Marching As to War: A Post-Apocalyptic Novel (15 page)

It took me almost two days to catch up with Riley. I found
him just before dark. He had heard someone coming and waited behind a tree.
When he saw it was me, he stepped out and smiled. We shook hands.

He never asked why, and I didn’t say. I guess he thought it
enough that I had come. Talk didn’t matter. But as we bedded down that night, I
asked him a question.

“Riley, what’s if she’s wrong?”

“Jane?”

“Yeah.”

“Wrong about what?”

“The war.
The
Government.
God.
Everything.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time, but I could feel he
was still awake, thinking about it.

“Don’t matter none,” he said. “I made a promise.”

Maybe I should’ve told him it wasn’t that simple for me, but
there was no use talking about it. So I shut up and let Riley drift off to
sleep. After a while, I could hear that familiar soft snore of his. But I lay
awake for a long time and watched the stars wheel past the treetops.

Jane was sitting next to a fire at Central Camp, eating some
stew, when we found her. She looked up, saw us, and smiled.

I was expecting we would talk about why I had left and why I
had come back. God knows I had thought about it enough, making up little
speeches on the long walk from home. But when we actually looked at each other,
I knew, knew for a fact, we would never talk about any of that.

Jane just pointed to the stew pot. “Help yourself.”

Riley, who was already at the pot, filling a plate with
stew, looked up at me and winked.

I didn’t know what to say. But I was hungry. So I got some
stew and sat down to eat.

And that was that.

The next morning I went to talk to Campbell.

He didn’t look well. Sitting in a small shed, he had a
blanket draped over his shoulders. There were dark circles under his eyes.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he said.

I told him Jane had asked me to come back.

“Why?” he said.

“She thinks the war’s not over.”

“I know. Don’t you think she’s told me that?” He sounded
angry.

“Yes, Sir.
She’s likely told you a
dozen times.”

He snorted.
“A dozen?
More like a
hundred.” He sat back in his chair and readjusted his blanket. “Sorry to be
sharp with you. Not your fault.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I know why she wants you back. What I want to know is why
the hell you came.”

I didn’t have an answer to that. Anything I said about the
dream and the blue-eyed man would just sound like foolishness to Campbell.

“Well . . .” I said, stalling, trying to think.

He leaned forward in his chair.

Then I remembered what Riley had told me.

“I made a promise,” I said. It was as true as anything I
could think to say.

“All right,” he said, leaning back and resettling the
blanket, “you made a promise. But I hope you know some promises are damn hard
to keep. And some are best not kept.”

I knew. Or thought I did.

The next day, Jackson
and a few men came into camp on horseback. I hadn’t seen Jackson
since the beginning of the war when he had been so angry about Jane. Now, he
looked pretty damn pleased with himself. At least he did until he caught sight
of Jane. Then there was a flash of trouble in his eyes. After a moment, he
turned away and went back to being pleased with himself, or at least trying to
look that way.

I glanced at Jane. She was watching Jackson
with hard eyes.

Later that day, Jane got word to come and see Campbell.
She told me to come along.

“You sure?”
I said.

“Let’s go.”

We went into Campbell’s
shed. Seated on the other side of a table were Campbell, who did not look
happy, and Jackson, who did. Jackson
was sitting in a bigger chair at the center. Campbell
was sitting to one side. He didn’t have the blanket over his shoulders, but he
still looked tired and sick.

Jane said hello and took a chair at the table. Jackson
gave me an annoyed look. I guess he was still wondering why I was there. I
stood at the wall, behind Jane.

Jane spoke first. “Where’s Winslow?”

Campbell looked
down at some papers on the table and let Jackson
answer. “General Winslow is busy with other matters. He asked me . . . and
Colonel Campbell, of course, to discuss a few . . . a few matters with you.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

Jackson smiled.
“As you know, the Government has offered a peace treaty on very good terms, and
General Winslow, with the advice of the Council of Elders, has accepted. I am
here, on his behalf, to ask your support.”

“Peace treaty? Victory is the only peace.”

“Well . . . I can understand why you might feel that way,
but General Winslow has to consider what is best for our people in the
long-run. And that’s very complicated.”

“What terms?”

“The Government is offering us many things that can make the
lives of our people better. Think about our people being able to sell the
things we grow and make. Think about the things the Government has.
Medicine and doctors, trucks, electricity, and even radio.
Think about what having even some of these things could mean for us.”

Jane said nothing.

“Let me show you something.” Jackson
put a black box on the table and worked a crank that stuck out of one side.
Then he turned a knob on the front. There was a click and then music came out
of the box. It was a radio, just like the ones from before the Plague. Jackson
let the radio play for a minute and then turned the knob again.
A click and then silence.

I was amazed, and I felt the pull of my old daydreams of the
life people had before the Plague. Jane’s voice jerked me back.

“What do they want from us?” she said.

“The Government wants the big road, I-40.”

She looked at Campbell.
“But what about what Carl did? They can’t use the road anymore, can they?”

Campbell looked
over at Jackson. It was clear
enough then that Jackson was
running things now.

“Yes,” Campbell
said, “right now the road is useless. It will take time, but they can
definitely rebuild it.”

“So they can attack us again.”

Jackson held up
his hands as if to calm Jane down. “We keep control of the high ground
surrounding the road and, of course, they guarantee our security and
independence.”

“Guarantee?”

“Yes,” Jackson
said. “The Government promises not to attack us. And, of course, we promise not
to attack them.”

“You believe their promises? After everything they’ve done?
After all the blood?
You must be fools.”

Jackson looked
angry and then seemed to get hold of himself. “No. We’re not fools. So here it
is, plain and simple. We can’t beat them. We’ve slowed them down, for now. But
if we keep fighting, they will just bring more men and better weapons until
they destroy us. They’ll slaughter every man, woman, and child in these
mountains, and take the road. But if we make a deal, right now, at least we can
get something. We have to do the best we can for our people. We can’t win.”

“You’re too ready to quit.”

“You’re too ready to gamble the lives of our people,” Jackson
said. “If we fight and lose, we lose everything.
Everything.”

Jane did not say anything for a while. Jackson and Campbell
just sat waiting for her to speak.

“I don’t know much about the time before, but I do know
this,” she said. “The Indians once had all this land. Then the Whites came and
wanted the land. They gave the Indians gifts. They made promises—”

“What’s your point?” Jackson
said.

“But the Whites forgot the promises and took what they
wanted. The Indians were fools to believe the Whites, and you are fools to
believe the Government. They want our land. They’ll take it. And you’re letting
them.”

Campbell looked
down at his papers, silent. Jackson
stared at Jane.

“I want to talk to Winslow,” Jane said, standing up. “When
can I see him?”

“I speak for General Winslow,” Jackson
said. “And the decision has been made. He wants your support.”

“No.” She turned and walked out of the shed. I stood and
gave Campbell a hard look. He
didn’t seem to notice. Then I followed her.

She was waiting for me. I walked up to her. Before I could
say anything, she grabbed my collar and pulled my ear close to her mouth.

“Now we fight,” she said.

A few days later, Jane, Riley, and I were sitting, staring
into our fire when Campbell walked
out of the darkness.

“May I join you?” he said.

It was the first time I had seen him since that meeting, and
I wasn’t going to miss my chance to tell him off. I rose to my feet. “You know
she’s right. Why don’t you help her?”

Both Campbell and Jane ignored me.

“Have a seat, Colonel,” she said.

He nodded and sat on the ground. I sat down too, feeling
foolish as well as angry.

“I know what you’re planning,” he said.

“You do?” she said.

“Yes. You’re going to keep on fighting. You’re going to get
as many men as you can and attack the soldiers. Wreck the treaty and start the
war again.”

Jane said nothing.

He knew. This was our plan. This was what Riley and I had
told some other men in camp whom we trusted. We asked them to think about
coming with us, to spread the word. Somebody had told Campbell.

“Do not do this,” he said. “Do not. Please.”

“You know this deal with the Government is a mistake. It’s a
bargain with the Devil.”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s a mistake. But back when all this
began you asked me if I would defy Winslow to attack the Government.”

“I remember.”

“Do you remember what I said?”

“Yes. You said wouldn’t divide our people.”

“And only then did you agreed to work with me.”

Jane was silent.

“So what’s different now?” Campbell
said. “Why are you willing to divide us?”

Riley and I exchanged a look. I had forgotten about that. I
could tell he had too.

“I can only ask you, all of you, to trust me,” she said.
“This is what I must do.” Then she looked at me, asking for my help.

For a moment, I felt myself waver, letting my doubts rise.
But I nodded.

She looked at Riley. He looked away, squinting, scratching
his beard. “You can count on me.”

He looked sad. Maybe he could see, better than I, where this
would lead us.

“I’m sorry,” Campbell
said. “The treaty is a mistake. The Government’s just playing for time. They’ll
come after us again. And I’ve told Winslow and Jackson this.
Many,
many times.”

“So why don’t you help us?” I said.

He turned to me, “Because my duty, my duty, is to carry out
the decisions our leaders make.
Whether I like it or not.”

“Even when they are dead wrong?”
I
said.

“Yes, because we have to stick together. David Winslow made
us a people. We were united. When we really needed it, we were strong.”

He turned back to Jane. “Do this and you’ll be giving the
Government just what it wants. They want us divided. They want us weak.”

Jane stood up and reached for her rifle, David Winslow’s
rifle. For a long moment, she looked at it, holding it in both hands.

She walked around the fire to Campbell
and handed him the rifle. “Please, give this back to Winslow. Thank him for the
loan of it.”

Then she stepped back. “You can tell him I’m going home. You
can tell him I’m going to fight. Tell him whatever your duty requires. But I’ll
do what God requires of me.”

Campbell looked
at the rifle in his hands. Then he stood and walked away, leaving the three of
us at the fire, surrounded by darkness.

I grabbed Jane by the arm and shouted in her ear, “Pull
back!”

Just then, a burst of .50 caliber started tearing up a
nearby tree, showering us with dust and splinters. Terrified, I closed my eyes
and pressed myself as flat as I could against the ground.

When I opened my eyes again, Jane’s face was just inches
away. She was screaming, “No! No!
Attack!”

There was an odd look in her eyes. I had seen it before in
men fighting hand-to-hand, men straining to choke or drive a knife in deep. She
wanted to hurl herself, to hurl all of us, at the soldiers. She wanted to
destroy the soldiers, consequences be damned. I could not let her do that to
herself, or to us.

We had to get out of there before the soldiers sent men up
to finish us. I shouted, “Pull back! Pull back!”

No one hesitated. They all began crawling away. I grabbed
Jane by the arm and started pulling her in the direction we had to go. She
shook her head, whipping it back and forth, and wrenched her arm away from me.
For the briefest instant, I wondered if she might shoot me. But she didn’t, and
I grabbed her by the arm again. This time, she came with me.

As soon as we could, we got up and started running. We were
sloppy about looking for soldiers following us, about covering our retreat. We
just ran.

When we got back to the rally point, I was amazed that we
hadn’t lost anyone. We were all shaky, sweating, and gasping for breath. Two
men had dry heaves--nothing coming up because we hadn’t eaten much lately.
Slumped against a tree, my heart pounding, I knew that another man, perhaps
two, would slip away in the night.
Gone home.

Things had started well enough. We had fewer men than we
hoped, but still enough for three squads. It was enough to begin. Jane believed
that word of what we were doing would spread that others would join us, or
start fighting the Government on their own.

At first, we surprised the soldiers working on the road.
They had been told the fighting was over. So it was easy to hit them and get
away. Then, of course, the soldiers got careful, posting more guards and using
heavier weapons, like the big machine guns. Still, we held the initiative. We
attacked when and where we chose. We had the advantage.

But soon, lots of folks stopped helping us. They started
turning us away when we asked for food or shelter. People were tired of war,
sick of fear and death. They wanted some peace.

Then the Government did something very clever. They sent
doctors with loads of medicines into our mountains. And it was all free. The
few soldiers who came with the doctors didn’t point their rifles at anyone. Our
people would walk for days and wait for hours to get medicine for their
children and grandchildren, and for their old folks. The Government also sent
trucks full of food, clothing, and shoes. They gave it all away, free. And they
gave out radios, like the one Jackson
had showed Jane. The Government wanted our people to hear news of the world
beyond our mountains, the news the Government wanted them to hear.

While the Government was giving all these things to our
people, it sent special soldiers to hunt us down. These were not like most of
the conscripts, who had been forced to fight. These were the soldiers who were
good at war, who had a taste for it.

Like I said, we started with three squads, but soon, one
disappeared. When we found it, every man was dead. The bloated bodies were
lined up in a neat row.
A message.

After this, men began to leave. In the morning, they were
just gone. We lost so many that we had to combine our two remaining squads.
Then more left.

I wondered how it had gotten this bad. But I knew. I had
always known.

Our men had followed Jane because she was so sure of
herself, so sure she would make just the right choice at just the right time,
so sure she would triumph against impossible odds. She did that so often that
they came to believe far more than luck was at work. They believed God was with
her.

But then she began to make bad choices. Failure made her
courage and certainty seem foolish. The men who had slipped away in the night
had decided God was not with Jane. They reckoned she had just run out of luck.

That’s what had happened this time. If we had not pulled out
when we did, we might all be dead. No one said it, but we all knew Jane had
almost killed us.
If not today, then tomorrow.
It was
just a matter of time.

We moved deep into the woods to hide for the night. We could
not have a fire. It would give away our position. We sat in the darkness,
slapping at insects, while we ate what little food we had left. In the silence,
I sensed a cold anger among the men. God knows, I felt that way.

I thought how nice it would be to eat a meal, a real meal,
with my family again.
To sit in church next to Maggie.
To dance with her.
If I hadn’t left home to follow
Jane, Maggie and I would be married by now. We would be in bed together. I had
ruined all that, of course. If I ever made it home, Maggie wouldn’t be,
shouldn’t be, waiting for someone like me.

The sound of Jane’s voice brought me back.

“I know,” she said. “I know you’re tired. You’ve every
reason to leave. But I’m asking you to believe, just a little longer. God is at
work in this, all of this. Please have faith.”

There was a long silence. I couldn’t see the faces of our
men in the dark. I could feel them fighting to have the faith Jane asked for,
fighting the pull of something in their past or their future.

I wanted to tell Jane she had asked too much for too long.
She had gotten too many of us killed, killed for nothing. She had no right to
ask us to follow her again. The price was too high.

I wanted to say all these angry things. Instead, what came
out of my mouth was, “I will.”

A moment later, I heard Riley’s voice in the dark. “I will
too.” Then one by one, all of us agreed with a “Me too,” or a “Yeah,” or a
“Reckon so.”

When they were done, Jane just said, “Thank you. God bless
you.” I felt her hand touch my arm for just a moment. She had gotten what she
wanted from us. We would go on fighting, and I had made it possible.

When I woke at first light, all the men were still there,
one on watch, the rest still sleeping. Jane was up, kneeling in the woods, as
she always did, whispering her insistent prayers. I wondered if she had been as
close to the brink as the rest of us, as I had been, the night before.

I would never know.