Maniacs in The Fourth Dimension (19 page)

''What's that suppose to
be?''

Some map on his shirt.

''Subway map of London.''

''Let's go.''

Through the doors. And another
doors.

''Jeez.''

Multitude of people in uniforms.
Eating.

''Soldiers of Scaramouche.
'Russians from above' that Kayla was mentioning. I will explain
later.''

''Good
god...''

''What?''

''That table
on the left, it's Lempo and Emily, do you see them?''

''Jesus! I
see. Is that really them? I would never of recognized them, what
happened to them?''

''Emily saw us, she's looking at
us. We can't turn back now, we have to go to them. Walk,
Jove.''

''Why do I have to go
first?''

''We're going
together, just go!''

''You two
look like lost backpackers, you're faces are all read and your
fragrance suggest shortage of soap-''

''Sit down, Jove!''

I interrupted
him, he talks shit when he's nervous. I can feel their heat coming
across the table, it's like standing next to a bonfire. They're
wearing some strange clothes, some national costumes made from
reindeer-like thing. They've changed. Emily's hair is not blond
anymore, Lempo's had grown really long. His left ear is gone.
Christ, what happend to them?!

''How much time passed for
you?''

''Months'', swallowed Lempo: ''A
year, maybe. For you?''

''We saw you like, yesterday,
man'', said Jove.

''How'', uttered Emily: ''How
did you get here?''

''Thanks to
you. A doghead escaping your clutches sucked us in with him and
left us here.''

''By
metathrone...'', said Emily, whatever that meant... maybe I
misheard... metronome?, ''Just like that?''

''Just like
that'', said Jove: ''And then we found this place, we got some
food, we slept, and now we're here. And I got this cool shirt from
the waitress.''

Lempo
scoffed. Why are you angry, man?! You insisted on going. You were
adamant in your intentions to save the world from the delusions of
a comic artist. And where did your quest brought you? Where?! To a
castle on a hill given to you for your heroic efforts?! One eared
typhoid with clothes stolen from a dead Laplandian.

''Obvoiusly a lot more happend
to you'', said Jove: ''You mind sharing it with us?''

Neither he or
her said anything. Then she uttered: ''It was such an
odyssey.''

Oh, it was?! Just peachie.

''What
happened with the others?! Did they turn back?''

''No'', said
Emily: ''They're dead. Except Laszlo.''

''They're dead?! You saw them
die?!''

''No, but
there's no way-''

''Look, okay,
you wanna know where we've been?'', Lempo cut in: ''What we've
done? Then listen. All seven of us made it to Jezirat al-Tennyn,
and we're looking for our way to Antilia, and the only way is
through the gateway, the gateway of Al-Miraj, guarded by Al-Miraj
and his armies, unwilling to allow the passage through his teritory
to any living being. So we aligned ourselves with warlord Sharukan,
his sons, and their army of Metalopods, fueled and controled by
pure accumulated energy. We attack the gate, and it all lasts very
long, and instead of sticking with us, Laszlo bales out on us,
abandons his post, defects to Al-Miraj, he sells us out for the
right of passage. The western wing where Kristen, Marky, and Alden
are is completely overrun, destroyed, they're gone. Emily and I, we
fought our way to the gate, and through the gate, and we're one
step behind Laszlo ever since. We have to find him, he must be
stopped!''

What. The. Fuck. Did. He. Just.
Said. Question mark.

''And what
happened to your ear, man?'', said Jove.

''Al-Miraj severed it with his
horn.''

''Oh.''

''You have to
help us find and stop Laszlo'', said Emily: ''He's a maniac, and he
made it this far.''

''So?''

''So he's overtrowing rulers,
destroying cities, all for energy, with each level he crosses, he's
growing stronger.''

''So that makes him different
from you how?''

''Cleit, you don't understand.
Somewhere along the way his mind got sick, he will not stop until
he reaches the final realm, and conquers it.''

''He's set
with the intention of killing god'', said Lempo: ''The God, The One
God, and he is so close, so close to the final realm.''

''So, you're saving the world
again.''

''You have to
help us stop him'', said Lempo: ''Did you forget Cleit, that you're
the one that got him here?''

''You motherf-''

''Cleit and I need to go
consult!''

''Just be quick, we've lost too
much time.''

''Walk, Cleit.''

''They're so full of shit,
they're lying to us Jove, right in our faces!''

''There is a
way to check that. Kayla knows a lot about who is who here, and we
need to check Lempo's story with her. Did you remember any names he
popped up?''

''Ah... Metronome...
Methadone?''

''That's Me-ta-tron, the leader
of angels from three sixty-four. I got that from Kayla, I told you
she knows a lot. Let's go.''

She's in the kitchen.

''Kayla!''

''Well good morning lost
boys.''

''Kayla we
need to ask you some questions, did you ever heard of some
El-Mirage? It's a person, and apparently he has horns.''

She just
laughed ironically to this. I understand her completely.

''No? Okay.
How about...'', Jove went on: ''Um..'', he looked at me: ''What was
that other name they mentioned?''

I just shrugged.

''Sandokan?
Sharukan?'', he mused: ''Some guy with an army of...
robots?''

''Sharook
Khan'', she said: ''Is that the name you're looking
for?''

''Yes! What can you tell us
about him?!''

''He commands
a mechanical army, lives for war, and makes cups and chalices from
the skulls of his defeated opponents.''

''Jesus!''

