Match This! (The UnSocial Dater#1) (11 page)

Marcus grabs my elbow. “First, that shit’s not gonna work, second.” I hear the doorbell chime. “Too late.”

“Katherine?” I hear her gasp.

I take a deep breath and turn around to face her. “Mom.”

She shakes her head and looks around. “I don’t understand? Do you work here?”

“I have for almost four years now,” I say as I walk around the reception desk.

FS doesn’t look like your typical tattoo parlor. The storefront doesn’t have price lists or pictures of tattoos or anything tacky. The owners took pride in the place and showcased their love of art.

The white walls and the concrete flooring give the place an industrial feel, however, the art hanging on the walls, the paintings, the photographs are all lit up with track lighting and the pillars hold sculptures and pottery.

Her eyes go to a black and white charcoal drawing of a tree with cards in place of leaves on the branches and floating in the air.

“This is yours. It’s beautiful, Katherine.” She stands in front of it looking up. “You truly are a gifted artist.”

The door opens and Rozz walks in. “Hey Kat,” he says with a smile. I give him a nod.

My mother turns and looks at him. She takes a deep breath and walks towards him. “I’m Katherine’s mother, Carrie.”

He sticks out his big old paw and she shakes his hand. “Your daughter is an amazing artist.”

“Thank you, are you here to buy one of her pieces?”

Fuck
, I think.

“I am a frequent purchaser,” he smiles then pulls up the arm of his shirt and points to his sleeve. “These are my boys, all three of them. Wife just gave me a girl.” He points to the only blank spot on his arm. “She’s going right there.”

“That’s—” she smiles and nods not finishing her sentence and I want to crawl under the desk.

“No one else can put her there like your daughter. Wouldn’t trust anyone else, she’s the best,” he smiles and nods, “I’ll meet you back there.”

“Be back in just a minute.” I nod and then turn and look at my mom.

Her face is expressionless, but only for a moment, then she shakes her head. “You are so smart, Katherine, and you walked away from Harvard to do this?”

“Art Mom, I’ve always loved it, so yes I walked away to do this.”

“All that intelligence and this,” she points at the drawing, “talent and you permanently mark not only someone else’s body but yours?”

I walk out of the shop and she follows like I know she will. She’s waiting for a fight and it’s not happening in the shop.

“Katherine Anne Teresa, where are you going?” she asks following me.

I walk around the back of her car knowing she is on my heels. I turn around and look at her. “You need to leave. This is where I work I will not have you trample my happiness.”

“Your happiness?” She huffs. I take her key fob from her hands and hit the unlock. “Katherine, you are so much better than this.”

“Than what Mom?” I am getting angry. She opens her mouth and I hold my hand up. “Forget it. I don’t want to know.”

“Katherine, wait,” she calls after me.

I don’t.

****

Drunk, I sit forward laughing in Macey’s car to hold onto the dashboard. “Thanks for picking me up bitch,” I say as she pulls into my driveway.

“You sure you want to go in?” she asks, putting it in park.

“Fuck no. I don’t want to go in but I have to work. It’s two in the morning and I need sleep.”

“We still on for tonight?” she asks referring to the two men we met tonight who didn’t go running when we were total bitches to them.

“I guess, but seriously, why?” I laugh as I gather my bag from the floor.

“Because an actual human dick is better than a plastic one,” she laughs at me.

“I get laid when I need to by actual penis’.” I roll my eyes at her.

“How long has it been?” she asks as I open the door.

“Who gives a shit,” I say as I step out. “At least I get off before it does.”

I shut the door behind me and walk towards my house.

When I walk in the kitchen I flip the under cabinet light switch then open the cupboard to grab a glass.

After drinking down three full glasses of water I set it down and turn around.

“Holy fuck,” I gasp.

In the middle of my kitchen island, standing tall like a fucking Oscar on display, my suction cup gold flecked peen is suctioned to the granite.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. How the hell did I forget to take care of those?

If it wasn’t for the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol there is no way I would have gotten even five hours sleep. I would have chewed off my nails, tossed and turned, and dreaded the sun rising up telling me I had to face…her.

