Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (40 page)

“Yes, so much.”  Elizabeth sighed.

“That makes me so happy.”  Darcy kissed her softly and then brushed back some loose hair.  He moulded her back against his chest.  She was so soft and willing, and . . .innocent.  The thought struck him hard.  “Oh Elizabeth, I am so sorry.”  He whispered.  “I . . . I never should have kissed you like this, not yet, I should not even be holding you like this . . . I am taking advantage of your naivety and satisfying my desire.  I did not mean to, truly dearest, I am just so happy to . . .”

“Fitzwilliam stop.”  Elizabeth looked up and he could not meet her eyes.  “I needed your kisses.”

“But I was carried away.”

“So was I.”  She looked back down.  “I know that we should not touch each other like this, even if we are engaged, I am wanton for not stopping you, but . . .I truly needed your kisses.  I have been worried for so long.”

“But you do not know what is to come, what these touches will lead to . . .”

“If you are hoping to frighten me of marriage you are doing a very good job.”  Elizabeth smiled softly and stroked his face, but could not smooth away the distress that was clearly displayed. 

He spoke quietly.  “We should go tell your mother our news.” 

“I want to stay here.  You are not yourself.” 

“Do not tempt me.  You cannot possibly know how difficult it is for me to walk away from here, and how very guilty I feel for leading you here at all.  I have so little control around you.”  He kissed her hand and removed it from his cheek.  “Now do you understand the insistence for chaperones?”

She leaned into him.  “I do, and I also understand the reason for short engagements.”

“Indeed.”  He closed his eyes, she could not know how deeply he needed her embrace.  

“I love you Fitzwilliam.”

“Those words are as sweet as your kiss.”  They emerged from the trees and back into the garden.  Mary stood with her back to them, her hands on her hips and clearly looking vexed. 

“Mary.”  Elizabeth called and she turned.  “Are you looking for us?”

“Where did you go?  Mama sent me to find you; Papa has some announcement to make at dinner.”  They caught up to her and she wrinkled her brow.  “What happened to your mouth?  Are you wearing paint?”

“Of course not.”  Elizabeth glanced up at Darcy. 

He bit his lips and whispered another apology.  “They are just a little red.”  

“How little?”

He tilted his head to study her mouth, and did not answer. Elizabeth pinched his arm.  “Ow!” He rubbed the spot and furrowed his brow at her.  “I think that my mouth is probably in the same condition as yours.”  Her hand went up to her lips and he could not resist smiling.  “Do not rub, it will become worse!” 

Mary turned before they entered the house.  “Why did you not call me, Lizzy?  I should have chaperoned you.  Remember, I did that when Mr. Stewart came to court you.  I liked him a great deal; he was everything that Dr. Fordyce said a suitor should be.”  She glanced at Darcy whose smile had left his face, then at Elizabeth who was looking at the porch floor.  She let go of Darcy’s arm when she felt him stiffen, but he caught her hand before she could retreat inside.

“Elizabeth, Miss Elizabeth.”  His face showed his distress.  “Forgive me.  I should never have taken such liberties with you.  I promise I will not do so again.  Please stop me if I . . .”

“I did not love him, Mr. Darcy.  You are the only man I have ever wanted to . . . take liberties.”  She met his gaze then stood up on her toes to brush his lips with hers, then entered the house.  Darcy closed his eyes and stood alone for a few moments.  Her gesture with that slight kiss was far more enticing than everything they experienced in the woods.  The effect of her innocent kiss and Mary’s insightful reference to Stewart, who had blessedly
never
touched Elizabeth improperly, made his self-reproach roar back with a vengeance.  He took some time to restore his equilibrium, then taking a deep breath, crossed the threshold. 

“Are you well?”  Darcy nodded curtly and she led the way to the dining room.  Elizabeth took her place at her father’s right and Darcy was given the seat by her side.  Mr. Bennet looked them over, his gaze moving from one mouth to the other.  He looked at Mr. Gardiner and, although he was not surprised, did send a pointed look at Darcy, who nodded. 

“Ahem.”  Mr. Bennet cleared his throat.   “Well, it seems that we have some news to impart.  Mr. Darcy has asked for Lizzy’s hand and apparently I have given my blessing.”  Mrs. Bennet screeched.  “I also have the news that Jane has been approached for a courtship by another gentleman.  It seems that Longbourn will have to grow used to losing all of its sensible women permanently.”

