Maybe This Christmas (31 page)

“Not true. For a start, there is Jess.”

“I don’t mean that sort of relationship.”

“The principles are the same. You’ve been there for Jess every step of the way.”

“She’s my daughter. I love her.”

“You’ve been here for all of us, even if you complain all the time. So what’s the problem?”

Tyler didn’t smile. “I’m scared! There, I admit it. The whole idea of saying ‘I love you’ to a woman scares the crap out of me. I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than a month.”

“You’ve been in a relationship with Brenna for most of your life, Ty. Think about that.”

“That doesn’t count. It’s different. She’s a friend.”

“That’s why it’s different. It’s not enough to want to bone a woman into next week. Eventually, you have to get dressed and have a conversation. Spend time together. And when that happens, it helps if the woman is someone you like.” Jackson put his hand on Tyler’s shoulder. “But if you really don’t have those feelings, if you really don’t love her and can’t say those words, then you have to let her go. I can help her find a job in Europe. I’m not saying it won’t be tough on her, but in the end she’ll be fine. Brenna’s the whole package. Sweet, sexy, loyal, loving—if she moves away and builds a new life, she’ll find someone else eventually.”

The thought of it made him want to double up.

Something that felt like panic rose inside him. “Do you want a black eye for Christmas?”

“No. I want you to see sense.” Jackson gave him an exasperated look. “You’ve skied down slopes that the rest of us wouldn’t touch, at speeds that most of us can’t hit without the help of an engine and
this
is what scares you?”

“Skiing is different. I trust myself on the mountain.”

“Right. So maybe it’s time you trusted yourself when you’re not on the mountain. Everyone is scared of something. Being scared doesn’t matter. All that matters is whether you choose to let it influence your decisions.” Jackson finished his beer. “Go home, Ty. Write your letter to Santa and ask him for the courage not to be your own worst enemy. And you’d better hope he delivers, or Brenna will be out of your life, and you’ll be hell to live with.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

B
RENNA
ROSE
BEFORE
DAWN
and did what she always did when she was upset. She went skiing.

She told herself there were other mountains, other men, but still she felt as if her heart were being crushed by a rock, and the misery clung to her like morning mist, refusing to lift. The sadness was smothering, but she knew she was doing the right thing.

Finally, she was moving forward.

She wasn’t drifting or dreaming.

After her bumps-and-trees class, she drove to her parents’ house, knowing there was one more conversation she needed to have before she could move on with her life.

Her father was out, and her mother took one look at her face and gave a sigh. “I don’t even need to ask.”

“Can I come in? There are things I need to say.” She pulled off her boots, tired of formality, tired of holding back. She’d spoken her mind with Janet and Tyler, and now she intended to do the same with her mother.

Emotional cleansing, she thought. Exhausting but necessary.

They walked into the kitchen and sat at the table with the winter sun sending shafts of light through the window.

She found it harder to speak when she was sitting down, so she stood. “I’m leaving Snow Crystal. I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I’ll be looking for a new job as soon as Christmas is over.”

Her mother stood in the doorway, not moving. “I don’t even need to ask why. I can see it in your face.”

“Good. Because I’m tired of saying one thing and meaning another. I’m tired of hiding, pretending I don’t have feelings when those feelings are so strong, there are days when I could burst with them. I love Tyler.”

Her mother closed her eyes. “Oh, Brenna—”

“That’s right, I love him, and he doesn’t love me back.” She managed to say it without her voice cracking. “And I have to stop wishing and wanting and start living my life, even though I can’t imagine how I’m going to do that when he’s the most important part of that life.”

“I knew this would happen. I warned you.”

“Yes, and I didn’t listen. And that was my choice. I’m an adult, not a child.”

“I didn’t want you to make that mistake.”

