and me.” I hoped he wouldn’t go running to Cade. Bull continued to ignore me and I decided to take it as agreement.

“I tried to kill myself 6 months ago.” I stated, voice flat. Bull’s body stiffened, but he stayed silent.

I was telling the truth, only me the doctors that treated me and one other person knew about this.

“I was going through some shit...” I started.

“Know about that.” Bull clipped.

“Cades been sharing I see.” I was annoyed but kept on speaking.

“Anyway, I wasn’t dealing with things well, wasn’t eating, going through intense rehab. I hardly slept, nightmares, flashbacks whatever.” I shook my head. “Memories of the night, their faces. Sometimes I would wake up screaming, screaming so loud, neighbors would call the cops, they were convinced someone was getting murdered. Eventually they stopped calling. I saw what I was doing to my friends, family. I wasn’t coping, I was a burden on everyone I loved. Caused them pain, I could see it in their eyes, couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the feeling I had under my skin either, the feeling of dirt, scum, I couldn’t get it out no matter how hard I tried, couldn’t get clean. I decided one day, I couldn’t do it anymore, not to myself, couldn’t lived trapped in my nightmares, couldn’t let my family deal with it either.” I took a breath and saw Bull was staring at me intensely.

“So I made a plan. I had a date, a date when I was going to finally put myself out of the pain, and put my family out of it too. Yeah they would grieve, but at least they wouldn’t have to watch me rot from the inside out. They wouldn’t have to experience me fading away, worry about me all the time. The date came closer, adrenaline starting running through my veins, I started to get a bit perkier, knowing the end was near. Not happy. I would never be happy.” I felt a lump start in my throat, but I had to keep going, Bull had to hear this.

“It was a Monday and I didn’t want anyone to find me, find my body. I didn’t want to do that to the people I loved. So when everyone was at work I was going to call the ambulance, once I knew it was too late. I was just about to swallow a whole bottle of sleeping pills when my friend turned up. Lucky for me, I had a friend who had been watching me, knew the signs. He had a gut instinct he said.” I looked at Bull in the eyes, put my hand over his, he flinched but didn’t pull away.

“He saved my life.” I whispered. “I wasn’t grateful at the time, I was angry so angry. Why couldn’t he let me make my choice, have control get peace? Why couldn’t I have some power when everything else was taken away from me?” I gazed back into the fire.

“Didn’t get it then, didn’t think life was worth living. I didn’t understand how cruel that choice would have been on the people who cared. I didn’t understand how much they cared I had been too wrapped up in my own sorrow. I started to realize though, I saw the love I had around me, I started to see again.” I regarded him fiercely. “I know the look Bull, know the dead behind someone’s eyes when they have given up, planning something, going to check out.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“I know it cause I used to see it in the mirror every day.” My eyes glistened. “I can’t even imagine your pain. To feel what you carry around, what you have lost. But I know what she felt.” Bulls grip on my hand tightened. “I know what she went through, I went through the same, but the man I loved was the one killing me, beating me. She knew the man she loved would be doing everything in his power to get her back.” Bull flinched.

“She would have died feeling that love Bull. My heart weeps for you, truly.” I stared into his lifeless eyes. “Don’t give up, don’t let those fuckers take two lives instead of one. You got love around you, I haven’t been here long but I can see it. Don’t give up.” I gave his hand a squeeze and stood.

“If you’re going through hell, just keep on going. You’ll make it out eventually.” I whispered, leaning in and kissing his cheek, before I walked back to the party. I said my piece whether it was my place or not. I felt a hand grab my arm roughly. I panicked for a second before my gaze locked with Cade’s.

“What the fuck babe? I’ve been searching for you everywhere and you’re off in some dark corner will Bull?” He hissed, eyes dark with rage, I smelt alcohol on his breath and wondered if he we drunk. Did him and Ginger share a bottle of Jack?

I ignored his hurtful words. “Don’t let him out of your or the boys sight.” I ordered sharply. Cades eyes snapped to attention.

“Why?” He barked.

“Just don’t. And make sure he isn’t armed.” I continued and understanding flickered in Cades eyes.

“Fuck!” He bit out, completely sober.

I nodded in the direction of the fire. “Go sort out your brother, I’ll go home with one of the girls.”

“No you’ll stay here, in my room, I’ll show you there now. Wait for me.” He ordered. “Can’t be without you tonight baby.”

I smiled a sad smile and began to nod, that was until I saw lipstick on the side of his neck. As mentioned before, I wasn’t wearing lipstick. I didn’t want to make a scene, distract him from helping his brother but I sure as shit wasn’t sleeping in the bed he most likely fucked Ginger in either. I’d probably catch Chlamydia.

I pulled on his arm. “Just have to say a quick goodbye to the girls, won’t be a sec.” I quickly pecked his cheek and scampered off knowing he was hot on my heels. I reached the table where Amy was currently chatting up Dwayne Johnson.

“Well there you are! Cade’s been looking for you everywhere, he is not a happy chappy!” Amy chanted.

“You drive?” I asked quickly.

Amy caught my tone and nodded. “Couldn’t drive now though. I’m three sheets to the wind girlfriend.” She sang.

“Give me your keys.” I commanded holding out my hand.

She grabbed them out of her bag and threw them to me.

I saw Cade approaching out of the corner of my eye and I gave Amy a hug while whispering in her ear.

“I’m taking your car, don’t say anything in front of Cade, just goodbye, text me if you need picked up?” I told her quickly.

She frowned at me as I released her back but she nodded.

“See you girl.” I said loudly, then turned to the rest who were looking well and truly hammered, I blew them kisses “Bye ladies!”

“Bye Gwen!” They all yelled over my shoulder as Cade dragged me into the clubhouse.

We marched into the entryway then through into a huge bar/living room, where more partygoers drinking, and getting a bit, erm, friendly on the couches. I blushed a little and glanced away. I did catch a glimpse of double doors with ornate carvings on them, and the word ‘Church’ above the doors. Cade’s rough hand around my waist directed me out of the room and into a long hallway with various doors off it, some very distinct moans coming from behind the closed doors. I screwed my nose up, thinking I’m going to have to hear people going at it while planning my escape in Cade’s room. But we went up some stairs, and the sounds quieted. He unlocked a door at the top of the stairs and led me into his room. It was more like a mini apartment. Again like his house, it wasn’t tidy, an unmade bed lay before us. My stomach clenched at what probably went on between those sheets not long before. He expected me to sleep in those soiled sheets? Prick.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly blinked them away, stepping out of Cade’s grasp to survey around the room. There was a dresser with the clubs emblem framed above it, a small fridge and cabinets to one side. What looked like doors to a balcony to the left of the bed, and an ensuite to the right. Cade leaned against the closed door, watching me circle the room, a carefully blank look on his face. Suddenly, without warning, he shoved off the door and was on me in two strides, I was plastered against his hard body and his mouth attacked mine, his hands everywhere. I couldn’t help my body’s initial reaction, but my mind caught up and I stiffened, trying my hardest not to pull away and kick the asshole in the balls.