He sat down and listened to the noise begin.  “Mr. Bennet!!  Jane is to marry?”

“She is courting, but I believe that the gentleman is most anxious to conclude the contract rapidly.  Am I correct, Brother?”

“Yes, Mr. Harwick wishes to return to his estate soon.  He has two young daughters and misses them greatly.”

“He is a widower?”  Mrs. Bennet paused in her joy.

“He is.  Jane will be a mother as well as a wife upon her marriage.” 

“Well!  That will not do.  No, that will not do at all!  My Jane should not have to mother children that she did not bear!  Her husband will never care for her children!  And what of the estate?  Would it not go to the first family?  I do not like this at all, Mr. Bennet.”

“Jane will be a mother!  What a joke!”  Lydia laughed.  “She will have the misery of the children without the pleasure of getting them!”

“LYDIA!”  Elizabeth exclaimed.

“Well at least she did not have to birth them.”  Lydia pouted. 

“What do you know of such things?”  Kitty asked and chewed on a roll.  “I think that you are just making things up.”

“I am not!  I heard Mama’s friends talking about their duties.”

“It is a woman’s duty to submit to her husband and bear his children.”   Mary informed the table.  Mr. Gardiner looked from Elizabeth’s furious face to Darcy’s set jaw to Mr. Bennet’s amusement and Mrs. Bennet’s oblivion and decided he would take control. 

“Lydia, Kitty, and Mary.  You do not discuss such topics in mixed company, and furthermore, you should not discuss them at all until you are engaged.”

“It is discussed in the Bible.”  Mary said stubbornly.

Mr. Gardiner addressed her sternly.  “That may be so, but that is for private contemplation, not for public discourse.” 

Darcy could not hold back his affront.  “I am accustomed to children spending meals with their governess.  They should not be with the adults.” 

Looking to his brother, Mr. Gardiner waved his hand over the table.  “I hope that you take note of this, and address the girls’ behaviour.  Lizzy and Jane have suffered enough with this family’s indiscretions.”

“How?”  Mr. Bennet nodded to Elizabeth and Darcy.  “She has caught herself a rich man, and from what you tell me of Mr. Harwick, he is rich as well.”

“He is rich?”  Mrs. Bennet perked up.

“Papa said he had an estate, Mama.”  Kitty pointed out.  “Is it bigger than Mr. Darcy’s?”

“No.”  Elizabeth met her eye.  “It is not.”

“Elizabeth.”  Darcy said softly and looked to her.  She took his meaning and removed herself from the fray again.  The first course arrived and the family began eating in silence, but it did not last long. 

“So tell me Mr. Darcy, what drew you to my daughter at the tender age of fifteen?”  Mr. Gardiner closed his eyes.  His brother had not listened to a thing he had said in the bookroom. 

Darcy considered Mr. Bennet and spoke quietly.  “I did not know that she was fifteen at the time.  I was very surprised when I learned that news; I could hardly be blamed for that mistake.  I am not familiar with girls being out at that age.”  Mr. Bennet coloured and he continued.  “Regardless, the day that I first saw her was the day I learned that my father was dying.  Miss Elizabeth’s presence in the park was very comforting to me.”  He looked up and smiled a little at her and she rested her hand in his under the table.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“Your father has died?”  Mrs. Bennet asked.

“Yes madam, it will be two years this October.”

“So you are the master of your estate?”  Darcy sighed, realizing that it was not concern or compassion that drove her question. 

“Yes madam.”

“He has ten thousand a year.”  Mr. Bennet said with a smile.

“TEN THOUSAND?”  Mrs. Bennet turned to Elizabeth.  “Oh my, what riches, what pin money!  Oh Lizzy, you have at last done your duty!  We are saved!  Even if we must move to Derbyshire, we will be living in luxury, your estate sir, it is very large?”

Darcy’s eyes grew wide at the thought of this woman and her brood moving into Pemberley.  “It is comfortable, but should your family need to leave Longbourn, I will provide a suitable home for you on the grounds, or perhaps you would prefer to stay here amongst your friends.  Hopefully this will be a subject that will not need to be addressed for many years.”  He nodded to Mr. Bennet.

“Nonsense, we will live in your home!”  Mrs. Bennet declared.

He closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists, fighting back the vitriol that was dancing on his tongue.  Mr. Gardiner saw the danger and took charge.  “Sister, when the time comes, I am sure that Mr. Darcy will take care of you and any unmarried daughters.  Until that time we will not discuss this further, and you will not presume to impose your desires upon Mr. Darcy’s hospitality.”

“Well, at least you no longer need to fear starvation, my dear.”  Mr. Bennet smiled and bowed his head to Darcy.  “Thank you for your care, sir.”

Darcy’s patience had reached its limit.  He looked at his future father and said quietly so that only Elizabeth and Mr. Gardiner heard, “It is fortunate that someone will be anticipating their disposition, sir.”

“I do not like your tone, sir.

“And I do not care for your baiting.  I would appreciate that you desist before I lose all respect for the father of my betrothed.”

“I can rescind my consent.”

“And leave your wife to the hedgerows?  Shall we tell her now?  I am certain that she will not hesitate to express her opinion.”  He turned his head to address Mrs. Bennet.

“Mr. Darcy.”  Mr. Bennet said quietly.  “Twice today you have used my words against me.”

“Perhaps you should rethink your strategy.”  Their eyes met and held.  “Sir, if you choose to rescind your consent, I will simply take Miss Elizabeth to Gretna Green.  It would be a scandal, but it would be bearable to have her as my wife.  She will receive the same settlement regardless of how or when we marry.  The difference will be when or if we will continue to acknowledge her family.”   Darcy felt Elizabeth’s hand grip his and he squeezed back, but he did not break his gaze.

Mr. Bennet looked to Elizabeth and saw that her eyes were focussed on her future husband.  He nodded and deflated.  “It seems that you do not have a sense of humour for wordplay, sir.”

“No, I have no patience for unnecessary posturing and taunting.  I find nothing amusing in discussing the fate of my family.”

“Perhaps you might accept it as the weak attempt of an old man to keep his children by his side as long as possible.”

Darcy inclined his head.  “As you wish.”

The servants came around with dessert and it was quickly consumed.  The men declined to separate and the party moved to the sitting room.  Mrs. Bennet spent the time making wedding plans out loud while Elizabeth remained silent, realizing that anything she said would not be heard.  The entire time Darcy’s hand remained tightly gripped around hers.  He whispered to her his regret for publicly losing his temper with her father and she whispered to him that she had barely restrained her own reaction.  Suddenly the last unaddressed subject was broached by Mrs. Bennet. 

“Mr. Darcy, when is the wedding to take place?”  He looked at Elizabeth and raised his brows.

Mr. Bennet spoke first.  “Jane should have the honour as she is the eldest.”  He noted the disappointment in Elizabeth’s face. 

She looked to Darcy, who was valiantly holding his tongue.  Instead he lifted her hand and kissed it, disregarding the self-loathing he had felt since their kiss in the woods, and inciting gasps and giggles from the women and a tender smile from his bride-to-be.  Mr. Bennet cleared his throat. 

“Lizzy, I would like to speak to you in my bookroom.” 

“Yes, Papa.”  She stood and followed him, exchanging glances with Darcy and her uncle as she departed.  Once inside of the room, she assumed her accustomed chair and waited for her father to begin.

“You seem displeased with me, daughter.”

“It is not my place to disagree with you, Papa.”

“That is quite a change.  When have we not had lively conversations?  Your association with Mr. Darcy has changed you.”

“Yes, it has, I am happy to say.  Aunt and Uncle have exposed me to greater society as much as they can in their limited circle, but I have now seen what the first circles expect in the way of behaviour, and I have confirmation of how wanting my education has been.  I have to think through my conversation before I open my mouth.  I witnessed how Jane’s innocent talk of our family’s circumstances quickly spiralled to condemnation of my character.  A houseful of people speculated about my machinations towards Mr. Darcy, and questioned his intentions towards me.  I realize that some of it was simple disappointment that such an eligible catch would be lost to someone of my status, but the lesson was not lost on me.  You have taught me the art of argument and creative conversation, but nobody taught me how to curb my thoughts before they reached my tongue.  I am doing my best, and I hope to always make my husband proud of me.”

“You no longer wish to make your father proud?”

“You gave that power over to Uncle, sir.”  She said softly, and looked up to see his stricken expression.  “Why did you treat Mr. Darcy so poorly?  Why would you attempt to frighten away such an incomparable suitor?  He feels remorse for losing his temper at dinner, but I cannot blame him for it, not when I know that you purposely pushed him to do so.”