Maniacs in The Fourth Dimension (18 page)

Prophets of
secret knowledge. Menander, Basilides, Cerinthus, Valentinus,
Cerdo, Marcion, Carpocrates, Mani, they all thought they have their
own secret key to God. I always thought of them as well-intentioned
wackos. I don't have a problem admitting I was wrong.

But, I have
one huge fuckin' problem accepting plain crazy fuckin' shit like
monster fish mental predators! Like all-powerful blessed weapons!
Like shooting bolts from hands! It's agains reason. It drives me
insane.

Insult to the
rational mind. Drunken fool, he says. It doesn't phase him. As long
as he gets to shoot at things, world's just fine. It doesn't bother
him that he's just a speck in an existence that fails to justify
itself. Maybe I defeated myself that moment when I put faith in the
rational.

What have the best of us told
us? That the universe, hatched out of an cosmic egg, is spreading,
until once it stops, and starts shrinking into non-existence. Is
that rational thinking?

Gnostics
believed that the material world, as opposed to the spiritual world
is imperfect, or even evil. It was created by a lesser deity, the
Demiurg
e. And, we humans, particles of
spirit trapped in the material, we're supposed to return to the
ultimate source of the spirit, God, through numerous corrupted
emanations of the original perfect world. Doesn't this sound better
than spreading and shrinking?

But, this is
not what I imagined when I read about corrupted emanations. This is
a joke.

What's on the final level?
Cosmic cat licking its cosmic ass?

This is a
joke.

Chapter fifty three

''What's on the last
level?''

''I don't know. I don't think
anyone knows.''

''How far did you and Jeff
go?''

''Not much further than here. It
gets ugly on the higher levels. It's peaceful here.''

''Where did you find all the
energy for shifting?''

''We didn't
travel by increasing our energy levels, that shit speeds up your
metabolism, I heard it gives you cancer. We moved through
wormholes.''

''Wormholes in outer
space?!''

''No, wormholes between
dimensions.''

''How?''

''Jeff
acquired some instrument that could detect them. He bought it from
some Arab guy. Higher levels are full of them.''

''Of
wormholes?''

''No. Of
Arabs. Up there is their paradise, supposedly. They claim that
they're Muslims that died a martyr death, and were rewarded with
afterlife there. And seventy two virgins.''

''You're messing with me
again.''

''Dude, I
shit you not. I'm not saying that's true, I'm just telling you what
they claim. All I know is that each of them has a bunch of breasty
wives. That's what I saw.''

''If there's
so many of them, with so many wives, how come they don't come here?
How come you get only Russians?''

''Because we don't serve halal
food.''

''That's some
deranged shit you're telling me.''

''I know.
Some of them even go back, blow themselves up, and get another
seventy two virgins when they come back. I mean, that's what they
say.''

''Jesus Christ, Kayla you're
fucking with me again!''

''No, dude,
Jove, I'm telling you what I heard. I'm really not trying to run
some prank on you now.''

''Well, maybe it makes some
weird sense. Like, why would anyone blow himself up if he wasn't
really sure in the promised reward?''

''I'm not saying it's true, I'm
just saying-''

''No, no,
it's okay, that way it actually makes sense, I never understood why
would anyone blow himself up for religious reasons, or any other
reason, from any perspective I observed it, it seemed meaningless.
But if you'll get Hefner's house with all the
accessories…''

''Oh, lord… I
have to go clean tables…''

''No! Sit
down, I have more questions. Okay, so no one knows what's on the
last level. What's on the level three sixty four?''

''That's
where the Archons are. In theory, of course.''

''The Archons?''

''Yeah. 'Divine rulers'. The
most powerful of creatures. No one can reach their realm, but they
move freely through dimensions, in any form they want. It's just a
different name for angels, but nobody calls them that name
here.''

''Why can't anyone reach their
realm?''

''The answer
to that question is the same one with, 'what's on the level three
sixty three'.''

''Tell me.''

''The guardian. A superpowerful
monster that guards the entrance to the realm of Archons.''

''And before that?''

''And before
that is the last stronghold of humans. Russian soldiers that come
here to eat. They hold all the wormholes that lead up, under their
control.''

''Putin
Rasputin holds all the gateways to Archons?''

''Not exactly, that's not what
the stories say.''

''What do stories say now?''

''They say
that these Russians are organized and led by some invisible,
enigmatic figure known as Scaramouche. In fact, nobody knows who he
is, nobody has any verifiable informations about him, not even his
own people. I've heard a lot of crazy theories about who
Scaramouche really is, but the craziest one goes to one colonel
Samedov of Scaramouche's army. He said that Scaramouche is a clone
of Mumford Archibald Morse. You probably never heard that name,
it's cool, neither did I, until Samedov told me.''

''No.''

''Mumford
Archibald Morse didn't really make it into history books. In fact,
historians pretty much ignored his existence. But, I found on some
guy's blog, excerpts from Mumford's biography, with press
clippings.''

''Okay.''

