Maybe This Christmas (29 page)

“I want you to tell me about it, but not if it’s going to make you feel worse. I’ve made enough women cry today.”

“What do you want to know?”

He pushed her hair back from her face, his hand gentle. “When did it start?”

“I don’t remember. Early on. She was older than me so I didn’t see that much of her, but she used to wait for me after school. Once, she trapped me in the locker room to stop me meeting you. Eventually, a teacher came.”

“They caught Janet?”

“No. She told them the lock had broken, and she was trying to rescue me. By then I was so late I thought you would have left, but you hadn’t. You were still there. You teased me about staying late studying.”

His arms tightened. “You should have told me.”

“You would have said something to her, and that would have made it worse for me.”

“I remember that day you came out of school with bruises.” His voice was low. “How often did she hurt you?”

“Mostly it was psychological. She tried to undermine my confidence. I was
Boring Brenna
or
Brenna the Boy
because I didn’t have big boobs. She went out of her way to make sure I knew I wasn’t your type. ‘Flat chest and brown hair isn’t his thing. He’ll ski with you but he will never, ever, want to have sex with you.’ That’s what she said.”

“I will kill her.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “Tell me you knew she was wrong.”

“No, because I didn’t. Not for years. I carried those words around in my head, and they changed the way I related to you, and the way I felt about myself. For ages I assumed I wasn’t attractive at all. That no man would ever want to have sex with me.”

He inhaled deeply. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“That I didn’t feel sexy? How was that conversation ever going to happen? We didn’t talk about stuff like that. To borrow Jess’s favorite expression, it would have been an avalanche of awkward. And to be honest, I liked the fact you treated me the same way as your brothers.”

“I had no idea you felt that way. You were always so confident.”

“On the slopes, yes. I was a good skier. I was good at a lot of things, but my confidence in myself was really low.”

“I thought you were a bit shy. I should have known. You were my closest friend, Bren—”

“Yes, but I was in love with you. And I couldn’t talk about it because I believed it.” She heard him mutter something under his breath but carried on. “Maybe that’s why I’ve never been good at the one-night-stand thing. I don’t know. All I know is that it took me a while to get over that and realize that sexy means different things to different people.”

“You’re sexy, Bren.” Tyler lowered his mouth to hers. “Anytime you want me to prove how sexy you are, say the word.”

She lifted her hand to his face, exploring the rough texture of his jaw. “I think that’s why she had sex with you that time. To prove she could.”

“She came and found me. She knew where I’d be.” He held her gaze. “Is it too late to say I’m sorry?”

“It’s never too late, but in this case it’s not necessary. You didn’t owe me anything. You didn’t know what was happening. We were friends, that was all.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “What happens now? Where is Janet staying?”

“According to Jackson, a bed and breakfast in the village. And she’s on her own.”

“So she really did leave her husband and baby to come here simply because she heard I’d moved in with you?”

“Looks that way. I’d rather think she came here to see Jess.”

“Do you think she’ll come back?”

“I don’t know. I have to assume she will because she hasn’t seen Jess yet. I need to make sure I’m here when that happens. I feel as if I’m standing on top of a slope, knowing it’s about to avalanche. And I can’t do anything about it.” He pulled her closer. “One thing I’m sure about, though. I don’t want you to have to see Janet again.”

“That’s in the past.”

“I don’t think it’s in the past for Janet.”

The tiny lights on the Christmas tree sent a warm glow across the living room.

“Jess is the one we need to think about. Everything will settle down. This is difficult, but it will pass, and whatever happens with Janet, Jess knows she’s loved and that she has you and the rest of your family. We can’t let this spoil Christmas. If we do, then Janet wins.”

“I’ll take Jess to meet her on neutral ground.”

“There’s no need for that.”

“Yes, there is. I can’t stop her seeing Jess, but I don’t want her anywhere near you.”

“I can handle her.”

“You didn’t last time. You hate confrontation.”

“I chose the path of least resistance. That was my choice. And if I could put the clock back, I’m not sure I’d do anything differently. And neither would you. You wouldn’t change what happened because that would mean not having Jess.”

“It’s a mess.”

“It’s life. Life is messy. The bad comes along with the good, and you can’t always separate them. Let’s talk about something else. Have you bought Christmas presents for Jess yet?”