Brenna thought of the few days and nights when her life had been so perfect, it hadn’t seemed real. “It doesn’t feel like a mistake, but if it was then it was mine to make. And right now instead of blame and a whole bunch of
I told you so’
s I could do with a hug because I’ve lost my best friend and—oh, forget it—I don’t expect you to understand. I didn’t come here for sympathy.” She covered her face with her hands, and the next moment she was pulled into her mother’s arms and hugged as she hadn’t been hugged since the last time Tyler had broken her heart.

“I do understand.” Her mother stroked her hair. “I know what you’re feeling, and you have no idea how much I wanted to spare you that, but it was like watching a train crash and not being able to do a thing about it. And if you think I blame you then you’re wrong. How could I blame you? You’re not the first member of this family to fall in love with an O’Neil and get burned.”

Brenna pulled away. Her head throbbed, and her brain ached with thinking. “What are you talking about?”

“I grew up here, as you did.” Her mother sank onto the stool, staring into the distance. “I met Michael when I was four years old.”

“Michael?”

“Michael O’Neil.”

“Tyler’s dad?” Of all the things she’d expected her mother to say, it hadn’t been that. “Oh, my God—”

“No! We never—” her mother shook her head “—it wasn’t like that, but I wanted it to be. Oh, you have no idea how badly I wanted it to be. There wasn’t a day I didn’t dream of something happening between us, but to him it was only ever a friendship.”

Brenna stared at her mother. Scanned the pretty dress and the neat heels. “I— You were in love with Michael?”

“We were friends. And we stayed friends until the day Elizabeth arrived to cook at Snow Crystal. Michael took one look at her, and he was gone. I saw it happen.”

“Mom—”

“You can’t help who you love, and I never had any doubt that Michael loved Elizabeth deeply, but that didn’t stop the hurt or heal the pain caused by the fact that he didn’t love me.”

“I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? It explains so much—explains why you’ve always hated the O’Neils.”

“I never hated them. His family never knew about our friendship. I didn’t ski or share any of their interests, but Michael and I were close. We talked. I knew he felt under pressure to take over the business. Maybe he found it easier to talk to me because I was an outsider. Because I didn’t have that connection to Snow Crystal.” Maura Daniels sat still, her hands frozen in her lap. “For a while after he met Elizabeth, I couldn’t spend time near them because it reminded me of what I’d wanted and could never have. It took a while. A long while, but then I met your father and fell in love again. The old feelings faded, but by then I’d put too much distance between us to know how to bridge the gap with the O’Neils. And then you were born, and you bonded with Tyler from the first moment you met, and I saw it all happening again.” There was pain in her mother’s face. “Michael gave you your first skis. He was trying to mend fences, but I was worried that history was repeating itself, and I couldn’t reach out. I regret that we didn’t talk before he died. I regret so many things, but most of all I regret the mistakes I made with you. Instead of nurturing your talent, I tried to stop you skiing, tried to stop you spending so much time with them. But you climbed out of your window and went anyway. And maybe I was a little jealous because the O’Neils could give you something I never could. And when it came to Tyler, you were like glue. The two of you were stuck to each other the moment you laid eyes on one another.”

“He’s my best friend, Mom. He always has been.”

“Yes.” Her mother reached out and took her hand. “And I could kill him with my bare hands for making you hurt like this.”

“He can’t help his feelings. You said that yourself.”

Her mother tightened her grip. “Are you still living in his house?”

Brenna nodded. “The resort is full, there’s nowhere else to go.”

“You could come here. You could sleep here.”

“I can’t.” She thought about the tree, the presents, the house full of decorations.
Jess.
“Jess is excited about Christmas, and I’m not going to do anything to spoil that. Last year was hard for her. She hadn’t been with Tyler for long, and things were tricky. I want this year to be perfect.”

“She’ll have to know eventually.”

“I’ll tell her after Christmas. Mom—” she swallowed “—I thought you didn’t like the way I was. That I disappointed you.”

“I was never disappointed, but I
was
scared. I felt your feelings as if they were my own. And because I’d had those feelings myself, I felt them all the more sharply.”

“But you moved on. You met someone else.”

