Me and Mr. Write (19 page)

Once Mariana is introduced to Jackson she insists on dancing with him for about half an hour and then proceeds to fill us full of shots until I can hardly stand. B
y midnight I am hammered and ready for bed, it’s been such a long day.

In between the ceremony and reception, Jackson took Audrey home and I’m not walking in these heels, so he has to go outside to call us a taxi. We head back inside to say goodnight to the grooms and see if Mam and Dad want to share our taxi, but they’re still having a great time so we head home alone. 

Jackson strokes my thigh in the taxi on the way home and clearly has ideas of enjoying the empty house, but as I crawl into bed and my head hits the pillow, my eyelids become heavy as the events of the day r
eplay in my mind easing me into a happy and peaceful sleep.

“Oh God!” I jump out of bed and reach for the waste bin; I won’t make it to the bathroom,

“Jesus Rosie
! Are you ok?” I wake Jackson up by vomiting loudly into a bin next to the bed…sexy!

“Yeah, I'm just hanging!”
I drank far too much last night and my god am I paying for it now. I get up with the intention of going downstairs to get some water but as I leave the bedroom I know that I’m not going anywhere but to the bathroom.

I sit back against the bathr
oom door and take a deep breath. I feel rough and part of me wants to kick Jackson out of bed so that I can just curl up under the duvet and sleep it off, but instead I decide to try and wash it away. I stand and turn on the shower before pulling Jackson’s t-shirt over my head and off. I feel the familiar watery mouth and rush to position myself back over the toilet.

After about half an hour of sitting in the bath with the shower raining down over me there’s a knock at the bathroom door,

“Rosie, can I come in? I need a piss!” Jackson needs me to let him in and I groan as I realise that
I’m going to have to move to unlock the door. The stillness seems to have sent the sickness packing, but I’m unsure if it’s only temporary. I’m just glad I don’t have my usual hangover headache; I don’t think I could cope with both.

Dripping wet I step out of the bath and unlock the door be
fore stepping straight back in. Jackson laughs as he watches me resume my position on the floor of the bath tub,

“Feeling sorry for yourself lightweight?” he asks over the sound of him peeing,

“Jackson, don’t talk to me while you’re taking a leak!” I am impatient today, “And yes I am feeling sorry for myself” he laughs again.

“Alright pisshea
d you go and get back into bed and I’ll go and get a fry up. Your Dad’s cooking and the bacon and sausages smell amazing” he laughs again as he leaves the bathroom and the smell of the food drifts in through the open door, all I can do to not throw up on myself is lean over the side of the bath. I am a mess this morning!

“Rosie, you won’t sleep tonight” Jackson sits on the bed and strokes the hair from my face,

“What time is it?” I stretch onto my back and am thankful that I don’t feel sick any more,

“Two o’clock babe, how are you feeling?” he strokes my arm as he speaks and I smile without realising I’m doing it.

“Ok now I think, just needed to sleep it off. Has anyone heard from
Rafe?”

“He’s downstairs beautiful, along with his husband!” he smiles as he speaks and I jump up,
I’m so excited to see my brother and knowing that he’s here is the motivation that I need to get my butt out of bed, “Your crazy Spanish aunt is here too…” I hear him say weakly as I run for the stairs.

“Rafael Alvez-English, you are a sight for sore eyes” I call out as I practically run into the living room and throw my eyes around my newlywed brother,

“Rosetta Alvez, you are a sore sight for eyes! Are you feeling ok? You look rough!” Rafe always did have a way with words,

“Oh, thanks big brother! If you must know I slightly over indulged last night and quite frankly, I feel like shit today” Rafael laughs as he encourages me to go back upstairs brush my teeth and put some make up on, but I have to say hello to Matthew first.

“Hi brother in law”
A grin stretches across my face,

“Hi sister in law”
Matthew returns my expression,

I smile
as I leave the living room and head back up to my bedroom to sort myself out. As I catch sight of myself in the mirror I realise that Rafe was right, I look like death, just slightly warmed up.

By the time I have finished making myself look like an actual living person again I am starving, my stomach is well and truly empty and I can’t wait to get some food inside me.

As I walk into the kitchen I am over the moon to see Mam pouring batter into a muffin tray, a sure sign that her Sunday roast is almost ready. I peek under the warm tin foil parcel and steal a slice of
mouth-wateringly delicious beef before being whipped with a tea towel and banished from the kitchen. Sundays at home are the best.

I walk in
to the living room where all of the men in my life are watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and I can’t help but laugh as I plonk myself down in Jackson’s lap and wrap my arms around his neck.

“One gay wedding and you go all Ro
dgers and Hammerstein on me!” Jackson smiles as he ruffles the hair at the back of my head and turns my face to his for a kiss,

“Pip called for you earlier, I answered y
our phone so it didn’t wake you. It’s on the table” I smile at Jackson as I get up to get my phone and return Pippa’s call, I sit on the stairs not wanting to disturb the macho men in the living room and press call on Pip’s name,

“Oh
my god, how good was last night?” Pip sounds worse than me, she hardly has any voice and I giggle as an image of her singing into the DJs microphone comes clearly into my head.

We tal
k for a while about the wedding. Pip found it hilarious when Jackson shot Michael down and watched as Michael skulked off to the bar to drink himself silly. I hear Ben in the background singing loudly and ask Pip what he’s up to, she tells me that he’s cooking and that his food is absolutely to die for.