“Yes. I think she’s going to be happy.” He slid his fingers under her chin, lifted her face to his and kissed her. “I still have a few gifts to buy. I don’t suppose you fancy writing a letter to Santa, do you?”

Despite the turmoil inside her, he made her smile. “I haven’t done that since I was six years old.”

“He’d appreciate some clues on what you want.”

“I have everything I want.”

It wasn’t true, of course, but the only thing she really wanted, she couldn’t have.

She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she was afraid of his reaction so she bit back the words and held them locked away deep inside, just as she had the truth about Janet.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

B
RENNA
WAS
IN
THE
kitchen making coffee the following morning when she heard a car pull up outside Lake House.

Tyler had left an hour earlier to take a group of guests to ski powder, and it was too soon for him to be back.

“Brenna!” Jess’s voice came from upstairs, shrill with panic. “It’s my mom! She’s here! At the house!”

Her hand shaking, Brenna put the coffee mug down, walked to the hall and glanced out the window in time to see Janet stepping out of the car.

“What is she doing here?” Jess hovered on the stairs, panic all over her face. “I don’t want to see her! I want her to go away. And you can’t see her, either. Don’t answer the door. We’ll pretend we’re not in. Can we do that? She hasn’t seen us. We could hide under the bed or something. I tried phoning my dad but he isn’t answering.”

“He took that group into the glades as a favor to Jackson. There’s no signal.”

Which meant she was the only one standing between Jess and a difficult encounter with her mother.

You hate confrontation.

It couldn’t be a coincidence that Janet was here. She’d picked a time when she knew Tyler would be out, presumably because she thought Brenna wouldn’t put up a fight.

“Go back upstairs, Jess. I’ll talk to her and arrange a time for her to come back when your dad is here.”

This was one confrontation she was not going to avoid.

Jess looked appalled. “You can’t do that. She made you so unhappy. You shouldn’t have to speak to her.”

“It was a long time ago, Jess. It’s in the past.”

“No, it isn’t. She’s here because she wants to upset you. She wants to ruin things between you and Dad, I’m sure of it.”

Brenna was sure of it, too, and part of her wanted to do as Jess suggested and stay hidden away until she heard Janet’s car drive away.

Her stomach roiled at the thought of coming face-to-face with Janet after so many years.

“Brenna?” Jess’s voice was shaky. “Can we hide?”

Brenna turned her head and looked at Jess, saw misery and confusion and remembered the tears and her reddened eyes.

“No. We are not going to hide.” Decision made, she pulled on a sweater. This time she didn’t need a dress, makeup or her mother to help her stand up and do what was right. “If you don’t want to come down, that’s fine, sweetheart. I’ll talk to her. You go back upstairs and stay with Luna.”

“You can’t see her by yourself! She was so mean to you.”

“She won’t be mean to me this time.” Brenna walked toward the door, anger licking through her veins.

She stood for a moment, bracing herself to open it, and then she felt something nudge her leg and saw Ash looking up at her, his tail wagging.

“Hey—” She lowered her hand to the dog’s soft fur and then opened the door.

For the first time in over a decade, she faced her tormentor. Her first shock was how normal the other woman looked. Not a terrifying monster, but another human being. She was older and a little heavier, but apart from that, she didn’t seem to have changed much outwardly.

“Hello, Janet.”

Janet looked her over. “I came to see my daughter.”

“It’s not convenient.” Brenna was studiously polite. “If you call Tyler, he’ll arrange a time that suits both of you.”

Janet didn’t budge. “You haven’t changed at all.”

Brenna thought of how she’d been back then and how she was now. Maybe not on the outside, but on the inside she knew she was different. “I’ll tell him you called. He’ll be sorry he missed you.”

“So finally you’re living under the same roof as him. It’s what you always wanted.”

“Drive carefully. The roads are icy.” She started to close the door, but Janet stopped her.

“He is never going to marry you, you know that, don’t you? He’s never going to say ‘I love you.’”

Ash pressed closer and Brenna put her hand on his head. “Goodbye, Janet.”

Keeping an eye on the dog, Janet took her hand off the door. “You’ve been around all of his life, and I’m willing to bet that not once in all those years has he ever said those words. He isn’t capable of it. You are wasting your time.”

