Me & Death (14 page)

“Thanks, Tadeusz.”

An expression of surprise broke across his face. He wasn’t used to being thanked.

“So this is what you Mourners do – you warn people of danger. And you can show up anywhere, anytime.”

He nodded.

“ ’Cause I remember once when I was getting off the streetcar late at night, I thought I heard someone tell me to watch out, and I stopped on the bottom step, and this pickup truck came roaring past. Would have run me over if I’d kept going. I looked around, but I was alone on the streetcar. So that was you, or Denise maybe. Or some other Mourner.”

He nodded again. Sad little smile on his face.

“Well, all I can say is that your timing is real good.”

Sparks and Cap seemed puzzled. I must have looked crazy, talking to the air.

“Who’s there, Jim?” said Cap. “Who you talking to?”

“Tadeusz Kosinski.”

Cap went very still.

“You remember Tadeusz, don’t you, Cap? Used to live around here. Fat guy, always dressed nice. Used to kick people out of their homes. A couple of years ago he was the one the police were after; now it’s you.”

Sparks’s mouth gaped open, showing a lot of dirty teeth. “Tadeusz? Wasn’t he –”

“Shut up, Sparks,” said Cap. “Yeah, ’course I remember Tadeusz. I worked for him – a cheapskate, I always thought. But he’s dead, Jim.”

Sparks nodded his head vigorously. “In the lane,” he said. “Behind the restaurant.”

“Shut
up
, Sparks.”

Coffee puddled on the floor. Cap went over to the kitchen area, washed his hands at the sink, dried them carefully on a towel. A fastidious guy. Tadeusz watched him carefully.

“Yeah, he’s dead,” I said. “But his ghost is still around. And I can see him now. He’s on the back of the couch.”

I pointed.

Sparks whirled around. “Where?”

Fear in his voice. Sparks was totally superstitious – like a kid, or a Viking. Once, during a storm he had confided in me that he feared the thunder giants.

“I see nothing,” he whispered.

“He’s sitting there,” I said, “with his hands folded. Nodding at me now – hi, Tadeusz.” I waved. “He’s still dressed okay – got a suit on. But it’s wrinkled. And of course there are bullet holes in it.”

Sparks took a step back. “Bullets,” he said.

“He’s kidding, Sparks,” said Cap. “Aren’t you, Jim?”

“Nope.”

I wasn’t freaked seeing Tadeusz. I’d seen Morgan at the hospital. I knew that there were ghosts out there. Yes, it was odd to see a floating gray figure in Cap’s living room. But Tadeusz was a reminder of what I was trying to do with my life, what I did
not
want to become. And he was on my side – he didn’t want me to end up like him either. He was a friend, in a way that Cap and Sparks weren’t.

Sparks wriggled, as if there was a beetle crawling up his back.

“Is he still there, Jim? What’s he doing?”

“He’s shaking his head.”

“Is he angry at me?”

Sparks had a gristly knot of a nose, and it twitched now.

“Why would he be angry?”

“Because of what happened behind the restaurant. When Cap and I –”

“For the last time,
shut up!
” said Cap.

Sparks shivered. Scared, or maybe he could feel the chill coming off Tadeusz. I know I could.

“He’s not angry,” I said. “He’s disappointed.”

And puzzled, I could tell. His head was on one side and he was looking at Sparks and then at Cap.

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Sparks jerked his head sideways. “I don’t like this. Tell him to go away, Jim.”

“There’s no one here,” said Cap. But Sparks was unconvinced.

“Tadeusz looks after me,” I said. “Remember that. I don’t want you walking up to me on the street and punching me. He’ll be there. He’ll put his hands on you, Sparks. His cold, cold hands. Do you want that?”

Sparks shook his head.

“He may even whisper in your ear,” I said. “Just think – you’ll feel his cold breath all down your neck.”

“No!” Sparks was staring around wildly. “No! I don’t want any ghost breathing on my neck!”

He ran to Cap’s door, yanked it open, and disappeared into the hall, yelling some thing about ghosts and revenge. The door stayed open.

Now that I wasn’t in danger, Tadeusz had no reason to be here. He rose off the back of the couch and floated across the room. He glared at Cap the whole time, even when his body was through the outside wall and I could only see his head. Something about Cap was really upsetting him.

Cap took off his cap, ran his hand over his head. “Would you go to Pineview and tell Raf to keep quiet, Jim? Would you do that for me?”

I’d never seen him bareheaded. He looked quite different with his clipped hair and a neat razor part. Almost pleasant.

I nodded. “I’ll talk to Raf. What he does then is up to him. But get this straight, Cap – I’m not coming back.”

“I don’t want you back,” said Cap. “Get out of here and close the door behind you. I want to change clothes.”

I walked home with my head down. The dumpling clouds had spread to cover the sky, and it was starting to rain. I found a new box of Froot Loops, a carton of milk, and some maple cookies. I had a snack or maybe it was lunch, took my pill, and listened to the rain run off the eaves.

I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I went upstairs for a nap.

Music coming from my sister’s room.

“Cassie!” I called.

No answer. I knocked on her door and called her name again.

“Go away!” she screamed. “Leave me alone!”

I wanted to talk to her, but I was just too beat. I went to bed and slept all the way through until late next morning.

Cassie was gone. I charged through another bowl of cereal, bought an apple I didn’t really want, and went for a walk down Galley Avenue. Still no sign of Marcie or the car. Too bad because I could have told her about Tadeusz. She’d have been interested. I bet she could see
ghosts too. It was something we had in common. She’d have laughed at Sparks running away.