I have been in my spare bedroom pretending to be asleep every time I hear the stairs creak knowing the Mom-ster and I would be at each other's throats within moments after I got out of the shower, if she even gave me that long.

I lay still as I hear her footsteps stop at the end of the twin bed I am being forced to sleep in while she tramples all over my home, hell she’s even doing it at work.

When I hear her making her way back down the stairs I quietly get out of bed and tiptoe into the bathroom. I shut the door quietly and yes, I lock the damn thing this time. Not that I don’t think for a minute she would not Google how to pick a lock on her fancy new smartphone and actually do so just to come in here to try and beat me down.

I am dressed and standing at the top of the stairs deciding on whether to hold my head up high and walk down them like the adult I am or just say fuck it and throw myself down them to end it all. I chose to live.

I walk into the kitchen and the peen I left on the island, exactly where I found it, is gone. I laugh to myself knowing it must have made her uncomfortable.

“Good morning,” she says as she walks out from the laundry room carrying a basket of laundry and setting it on the island.

“Morning,” I say as I walk to the sink to grab my cup from last night.

“It’s in the dishwasher,” she says as she takes the hand towels out of the basket.

I open the dishwasher and through the steam coming out at me I reach in to pull out the top rack.

I nearly die when I see about twenty plastic peens coming out of the steam like warriors coming out of the fog ready for battle.

I look up at her and she shrugs. “I have no idea how long it’s been since they have been sanitized.”

“Mom.” I stop because I am at a loss for words but only momentarily. “They aren’t Darby’s teething rings.”

I glance over to gauge the level of annoyance and shockingly she seems more amused than annoyed.

“I know what they are, Katherine.” She sighs then shakes her head.

“Mom, can you tell me what exactly it is you came here in hopes to find?”

“My daughter,” she says and looks hurt when she says it.

“Darby called yesterday,” I say as I push past the peen to get my favorite mug.

“What did she say?” she asks as I grab my oversized unicorn mug that says ‘Being a human is too complicated, time to become a unicorn’.

“I don’t know. Be nice to you?” I half laugh.

“Does it bother you?”

“Does what bother me?” I ask rinsing the cup out before filling it up.

“That your sister isn’t pushing me away anymore?”

“Why would that bother me?” I ask turning around to face her.

“You and she used to have some secret ‘Hate Mom Club’.”

“Is that so?” I laugh.

“She went to you for everything, including to help do her hair, when she would allow it,” she says as she shakes her head.

“You used to chase her around with a comb or brush Mom. What did you expect?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, Katherine, for my children to love me.”

“She loves you,” I laugh.

“But you don’t?”

“Of course I do Mom—”

“Then why do you stay away? Why do you push me away? What did I do to deserve this, Katherine?”

“The list is at least twenty years long but can all be dismissed as nonsense. Honestly Mom, just let it go, I have.”

“Clearly that’s not true.”

“Mom.” I feel my face start to redden. “You seriously hold on too damn tight. You need to loosen the reins. I couldn’t even climb—”

“This is about that damn tree, Katherine? I was right. You fell and broke your arm,” she argues.

I hate thinking about that summer. The last summer with my father, so I continue. “Private school, only certain friends—”

“And Stephanie is still your friend,” she points out, which is not untrue.

“I couldn’t walk to school,” I point out.

“It was four miles away, Katherine, don’t be ridiculous,” she huffs.

“In Albany, yes, but not when we lived in New Jersey,” I counter.

“You were five years old,” she gasps.

I throw my hands in the air. “Fine. You’re right, I’m wrong.”

I start emptying my peens from the dishwasher.

“Can we please move forward from the past? I want a relationship with my daughter,” she almost pleads, unfortunately I am immune to Carrie’s pleas.

“How, when you continue to judge everything in my life? You trample all over—”

“I’m never here,” she gasps.

“And that works for us. Holidays are great and—”

“Katherine, we’re moving back to New Jersey.”

My whole body goes numb, my arm full of peens included, and they crash to the ground. Dicks everywhere.