“Eventually. And so will you.”

“Will I?” She couldn’t see any way that could happen. She’d given all of herself to Tyler. What was there left to give to another man? “What if I don’t? What if I always feel this way?”

“You’re determined. And strong. I saw it when you were a child and dragged yourself to school every day even though you hated every minute. I saw it when you faced Janet when she came here that morning, and I saw it when you went to work at Snow Crystal, loving Tyler and knowing he didn’t feel the same way. Humans are resilient. You’re hurting, but you’ll carry on living, and the hurting will grow less over time. I’m proud of you, Brenna. I should have made sure you knew that. I should have accepted how you felt about Tyler instead of fighting against it. All that did was put distance between us. It stopped you knowing how much we love you.”

Brenna stood, choked by emotion as she felt her mother’s arms come around her. She stood stiff, holding everything back until holding back was no longer possible, and she closed her eyes and returned the hug. “I love you, too.”

They stayed like that for a moment, and then Brenna pulled away. “I almost forgot, I have something for you. For Christmas.” She delved into her bag and found the ceramic pot she’d bought at a craft fair in the summer. It was a sunny blue, and she’d thought it might add cheer during the cold winters she knew her mother loathed.

Her mother unwrapped it, and her expression softened as she turned it in her hands. “It’s pretty, thank you. You always know what I like. If Christmas Day is difficult, you can always come over here.” Then she smiled. “No pressure, but I want you to know you can.”

* * *

I
T
SNOWED
HEAVILY
on Christmas Eve, and Tyler was finishing his preparations when Jess found him in the den.

“Dad, where have you been all day? I wanted you to ski with me.”

“Tomorrow is Christmas Day. I had things to do.” Things that had kept him awake most of the night and busy for all of the day. He stuffed packages under the sofa and Jess tried to peek.

“Is my present hidden under there?”

“It might be.” It had taken him all day to put a plan together, but he thought he’d come up with a perfect Christmas for Jess. And as for what happened afterward—well, he wasn’t going to think about that right now. He couldn’t. “How was skiing?”

“The snow was awesome. I skied with Brenna again because we couldn’t find you.”

“We’ll ski together tomorrow. I still have things to do, and I can’t do them if you’re hanging around watching me.”

“Where have you been all day?”

“You told me to buy presents. I bought presents.” Had he forgotten anything? He hoped not.

“Did you buy Brenna a present yet? There is still time to get to the store if you haven’t. I can help you.”

“I’ve got it covered.”

“Are you sure?” She looked at him suspiciously. “What is it?”

“A present is supposed to be a surprise.”

“Please tell me you haven’t bought her something lame.”

He thought about the gift he’d hidden away. “I hope it’s not lame.”

“But you don’t know?” Jess looked worried. “Dad, you’d better tell me.”

“I’m not telling you, and the stores are closed now so it’s too late. If she doesn’t like it then there is nothing I can do about it.”

“It’s not something for the kitchen, is it? Because women hate that.”

“No.”

“Something to do with the mountains?”

“In a way.” He rose to his feet. “You have to stop with the questions now, Jess.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I want Christmas to be really special.”

“I want that, too. Come here.” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. “You’re awesome.”

“That means you’ve forgotten to buy me a present.”

“It doesn’t mean that. I’ve bought you a present.”

“Will I like it?”

“I don’t know. I hope so. If not you can lodge a complaint with Santa.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“
H
E
’
S
BEEN
!”

Brenna woke after a night of little sleep to find Jess at the door in her pajamas, a bulging red sack in her hand. Ash nosed his way past her and jumped onto the bed. Luna gave a whine, glanced at Jess and then followed.

Jess piled onto the bed with the dogs, and Tyler appeared in the doorway, yawning. His chest was bare, but he’d pulled on a pair of jeans.

It was the first time they’d seen each other since the night of the ice party, and Brenna glanced at him briefly, horrified by how awkward everything felt.

How were they going to get through the day?

