Mars (3 page)

4

Everything has changed

I look at Jenna as if she sprouted two heads. She purses her lips and she knows how much this affects me.

I take a deep breath to let it all sink in. "The hell, Jenna? Why would you let him come over? You really think I need this right now?"

"Yeah, Ames, you need this. You have to talk to him properly instead of suffering. Instead of taking sleeping pills to fall asleep every night and not eating properly and flat out 
torturing 
yourself," she replies.

I shake my head at her, get up and rush to the bathroom. My heart is thudding in my rib cage. I can't breathe. I look up at the mirror and stare at the girl in it.

Her hair is everywhere, strands of it falls out of the bun she hadn't bothered fixing this morning. It resembles a rat's nest, especially now that it isn't so long anymore. Her skin is pale, with the exception of her cheeks being slightly red due to all of the excessive crying. What shocks me the most is how lonely her eyes look. They used to be this bright green; now, they are a dull moss color.

She seems so sad and broken.

I blink.

She blinks.

I realize: My hurt is showing on the outside. I hate it.

The doorbell rings for the second time that day. Of course he's here; he lives across the street. I jump. I hear Jenna open the door and Ethan's voice comes out low and hollow: "Where is she?"

"In the bathroom. Give her a second." Footsteps approach the door and Jenna knocks once.

She knocks again. "Amy? Ethan's here."

I know.

I open the door and give her a small smile. She pats my shoulder and points at Ethan. He is wearing the red jacket his mom gave him for his birthday. His hair is ruffled and his eyes meet mine. I don't waste any effort trying to read what's in them.

Jenna pokes Ryan, who stands up. She shoots me a nervous smile. "We'll go fix some hot choco."

Really, I know that is code for: 
I'll make hot chocolate and spy on you.

"Don't do anything I would do," said Ethan. We all look at him and Ryan chuckles at his feeble attempt at a joke. He grabs Jenna's waist and they head to the kitchen.

I usher him to the couch. "Go ahead, sit," I say, watching as he takes  a seat. I sit on the opposite side of the dark green couch my mom loved so much.

He looks at me, a faint sparkle in his eyes. "I need to talk to you."

"Well, obviously," I say, a dry chuckle coming out. This does nothing but make him stiffen.

He scratches his arm and switches his body toward me. "Mars, I made a mistake. I wasn't sure about my feelings when I-you know."

I stay silent.

"I still love you. I was just confused. I never stopped loving you. You are everything I want. I need you in my life, Mars! I am so so sorry. I am sorry for everything, you have no idea."

My answer surprises him. I start laughing. I laugh like my life depends on it, and it feels so good. It is not a sarcastic laugh, but the kind of laugh you get from a child being tickled. I laugh because of how stupid I was. I laugh because of how dumb he is.

He becomes confused. "What's so funny?" He cracks a smile.

"You."

"How?"

I keep on smiling when I say, "You think you can come here and swoop me off my feet again by those words. You broke my heart, Ethan. You stepped on it. You threw it away. You expect me to fall into your arms and we can live happily ever after?"

"W-well, no, but I-" He stops when I lift a finger to stop him.

I feel a weight lifted off my chest. "You flirt with everyone, Ethan. June likes you. Give it a shot with her."

"I don't understand, Mars! I thought you still loved me."

I shake my head at the use of my nickname. "You just said it yourself. I 
loved 
you. I thought that I did too, but I think I'm over you. I have been for a long time, I just didn't want to let go of you."

He is bewildered. His mouth is slightly agape, the same one I kissed so many times before. But now, I don't greet that memory as a bad one, or as one I long for. I see it as a pleasant one, one I am ready to forget.

"But I love you," he says, his eyes pleading. I shake my head again at him, slightly laughing.

I ruffle his hair. "No, you don't. You just think you do. You'll get over me. Please, give June a shot. Ask her out. She'll make you forget all about silly old me."

And he puts his lips on mine. I don't kiss him back. He still smells like peppermint and chocolate. I put my hand on his chest and push him away. His gray eyes look disappointed.

"Did you feel anything?" He asks, but we both know the answer.

I simply reply, "I'm sorry."

"Mars, I just-"

I sigh. "Ethan?"

Silence.

