Megan's Way (16 page)

Megan waited in silence for a full two
minutes before she began again.

Olivia was so excited that she could hardly
lie still. She knew she must remain silent and not giggle. Her body
tingled, waiting to see what they would do next.

“Oh Holy one, we need to relax, bring
ourselves onto your plane. Relax our hair follicles, relax our
foreheads.” Megan paused, and another minute passed. “Relax our
cheeks, our noses, and mouths.”
Right about now
, she
thought,
I usually hear sighs from them as they relax their
faces and release their stress
.

Peter sighed. Megan smiled.

“Release the darkness and let us be open to
the light. Relax our chins, our necks, and our shoulders. Let them
drop without weight. Relax our biceps, forearms, and hands. Let
every finger lose its strength, relaxing into our blankets.” Again
she paused. “Relax our chests,” this always brought a slight giggle
from Holly, but tonight she remained silent.

“Relax our sternum and stomachs. Release the
bad energy and let in the light. Relax our thighs.” Again there was
silence, the giggles sorely missed.

“Relax our knees. Let our calves bare no
weight. Relax our feet, toes, and heels.” Megan could feel the
negative energy exiting her body through her toes, like darts being
shot out of a bamboo gun.

“Our breath relaxes as we are open to the
positive energy that You and your light bring us.” Megan paused for
three full minutes. She listened to the crackle of the fire and
felt the heat of the flames warm her body. It was as if she had
risen from the cold ground and was floating on warm air. It was an
effort for her to remain awake enough to speak, but she knew she
must.

The ritual was vital to her group. It was
theirs and theirs alone. It was their way of blessing each other,
blessing themselves, and coming together as one. After twenty-one
years, they had grown to crave the ceremony. They longed for it as
the day neared and missed it when it ended.

“Take the evil from our beings. Let it seep
out from our pores and find its way into the fire where it will
burn and live no more.” Megan swore she could hear the fire simmer
a substance, like food in a shallow pan. “Remove the broken heart,
sorrow, and disease, and release it into the air. Allow it to
disintegrate and hurt no more. Empty our beings so they may be open
to the light. Replenish our souls with love, happiness, health, and
passion. Let us feel. Let us remember what good life brings and
forget the pain of the past.”

Olivia reached over until she felt her
mother’s hand, and rested her right hand in her mother’s cool palm.
Megan felt a chill run through her and a tear slip down her cheek.
She squeezed Olivia’s hand, and held it as she had when Olivia was
a small child and needed to feel safe.

“Bless our families, oh Holy one, and let
them remain open to the light through our path,” Megan continued.
“We thank you for the journey, our Lord, and look forward to
another hour, another day, and whatever it may bring.”

Megan listened to each person’s separate
breath as they melted into one peaceful sound. She listened to the
sound of leaves being stepped on ever so lightly, as if by a
squirrel or a bird. It was a gentle sound, one that soothed her. It
represented a knowing of life, a creature stirring. Her friends and
daughter were still, entranced by their prayers, thinking their own
thoughts, or perhaps not thinking at all. She listened to the wind
as it brushed gently across the leaves. The sound reminded her of
the walks she used to take with her own mother around the national
Seashore— running down the dirt paths, her arms brushing up against
the leaves as she passed by carelessly. Happier times, before her
life’s path had changed forever, before she really knew about
inescapable hurt and pain, when her world was one of childhood
bliss.

It took all of Megan’s strength to will her
words from her mouth. “We lift our flowers to our hearts.” They all
reached to their right, without opening their eyes, and gathered
their flowers to their chests. Megan reached over and put Olivia’s
flowers in her hand, and without a word, gently placed it on her
chest.

“With these flowers, oh Holy one, we say
thank you for hearing our prayers.” They sat up slowly, their
bodies heavy with peacefulness, their eyes remained closed. Holly
reached out and lifted Olivia to a sitting position.

Olivia snuck a peak, and smiled at the sight
of each of her mother’s closest friends looking so happy. She
couldn’t believe she was part of their ritual! She had waited her
whole life, it seemed, to be included. For so many years she sat at
her bedroom window, watching their actions, longing to be part of
the group, and angry that she was never allowed. She had always
wondered what was said around the fire, wondered if there were more
to the ritual than what she saw. She had craved to be included in
their secrets.

