Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (56 page)

Mr. Harwick called yesterday afternoon, and said he would be unable to join us at the Derby, citing the excuse that his sister would be arriving. I hope that is truly the case, and that he is not becoming discouraged.   He is a good kind man, and I think that they might do well together if Jane would be the sweet girl I knew, and he would open his heart again.  But with no encouragement from her, why should he try further?  In the end it is between them.  I know that she is unhappy with me for not telling her exactly why Fitzwilliam was so upset, and why our aunt and uncle allowed us to sleep in each other’s arms.  She seems to be lost in thought quite often, but says nothing to me of it.  I wish that I felt I could trust her, I miss going to her to talk, but I cannot, I do not know this girl.  How did I become the elder sister and she the petulant youth?

“SO.”  FITZWILLIAM APPEARED at the study door and leaned against the frame for a moment before entering and shutting it behind him. 

Darcy looked up from where he was writing in his journal, and leaned back in his chair.  “So.”  He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, and opened them to see his cousin smiling at him with his head cocked. 

“Scribbling away in that blasted book again, I see?”  He noted and saw Darcy’s little smile as he looked down.  “Does it mend your soul?”

“It helps me to see things clearly, or perhaps lets me look back and see how I have grown as a result.”  He shrugged and indicated a chair to his cousin. “I am endlessly grateful to your parents.”

“They do have their uses.”  Fitzwilliam laughed and then sobered.  “Father told me the unedited version of the evening.  I hope that you do not mind.”

“No, I expected he would share it with you.  Layton as well, this was family.”  Darcy’s hands twisted and Fitzwilliam’s eyes did not miss the nervous reaction. 

“Interesting.”  He stood and went to pour them each a glass of port.  “A woman is treated as you were and she is compromised, barely escaping from a terrible fate, violated, perhaps forced to marry her attacker . . .a man on the other hand is viewed as a fool to miss the opportunity.”  Turning around he handed Darcy his portion and sat down.  “Are you sleeping?”

“No, not well.  Only that afternoon at the Gardiners, and I am afraid that was over far too soon.”

“Well you did have an irreplaceable comforter.  How is she?”

Darcy swirled the untouched liquid in his glass.  “She is angry and hurt, but fortunately it is not directed at me.  If I had spoken to her first, I do not know if that would be the case.”  He sighed and took a sip.  “I have told her of my . . .past experience.”

“And how on earth, no strike that,
why
on earth did you broach that subject?”  Fitzwilliam leaned forward to try and read his expression.

“It was a compelling need to be completely honest with her.  I know, you think that I am an idiot.”  Darcy stared into his glass.

“I do, what was your past has no bearing on what you live now, and for an innocent girl, who has no true knowledge of what happens . . .”

“So I hurt her by telling my truth?”  Darcy closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face.  “We were in the mistress’s chambers, Georgiana and Audrey were downstairs, I was showing Elizabeth the redecoration that I had ordered, and it just happened.”

“Without provocation?”  Richard asked with a smile.  “You just blurted out the news that you spent time visiting the highest quality brothels in London and the continent?”

“You make it sound as if I was there nightly, and you know full well that is not true.” Darcy said bitterly.  “Do not make me feel worse than she did when she asked if it was servants or women she would someday be forced to meet.  That questioning made me feel like the lowest scum.”

“It is common enough, Darcy.”  Richard laughed to see his guilt and delighted to hear of Elizabeth’s interrogation.  “You simply do not think to take advantage of the privilege of your sex and wealth.”

“I told her that I have not been with a woman since the day we met.”  Darcy saw Richard’s wonder and looked down to his hands.  “It was dissatisfying and felt wrong.  You knew this of me, we have spoken of it.”

“I admit that I found it implausible, I should have known better, you never colour the truth.  However, I am stunned that you told her
that
.  What did she say?” 

 “Details were not necessary.”  He looked up again.  “But I wanted no secrets between us; not after this experience with Anne, and it seems that her aunt had prepared her for such knowledge during one of their . . .enlightening discussions.  Elizabeth hated the confirmation but said that she suspected that I . . .”

“Displayed experience?  Good for her, she took a horribly embarrassing conversation and turned it back on you.”  Fitzwilliam smiled.  “I wish all girls were taught what is what, it makes it all so much less embarrassing.”  Darcy rolled his eyes and Fitzwilliam laughed.  “Well, I have heard that our aunt and cousin are back at Rosings.”