He didn’t appear to have had any more sleep than she had. Those blue eyes were tired, his jaw dark and unshaven.

It was killing both of them, her being here. She felt terrible. He felt terrible.

And she couldn’t bear the thought of him feeling terrible.

It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t feel the way she wanted him to feel.

For both their sakes, she needed to move on as fast as possible.

“Open your presents, Jess.” She moved over in the bed to make room and then wished she hadn’t because Jess gestured to Tyler.

“You come and sit down, too, Dad.”

His gaze briefly collided with Brenna’s, and then he dutifully sat down on the end of the bed. “Those dogs shouldn’t have been sleeping in your bed, Jess.”

“They didn’t. They slept downstairs all night, and I let them come up two minutes ago.” Jess delved inside the sack and pulled out a package. She shook it and sniffed it. “I love guessing.”

“The dogs were on your bed all night.”

“You don’t know that.” She ripped off the paper, sneaked a look at him and sighed. “Oh,
fine,
so they were on my bed all night. How do you always know everything?”

“Because I am the head of the household.”

“Ash is the head of the household. Do you check on me in the middle of the night or something?”

“Santa told me,” Tyler drawled. “Damn dogs drove those reindeer crazy.”

Despite the way she was feeling, Brenna smiled.

“Wow—” Jess pulled out a large chocolate bar. Ash whined hopefully, and she snatched it out of the way. “Naughty boy. Sit.”

“He is sitting. On the bed.” Shaking his head in despair, Tyler shifted position. “You could open your stocking downstairs, then we’d all be a bit more comfortable.”

Without looking at Brenna, Tyler stood up. “I’m going downstairs to get breakfast started. Bring your sack down. There’s more room down there and more presents under the tree.”

He couldn’t have made it clearer how he felt, Brenna thought.

He was obviously terrified she was going to say “I love you” again or, worse, ask him to say it.

And she wouldn’t.

Not again.

His silence made his feelings clear, and now she had to think about herself.

Staying wasn’t an option. It was agony for both of them.

She rescued Luna from underneath a piece of torn wrapping paper and pushed Ash off her feet. “Let’s take it all downstairs.”

She slid out of bed, thinking how only a couple of weeks ago she hadn’t been able to imagine leaving Forest Lodge, but now she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Lake House.

Most of all she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Tyler and Jess.

Through the window she could see it was another perfect day, the snow dazzling white under a Mediterranean blue sky, as if nature was determined to mock her decision to leave.

Worried she’d give herself away, she kept her back to Jess as she pulled on ski pants and her favorite blue sweater.

“I smell bacon.” Jess sniffed the air and sprang off the bed along with Ash. “Come on.”

Ten minutes later they were sitting around the table eating bacon with waffles and maple syrup tapped from the trees around Snow Crystal.

Brenna didn’t feel like talking, but fortunately Jess talked enough for everyone and then they moved into the living room and she started tugging presents from under the tree.

“Your main present is behind the sofa.” Tyler stood with his hands tucked into his pockets, a smile on his face as he watched Jess scoot behind the sofa and gasp.

“Skis. Two pairs?” She lifted them, and her eyes went wide. “
Dad.
They’re the best. Thanks. Wow. This is amazing.” She smoothed her hand over them, studied them closely and put them down on the floor. “I want to go and try them out.”

“Good idea. Let’s do it now.” Tyler stooped and picked up the skis while Jess gaped at him.

“Right now?”

“Yes, before the line for the lift builds up.”

“But it’s Christmas Day, and you haven’t given Brenna her present yet.”

“Later. Get your ski gear on. And don’t forget your helmet.” He strode out of the room and Jess followed.

“Dad, we can do that later. You need to give Brenna—”

“Close the door to the den. I don’t want the dogs in there while we’re gone.”

“I can watch the dogs.” Brenna handed Jess her gloves and helmet. “Have fun! Be safe.”

Tyler tossed her jacket across the hall. “You’re coming, too.”