She looked at Megan. Her own mother, she
realized, looked like someone she had never met. She seemed to be
elsewhere, though her body was there, with Olivia.
She is
beautiful
, Olivia thought.
Even though she’s sick, she’s
still pretty
. Olivia closed her eyes, and took a deep breath,
feeling sated in the night air.

They reach out with their left hands, and
placed them on the shoulder of the person next to them. Holly
guided Olivia to the position.

Megan began again, “With these flowers, My
Lord, I ask that You give my friends peace, my family health, and
the world enlightenment. For myself, my Lord, I ask for the
knowledge of how to accept the light into my soul. Please Lord, let
me find my way down this new path with dignity and without fear. If
You could throw in a few ounces of health, that’s always
appreciated.” Feeling guilty, she added, “But please don’t give me
health in place of one of my other wishes, they are far more
important. And Lord, I beg You to watch over my Olivia, give her
peace in her life and the strength to deal with whatever comes her
way. Relieve her of stress and pain, and give her happiness and
creativity in its place.” She placed her flowers into the fire, and
laid her right hand over her heart.

In unison they said, “Amen.”

Megan could not see the tears which streamed
down Olivia’s cheeks, nor could she feel the squeezing of Peter’s
shoulder by Holly, as her friends silently, but together, said
their own prayers for Megan’s health.

True to form, Peter’s voice was loving and
warm. Megan imagined that it was the voice he used when he spoke to
Cruz late at night. “Oh Lord, my father needs your strength to deal
with life’s troubles. Please Lord, he is my rock, and I need him to
have some happiness in his life. Please be kind to people and not
make so many hardships on them.” Peter cleared his throat. “I ask
that You take care of Olivia, giving her strength and calm during
this troublesome time. And please, oh Holy one, please let Megan be
enveloped in the light. She has enlightened us, now please
enlighten her soul.”

Tears formed in Megan’s eyes, as she realized
how her friends filled every emotional gap in her soul.

Peter gently placed his flowers in the flame,
and Megan was sure the night air had transformed into a warm
lavender scent that permeated her skin. She felt the warmth spread
through her body, and she could taste the scent, as if it were fine
candy lingering on her tongue.
This is my heaven
, she
thought.
This is my safe circle, my family who loves me for me
and believes in me. At this very moment, I am truly happy
.

They said, “Amen.”

Peter’s right hand covered his heart and he
squeezed Megan’s shoulder lightly to let her know he was there.

Holly’s voice was warm and gentle. “Oh Holy
one, I’m not real happy this year, as You know. I’m pretty upset
over what You have done to Meggie and Olivia.” She sat quietly for
a moment, letting her words find their way to the heavens above. “I
ask, Lord, that You let Peter find happiness and allow Cruz to be
his other half.”

Peter sighed. Holly continued, “Thank You,
Lord, for giving me Jack. He is my soul mate.” A breathy sound
carried through the air, as if each person lifted a little smile.
“And Lord, listen carefully now because this is the most important
one of all, so sit your ass down and listen to me. This is really
and truly important.” Holly sighed, readying herself to hold back
her tears and speak her mind.

“Lord, my friend Megan here, well, Meggie,
she needs us. She needs our love, our advice, our harassment.
Please keep her by our sides comfortably. There’s no one else that
can bring us to You as she does. These rituals are
hers
, my
Lord. Please give her peace and surround her with light. Envelope
her as we have enveloped each other. She’s a special person.
Please, Lord, make sure she has a special place.” Holly took a deep
breath. “Thank You, Lord, for bringing Olivia to us tonight. She’s
a welcome addition to our group. Please continue to watch over her
and give her strength and guidance to carry on.” Holly snuck a peak
at Olivia just as Olivia snuck one toward her. She winked,
conspiratorially.

Olivia tucked away the feeling of Holly’s
love along with her other stashed compliments, holding onto them as
if they were treasures needed for some future journey.