And then it was one o’clock – visiting hours at the youth detention center. I hopped a 504 streetcar to the Dundas West Station, then a westbound train to Islington and a southbound bus to Pineview Terrace.

CHAPTER 27

W
ho picks street names? I could see no pine trees from Pineview Terrace. Junked cars, trash, and a couple of barbed-wire fences around the sooty brick detention center – that was the vista. The only green growing things were weeds.

I pushed my way through two sets of doors, signed in, waved at the security camera, held my hands up to be frisked.

Now there was something piney – a smell coming from the bucket in the corner of the room. They should have called it Pine-Sol Terrace.

So far I was the only visitor. I had the room to myself, me and the bucket and a bunch of little round tables. Quiet as snow.

I was feeling heavy inside. I didn’t like Raf being in jail. And then there was the … I didn’t know, the weird way it had all gone down. And when he came in, with a guard and a number on his green shirt and that smile that lit up his face, I felt even heavier.

“Hey, Jim! They told me I had a visitor, but they didn’t say who.”

Sparks hadn’t recognized me without hair, but Raf did. I waved.

“Great to see you! I thought you were dead, man. I heard you got run over!”

The guard had his thumbs in his belt. A lip licker – I didn’t trust him.

Up close I saw that Raf had the remains of a black eye and a bruise high up on his forehead.

“Yeah, I got run over,” I said. “I was in hospital.”

“I’m real glad you came.”

I felt
sorry
rising inside me like an elevator. We sat at one of the round tables, and I reached into my pocket.

“
Hey!
” The guard moved forward. “What do you have there?”

I held up my hand. He relaxed. I gave my gift to Rafal.

“Crispy Crunch, my favorite.”

“I know.”

While he ate, I told him what Cap had said about not talking to the cops.

Raf frowned, like I was stupid. “They already offered a deal,” he said. “If I testify against Cap and Jerry, I go free. The cops know all about the car-theft ring, they just don’t have any proof. Did you know Cap cleared more than half a million dollars last year? That’s how come he can afford to hire my lawyer. But he doesn’t have to worry about me. I’m not talking to any cops.”

Defiantly, he took another bite of chocolate.

I looked at his fading black eye.

“I’m sorry, Raf,” I said.

“Sorry? For what?”

“For running away. There was that weird noise coming from the backseat and I bailed. And when I saw
the cop car cruising down the alley, I didn’t go back to warn you. I hopped a fence and kept running. Cap sent me today, but I was coming anyway. I had to say sorry.”

The people you let down
, Tadeusz had told me. I had let Raf down, all right. I didn’t want to be a criminal anymore, but I had trouble looking at my old partner.

Raf swallowed his mouthful and did the strangest thing. He laughed.

“Sorry? You’re sorry?”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you sorry for not getting caught? Would you rather we were both here? Would that make you feel better?”

“It was such a weird noise,” I said. “I couldn’t –”

“I don’t want anyone being sorry for me. I’m fine. Got a lawyer, don’t I? Got movies to watch, dormitory gangs to fight with, counselors to lie to, and I never see my dad. Okay with me. It’s not your fault the cops came, Jim. Somebody saw us go into the garage and called 911. You got out at the last possible moment. It was already too late for me.”

“
Really?
”

“Yeah.”

I flopped against the back of my chair. “Huh!” I said.

“That’s more like it. Let’s see that beautiful smile now.”

Other visitors arrived. Moms, mostly. Some brothers and sisters. One little girl clutched a black-and-white kitten. There was a NO ANIMALS sign, but the kitten was so small
the guard didn’t notice it. He licked his lips and stared off into space.

Raf had his head turned sideways, staring at me out of the corner of his eye.

“So you had to say sorry, did you, Jim? You had to come out here to apologize? What is
with
you, man?”

Rafal was my best friend. We talked about sports and TV shows, and girls, and different kinds of potato chips, and would there be flying cars in the future. You know the kind of stuff. It was all here, all
real
. (Well, not the flying cars.) We talked about the life we knew.

I still liked him, but I couldn’t tell him anything about my life now. I couldn’t talk about seeing ghosts and memories, and trying not to be a piece of crap anymore. He wouldn’t understand. He’d be … embarrassed for me. So I kept it simple, and told him about waking up in hospital, glad to be alive, and sorry for that night in the Lincoln. He finished the chocolate bar, licked his fingers and around his mouth, then opened the wrapper on the table and licked the inside of it.

“Okay, so you’re sorry. Got it. Can we talk about something else?”

“Did you ever find out what the noise was?” I asked.

He shrugged. “It stopped by the time the cops got there. Bastards.”

“Bastards,” I agreed. But my heart wasn’t really in it. I was glad I’d come to visit, glad Raf didn’t hate me for walking around while he was in jail. But I was pretty sure he’d go back to boosting cars when he got out. We’d never be as close as we had been.

I thought of my past as a burning building. I had jumped, and hoped to land safely. But jumping is a one-way trip: you can’t change your mind halfway down.

CHAPTER 28

A
worn-out lady came into the visiting area pushing a bundle buggy. She picked a table away from ours and sat with a sigh. The kid she was visiting was a few years younger than Raf or me. He sat up straight in his chair. His eyes were all over the place. She was way too old to be his mom – grandma, maybe.

Raf noticed me staring. “That’s Joel,” he said in a low voice. “He’s crazy.”

Joel was biting the pads of skin at the top of his fingers. Grandma took a Twinkie out of her bundle buggy and offered it to him. He stared at it and went back to his fingers.