Even now, after so many years, Janet knew exactly which words would hurt the most, and it was like a physical blow. Reeling from it, Brenna almost closed the door but then remembered this wasn’t about her, it was about Jess.

Standing a little taller, she met Janet’s gaze full on. “What Tyler says to me is none of your business, and who he has a relationship with is none of your business, either. And my time is mine to waste in any way I see fit.”

“So he hasn’t said it.” But instead of looking smug, Janet’s eyes looked haunted. “Be careful he doesn’t get you pregnant. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

“Jess is a person, not a mistake. And you should be ashamed of yourself for saying those words to a child.”

“It’s the truth. Having her ruined my life.”

“It didn’t need to. There was help to be had if you’d asked for it.”

Janet’s bag slipped from her shoulder. “My parents wanted nothing to do with me.”

“But the O’Neils were there. They would have helped. They wanted to, but you pushed them away, and you did it to hurt them because you knew how much they all wanted Jess.”

“They wanted Jess, not me, and I couldn’t stand to be tied to a man who didn’t want me. You thought I had no feelings for him, but I loved him, too.” Janet hauled the strap of her bag back onto her shoulder. “You were the one he spent all his time with. Every day after school you’d meet him and go off together. I saw you on weekends up on the mountain. Always together.”

“You were jealous.” Brenna’s mouth was dry. It gave her no pleasure to have her suspicions confirmed. “That was why you hated me.”

Janet’s cheeks were streaked with color. “I gave him the one thing I knew you wouldn’t, but afterward he got dressed in a hurry because he’d arranged to meet you. Do you know how that made me feel?”

Why hadn’t it occurred to her sooner that the poisonous behavior might have had its roots in Janet’s feelings for Tyler?

She’d been devastated, focused on her own survival.

She hadn’t looked beneath the surface, and nothing on the surface had hinted at the presence of deep feelings.

She’d run away when she should have stood her ground.

“We can’t change the way we behaved in the past, Janet, but we choose how to behave in the future. I don’t know why you’re here, but I hope it’s because you care about Jess and want to see her. Otherwise, you have no business coming here and trying to unsettle a family.”

“He’s not your family. And no matter how much you kid yourself people can change, he is never going to. That’s the difference between us. I see reality, and you live in a dream world.”

“I was talking about Tyler and Jess,” Brenna said, “and the difference between us is that I don’t want him to change and never have. I love him for who he is, and my relationship with him is between me and him, no one else.” She stopped because two broad-shouldered men appeared behind Janet.

“Janet?” Jackson’s voice was hard, the expression on his face one that Brenna had never seen before in all the years she’d known him. “Get in your car and drive back to wherever you were staying last night. I’ll make sure Tyler knows you were here.”

Janet turned her head, glanced between Sean and Jackson and then turned back to Brenna. “I want to see my daughter.”

Brenna heard a sound behind her, and then Jess stepped forward.

How much had she heard?

“I don’t know why you’re here, Mom.” Jess stood close to Brenna. “You’ve told everyone I ruined your life, how having me was the worst thing that happened to you, how you wish I’d never been born. I wish you’d let me live here with him right from the start, but you didn’t, and there was nothing I could do about that, but I’m older now, and I can make that decision for myself.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Dad is going to make sure I stay here. He promised.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but your father doesn’t have much practice in keeping promises.”

“He’ll keep this one.”

“And I’ll help him keep it,” Sean said pleasantly, pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing a number. “In the meantime, I think this might be a good time to leave. I see our chief of police arriving, and rumor has it his life has been pretty boring lately. He might be glad of some entertainment.”

* * *

“
S
HE
WAS
HERE
and now she’s gone?” White-faced, Elizabeth sank onto the chair and looked at her sons.

“Yeah, she’s gone.” Jackson looked up from his phone. “Sean has spoken to a lawyer friend. He’s going to get it sorted out. Don’t ask me the details.”

“Don’t ask me the details, either. My knowledge of law comes from watching a few episodes of
The Good Wife.
” Sean yawned. “I fix broken legs.”

Jackson looked at him. “It crossed my mind to put some business your way.”

A ghost of a smile flickered across Sean’s mouth. “Crossed my mind, too, but generally I’m better at fixing them than breaking them.”