“I do not care.” 

“Ah, but you should.  She is likely not finished with you.”

“And what could she do to me?  As if I would marry Anne now.”  Darcy laughed shortly.  “Never.”

“Perhaps I will.” 

Darcy stopped the glass rising to his lips.  “Are you out of your mind?”

“Probably, so how appropriate to marry a woman who is as well?”  He smiled and saw that Darcy was not amused, and spoke seriously. “It is the only way for me to have an estate.  Who wants a second son?”

“But you would be tied for life to . . .you could never have children!”

“Or kill her in the process, but her life will be short I imagine, even without the rigours of childbirth.  It is a calculation on my part, I know.  The thought of consummation is impossible.  What you saw is far more than I ever would want to experience, but there is a compassionate aspect to it as well, she would be protected until her death; and for my sacrifice, I would be a landowner.”  He met Darcy’s insistent gaze.  “I cannot see Anne being sent to Bedlam Darcy.  That is hell on earth.”

“I know.  There is that place in the North, the York Retreat run by the Quakers, they take a humanitarian approach and do not treat the patients like freaks or animals.”  Fitzwilliam looked down at his hands and Darcy watched him steadily.  “No, Richard, please do not do this.  You are hardened from your experience at war, and making such a match would make it worse.  You need . . .you deserve so much more.  If Aunt Catherine dies or becomes incapable of her care, you know the family will step in.”

“Thank you for reminding me of that.  It is a shame to lose Rosings, but it was Uncle Lewis’ decision that it be returned to the de Bourghs if Anne died before marriage.”  Fitzwilliam spoke thoughtfully, “I suppose seeing both of my siblings making unhappy matches just puts me in the mood for feeling undeserving of anything for myself.”  He sighed.  “You have ruined me, you know.” 

Darcy shrugged with a small smile then became serious.  “Speaking of your siblings, Audrey was crying in the theatre.” 

“What did he do to her?”  Fitzwilliam demanded.

“He was drunk.  And Richard, she was looking to someone . . .I hope that he can be convinced to reform, I fear that Audrey may look for comfort elsewhere, and that would be a tragedy.”

“My duties have kept me from confronting him about Wickham, now I have more ammunition to fire.”  He stood up.  “Nobody hurts my sister.” 

“Do not make her a widow, Cousin.” Darcy said seriously.

“No, but I do believe I will make him soil his breeches with anticipation.”  Fitzwilliam said grimly.  “Derby tomorrow?”

“Yes, are you going?”

“No, have Elizabeth place a bet for me.  Lady’s luck.”

Darcy smiled as he caught the guinea flying his way.  “I will give her the message.” 

“And I will claim the victory kiss!”  Fitzwilliam laughed and ducked out the door as Darcy’s curse assailed him.

“WICKHAM?”  Layton paced the room and returned to stare at his brother.  “Are you sure?”

“I believe that Darcy would recognize him.”  Fitzwilliam said dryly. “I wonder how you did not know of this association.  You and Singleton are thick as thieves, practically twins.  It is a wonder that Alicia puts up with your shenanigans.”

“See here, Richard, I may be a . . . I may be fond of society and all that, but I am not a reckless gambler.  I enjoy a game as much as any man, but I would not gamble away the estate even if I could!   Father’s teachings did make some impact on me.” 

“Did they?  Then why did he recently take you into his study for a thorough tongue-lashing about your lack of pride in the family and your lack of industry in learning the estate?”

“How did you  . . .What do you mean?” 

Fitzwilliam laughed and leaned against a bookshelf.  “Just because I do not live here most of the time does not mean that I am without information.  I hear that he is embarrassed for failing you.  I disagree; you have never taken the initiative to do more than was absolutely necessary.  What happens when Father dies?  You will get his seat in the House of Lords and take over Matlock.  Do you really know what that all entails?”

Layton looked up and sighed. “Not as much as I should.  I actually have been taking steps to change myself.”  He walked away and played with a shepherdess on the mantle.  “It is all Darcy’s fault, you know.  If he weren’t such a damned good example . . .”

“Yes, I had a discussion with him about that recently.”  Fitzwilliam looked down at his boots and placing his hands behind his back paced a little.  “We have failed another as well.”