“Please keep Jack happy and healthy, and keep
our little nest together—always.” Holly kissed her flowers and
threw them into the fire.

The group said, “Amen” as Holly placed her
right hand over her heart.

Olivia trembled with anticipation, uncertain
about her words, which tumbled from her mouth like pebbles from a
high peak, rough and unsure, “Dear Lord, thank you for making me
part of my mom’s group. I’ve wanted this for so long.” She took a
deep breath, thinking of just the right words, wanting to sound
more mature than her fourteen years might allow. “I really want my
mom to get better. That’s about all that I want right now.” She
tossed her flowers into the fire and her mother reached out and
guided Olivia’s right hand to cover her heart, leaving her own hand
resting on Olivia’s for just a moment longer. She felt her
daughter’s heart race, and willed her own strength, what little she
had left, to become her daughter’s.

Sparks flew from the bonfire, and the smell
of flowers and ash wafted around them.

Together they said, “Amen!”

“With these flowers and prayers, oh Holy
one,” Megan began, “we become one once again. We wed for eternity,
our souls, our selves, and our passions.” This time they all
shouted out, in almost a song, “Amen!”

Within seconds they were standing up, arms
stretched toward the sky. Holly turned off the CD and the gay
sounds of top forty music filled the air. They danced around the
fire, held each other, jumped, sang, and rejoiced in the success of
yet another ritual.

Megan’s movements were slow, her breath
encumbered, though her spirits soared. She felt herself deflate and
prayed her strength would last just a little longer to get her
through the celebration.

Her friends’ hearts were lifted, and their
faces reflected the happiness within their souls. They reached for
one another, dancing in groups of two, alone, and falling into,
finally, a dance of all four of them, arms flailing about, hips
wriggling, and laughter filling the air.

Olivia sought out her mother, hugged her, and
apologized for being selfish. Megan told her to think nothing of it
and said she was glad she was there after all. She welcomed her to
their group and wished her well in each of the future rituals to
come. They looked into each other’s eyes, forehead leaned upon
forehead, and shared a smile reflecting years of love, treasured
memories, and happiness. At that very moment, all of the ugliness
and fights had disappeared, as if they had never existed at
all.

As the excitement settled into an even pace
of joy, Megan reached for her hippie bag and took out her gifts,
four Runic Love Amulets. She wanted her friends and Olivia to find
happiness and passion in their lives. She wanted them to be joyful
and stress free. She hoped they would remember her as being those
things as well. She slowly made her way around the fire to each one
of them, placed the gift around their necks, and kissed them
solidly on the cheek.

Peter held Megan’s hands and slowly twirled
her around. Holly did a gentle bump with Megan (a remnant of their
childhood, dancing-in-the-basement days). The bump turned into a
slow dance, even though the music was fast, as both women needed
the closeness.
Holly gets me
, Megan thought.

Megan broke away slowly and walked toward
Olivia, arms open. Olivia rushed into them. They immediately fell
into their own dance of hugs and rocking, which evolved into the
Batman, and they ended up both doing the Monkey, although Megan’s
Monkey was a bit hindered by the pain in her joints. Megan slipped
the necklace around Olivia’s neck and said, “You are my treasure,
Olivia Leigh. I love you.”

Olivia cried.

The four of them converged on one another,
laughing hysterically, and moving in a mass of arms and legs. Hips
swayed, breasts jiggled, and laughs took flight in the night air.
Megan made her way to the back of the group, perched herself on her
blanket, and watched her friends with delight.

They danced until they all fell to the
ground, spent with exhaustion, and delirious with celebration. They
chatted around the fire, warming their bodies and settling their
minds. Not once did they let their minds drift back to Megan’s
illness. This was a time for replenishment, a time for
relaxation.

They clung together on their blankets,
overlapped like a litter of puppies, legs on legs, heads on
shoulders, hands on backs. The night swathed them in darkness, save
for the fire. Their voices trailed toward the sky. Every now and
again a hushed voice could be heard saying a kind word, or a
movement could be felt, a hug of tenderness, one body moving closer
to another.