Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (2 page)

“I?”  Darcy said with a startled expression.  “But, I would not have the first idea how to . . .”

“Would you prefer to learn this suddenly, after I am gone?  No Son, I want you to begin to take on my duties while I am here to correct and guide you.  From now on you will read the letters, and tell me what your reply would be, and I will tell you what I would have said.  Then you will write the letter.  I want our contacts to know that you are the one to rely upon now.”

“Father, I . . .” Darcy saw his father’s steely gaze, and knew that he would brook no opposition.  “Yes, sir.” 

“Very well.”  He sat back and regarded his son.  Already he could see him feeling the weight of all that he was about to inherit.  “How was your walk?  I understand that Georgiana ferreted you out?” 

Darcy laughed softly.  “There was no stopping her.  I will have to give her the presents I had packed away after dinner.”

“Oh yes, she will be relentless in their pursuit, as any woman is.”  He smiled, and tilted his head.  “Did the solitude help?”

“No.  I find this so difficult to comprehend; I cannot accept this news so easily.  I thought it would be years, decades before I would . . .” He stopped, as he felt the emotion rising, and suppressed it.  He closed his eyes and the sound of a warm laugh filled his head.  “Father, do you know a family named Gardiner?”

“Gardiner?”  He said, surprised.  “No, I cannot say that I do.  Why do you ask?”

“Do you know Gracechurch Street?”  Darcy continued.

“Yes, it is in Cheapside, by the river.  That is where all of the warehouses are.  I know that the tradesmen live in that area, convenient to their businesses.”  He watched Darcy’s face fall.

“A tradesman could have a relative that is a gentleman, could he not?”  He said softly.

“Of course, you know how marriages work, the first son would get the estate and the second is left to find his way, army, church, law, the same would work for any other family.”  He leaned forward.  “What are these questions about?”

“Father, you mentioned Aunt Catherine’s desire that I marry Anne, and you know my reply, and I am grateful for your support.”  He paused.  “I know that I am expected to marry and produce an heir to secure Pemberley . . .”

“Certainly, but it must not be done tomorrow.  Are you hoping to find someone before I die, to gain my blessing?  I assure you that is not necessary.  You know what you are raised to do, Fitzwilliam.  You will choose from among the brightest jewels of society, and I have no doubt that you will find a fine mistress for Pemberley.  I do hope, very much, that you will have the supreme joy of loving your wife, as I did your mother.  That is my greatest hope for you.”

“But what is more important to you, that I find a woman to love or one who is considered suitable for society?”

“You know as well as I do the demands that will be placed on any woman you marry.  She must be one who will be able to fulfil her role successfully.”  He wrinkled his brow and watched Darcy’s hands slowly twisting together.  “Have you made an acquaintance in your brief hours home from your travels?  Or is this someone you have pined for while away?  And, I cannot help but wonder if this lady is not of our circle for you to ask such unusual questions.”  Darcy did not answer and his father watched him carefully.  “Son.”  He waited until Darcy finally looked up.  “I trust you to make the correct decision in this.”

“But what is the correct decision?”  He searched his father’s eyes.

“You have been raised a certain way, with certain expectations.  But remember, you must always be prepared for the unexpected to arise.”

“What does that mean?”  He looked at his father anxiously. 

“It means allow room for your heart, as well as your head.”  Mr. Darcy smiled sadly, seeing his son did not understand, and hearing Georgiana in the hallway, he stood.  “Come, enough of this speculation, let us go eat this welcome home feast the staff has planned for you, and regale me and your sister with your adventures.”  Darcy stood and his father placed his arm around his shoulder for a slight embrace, and together they left the room.

ELIZABETH SAT WITH her aunt and held her infant cousin Amy in her arms.  She smiled down at her.  “She is so perfect.”

“She is a good girl.”  Mrs. Gardiner smiled.  “I could not ask for a better behaved child, well maybe I have earned it after her elder brother was born.”  She laughed and looked over at her three-year-old son Benjamin.  “He is unusually quiet today.”

