Man on a Mission (16 page)

“Then I guess my visit was overdue,” Mark replied. Now that he was here, he was unsure how to even begin baring his heart.

Johnna leaned forward, her gray eyes watching him intently. “Mark, what's really going on?” she asked softly.

Mark leaned back in the chair and raked a hand through his hair, seeking the words that would un
burden his heart. “You ever wonder why none of us is married? Or even in a relationship?”

Her eyes darkened with shadows of pain. “I know the reasons I'm not married or in a relationship, but I hadn't thought much about you three.” She smiled tightly. “I guess I just figured in the back of my mind that you were all too bullheaded and difficult to fall in love.”

“Even bullheaded men fall in love,” Mark said.

“April.” Johnna said her name without surprise.

“How did you know?”

This time a full-bodied smile curved Johnna's lips. “It was pretty obvious how the two of you felt about each other in the old barn the other day. And it's been pretty obvious she's crazy about you from the first moment I met her. So, what do you intend to do about it?”

“Three days ago I told her I needed some time away from her, that nothing was going to come from our relationship.”

Johnna sat forward and frowned. “And why in the hell would you do that if you love her?”

Again Mark raked a hand through his hair and averted his gaze from his sister. “Fear,” he confessed. “Growing up, Dad always told me I wasn't good for much. How can a man who isn't good for much be a good husband? How can a man who didn't have a good father become one?” He looked at her again, knowing the depth of his torment was in his eyes for her to see.

“Oh, Mark.” Johnna leaned back once again and sighed. “Dad left behind a lot of baggage for us to carry, didn't he? Matthew grows more difficult every
day and continues to try to be the perfect son, I'm still so angry I can't get past it, and Luke pretends he has no pain by playing his guitar and romancing every single woman in town.”

“We're a mess,” Mark agreed.

“But how long do we continue being Father's victims? How long do we allow him to dictate our lives?”

She got up from her desk and crouched in front of Mark and took his hands in hers. “I can't tell you what to do. But I will tell you this—I had a chance at love once, and I allowed my temper and my own weaknesses to ruin that chance.” Her eyes darkened with pain.

Mark knew she was talking about Jerrod McCain, the man who'd been the father to the baby she miscarried. Mark had never known what had happened between Johnna and Jerrod. He only knew that one day Jerrod had left town and Johnna had hardened.

“If fate is giving you a chance at love, don't throw it away.” She squeezed his hands. “You're a good man, Mark. And whether you're a success or a failure as a husband and father is entirely up to you.”

Mark stood and pulled his sister into his arms for an embrace. She'd said exactly what he'd wanted, needed to hear, what his heart had been trying to tell him all along.

“Thanks, Johnna,” he said as he released her.

“This is the first time I can ever remember you talking to me about something that really matters.”

He grinned. “Maybe there's hope for us Delaneys after all.”

She nodded. “It's a beginning, isn't it?”

“Yeah, now I have to find out if I've ruined the other beginning I want.”

“Go.” Johnna smiled. “That woman is crazy about you. Don't let her get away.”

Mark grinned and left the office. As he drove back to the ranch, his heart raced with anxiety. He knew exactly what he needed to do now. He only hoped it wasn't too late.

 

April left her office in the main house and started toward her cottage. It had been an excruciatingly long day. The guests seemed to be more demanding than usual, and she'd scarcely had a moment to think. Although thought was the last thing she wanted, her thoughts always went to Mark and what might have been.

She had begun to realize that she'd been wrong all along, that Mark had never really loved her at all. He'd desired her, lusted for her, but once that desire had been slaked, he'd been done. She'd mistaken his lust for love.

What hurt her most was that once again she'd managed to fall in love with a man seemingly incapable of returning her love.

She was a fool, but never again. She would build her life around Brian and forget about the romantic love she'd found so elusive.

She breathed a sigh of relief as her cottage came into sight and she saw Brian sitting on the front stoop waiting for her. “Hi, sport,” she said.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Did you get your chores done today?” she asked.

He nodded. “My room is all clean and I took out the garbage.”

“Thanks, honey. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, so don't go too far.”

She entered the cottage, exhaustion weighing heavily. It wasn't a physical tiredness, she knew, rather a soul weariness. Despite her heartbreak, this was beginning to feel like home.

“Mom!” Brian called to her from outside the cottage. “Mom, come outside, I want to show you something.”

April stepped out onto the porch. Instantly a rope swirled through the air and fell around her, effectively trapping her arms against her sides.

“You got her, Mark!” Brian jumped up and down and clapped his hands.

April stumbled forward as Mark began to tug on the rope, pulling her closer and closer to where he stood. “Let me go,” she demanded.

“Nope.” Mark continued to pull on the rope until she was standing directly in front of him. Before she could guess his intention, he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

“Put me down,” she yelled, and drummed her fists into his broad back, outraged by his caveman antics.

“I'll put you down when I'm good and ready,” he returned. He placed her in the saddle on the back of his horse, then mounted behind her. “Brian, you stay inside the cottage, and we'll be back in just a little while.”

“Okay, Mark.” He waved as Mark urged the horse forward.

“Let me down,” April fumed as they rode across
the desert. “I'll have you arrested for kidnapping and I'm going to ground that traitor of a son of mine for the rest of his life.”

He laughed. “Judge Wellsby would never throw me in jail for matters of the heart, and I talked Brian into helping me, so you can't punish him.”

“You're crazy,” she exclaimed.

“I am,” he agreed. “I figured you'd still be too angry to hear me out, and I wanted to talk to you.”

She knew where he was taking her, and she didn't say another word to him until they pulled up in front of his house. “Now you can just turn this horse around and take me back,” she said.