''Mumford was
a nineteenth century activist from Missouri, and judging by the
informations left about him, person with the highest IQ that ever
walked this Earth. He spoke fluent English when he was only four
months old. At age two he played his father's piano and violin.
Supposedly, he could learn any language in just a few weeks. In
teenage years he did such upgrades to his father's tractors and
combines that they worked alone. He planned a career in motor
industry. But, all of a sudden, he changed his mind. He claimed
that within his lifetime, machines will replace humans in every
work, leaving them useless, and he didn't want to take part in
that. Guy went to Harvard, a wormhole to the realm of politics.
But, same thing happened, he revolted. He said that smartest people
and the leaders of the world, instead of being beacons for the
rest, seek unlimited control. 'The best of us, will kill the rest
of us', he said. He ran for a president of the country, he claimed
that if he gets elected, he will disband the Congress, and the rest
of country's machinery, and build a new fair society of equals. He
passed largely unnoticed. He predicted a world war. He died young,
under unclear circumstances. He was buried in his home Missouri.
That's from the blog.''

''And Russians cloned him?''

''So Samedov
says. He says that during the eighties Russian scientists got in
the hang of cloning, and Kremlin got the idea of cloning a new
leader, one with proven qualities. Stalin, Lenin, Alexander Nevsky
were considered. But, genes alone, don't create great leaders, so
most sympathies went towards cloning of Marx and Engels, fathers of
socialism. They would be given their own books to read, raised in
the spirit they themself professed, and shaped into leaders of
millions. Then, someone mentioned the name of Mumford Archibald
Morse. A true socialist, and a man of incomparable intellect. And,
according to Samedov, they went for it. If it's true, then they hit
a homerun, because Scaramouche led them farther then they could
imagine.''

''Wow… World
just got a lot more stranger.''

''Yeah, well,
now it's one and the same for you and me, west side
boy.''

Chapter fifty four

Uranus. Tiamat. Ymir. Bidsprinkhaan. With two a's, says
Marco.

''The fuck
are you scribbling now?!''

''I am going to write down
everything, everything that happened to us since this morning, and
I'm going to get it published.''

''You're writing a book?''

''Yes, a
travelogue of some sort, kinda like a sequel to '365 heavens', just
with actual pictures from our journey, instead of illustrations.
I'm going to photograph everything.''

''A sequel.
Fan fiction. Fan nonfiction.''

''Well, fan
fiction is old as the written word. And it doesn't belong only to
fan girls. Jules Verne wrote a sequel to one Edgar Allan Poe's
story. Shakespeare wrote a sequel to the Iliad.''

''How are you
going to title it? 'My time in limbo with the flying
Dutchman'?''

''I'll think of something. But,
yes, Marco is the central figure of the story. It's hero.''

''Oh, come the fuck on!
Engelherz is a bushwack, a loon! I can't believe the amount of crap
that comes out of his mouth.''

''What's a bushwack?''

''Bushwack,
crazy.''

''I never
heard of such expression. I think you just invented a new
word.''

Hubert declared Marco a 'bushwack', very illustrative. I
leave the term to your interpretation. Not to be confused with
bushwacker

''What's
taking him so long?''

cocktail made from rum

''Are you
listening to me?!''

and coconut.

''What?! Yes,
I'm listening. I don't know, he said he'll be back in a couple of
minutes. There he is.''

Doors of the hut opened and Marco came out with another
person. He spoke in Dutch

''Edwin.''

and I couldn't understand a word he said.

''Edwin.''

''Stop
pushing me!''

Oh my god!
This other person... I'm not sure it's a person... head of a basset
hound stands on his, its shoulders.

''I must have
this picture in my book!''

Zoom. Yes. A
cynocephalus. Creature of legends. Abraxas wrote of them in '365
heavens', but not like this. He described animals, this one in
front of me is fully dressed! With flip-flops on his feet, and a
bush hat on his head. My god... he's looking at me through the
lense of my phone. His eyes look so... I could swear it's a human
being looking at me.

Marco snapped
his fingers in front of cynocephaluses face to regain his
attention. He said something more to him, and cynocephalus went
away, back in the hut. We're on the road again. I managed to take
enough of good shots, some nice close ups. Good.
Excellent.

''That was a
cynocephalus!!''

''Ya'', Marco laughed: ''Rilo is
good.''

''Rilo is his name?''

''Name, ya.''

''Is it Dutch? He speaks
Dutch?''

''He doesn't speak. He
understands.''

''There is a
legend about them back home'', said Hubert: ''Legend says that they
used to live in far east, before Alexander the Macedonian pushed
them to the mountains at the end of the world and closed them off
behind an iron gate. It says that when they finally break free it
will be the end of the world.''

''Hahah! Ya, end of the
world.''

Chapter fifty five

''Cleit, are you awake?''

No.

''C'mon Cleit, you've been out
for twelve hours, get up, get dressed, I brought your
clothes.''

...

''What are we going to do,
Cleit?''

Ugh!

''You're sitting on my
leg.''

''Oh. Sorry.''

''I'm getting up. Jesus. Twelve
hours?''

''Yeah.''

''Where did you sleep?''

''I fell
asleep inside the diner, with my face on the table.''

''Where did you get those
clothes?''

''Kayla gave 'em to me. It was
her boyfriend's. Ex-boyfriend's.''