McCarthys of Gansett Island Boxed Set Books 1-3 (29 page)

“I didn’t think of that.”

“You didn’t think at all—that’s the problem.”

“I couldn’t let those guys go on with their lives without owning up to what they did to you. I was only thinking of you.”

“If only you’d thought to discuss it with me instead of going off on a rogue mission that had more to do with your ego than with my reputation.”

“That’s just not true, Maddie. I did it because I love you, and I wanted you to be able to live here in peace without rumors plaguing you. Half your life was long enough to live like that.”

“The other day when I told you that lying and keeping things from me were deal-breakers, you’d already done this, hadn’t you?”

Mac winced. “Yes.”

“And you didn’t think that would be the ideal time to tell me?”

“We had a whole weekend free to be together, and I didn’t want to spoil it by bringing that into it.”

“Instead, you spoiled everything. I really want you to go now.”

“Maddie. . .”

With her face set in an unreadable expression, she held the door expectantly.
 

“I’ll go, but this isn’t over.”

“Please get your stuff and just go.”

“Dada,” Thomas said, reaching for Mac.

Mac’s eyes filled with tears. “Don’t do this, Maddie,” he whispered. “I can’t live without you.”

She tightened her grip on the door and waited for him to move as new tears spilled down her cheeks.

The moment he stepped onto the porch, the door closed and the lock clicked into place.

Mac sat for a long time on Maddie’s top step listening to her and Thomas inside going through the rituals of dinner, bath and bedtime. Even though she spoke softly to the baby, Mac could hear the tears in her voice. And Thomas seemed fussier than usual, crying for long periods as Maddie tried to calm him.
 

Mac buried his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe how badly he’d screwed up the only relationship that had ever really mattered to him.
 

The sun set, daylight faded to twilight, and still he sat there.

“Mac.”

He looked up to find Janey at the bottom of the stairs. “What’re you doing here?”

“Dad called me. He was worried when he didn’t hear from you.”

“I’m okay.”

Janey came up a few steps. “Why are you out here?”

“She’s upset about the letters in the paper, but we’ll work it out.”

“Why don’t you come home with me tonight?”

He shook his head. “I need to be here.”

“You should give her some space, Mac. Maybe with a little time she’ll come to see that you were just trying to help her.”

“I don’t know why she can’t see that now!”

“Because she was caught off guard. We all were.”

“I never meant for that to happen. I thought the letters would run next week and I’d have time to tell her—and Mom and Dad.”

“You can’t sit out here all night. Get your stuff and come with me.”

Mac worried that if he left, he might never get the chance to come back.

“Come on.” Janey took his arm and helped him up. “You’ll feel better after you get some sleep.”

Mac couldn’t imagine sleeping without Maddie. In one week’s time, she’d become so essential to him. The thought that he might’ve lost her forever filled him with the kind of anguish he’d seldom experienced in his life.

“It’s okay,” Janey said. “Everything will be okay.”

Mac let her lead him down the stairs to the driveway. He looked back at Maddie’s place just as she turned off the last light. Imagining her crawling into bed upset and alone was more than he could bear.

“I can’t lose her, Janey. I just can’t.”

His sister kept a firm grip on his hand and carried his backpack as they walked to her house at the other end of town. “We’ll figure it out in the morning.”

Through the screen, Maddie heard Janey come to get Mac. While she was relieved that he had finally gone, she was also filled with overwhelming sadness. After what they’d shared, losing him was going to ruin her like none of her previous disappointments ever could have.

Reaching out to lay her fingers on the pillow that had become his, Maddie choked back another sob. She brought the pillow closer and rested her face on it, drowning in his familiar scent and wetting the pillow with new tears.
 

“I know you meant well,” she whispered. “I know that. But how could you not tell me? How could you keep a secret like this from me? How could you convince me to take this huge chance on you and then disappoint me this way?”

Her gut-wrenching sobs must’ve woken Thomas, because he let out a wail from his crib.

Wiping her face, Maddie got up to go to him. “What’s the matter, baby?” Tuning into her distress, he’d cried more tonight than he had in months. She leaned into the crib to pick him up.

Thomas clung to her, crying his little heart out.

“I know, baby. I know. But we’ll be okay. We were okay before he came along, and we’ll be okay after.” Even as she said the words, they rang hollow to her, and apparently to Thomas, as well. He cried until his tiny body was worn out and shuddering. “I’m so sorry, Thomas. I wanted it to work out as much as you did, but I can’t be with someone who thinks it’s okay to keep important things from me. I just can’t.”

Like she had when he was a newborn, Maddie walked the baby from one end of the small apartment to the other until he finally fell into a fitful sleep. Then she broke one of her own rules by bringing him into bed with her so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone.
 

 
Mac lay awake all night on Janey’s sofa. When daylight began to filter into the room, he got up, took a shower and got dressed for work. The simplest of tasks seemed to take all his energy, and the pit of emptiness inside him grew larger with every passing moment. As a quiet rain fell on the island, Mac walked along Water Street, past several bicycle rental outfits before he found one that was open.
 

“Morning,” the young man in charge said. “Help you with something?”

“I’m looking to buy a bike—as close to new as you’ve got.”

“Sure thing.” He pulled out several before Mac found one that seemed to be in almost perfect condition. Painted a deep royal blue, the mountain bike had multiple gears and hand brakes. He’d wanted to buy her a new one, but this was the best he could do at the moment—and it was a major upgrade from what she’d had.