I wrap my arms around him. He stiffens, but eventually hugs me back. He nuzzles his head in the crook of my neck. We stay like that for exactly two minutes and forty-nine seconds. I let go. I have tears in my eyes, but they are ones of relief.

"Now get out of here before my dad comes home and kills you," I say, knowing fully that my dad wouldn't be coming home for another two hours. He simply nods, stands up and gets out.

Jenna creeps out of the kitchen, her eyes as wide as tennis balls. Her eyes are teary too, and she smiles. I give her a tight hug; we both laugh and cry at the same time.

Ryan comes out, a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. He offers me a high-five. His face turns into a grimace at our expressions.

"Why the tears?"

Jenna and I let go, and give each other smiles that hold secret meaning only we could understand.

"We're crying because I'm getting my life back."

5

Walk on the moon

I smile at something Jenna says about her brothers. She has two: Louis and Kyle. They are oh so very protective over her, but sometimes she feels like strangling them. This brings me to thinking about how life would be like if 
I 
had any siblings. I've always wanted some, but Jenna is like my sister.

Suddenly, my attention is captivated by Jenna's sudden change of demeanor. "Amy? That's the new kid I was talking about," she says in a hushed voice that makes me think we are committing a crime.

I turn to the direction her eyes are looking at. He is tall, and has his head held high. He has delicate features, but they make of him a rugged appearance. He has dark hair messily styled with gel. I cannot see the color of his eyes, but I couldn't care less. He seems stuck-up, even though I hate being judgmental.

"He has a bad boy vibe," I say, averting my attention to something else. Jenna winks at me and I chuckle. Lately, she's been trying to set me up with every guy around.

"Jen, no quiero novio," I say. I mentally praise myself for my use of Spanish. Mr. Alvarez, the Spanish teacher who has absolutely no control over our class, would be proud.

My eyes drift to June walking by Ethan's side, a smile lighting up her face. I smile.

Jenna winks in exaggeration. "Yeah, but a little hunting never hurt anybody."

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" I ask jokingly, taking a bite of the French fries in front of me.

She laughs. "It's all for you. I'm just helping you out, baby girl."

"Don't call me that."

She laughs again. I grimace at the whole concept of everything. "You suck, my friend."

And in a way, she did. But that's why we're friends.

"We have a new student, everybody," says the science teacher, a bright smile never leaving her face. The boy walks in with a small smirk and I can already see the girls in my class being a little more alert. They run a hand through their hair and bat their eyelashes.

"Why don't you introduce yourself?" She pats his shoulder. He gives her a small smile and turns to the rest of the class.

He gives us a nod. "Logan Masterson, everybody. I come from Kinesh High, yet I changed schools in the middle of the year." And I realize that the way he says that last part makes me doubt him.

Leah's hand shoots in the air and she twiddles with her hair. "What sports do you play?

"Soccer," he replies. She smiles at him. "Go have a seat beside Amaryllis." I let out a small grunt. He turns toward me and walks my way, letting out a small laugh.

I can feel his eyes on me for a few moments, and then he turns away. Mrs. Jones continues on explaining something about atoms and all. My mind drifts away, yet I scribble down the notes absent-mindedly.

I feel someone poking my arm repeatedly, and turn to them. Logan's eyes are a bright gray, like the color of the sky during the moments after a storm. "Can I have a pencil?"

I nod and give it to him. The class goes by and I yawn. I hadn't fallen asleep last night due to an assignment that is supposed to be handed in today. The bell rings, I stand up and take my things.

"Amar-oh, damn it!" I look up at the new guy, who apparently has difficulty saying my name.

"Yeah?" I say.

He gives me the pencil. "Thanks."

I nod. "You're welcome." I turn to leave.

He grabs my arm and gray meets green. There is some sort of emotion in them that I fail to recognize.

"You're insecure," he declares, “you really are.”

I snort and try to take my arm from him. "Let me go."

He shakes his head. "You're beautiful, but sadly, you don’t know it."

"Right." I laugh. "Let me go."

"No. You need to believe it."

"What, you think you're some kind of mind reader? You're new here. You haven't made any friends yet, and you're already hitting on girls? Let me go, Masterson."

He lets me go and his eyes never leave mine. "You need to believe it, Amaryllis."

My name sounds so foreign coming from his lips. I shiver. "Stop this."

I walk away.