Was he that blind? That insensitive? She refused to believe he didn’t feel the tension, as she did. Every moment she spent with him was agony. “Not this morning.”

“Jess wants you there.” He played the winning card, and she felt a rush of frustration.

Because the whole point of staying had been to give Jess the best Christmas possible, she couldn’t find a reason to argue with that.

“For an hour, then.”

She could survive one more hour.

They bundled into Tyler’s car and drove the short distance to the ski lift.

Jess chatted the whole time, asking Tyler about the skis, what she should do differently, why he’d chosen those and not others, while Brenna sat quietly, watching the trees and the snow beneath her as the lift moved up the mountain.

Would this be the last time she did this?

Would there come a time when she and Tyler could be friends again and coming home didn’t involve awkward moments? Or would she be like her mother, unable to bear the pain of seeing him with someone else?

They arrived at the top of the mountain, and Jess stamped her boots into her new skis.

“I love them. You lead the way, Dad.”

Brenna was about to ski off and leave them together when Tyler caught her arm. “Stay close. Don’t ski off.”

He expected her to stay glued to him after she’d made her feelings plain? Was he really that heartless? “Tyler, I’m not—”

But she was talking to herself because he’d already glided away, with Jess close behind.

Left with no choice, Brenna followed, but instead of heading for one of the front runs that led down to the resort, he skied around the back of the gondola and down the small slope that led to their favorite mountain restaurant.

“Why are we skiing this way? You can’t be hungry. We just ate breakfast.” Jess stopped in a sudden shower of snow, and Brenna joined her.

“Tyler? What are we doing here?”

“I want to give you your gift.”

“Here?”

“Yes.” He jabbed his poles into the snow and pulled off his gloves. “I have something important to say, and I think—I hope—this is the right place to say it. The other night you asked me a question, and I wasn’t ready to answer it.”

It was the last thing she’d expected him to say.

Why was he bringing it up now, in front of Jess? “Can we talk about this later?”

“No. We’re talking about it now.”

“But Jess—”

“Jess should hear what I have to say. You asked if I loved you, if I could say those words to you and the answer is yes, I can.” His voice shook. “I love you. I’ve loved you my whole life although it took a while for me to realize how much.”

She stood, stunned, her breath clouding the freezing air as she tried to work out if she’d misheard.

She’d wanted to hear him say those words for so long, she couldn’t allow herself to believe them. Hope was a roller coaster she was too scared to ride again.

“You love me like a sister.”

“At the beginning, yes. But that changed a while ago.”

Her heart was pounding. “I didn’t think you felt that way. You panicked when I told you how I felt.”

“Yes, I did, but before you judge me for that, you need to remember I’ve messed up every relationship I’ve ever had. The fact that I didn’t want to mess this one up was a measure of how important you are to me. I’ve made so many mistakes—” he glanced at Jess “—and having you wasn’t one of them, so don’t misinterpret what I’m saying here.”

Mouth closed, eyes wide, Jess simply shook her head, and Tyler turned back to Brenna.

“—so many mistakes in my relationships,” he continued, “I didn’t want to make another one. But after you walked away from me the other night, I knew the biggest mistake of all would be letting you go. I was afraid to be with you in case I hurt you, and the thought of hurting you scared me more than anything I’ve faced before, but then I realized that by letting you go, I was hurting you anyway. And I can’t do it. I can’t let you go. You’re not only my best friend, you’re the woman I love. I want to be with you, always.”

“Tyler—”

“You’ve been by my side my whole life, through the worst and the best. When I had my accident, you were the one who sat in the hospital with me. When I couldn’t see what the future held, you were the one who refused to give up on me, and you were the one who suggested I teach Jess. When I asked you what you wanted for Christmas, you told me there wasn’t anything, and I was trying to think of the perfect gift that would show how much you mean to me. I hope I got it right.” He tugged off his glove, reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small box wrapped in silver paper and tied with a bow the color of ice crystals. “Merry Christmas, Brenna.”