“I’ll take a helmet, too, if you can spare one.”

“No problem.”

Ten minutes later, Mac rode the bike into Maddie’s yard where his truck was still parked in the driveway. As he sat on the stairs and waited for her and Thomas to emerge from the apartment, the light rain became a downpour. Right on schedule, the door opened, and Maddie stepped out with Thomas in her arms, both of them wearing yellow raincoats. The baby let out a happy squeal at the sight of Mac.

“What are you doing here?” Maddie asked, her face set in the closed, guarded expression he remembered from their first days together. After experiencing her open, loving side, the regression pained him.

“It occurred to me that I never replaced your bike.” He gestured to the new one parked at the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh.”

He knew her well enough to suspect she was wrestling with whether or not she should accept it.

“I got you a helmet, too, in case some other guy knocks you off your bike.”

She finally looked right at him, and the impact of those caramel eyes meeting his almost knocked him over. “That was probably a once-in-a-lifetime event.”

He kept his gaze trained on her. “It was for me.” Rain wet his hair and face, but, afraid to break the spell, he didn’t dare move to brush it away.

“Thank you for the bike.”

“You’re welcome.”

In the midst of an awkward silence, Mac scrambled to think of something—anything—he could say that would keep her talking to him. “You’ll be soaked by the time you get to North Harbor.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Let me drive you. I’m going to the same place. We can toss the bike in the back so you can get home later.”

“A little rain won’t hurt me.”

“It’ll hurt me to think about you riding your bike in the rain. What if you fall again?”

“Fine,” she said, exasperated. “But it’s just a ride.”

“Okay.”

She came down the stairs.

Thomas lunged for Mac.

“Could I hold him? Just for a minute?”

Reluctantly, Maddie transferred the baby to Mac’s waiting arms.

He hugged Thomas in close to him. “Hi, buddy,” he said, breathing in his sweet scent. “I missed you this morning.”

Thomas took a handful of Mac’s hair and tugged. “Dadadadadada.”

Mac winced, and not from the pain of having his hair pulled. His eyes flooded, and he was grateful for the rain on his face. “You have a good day with Aunt Tiffany, pal.” Mac kissed the baby’s pudgy cheek and handed him back to his mother.

Thomas wailed in protest as Maddie walked him across the yard to her sister’s house.

Mac put the bike in the back of the truck and got in to wait for her. With the window down, he could hear her arguing with Tiffany, who probably didn’t approve of her sister taking a ride from him.

A few minutes later, Maddie slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door. Her face was flushed and her breathing choppy.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes.” She didn’t say another word on the short ride to North Harbor.

At the hotel, Mac got out to retrieve the bike. When she joined him, he kept a firm grip on the handlebars. “You know where I am if you change your mind.”

“Yes,” she said without looking at him.

“I love you. Only you. I always will.”

Her brief nod was the only indication she gave that she heard him.

Mac held on to the bike, knowing the moment he let go she’d walk away and never look back.

“I need to go to work.”

He reluctantly released his hold on the bike and watched her wheel it up the hill, his heart breaking. “Maddie!” The single word burst from his chest in a desperate cry.

Her shoulders stiffened, but she put her head down and kept going.

Chapter 15

Maddie had considered leaving the island—taking Thomas and the things they couldn’t live without and just going. Unfortunately, she didn’t have quite enough money saved to make it happen. So she’d had no choice but to face whatever might be waiting for her outside the safe confines of her apartment.

Rattled by the encounter with Mac, Maddie somehow managed to get through the long day at the hotel. Her coworkers were clearly curious about the letters in the paper, but no one asked. At the end of the day, when they were gathered in the supply room folding clean towels and sheets, she decided she had to say something.

“So, um, I know you all saw the paper yesterday.”

The other women stopped what they were doing and turned to her.

Maddie’s face heated with embarrassment, but she forced herself to say the words. “I had a bit of trouble with some of the local boys in high school. One of them was mad I wouldn’t sleep with him, so he made up a story and got his friends to go along with it. I was given a horrible nickname that has stuck to me ever since.”

Daisy gasped. “I’m so sorry, Maddie.”

“These,” she said, gesturing to her breasts, “apparently come with expectations, and if you don’t live up to them. . .” Maddie shrugged.
 

“How did it end up in the paper, honey?” Sylvia asked.

“I told Mac about it, and he flipped out, especially since his brother was involved.”

“So he made them write the letters?” Patty asked.

Ethel stormed into the room. “What’s going on here?”

“Leave us alone, Ethel,” Betty snapped back.
 

The others watched nervously as the two women stared each other down.

Seeming to realize she’d interrupted an intense moment, Ethel spun around and left.

Sarah closed the door behind her.

“Mac forced them to write the letters?” Patty asked again.

Maddie nodded. “Unfortunately, he failed to mention anything about it to me, so we’re over.”

“No!” Daisy wailed. “You love him! You’re going to marry him!”

Maddie fought back tears. “I can’t marry someone who’d keep something like that from me. I just can’t, Daisy.”

The others got busy again with the sheets and towels.

“You guys don’t agree?” Maddie asked.

“It’s just that he came here and filled in for you,” Patty said. “That was so sweet.”

“And remember how nice he was to us?” Sylvia added. “Bringing us coffee and that one day he got pizza for everyone?”

“I know he’s a good guy,” Maddie said. “That’s not what this is about.”