''So he's real'', said Jove:
''Maybe Lempo was telling the truth.''

''Are you going to tell me
what's going on?'', she said.

''People we started this trip
with, they're here, and they want us to go with them.''

''Guy that's
missing one ear'', said Jove: ''You served him
breakfast.''

''Jesus.
Those people are your friends?''

''I don't know anymore.''

''What are
you going to do?'', she asked: ''I'm not going to kick you out, if
you want, you can stay and wait for Gurg, he'll probably take you
back when he appears... whenever that happens.''

''Thank you Kayla, but... if we
stay, I will never know what really happened.''

''Is that
really so important?'', she said: ''Knowledge isn't happiness.
Quite frequently ignorance is.''

''We really should go'', said
Jove.

I shook her
hand, thanked her, and said goodbye. Jove was less official. They
hugged.

''Do you have any message for
Jeff, in case we cross paths with him?''

''Yeah. You can tell him to go
fuck himself.''

Chapter fifty six

What is this
place? Thewe's only one diwt twack I can follow and nothing else,
no signs of life. Except biwds. I have to find some enewgy souwce,
so I could catch up with the othews, who knows how faw did they
make it. Ow, maybe, they didn't make it at all, maybe, I'm the only
one left. Evewything happens with a weason, this twack happened to
be hewe fow a weason, and it will lead me to that what I
need.

Ow, is this
just a path that animals twamped, and it leads nowhewe, and thewe
is no one hewe, no one to help me. No. No, thewe is a vineyawd,
thewe must be someone who tends to it. Gwapes awe so souw, I'm not
that hungwy. What's this? A lodge is down thewe. The tendew of the
vineyawd must be in thewe.

The entwance
is on the othew side. Oh my gosh! Thewe's a table filled with food!
Lamb, powk, lots of cheese, fruits! It smells so good. Thewe's only
one wooden plate, wooden cup and a jug. Path led me hewe to eat!
Thank you! Thank you! Lamb is so good, peaws awe so wipe. So
good... Thank you.

What's that?! Someone's in the
lodge. Shit.

The doows
opened. What?! It's some old man in a long, stained Santa coat. And
that's the only thing on him! His genitals awe showing. Disgusting.
His old penis looks like an upside down mushwoom. I will not look
at it.

''Bon
appetite'', he said.

''Thanks.''

He pouwed
wine in the cup, took a piece of bwead, teawed it to pieces, and
thwew it in the cup. That he ate with a spoon. Dwunkawd. His eyes
awe full of wed capillawies, his beawd is shaggy, he looks
misewable.

''What's your name, boy?'', he
said.

He sounds like Nick Nolte.

''Mawky.''

''Mark?!''

''Yes.''

''Are you a Jew or a
Greek?''

''Neithew,
I'm a... I'm a Catholic.''

''I'm Bacchus, the deity of
strong booze.''

Deaw God! A madman!

''You heard for Dionysus?! God
of wine?!''

''Yes.''

''Well that's me.''

''What's with the wed coat? Awe
you also Santa Claus?''

''In fact, I am.''

''We can be
whatevew we choose to be in ouw imagination, huh?''

''NO! NO! I
AM DIONYSUS OF THEBES! THE ONLY THERE IS!''

Jeez!

''Okay. Okay. I believe
you.''

He took a
book out of his pocket.
'Santa Claus through centuries'.
He opened it to 'Contents' page and gave it to me. Second
chaptew and its subchaptews awe undewlined.

'2. Historical, mythological, and literary figures that
inspired modern image of Santa Claus

2.1 Saint Nicholas

2.2 Ded Moroz

2.3 Odin

2.4 Father Christmas

2.5 Ghost of Christmas
present

2.6 Sinterklaas'

''Not only
that I didn't get a chapter, but my name wasn't even mentioned in
the whole fuckin' book! And not only in this book. Not a single
book that deals with Christmas gives me the credits I
deserve!''

Pathetic bum. He took the book
back.

''Listen to
this. 'With great certainty it can be said that the idea of a
benevolent deity that visits homes and brings gifts to its
residents on a certain day of the year is ancient, maybe even
prehistoric. The first giftbringer was most likely the spirit of a
notable ancestor, a role that later went to supreme god of ancient
religions.' You hear this?! And nobody remembered me! I was the
first traveling deity widely known and worshiped! All around the
antique world people celebrated my holiday, and welcomed me in
their homes! I traveled around the Mediterranean and beyond with my
retinue of Sileni and Maenads, which later tradition turned into
little elves, for some reason. Gifts! Gift that I bestowed upon the
people was fertility, fertility of vineyards, of fields, of
orchards, of cattle, of women! I don't know how that got mixed up
with toys. I AM SANTA CLAUS!!''

He smacked
the book upon the table.
This man is
obviously sewiously dewanged. But his enewgy is stwong. I can feel
its pulsating. Path led me hewe fow a weason. Fow this
weason.

''A
pop-cultural icon stole my glory. But I don't care, all I want is
recognition. Maybe nobody celebrates my name anymore, but people
celebrate everything I represent. Intoxicated frenzies will always
exist. And if I wanted glamour, I would of stayed with the
Olymipians. But, I couldn't stand them, and their egos so big, it's
no wonder they named planets after them. No, here I have everything
I need. Pan is the only god whose company I enjoy. That goatfucker.
He's a good guy, always ready to help. Did you know it was him who
tought you humans to jerk off?''

Oh, God...