“Not yet.” He got off the horse, then reached up to help her down. “There's something I want you to see.” Gently he removed the rope from her arms, and she steeled herself against the pleasure of his simplest touch.

Although she didn't want to be here with him, didn't want to talk to him, she was the tiniest bit curious about what he wanted her to see. She would see what he had to show her, then she'd demand he take her home.

As far as she was concerned, there was no going back. She was not giving Mark Delaney another chance to hurt her.

 

“You know what this is?” Mark walked over and placed his hand on top of a white post that jutted up from the ground.

“I have no idea,” she replied and crossed her arms over her chest.

He frowned. She was so closed off, so obviously
clammed up against him. Despair swept through him. Now that he'd allowed his feelings for her to bloom fully inside him, he couldn't imagine his life without her. But had he hurt her so deeply, she couldn't get past that hurt?

“It's the beginning of a white picket fence.”

She remained obviously unmoved. “You think you can stick a post in the ground and that makes everything all right?” She frowned. “What are you hoping? That I'll say I love you and we'll tumble into bed for a passionate hour or so?”

He swept off his hat with a touch of irritation. He couldn't believe she thought this was all about a quick tumble in bed. “This isn't about sex, April. If it were, then I would never have told you I needed time away from you.”

“Then what are you doing, Mark?” Her voice held a weary edge that drove his despair to a higher peak.

He walked over to the porch and sat down, then patted the space next to him. She remained where she was standing. His heart ached as he realized she didn't intend to give him an inch. Her eyes were dull pools of pain, and he only prayed that he hadn't dealt their love a killing blow when he'd told her he needed some distance, when he hadn't responded to her telling him she loved him.

He set his hat behind him and leaned forward, his eyes boring into hers. “What am I doing? I can tell you that for years I've struggled to be the perfect son, to be so perfect I would finally earn my father's love and respect. When I met you I was trying to be the perfect hero, saving the ranch from the bad guys without any help from anyone.”

He drew a deep breath, remembering how hard he'd tried to be perfect for his father and how he'd always been judged inadequate by the cold, harsh man. He now realized the inadequacies had not been in him, but rather in the man he'd tried so desperately to please.

Mark leaned back, shoving aside thoughts of his father. “It took your very bright son to make me realize the truth of things.”

“Brian?” She stepped closer to where he sat.

Mark nodded and smiled, the memory of Brian's words warming him. “He came into the stable this morning and wanted to have a talk with me.”

April frowned. “I guess he knows something has been going on between us and he's missed seeing you around our cottage for the past couple of days. I'm sorry if he bothered you.”

“He didn't bother me. He cleared my head.” Mark raced a hand through his hair, his gaze once again intent on her. “He thought maybe I was afraid that I was too dumb to be a father to him. He wanted to assure me that he'd help me be a good father, that together it would be okay.”

He saw the slight shimmer of tears in April's eyes, the first hint of emotion she'd displayed. She wiped the tears and joined Mark on the porch. “I'm sorry if he pressured you in any way. He's just a kid. He doesn't understand adult relationships.”

“No, he made me think.” Mark took April's hand in his. She tried to pull it away, but he held tight. He wanted her to feel the love that radiated from him, know that only truth was falling from his lips. Her sweet floral scent surrounded him, and his heart raced
with the possibility of spending the rest of his life loving her.

“After Brian talked to me, I drove into town and spoke with Johnna. But the whole time I was talking to her, it was Brian's words that kept echoing in my head.”

“I don't understand,” April confessed.

“After we got out of that hole, and I realized how much I loved you, it scared the hell out of me.” He released her hand, stood and began to pace in front of where she sat. “What did I know about love? I'd had damn little while growing up. My family is so dysfunctional, I thought one of my siblings might have tried to kill me.” Shame coursed through him at this confession. He stopped pacing and looked at her once again. “How could I possibly build a family of my own?”

She said nothing, although the skepticism in her eyes had faded and the tension that had given her a closed, unaccepting look was gone.

“But Brian made me realize something so important, so profound, it's taken all my fear away.” He walked back out to where the post stood. “This is the start of a white picket fence. Three days ago I thought I had to build it all alone, that I had to be everything—the perfect man, the perfect husband and the perfect father—and I knew ultimately I couldn't be that. And that's why I told you we needed to cool it, to stop seeing each other. Because I knew I couldn't be everything to you.”

“But nobody can be everything for anyone else. And nobody can be perfect all the time,” April protested.

He nodded. “I know that now. Johnna asked me this afternoon how long I intended to be my father's victim, and I realized at that moment that I was tired of allowing myself to believe my father's limitations of me.”

He walked back to where she sat and pulled her up to a standing position before him. “I love you, April, and I want you to be my wife.” Mark's heart felt as if it might explode from his chest as he tried desperately to read her expression. “I can't promise you an easy life with no problems,” he continued. “My brothers and sister can be difficult, ranching is hard work, and I'm going to make mistakes. I don't even know if next week the Delaney Dude Ranch will still be running. But I know I can't live without you.”

Again her eyes grew luminous with tears, but Mark didn't know if the tears were ones of happiness or the forerunner of his own heartbreak.

He held her by the shoulders. “With your love and help, and Brian's love and help, I think the three of us can build us a fine picket fence.” He held his breath and waited.

“You don't have to offer me a life of no problems. And you don't have to build me a picket fence.” She reached up and wound her arms around his neck. “All you have to do is promise to love me forever.”

“I do…and I will.” He embraced her at the same time his lips hungrily claimed hers.

The Inferno heat that surrounded them felt tepid in comparison to the sparks of passion, the flames of love their kiss contained.

The ice that had encased April's heart for the past three days melted away beneath the kiss. When he'd
first dropped that rope around her and carried her off on his horse, she'd been afraid to accept anything he had to say to her. She wasn't willing to risk her heart yet again.