Manipulation (June Hunt Hope for the Heart)
MANIPULATION
Cutting the Strings of Control
JUNE HUNT
- Gives practical advice and Biblical wisdom from June Hunt, a biblical counselor whose award-winning radio program
Hope For The Heart
is heard on more than 900 radio outlets around the world. For more than 25 years, she has counseled people, offering them hope for today’s problems. - Helps you recognize the 16 types of manipulation, and how manipulators use words, seductive gestures, power, and spite to get what they want.
- Empowers you to know why you have been manipulated before and how to stop being manipulated again, giving you the power to say “No” to people so you can say “Yes” to God.
What Is the Spiritual Manipulation?
What Does It Mean to Manipulate Others?
What Does It Mean to Be Manipulated?
What Is the Generational Maze of Manipulation?
Characteristic Methods of Manipulators
Who Are the Major Players in the Game of Manipulation?
What Are the Eight S’s of Verbal Manipulation?
What Are the Eight S’s of Non-Verbal Manipulation?
What Are Characteristics of Spiritually Manipulative People?
What Characterizes Spiritually Manipulative Groups?
What Sets the Stage for Manipulation?
Why Do People Manipulate Others?
Why Would Someone Succumb to Manipulation?
Can Brainwashing Be a Form of Manipulation?
How to Turn Away from Manipulation by Trusting God
How to Discover Your Own Manipulative Maneuvers
How to Say “No” to Manipulators
How to Answer Common Questions
How to Maneuver Out of Being Manipulated
How to Change the Course of a Manipulative Conversation or Relationship
How to Stop Being Spiritually Manipulated
Dear friend,
When I was in grade school, all the students were asked to sell raffle tickets door-to-door in order to raise money for our school. Now,
that
was the point—to raise money
for the school
. However, I didn’t think that cause sounded nearly as compelling as it could be.
So I went door-to-door telling homeowners how they could be the
lucky winner
of a brand new color television set (which was true)—but then I gave a “bleeding heart” story of where this money was going: “
to help poor, sick children in the hospital
”—which was in no way true!
By the way, the boy and girl who sold the most tickets would be awarded a prize—a watch! I wanted to win that pink, plastic watch so much I could taste it! Well, I hate to admit it—but I won. (In truth, I won only because my brother, a year older, gave me some of his tickets—he was far ahead of all the other students.)
Ultimately, I won the girl’s watch by dishonest, manipulative means, whereas Ray won the boy’s watch by honest, persuasive means.
Why didn’t I tell the truth? Because I was determined to win that pink watch, I thought I needed to control the outcome. And that’s precisely the point of manipulation:
control.
Now consider this: Apart from the obvious deception, what is the deeper problem with manipulation? Choosing to manipulate people is the opposite of choosing to trust God—trusting Him with everything in our lives.
What a change I experienced when I finally gave Christ control of my life! The comforting promise of Proverbs 3:5–6 became my inspiration:
“Trust in the L
ORD
with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”
(NKJV)
Even though I had experienced a true change through Christ in most areas of my life, periodically I kept finding myself in an insidious pit, and I didn’t know how to climb out of it. Oddly enough, rather than growing up as the “master manipulator,” I kept letting others manipulate me. At times I knew I was “caving in” to manipulation—however, I honestly thought I had no choice. However, I
did
have a choice. Nevertheless, I lived as a “peace-at-any-price” person: afraid of the anger of others, afraid to set a “boundary,” and afraid of disapproval.
At times I would violate my own conscience: I would say
yes
to people when I wanted to say
no.
Again, I thought I had no choice.
Does this situation sound too familiar? Do you say
yes
to people when you know you should say
no
? Do you even know when you’re being manipulated, yet feel powerless to stop it? If so, I understand!
A major turning point in my life came when I was confronted face-to-face with the Word of God—one single verse that challenged me to say
no
to manipulative people:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ”
(Galatians 1:10).
What a revelation! What relief! What reassurance! I finally realized that I had the right to say
no
to people so I could say
yes
to God!
And that is true for you. Realize that manipulation is the number one guilt game. This means manipulative people will try to make you feel guilty of insensitivity, of disloyalty, of whatever, in order to pressure you into giving your time, your money, yourself even though you are not being led by the Lord to do so.
This book on manipulation is produced so that you will learn what tactics are used in manipulation, why you have been manipulated, and how to stop being manipulated; in other words, to enable you to say
no
to people so you can say
yes
to God.
Don’t forget—Jesus said,
“If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed”
(John 8:36). My prayer is that through the truths within these pages, you will find hope for your heart to live in His freedom.
Yours in the Lord’s hope,
MANIPULATION
Cutting the Strings of Control
It is handed down from one generation to the next ... to the next ... and to the next. But this family trait has no genetic history of big ears or blue eyes—no DNA of fair skin or brown freckles. This is something behavioral, something willful, something bad, called
manipulation
.
This behavior—found in men and women alike—can also be called a character flaw. In fact, this pattern of conniving and cover-up periodically appears throughout the entire human family, even in the least likely family line: the patriarchs of the Bible—Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as well as in Jacob’s sons and their descendants. Each of these men, and their wives, manipulated people and circumstances in an attempt to dictate their own destinies or to circumvent some assumed negative consequences.
It’s clear—sometimes the faith of the patriarchs faltered and gave way to fear. And too many times the results were grave: dishonor to their name and disgrace to their God. And all because of maniacal
manipulation
!
Truly ...
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (Proverbs 14:12)
Abraham’s wife, Sarah, has long been considered to be submissive—however, she can also be seen as subversive.
In the Bible, she is praised as a woman of inner beauty,
“who obeyed Abraham and called him her master”
(1 Peter 3:6). But she tarnished that inner beauty by manipulating circumstances to force God’s promise to Abraham to be fulfilled—in her timing. God had assured Abraham that his descendants would be as numerous as the sands of the sea. But now the couple is aged; they are still barren. Since Sarah is now well past childbearing years, she proposes a plan to be sure God’s promise is on her calendar!
“Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her”
(Genesis 16:2).
Abraham agrees and sleeps with Hagar, who, in turn, births a son named Ishmael, a son through whom the covenant promises were never intended and would never be fulfilled.
Abraham and Sarah have not yet learned that ...
“The plans of the L
ORD
stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” (Psalm 33:11)
Manipulation?
She is 65 years old—and
stunning
.
Since the life span of the patriarchs was twice that of people today, Sarai is doubtless in her prime, and that poses a serious threat to her husband, Abram (later called Sarah and Abraham, respectively).
The couple sets off for Egypt to escape a famine, but before setting foot into the foreign land, Abram decides to “fabricate” a tale, twisting the truth. This first patriarch of the faith fears for his life because if the Egyptians discover he is married to beautiful Sarai, they might kill him in order to take her into Pharaoh’s harem.
So he twists the truth
“I know what a beautiful woman you are. ... Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you”
(Genesis 12:11–13).
Bottom line: Abram manipulates the facts. Indeed, she is his half sister, but also fully his wife. Thus, rather than trusting God, the cycle of manipulation begins.
- Manipulation
is the art of controlling people or circumstances by indirect, unfair, or deceptive means—especially to one’s own advantage.
1 - Manipulation
happens to those who allow others to have excessive control over them—the control that God alone should have.
The Bible is clear about not giving others too much control, too much power, and too much authority. We must not allow another person to take the place only God should have. Instead we should apply the first of the Ten Commandments: