Marriage: Impossible (Voretti Family Book 1) (11 page)

The relief was so swift, so powerful, it almost took him down.

He drew in a breath. Of course she was here. She’d woken up before he had and come out here to—

His thoughts cut off there, as if he’d triggered some kind of automated warning system.
Danger. Do not proceed any further down this mental path
.

Too late. He’d already seen what she was staring at—a small silver band cupped in the palm of her hand. Her wedding ring.

Adrenaline charged though his veins. His pulse kicked up, and his vision narrowed, centering on her. On that ring he had to get back on her finger.

He dropped to the cushion next to her. “Why aren’t you wearing your ring?”

But he already knew.
We need to talk
.

She was leaving him.

She looked at the ring, not at him. “It didn’t feel right on my finger.”

He tried to summon that selfless part of him that had been so set on a divorce, but it had disappeared somewhere between the Nevada - California border. “Yeah, it’s probably made out of some cheap crap that’ll turn your finger green. I’ll buy you a real ring. Whatever you want.”

She finally looked at him. “I don’t need a new ring. I need to tell you something. And it’s really hard, so please let me finish.”

The soldier in him shouted in protest. No way would he go down without a fight. He’d kiss her. Take her to bed. Anything to keep the words he couldn’t take from coming out of her mouth.

He pulled her to him—

“No, Sean! I lied to you!”

Surprise loosened his grip.

“We aren’t married. I pulled you into the chapel because security was coming after us, and the horrible little man who worked there wouldn’t let us stay unless I paid for a wedding package. And, I guess he didn’t want me to dispute the credit card charge, because he insisted we take these rings. He jammed yours on your finger, and I couldn’t get it off.”

Sean heard every word, but they fell into a disorganized jumble inside his head. “So, what? You decided to let me think we were married? Because, honey, I love a joke as much as the next guy, but that’s…”

“I didn’t…I only….” She cleared her throat. “You were talking about cliff diving and….”

The hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention, like a sniper was using him for target practice. “And what?”

“I didn’t want anything to happen to you. You’d been so different since you came back from Iraq, with all your cave diving and big-wave surfing and heli-skiing. I guess, when Ty told me you were going cliff diving, I was afraid…”

“Hold up. When
Ty
told you?” A rushing in his ears overwhelmed him, like he was free-falling from thirty thousand feet. “You came to Reno because of me?”

It took her forever to meet his gaze, but once she did there was no mistaking the answer. It was right there in her eyes.

He jumped off the couch. “You came to Reno as my goddamned babysitter?”

“Sean.” She reached toward him.

Every muscle in his body ached for her. She was his lifeline. He could survive anything if she was by his side.

But she wasn’t his. Not for real. The sooner he got that through his head the better.

He forced his hand back down to his side.

 
“Come on,” she said. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?”

Silence

Let it go
, said the voice of reason inside his head, but his ego drowned it out. “Tell me. What was it like?”

“It… I was only trying to…”

“Okay. I’ll give it a shot. You thought I was so fucked up that you pretended we were married to save me from myself.”

“I’m so sorry. I made a mistake.”

“Damn straight. You should’ve picked a babysitting strategy where you wouldn’t have had to give it up.”

He was such an idiot. Because last night, under the forgiving darkness, he’d actually thought they had a chance. That, with her at his side, he could become a better man.

The harsh morning light revealed that for the bullshit it was. He was broken. Beyond repair. Of course Keri didn’t think he was worthy of her. He’d been her charity case from the beginning.

“Wait! At least give me a chance to apologize.”

“Don’t bother. I’m not gonna jump off any cliffs or try surfing Mavericks. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“I’m not pretending, you big idiot! I
love
you.”

He was so pathetic. Because, even now, knowing everything, he wanted to grab onto that word. Use it to bind them together irrevocably.

“Did you hear me? I said I love you.”

“I heard.”

“What? You don’t have anything to say?”

He had too much to say. Too many words—a jumble of anger and pleading and need that kept growing. “No.”

The words pushed at his throat, battling to get out. He swallowed them down, down, down. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. Please, Sean. Tell me how you feel. I need to know, or we’re never going to be able to work through this.”

“This isn’t something we’re working through.”

“What do you mean?”

His heart pounded in his ears. “I mean, it’s over. You’re free.”

“I’ve always been free. I was with you because I wanted to be with you.”

He let the words wash over him—only noise, no real meaning.

“You’re the man I’ve always wanted.”

She kept talking, but he didn’t let himself listen. He just breathed. In and out and in and out.

She would have to stop soon. She’d run out of energy or words or the desire to fight for a man who didn’t deserve her.

But he’d underestimated her. She kept right on going, and even though he wasn’t listening to the words themselves, he couldn’t escape her tone. The desperate pleading in her gaze.

Even breathing was a struggle because with every dose of oxygen, he pulled in her scent. He had to get out of here.

“Sean, please. Where are you going?”

“Out.” He pulled the door, but it stuck.

He hated the door. He hated the apartment. He hated the universe for giving him Keri and then taking her away.

He jerked on the knob, and it finally came open, slamming into the wall. Bits of paint and drywall rained onto the floor.

His hand was bleeding. He didn’t know how he’d gotten the deep red gash, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything over the throbbing wound in his heart. Maybe he never would again.

“Come back! You can’t—”

“Go home, Keri. You’re not my wife, and this isn’t your apartment.”

T
HE
DOOR
WAS
perfectly ordinary—wood paneling surrounding a frosted glass window. No reinforced steel or heavy-duty lock to keep Sean out. Only the black lettering on the window—
Compassionate Counseling
.

Man up, Patterson. If you can’t open that door, you’re never going to be worthy of Keri.

Just like that, walking inside was the easiest thing in the world. He’d promised Keri he would see a therapist, and he was going to do it.

He’d been a complete ass this morning, but he’d been right about one thing—he wasn’t worthy of her. Not because of what had happened to Ty, but because she deserved more than a man who bottled up his emotions, lashing out at the people who loved him the most.

He wasn’t worthy of her
now
. But he was damn well going to be.

A woman looked up from her computer behind the reception desk. “Can I help you?”

The question echoed inside his head. For so long, he’d been afraid to ask for help. Afraid talking about his problems would make them worse. Afraid he’d be a disappointment to his friends and family. Less of a man.

But all those fears were nothing compared to the one that gripped him now. If he didn’t get help he was going to lose Keri. Assuming he hadn’t already.

He took a deep breath. “I need to make an appointment.”

*

Sean wasn’t there.

Keri forced her anxious frown into a smile and walked into the small conference room at the county administration center. The walls were blank white, the lighting was fluorescent, and the chairs looked like they’d been scavenged from a going-out-of-business sale, but the atmosphere in the room was unmistakably joyful. Annabelle cooed at a baby dressed in a tuxedo onesie, looking stunning in an embroidered sheath dress. Her family surrounded her and Ty, a boisterous group that had already taken her brother in like he was one of their own.

Keri closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let herself relax. Here, in the midst of all this happiness, it seemed at least possible that she and Sean might be able to start over.

 
Ty broke away from Annabelle’s family and ambled toward her. “Where’s Sean?”

“He’ll be here soon.” He had to be. No way would he miss his best friend’s wedding. At least, that’s what she’d told herself for each of the past six hours since Sean had walked out on her.

“He’d better be. Because we’re supposed to start at 4:45, so—” Ty focused in on her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I didn’t get much sleep, that’s all.”

She hadn’t gotten any sleep, too busy searching her mind for the magic words that would explain why she’d messed up so badly. Why Sean should give her one more chance. For all the good that had done her.

“Why not?” Ty’s look made it clear he’d already decided Sean was responsible, and the only remaining question was how soon he could kick Sean’s ass.

“Too many margaritas.” She forced up the ends of her lips, which had forgotten she was supposed to be smiling. “Anyway, this is your day, not mine. How are
you
? Nervous?”

“No.” He looked across the room at Annabelle. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Annabelle was facing the opposite direction, but the second Ty’s gaze found her, she turned. Her smile was filled with so many things—love, passion, loyalty, trust—but, most of all, absolute certainty.

Keri swallowed the stupid, irrational, selfish lump in her throat. “I’m so glad the two of you found each other. I know you’re going to be happy.”

“Thanks, kid.” He slung one arm around her neck. “You’re gonna find someone who makes you this happy, too.”

“Yeah. About that…”

The door swung open. Sean walked in, and Keri forgot to breathe.

He wore his tailored wool suit with more confidence than a Fortune 500 CEO, but he looked tired and sad. She wanted to pull him close. To watch him sleep and know he was at ease.

Even more than she wanted another chance with him, she wanted to know that he was happy. That he was
okay
.

“About time you show up,” Ty shouted. Then, so low Keri could barely hear him, “Don’t be too hard on him.”

“I—” Too late. Her brother had already started toward Sean. Who was carefully avoiding eye contact with her.

The judge entered, and the ceremony began. She and Sean had been positioned on opposite sides of Ty and Annabelle, but she couldn’t stop looking at him.

He was wearing his wedding ring. Her gaze snagged on the wide, silver band and refused to move away. What did it mean?

Ty’s voice, loud and sure as he recited his vows, pulled her out of her trance. “I, Ty, take you, Annabelle, as my wife. I promise to share my life with you—the good and the bad. I promise to tell you how much I love you every day.” He smiled at her, all the love he was feeling shining through as he finished. “And I promise that I’ll never forget how lucky I am that we found each other.”

Sean finally looked at Keri. His face showed no hint of expression—not a smile or a frown or an eyebrow furrow—except in his eyes. They were hot and intent and completely focused on her.

And she burned.

*

The ceremony seemed to last forever. Or maybe that was because Sean’s heart was beating too fast, like his entire body was set on fast forward while the rest of the world played at regular speed.

Talking to the therapist had been anticlimactic—like seeing the bully who’d starred in all his kindergarten nightmares years later and realizing that he was a regular kid. Therapy wasn’t the terrifying obstacle he’d built it up to be. It also wasn’t magic. It was going to take a lot of time before he worked through his issues. But talking
had
helped—and he was about to do a lot more of it.

He needed to apologize to Keri. To tell her that he loved her and that was the only thing that really mattered. But first he had to talk to Ty. His best friend deserved to know his intentions. Not to mention that he deserved an apology for the way Sean had tried to sabotage his wedding.

Finally, Ty kissed Annabelle. The judge declared them husband and wife, and Ty grinned. “That’s it, sweetheart. Now you’re stuck with me.”

All the Vorettis in the audience seemed to find that hilarious. Sean couldn’t tell Annabelle’s opinion because Ty was kissing her again.

Damn it
. At this rate, he was never going to get a chance to talk to his friend.

Finally, the two lovebirds came up for air. Sean stalked forward—

Only to be intercepted by a younger, Goth version of Annabelle.

She gave him a thorough once-over, like she was trying to figure out exactly what was under his suit. The same look Keri gave him right before she kissed him. Except, where Keri’s version made him unbelievably hot, Goth Annabelle’s made him want to duck and cover.

She shoved her way deep into his personal space. “I know the whole best-man-hooking-up-with-the-maid-of-honor thing is a total cliché. But you’re seriously hot. And since you spent the entire ceremony eye-fucking me, I figure it’s past time we take this somewhere more private.”

What the
hell
? He’d never seen this girl in his entire life. Just because he was the best man and she was the—

Her words finally penetrated. She was the maid of honor. Which meant she’d been standing next to Keri through the entire ceremony. Close enough that she’d thought he was staring at her. “Uh, actually—”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to be waiting by the phone for you to call me tomorrow. This is strictly a one-time offer. So what do you say?” She hooked a finger in his shirt collar.