Brenna stared at the box.

“Aren’t you going to take it?” He held it out to her, and she noticed his hand wasn’t quite steady.

And hers wasn’t steady, either, because she was so afraid the gift wasn’t going to be what she so badly wanted it to be.

She took it from him with fingers that shook as much as his and fumbled as she unwrapped it, afraid to be wrong. It could be earrings, or a charm—

She blinked as the diamond caught the sun, dazzling her. “Oh, Tyler—”

“Oh, my—
Dad?
”
Jess covered her mouth with her hands. “That is the most awesome present
ever.
”

Brenna stared at the diamond and then at him, tears blurring her vision as he took her face in his hands and lowered his mouth to hers.

“I love you.” He said the words against her mouth. “I always have, and I always will.”

And finally, she allowed herself to believe it. “I love you, too. I always have, and I always will.”

His fingers tightened on her face, and he leaned his forehead against hers, holding her gaze with his. “Enough to marry me?”

Her stomach dropped. Her heart flew. “Tyler—”

“I once asked you what you wanted, and you said these mountains. This life. It’s what I want, too, but I want to share it with you. Say yes.”

“Yes.” She was laughing and crying at the same time. “Yes, yes, yes.”

“Good. So let’s do it right now.”

She eased away from him, elated, thrilled and confused. “How can we do it right now?” And then she heard Jess gasp and turned her head to see what had caught the teenager’s attention.

“Is that—
Grandma?
” Jess was staring at the snow-covered deck of the restaurant. “What is she doing up here? And Élise. I thought she was really busy in the restaurant today. And Uncle Jackson—Dad—” she turned to Tyler “—what is going on? Are we all having lunch?”

“No, that comes afterward.” His gaze was fixed on Brenna, and she glanced from him to Elizabeth and then noticed Alice and Walter, wrapped up in layers to keep out the cold, and behind them Sean, Kayla and—

“Mom?”
Startled, Brenna stepped forward. “What are you doing here?” And if seeing her mother was a surprise, it was nothing compared to the sight of her mother smiling at Tyler.

“I’m here in my official capacity.”

“Official?” Brenna caught sight of her father standing next to Walter and only then did she notice that her mother was holding something in her hand. “What is that?”

“It’s a marriage license. I thought about what your perfect wedding would be,” Tyler said, “and I thought you’d want it to be in the mountains with snow, trees and family. You once told me that the things that are important to you are outside, not inside. Blue sky and fresh snow.”

Brenna looked at him and then her mother. “You went to visit my parents?”

“Yesterday. After I told them how I felt and what I wanted to do, they stopped wanting to put dents in me. We talked for a long time and then we spoke to my family, trying to find a way to make this happen.”

“Mom?” Brenna saw tears in her mother’s eyes and then the smile.

“This is the first time I’ve been asked to bring a marriage license to the top of a mountain, but given the rest of your relationship has been conducted here, it seems right to do this part here, too. We’re happy for you, Brenna. So happy.”

Still dazed, Brenna turned back to Tyler. “You want to get married here?”

“Yes. If that’s what you want.”

She couldn’t see properly through the tears. “I do, but—what about clothes? Hair? I’m not even wearing makeup.”

“You couldn’t look more beautiful.” With a rough exclamation, he took her face in his hands, but before he could kiss her she heard Kayla’s voice.

“Wedding planner coming through, excuse me—”

With a soft curse Tyler released her. “You’ve worked hard enough to get us to this point, and now you’re going to stop me?”

“Not stop, but delay long enough to make sure the bride is looking her best.” Kayla whipped makeup out of her purse. “Hold still.”

“She looks great.” Tyler gritted his teeth. “This isn’t necessary.”

“You made her cry, Tyler, and it doesn’t matter that they were happy tears—no woman wants to look like crap in her wedding photos.” Kayla worked quickly, using concealer, a little blusher and a touch of lip gloss. “There. You are
so
pretty. Élise?”