“I think that he is feeling bad for making Jane cry.”  Elizabeth whispered.  “When he pulled her hair during their game he seemed quite taken aback when she yelped.” 

“He will like to tease his sister, I think.” 

“I imagine he will be a fierce protector of his siblings.”  Elizabeth said thoughtfully.  “Did you notice how he stood in front of Amy with his hand on her blanket when you presented the children to those visitors the other day?”  She sighed.  “I wish I had an elder brother, or any brother for that matter.”

“I wonder if your wishing has anything to do with your mother’s determination to marry you and Jane off as soon as possible?”  Mrs. Gardiner said gently.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes.  “I felt terrible for Jane when that man was writing her sonnets two years ago, but now that I am fifteen and out, I suppose that I am to be in the same situation.  I am just grateful that Papa roused himself from his bookroom long enough to notice what was happening and put his foot down.  Poor Jane would have been married at fifteen and likely have a little one in her arms right now if he had not.  She would have just gone silently along with Mama’s scheme.” 

Mrs. Gardiner studied her niece; she was very observant of her parents’ marriage and far wiser than most girls her age.  Her mind belied the fact that she was still a child, but Mrs. Gardiner chose to address her as an adult.  “She feels her duty to her family, and your mother feels the fear of losing Longbourn to the entailment if your father passes prematurely.  What would become of you all is a serious concern.”

“But why should that force Jane; or me for that matter, to marry simply for security?”  She lifted her chin.  “I will only marry for love.  Nobody will force me to accept the inevitable simply because it is.”

“I doubt that anyone could force you to do anything you did not already have a mind to do, Lizzy.”  Mrs. Gardiner laughed.  “However, I also feel that it will be some time before you have to face such a decision.  Your father is quite healthy.”

“Besides nobody would want me anyway.”  She said softly, but not enough that her words were not heard.

“Why do you say that?”

“It is nothing.”  She looked down at the baby’s face; her own clouded over with the memory of her mother’s unending pronouncements of her lack of beauty and refinement.  Mrs. Gardiner watched as her lively niece’s face reflected her insecurity and youth, and guessing her trouble, now addressed the child.

“You are very young yet Lizzy, soon you will blossom just as Jane has.  Your mother should have waited another two years for you to be out.  This should be Jane’s first season, but clearly worry over her and your family’s security is what has driven her to push you both out so soon.”

“I will be sixteen in a month.”  She stated softly and saw her aunt’s nod.  “Well, at least I am permitted to wear some pretty dresses now.”  She sighed and looked down at the cotton gown.  “That is something, I suppose.”

“That it is, my dear.”  Mrs. Gardiner tilted her head.  “I heard you and Jane whispering in the carriage.  Did you attract a young man’s eye in the park?”

Elizabeth blushed.  “I think so, but he did not have a chance to speak to us, it seemed that his sister arrived before he could and they left.”

“It would not have been proper for him to speak to you without an introduction.”  Mrs. Gardiner saw her resigned nod and continued, “But it proves that you are not so displeasing to look upon; does it not?” 

Her chin lifted, and she smiled.  “I suppose not!  Thank you, Aunt!”  Amy awoke and started squirming, and Mrs. Gardiner took her back.  Elizabeth stood.  “I will be upstairs if you need me.”

She started to run then checked herself,
a lady walks,
and entered the small bedchamber she had been assigned for her visit.  Sitting down at the writing desk, she opened up the journal her father had given her for Christmas, and filling a quill with ink, bit her lip and began a new page. 