After a while Pip giggles and I hear Ben saying “
Hi Rosie
” loud and clear down the phone and then the sound of them kissing,

“GET A ROOM!!” I shout and burst into laughter as Pip chuckles on the end of the phone,

“Oh crap that reminds me, I forgot to take my pill, well done RoRo!” as Pippa speaks a haze descends over my eyes and I gasp,

“Pip… I don’t remember when I last took mine
. And I’m late!” Pippa falls silent for a moment before telling me she’ll be round about six.

I eat my dinner in a daze. When Jackson and Mam both ask me if I’m ok I just tell them I’m feeling a little delicate. When Pip knocks the door at six on the nose I let her in and she just hugs me, I tell everyone that I’m going out for some fresh air with Pippa and my best friend takes my hand and leads me out of the house.

Rosie is still a bi
t off colour since the wedding. I’m wondering if it’s some kind of virus rather than a hangover. Rafe and Matthew are heading off to New York this evening for their mini-moon, they’re having a proper honeymoon later in the year but Sophie has been running Rafael’s for two weeks now and Rafe is a nervous wreck. We’re all going out for dinner together before we drop them to the airport and I’m hoping that will cheer Rosie up.

We’re eating at Joaquin and Bernie’s bar and I can’t wait, I love tapas and know that Rosie loves being togethe
r there with all of her family. Her face lights up in those moments, the only time that she looks more beautiful is when she is overcome with pleasure underneath me.

“You ready babe?” Rosie asks as she comes into the bedroom where I’m getting dressed,

“Yeah I’m coming, have you seen my wallet babe?” I can’t find it anywhere and I
can’t go out without it,

“No but you don’t need it, come on we’re on a schedule” she smacks me on the backside as she leaves the bedroom,

“You lot go, I’ll follow. Leave the key and I’ll lock up!” I call after her and continue to look for my wallet.

I hear the door close as I’m on my hands and knees looking under the bed. I remember paying for the taxi after the wedding but haven’t seen it since. I’ve looked downstairs and I know if I’d left it down there anywhere Bernie would have found it while she was cleaning so it has to be up here somewhere. I pull out the bedside table to look behind it and the drawer falls open.

“Yes!” I knew I’d find it eventually, I pick up my wallet and I freeze.

As I pick up the white stick from the drawer my mouth goes dry and I sit down on the bed. It takes a moment before I even look at the little window to see two blue lines and when I do, I feel sick. I’m not ready for this, we’re not ready.

I put the pregnancy test back in the drawer and try to compose myself when my phone rings, its
Rosie,

“Hey, you coming or am I eating your food?” she laughs but all I can think is that
she’s eating for two now. I know my voice is monotonous as I answer,

“Yep, on my way”

I paint on a smile through dinner. I laugh and joke with everyone and talk to Matthew all the way to Manchester airport as Rosie and Rafe sing and giggle from the back seat. The ride home with just Rosie and me in car could have been awkward and silent but I’m thankful when she falls to sleep.

As we arrive back at the house and I wake Rosie we hardly make eye contact before heading inside.
Pip and Ben are sitting around the dining table chatting with Bernie and Joaquin and the smell of fresh coffee hits my senses, it’s just what I need right now.

At some point I need to confront
Rosie about the test but right now I can’t speak to her. I can’t pretend anymore that there’s nothing wrong so I take my coffee out into the garden.

I’ve been sitting thinking about what
I’m going to do for about ten minutes when Rosie opens the conservatory door and speaks to me, 

“Babe it’s getting cold are you coming in?” her voi
ce sounds just at is always does. Not a care in the world and I wonder if she was ever planning on telling me.

“No
I’m fine!” I don’t even look at her as I answer,

“Right Jackson what the hell is wrong with you today? You may have been painting on a
smile in front of my family but I know you, you’re being really off with me!” She walks over to stand in front of me and I glance up at her briefly before shaking my head and laughing,

“You’re really not going to tell me are you? I saw the fucking test Rosie, I know you’re pregnant, and you know
I’m not ready for that! I told you in Thailand that I don’t want kids!” my voice is low and I shake my head. I can’t help being angry, we always used condoms until she told me she was on the pill and now this.

“Jackson…I…” she stutters over her words and steps back as I stand closely in front of her,

“I can’t do it Rosie, I don’t want this” She looks me in the eyes with tears in hers and takes a breath before she speaks,

“The test i
sn’t mine Jackson, its Pippa’s!”

We’ve been back in London nearly two weeks and things between Rosie and I are tense to say the least. She is quiet and withdrawn and we haven’t slept in the same bed since we’ve been home. A lot happened while we were in Buxton; more that I can believe is even real. We have to go back up at the end of the month to give evidence against Jonah and then hopefully we can move forward.

I wish I could
pin all of this bad atmosphere on him but the truth is that I know I’m to blame. I saw the reaction in Rosie’s eyes when I told her so venomously that I didn’t want the child that I thought she was carrying, but I can’t change who I am.

I d
on’t know where we go from here. I don’t want children and Rosie does so I don’t know what the future holds for us. What I do know though is that if we have any chance of making this work, I need to convince Rosie that I’m the same man she fell in love with.

I knock the door to Rosie’s flat and Pip answers the door,

“Oh, hi sorry I didn’t know you were here, should I leave?”

“No come in,
I’m going now anyway. Rosie’s just in the loo” Pip picks up her coat and handbag and calls in to Rosie, “Ro, Jackson’s here. I’ll see you later babe,” she kisses me on the cheek and closes the door behind her.

When Rosie steps into the living room she takes my breath away, her normally curly red hair is poker straight and drapes over her bare shoulders.
She’s wearing her yoga trousers that hang low on her hips and the matching vest top that somehow pushes her boobs up and displays them like a work of art, she looks so incredibly sexy and I am eager to get my hands on her.