The door crashed open, and Tyler strode into the kitchen without removing his boots. He had snow on his shoulders, and his hair was wet. “What the hell has been going on?” He saw Alice wince and gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry, Grams. Janet was here? I didn’t know she was coming back or I’d have been here. I’m guessing she knew that.”

Jackson slid his phone back into his pocket. “I think she chose her moment carefully.”

“How did you know she was there?”

“Jess texted us both when she showed up at the door.”

“She called and texted me, too, but I was up on the mountain with no signal, and by the time I got her text it was too late to help. Thanks for sorting Janet out.”

“We didn’t sort her out. Brenna did that.”

“Brenna?”

“Yeah, Brenna. You don’t ever want to make her mad, I can tell you that.” Sean gave a half smile. “You should have seen her, standing on the doorstep, letting rip. It was at least five minutes before either of them noticed us. Even Ash looked nervous.”

Tyler looked dazed. “
Brenna
let rip? But she never said a word to Janet in the past.”

“Then I’m guessing she’d been storing them up because she was throwing out plenty of words today. And they were very well-chosen words, most of them relating to the quality of Janet’s parenting skills.”

“Was she upset?”

“Janet? Not visibly, but she’s a cold fish. Nothing upsets her.”

“Not Janet—” Tyler frowned impatiently “—Brenna.”

“Angry,” Jackson said slowly. “She was angry. And then Jess came down and said she didn’t want to see Janet anymore and that you’d promised to fix it.”

Alice made a distressed sound but Tyler had his gaze fixed on his brother.

“And what did Janet say?”

“That you’d never kept a promise in your life.”

A muscle flickered in Tyler’s jaw. “So this lawyer friend of yours—” he looked at Sean “—can he fix it? Because if he can’t, we need to find someone who can.”

“I trust him. You can talk to him direct.”

“I’ll do that.” Tyler unzipped his jacket, sending snow flying onto the floor. “Are they both back at the house?”

“No. I think Brenna took Jess skiing.”

It made sense to him. Whenever life had been hard, Brenna took refuge outdoors. It was the place she went to heal and recover, and it was typical of her that she would have taken his daughter with her.

* * *

“
I
WISH
I
COULD
ski like you.” Jess watched as Brenna carved another turn to demonstrate her point.

“You’re going to be better than me.”

“Never.”

“I mean it, Jess.” Brenna leaned on her poles, staring into the distance. Jess gave her a worried look.

“Are you upset about what happened with my mom?”

Was she?

She tested her feelings, hunted for the sense of panic and misery that was never far from the surface when Janet’s name was mentioned, but it had gone.

She’d faced something that terrified her and survived. Not only survived, she’d triumphed. She’d said what needed to be said and saying it had healed wounds she’d thought could never be healed. She felt different.

“Of course I was upset that she was there, but I think the two of us handled it.”

“You were awesome. Do you really think she was in love with my dad?”

“I don’t know. Actually, yes, I think she was. It would explain a lot.” Brenna drew a pattern on the snow with her ski pole. “How do you feel about it all? Be honest with me.”

“I want to stay here with Dad, and I’m terrified she might try and take me away to spite him.”

“That isn’t going to happen, Jess.”

“Are you sure?” There was uncertainty in her eyes. “Because if she does I’ll snowboard down the stairs every day until she lets me come home.”

Home.

Snow Crystal.

Brenna glanced around her, breathing in the smell of winter. All around her the wide, smooth ski runs dissected the snowy forest like white satin ribbons tied around a beautifully wrapped gift.

“You have real talent. You’re going to have to work hard, but you’re going to do well.”

“I’ll work hard. And with both you and Dad training me, I will have improved by spring.”

Would she still be here in the spring?

Janet was gone, but her words echoed in Brenna’s head, refusing to be silenced.

He is never going to say “I love you.”

It was probably the only thing she and Janet had ever agreed on, and she realized she had a decision to make.

It wasn’t fair to anyone for her to carry on living here, existing on a diet of hope and nothing else.

“Do you know what I think? I think we should drive home via the store, buy every decoration Ellen Kelly has left on the shelf and turn Lake House into a grotto.” She was relieved to see Jess smile.

“Dad would die. It almost killed him putting up a Christmas tree.”

Brenna scooped up a handful of snow and threw it at Jess. “I think it’s especially important to decorate his bedroom. With ribbons and garlands.”