25 June 1807

Today Jane, Aunt Gardiner, and I went to shop on Bond Street.  It was such an adventure to look in the windows of those fashionable shops, but I loved the bookshop the most.   I could have spent the day there very happily, but Jane and Aunt forced me to go after only a half-hour.  We had tea then finally I got to see Hyde Park.  What a beautiful place!  I think that I loved it almost as much as the bookshop!  But the best part of today was when I received my first attention from a man.  He was very tall, and so handsome, with black hair that he wore down to touch his collar, and such lovely blue eyes that just seemed to see right through me!  At first I thought what an arrogant man he was to stare at me so blatantly, but when I looked closer he seemed so sad.  I wondered what was wrong and I was working up my courage to speak to him when a girl arrived.  I think she was Lydia’s age.  She called him Fitzwilliam.  What a funny name.  I thought it was his surname, but then a woman approached and called him Mr. Darcy, so it must be his Christian name.  And the girl was Georgiana.  She was his sister, I am sure.  He is much older than me, I think, or maybe it only seemed that way because he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.  I hope he is well.  I did smile at him.  I should like to make him laugh, maybe someday I will.  I will never forget his smile.  It was all for me
.

Elizabeth put down her pen and reading over her entry, giggled.  “He did smile just for me!  Men always smile at Jane, she is so beautiful, how can they not?  But this man is the first one to look only at me!”  She sighed happily.  “Thank you, Fitzwilliam!”

AFTER THE EVENING meal, Darcy sat with his father and sister and handed out his gifts.  He enjoyed seeing Georgiana’s happiness with the dolls he had purchased in Italy; and her worry over the sheet music he had found.  She was only starting to play well, and the music he had chosen was not easy, which was of course done purposely.  “I look forward to hearing this played for my birthday gift, Georgiana.  That is just over three months from now, so it gives you plenty of time to learn it.”

“That is a good thing Fitzwilliam, because I do not know how to even approach this!”  She looked up at him with worry.  “This is so difficult!”

“Perhaps we can find you a music master to work with you when we return to Pemberley.”  He smiled and looked at his father.  “I wonder if Mrs. Hopkins still gives lessons.”

Mr. Darcy chuckled.  “I wonder if she does, you were certainly a challenging student.”

“I was determined.”

“You were stubborn as a mule.  It is a wonder she stuck with you.” 

“I wanted to please Mother.  She said that she hoped I would learn.”  Darcy said very softly, but Mr. Darcy heard and smiled. 

“And so you did.”  Their eyes met and Darcy looked away. 

“It has been an exhausting day, if you will excuse me, I think I will retire.”  He stood and kissed Georgiana’s cheek.  “Good night dear, it is so good to be home with you again.”  He turned to his father and bowed.  “Good night, Father.”

“Good night, Son.”  Mr. Darcy watched him go, and saw his shoulders slump as he left the room, and wondered over how he could ease the burdens to come for him.

Darcy entered his chambers, the ones he had taken after leaving the nursery, and after his valet finished preparing him for the night, stood and leaned on the window frame, staring out at the dark street.  Eventually the sound of his sister and father retiring broke him from his silent reverie and he walked over to his writing desk, opened his journal, and pausing to gather his thoughts, began to write.

25 June 1807

Today I returned home from my Grand Tour only to learn that my brief time of frivolity as a gentleman is now over.  I have reached the age of two and twenty and at this moment I feel that I am closer to the age of two and eighty.  My father has told me he is dying, and I am to take over Pemberley immediately.  God help me.

I can barely comprehend this news.  Yesterday afternoon I stepped onto the docks after nine months away, full of the wonders that I had seen.  I knew that my return to London meant that I must at last take my place in society, and I had been steeling myself for the attention I knew I would draw as father’s heir.  I have both dreaded and anticipated this time, but I thought that I would have my father with me as my guide.  I pray that his physician is wrong, and the malady is just a passing event.  I have never recovered from Mother’s passing, what will I do if Father leaves me as well?  What will I be for Georgiana?  Will I destroy Pemberley with my poor management? 

I walked today in Hyde Park and tried to clear my head from the overwhelming news.  I saw nothing of the beauty, and felt only the fear that I would fail.  And then I heard a sound that broke through my pain.  A laugh, so warm, so musical, it lifted my eyes from my boots and I saw before me a girl, smiling and laughing, and looking at me.  Her name is Lizzy, which must be for Elizabeth.  She is from Hertfordshire and an estate called Longbourn.  She has relatives in London named Gardiner who live in Gracechurch Street.  She loves walking and books.  She is very young.  And she smiled at me today.  I hope that someday I might return the gift.