Mom laughs, she laughs out loud and it’s from deep down in her belly.

I look up from the floor in shock. “There is nothing funny about your mother not only finding, but sterilizing your peen stash Mom!”

“I can top it,” she says laughing as she squats down and grabs up a couple. “Mine found out I was pregnant, told the father and his parents before I could even tell him.”

I look up and we are eye to eye. Mine to hers, hers to mine, both sets the same shade of light brown.

“Yeah,” she smiles and nods. “This may seem bad to you, but Katherine, it’s nothing.”

She stands up and sets them in the sink. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“Washing your…toys,” she shakes her head.

“Why they just came out—”

“I will back off, Katherine, but you are not going to put something in,” she pauses and clears her throat. “In your-”

“Mom, they are gifts, a fucking joke. Jesus do you think I—”

“I have no idea what to think. You are covered in tattoos, you’re working at a tattoo shop, and you have more,” she pauses.

“Peens,” I fill in the blank.

“Peens, then Adam and Eve,” she laughs.

I shake my head. “They give them as gifts.”

She looks at me. “Who?”

“My friends,” I say wishing I never brought it up.

“Because you have no boyfriend?” Before I can say a word she says, “Have you decided you’re a lesbian?”

“Mom,” I gasp. “I like dick. As a matter-a-fact, I love it. That’s why they give them to me. Because I love dick.”

Her hands ball into fists and her face turns red and I laugh. “Okay, I get that.”

“Well, you should.” I grab a plastic recycled grocery bag from a drawer to stash the peens in, and I point to her phone.

“There is nothing wrong with moving on with my life,” she says.

“There is nothing right with what I saw yesterday either.”

“Well, it really wasn’t yours to see, Katherine. Just like your plastic penis collection wasn’t meant to be seen by me. But since you have brought it up, I could really use your help,” she says looking down.

I don’t say anything. Helping my mother wade through the online dating cesspool is not something I want to do. I would rather pull out one of my own teeth.

Her eyes are still burning into my skin, I feel it, and I don’t like it. It means she isn’t going to stop until I give her what she wants.

I hate giving in or feeling bullied into anything by anyone. Macey is one of the worst. She would call when I was changed into my comfy pajamas and ask me to come out to a bar or club, get pissed when I would say no. Most of the time by the time I got there she was hammered and well on her way to hooking up. Now I ask the question,
how long will you be there,
and I say no go. If it’s a group of friends and I am not in the mood, I simply ask them what time.

I made it work to my advantage, just like I would this.

“Are you really moving back to New Jersey?”

“Yes,” she says with a nod.

I shrug. “Why?”

“Darby seems to need a change and so do I.”

“And Sam?”

“He’s ready to come back too,” she says folding the kitchen towel that she had laundered. The same one I pulled out yesterday morning. I would have used it for three days, but not her.

“Where?”

“Just outside of Wildwood,” she says peeking up at me.

I nod and try to act unaffected.

Home.

“Do you have a house in mind?”

“I have a beach house bought already,” she says.

“Then what are you doing here?” I ask trying not to sound like I’m not kicking her out of my house already.

“The floors are being done.”

“So?”

“A week, two tops Katherine,” she huffs as she picks up the laundry basket and heads to my bedroom.

“I’ll help you for one week, then you are on your own,” I call after her.

She stops and turns. “Two?”

Darby’s ‘
Be nice to Mom
,’ rings in my head, I nod in agreement.

****

When I get to work Ricco isn’t there, the guys tell me his daughter was sick at daycare and he has to pick her up.

“He left you two here alone?” I almost gasp.

“And look, we’re fine and the place is in one piece,” Zack laughs.

“Did he try to call me?” I ask looking at my phone.

“He knows it’s a rough week for you,” Marcus says walking over to pat my head.

I push his hand away. “Seriously you two, stop fucking touching
me
”

I sit back and look at my phone, I search the Internet for advice on Match Up and the ad comes up. Curious I tap the icon and it opens. I try searching through it and all I get is
MUST LOG IN
. I sigh and decide screw it, why not. I can’t help the Mom-ster unless I know what I’m doing.