“Who?”

“Our sister.”

“What is wrong . . .oh.  Singleton.”

“I have not been here to protect her from this idiot. He gambles away her dowry, he drinks, what else does he do?  Do you two go whoring together?  What disease is he bringing home to our sister?”

“You are one to talk, Brother.”

“I am not married Brother, and it is from your body that the heir must come.”

“It is hardly a . . .” Layton met his glare and sighed.  “You do hang about Darcy too much.”  He caught his brother’s raised brow and sighed again.  “Forget I said that, Darcy’s had enough, especially after Aunt Catherine’s scheming, I will give him no trouble over his choice for wife.”  Layton closed his eyes when he saw Fitzwilliam incline his head with an ironic smile then continued, “Did it occur to you that some women welcome the opportunity to
not
be perpetually with child?”

“Yes, but that would be so if she had ever
been
with child.”  Fitzwilliam pointed out.  “My guess is that Alicia knows of your behaviour and has refused your bed, and although it is your right to force your will, you either are afraid to or . . .you care about her too much to do such a vile thing.”

“I have not been out,” he met his brother’s eye significantly, “in that way since Morris was found with the French disease.  I wanted to be sure that I would not infect Alicia, and have stayed away.”

Richard was dumbfounded.   “Your unprecedented consideration honestly surprises me; may we blame this on Darcy, too?”  Layton glanced at him and away.  “Does she mind?”

“She does not know why!”  He said with frustration.

“If you are not infected, will you return to your previous activities?”

“That depends on my wife.  Perhaps after the heir is born she would wish to lead separate lives.  I am hoping not.”  He said quietly.  “I truly do care for her, you know.”

“It is about time.  I know that it was an arranged affair, but she is a wonderful woman.  No mistress could replace that.  I might actually come to respect you if you follow through with this transformation.”  Fitzwilliam looked his brother over and their gazes met and held. “I intend to confront Singleton.  He made our sister cry in public with his behaviour.”  Layton’s eyes grew angry and focussed.  “I see that you agree with me that nobody hurts our little sister?  I would like to frighten this fool into seeing the light before he finds himself at the losing end of a duel or Audrey decides to find comfort in the arms of a lover.”  Layton’s head tipped in question.  “She would not be the first, Brother.  Singleton must secure an heir as well; I do not wish to see our sister endure her husband’s doubt of her child’s paternity.”

“Where is he?”

“At the club, most likely.”

Layton opened the door, and held out his arm.  “After you, Colonel.” 

Richard’s brow rose as a hint of his childhood playmate reappeared in his brother’s demeanour.  “Oh no, after you, Viscount.”

“I insist.”

“By your pleasure.”  Fitzwilliam smiled.  “Together?”  Layton nodded in agreement, and yelled when his brother dashed out first. 

Arriving at their preferred club, Layton led the way to Singleton’s likely haunt.  As expected, he was at the card tables, surrounded by many others, and this time, winning.  He looked up at his brothers with a smile.  “Excellent!  Come to join my success?”

Fitzwilliam came around to look at his cards and whistled.  Immediately everyone else at the table folded their hands and Singleton glared at him.  “I was bluffing.”

“Hmm.  Well, we want a word.”  He looked up and across the room.  “Wickham!”  He called. 

Wickham startled and seeing Fitzwilliam’s steely gaze, flinched before he smiled.  “Fitzwilliam, a pleasure.”

“How goes your family?”  Fitzwilliam asked loudly, then striding across the room to Wickham’s table, he clapped Lord Creary on the back.  “Sir, I see that you are welcoming all comers to your play.  I am surprised.”

“What are you speaking of Fitzwilliam?”  He blustered and looked at Wickham.  “He is a fine player.”

“Of course, all gamesters are.”  He pointed and nodded.  “Where did you learn your craft?  Certainly not at your father’s knee, he was too busy working as steward at Pemberley.”  He smiled and bent to Creary, “You know; Darcy’s estate?”

“What?”  Creary stood while Wickham cringed, drawing his coins into his hands hurriedly.  “You are not even a gentleman?  Who sponsored you?  How dare you enter this club!  Begone from here!”   Several footmen appeared on the scene and Wickham was grabbed by the arms to be dragged out.