Mend the Seams (21 page)

“Not givin’ up on you Luke. Open your eyes, please, baby.” I whisper as my body gives way to the exhaustion and I melt into Luke.

Pain. Agonizing pain inside and out. My mind is muddled and cloudy. Memories rushing through my mind, taunting me, lashing at me in despair.

Momma cryin’ holding her split lip and Daddy yelling and screaming as he smashes a beer bottle against the wall. Momma’s face is distorted and I stifle back my cries from the far corner in the living room, hopin’ my old man don’t see me.

A strong foot smashin’ against my stomach as two hands shove me between the seat of the bus, then a balled up fist crashin’ against my cheek. Hurtful words bein’ spit in my face, bein’ poked fun at, constant verbal attacks.

Flames stretchin’ into the night sky and tormented screams invading my ears. Bright embers dancin’ in the wind as wood snaps and crackles, windows bursting through the blaze. Anguish, devastation, pain. I feel raw – lifeless and empty.

Beauty. Awe-inspiring beauty, hidin’ behind a mask, embarrassed and terrified to live. Bruises, cuts, scrapes and a shattered soul. She’s weak and fragile but I’m drawn to her, intent on protectin’ her, shieldin’ her from the pain.

Fire.

Fear.

Suffocation.

Darkness.

“Sawyer?” My little boy smiles back at me. He looks exactly the same as I remember. “Hey little man, come give Daddy a hug.” I say squattin’ down on one knee, stretchin’ my arms out wide. He rushes into my arms, his small little arms wrappin’ around my neck. I lift him up in my arms and kiss his chubby face.

“Daddy, you dirty.” I look down at my hands and notice the black soot. “Make me fly, Daddy!” Sawyer shouts bouncin’ in my arms with excitement and I flip him over, his tummy in one hand, his ankles in the other. He stretches out his hands and lets out a happy laugh, fillin’ my heart. I pull him back up to my chest, cradlin’ him close. Never wanna let him go. “I was scared, Daddy. I couldn’t find you or my cape. I couldn’t fly anymore.”

“Daddy’s here now, Sawyer.” I squeeze him tighter, revelin’ in this blessin’ of holding my little man one more time.

His chubby little hand grips my jaw and he smiles up at me, his soft grey eyes full of love. “Gotta go now, Daddy. You go be a hero.” He jumps down and begins to run away his little legs makin’ small strides in the distance.

“Sawyer! Stop! Where you goin’?” I shout after him, his form fadin’ before me.

He turns around and looks at me, stretches his arm out and says, “I’m okay, Daddy. Go be a hero. Love you, always.” He smiles, wrinkling his nose. My heart drops into my chest and I call out to him, but he runs away. My eyes mist over and I’m so confused. I turn on my heel, trying to place my surroundings but I feel lost.

“Luke, please open your eyes.” Savannah? I can hear her crying, her sobs broken and breathless. I turn to look for her, but she’s nowhere to be found. Wetness drips onto my arm and I try to swipe it away, but suddenly all movement feels weighted. My chest hurts, my entire damn body sore and throbbin’ with tension. I feel hot all over, and it hurts to breathe.

Savannah’s cries rip at my heart, and I want to hold her, tell her everything is gonna be okay, but right now I don’t know what the hell is happenin’. My breathin’ labors and I fade into the darkness, the room suddenly dry of air. I cough, gasping for oxygen, but my lungs feel hard and suppressed. I can still hear Savannah’s whisperin’ pleas but suddenly my wind draws tight…

I draw in a ragged breath as my eyes pop open and I stare up at the ceiling tryin’ to focus my hazy vision. It takes a few minutes to fully wake up, but as I scan my eyes around the room I’m unfamiliar in my surroundings. The room is dark and I look out the window to see the star filled sky. My entire body feels rigid and tight and I just can’t breathe deep enough. Reaching up, I feel the oxygen mask on my face and I try to inhale the fresh air, but it’s like my lungs won’t accept it. I feel panicked. I try to raise up, urgent to breathe and every muscle in my body screeches in protest.

That’s when I feel her. Her fingers lace through mine and she places her other hand on my chest as she hovers over me, her swollen eyes searching mine. “L-luke?” She whispers as her eyes well up with tears. I part my mouth to speak, but my mouth is dry like cotton. “Lay still, let me get the doctor.” She jumps from the bed and races from the room. Suddenly, I realize why I’m here-in this hospital bed, covered in black soot, gasping for oxygen. The memory of Savannah’s house blazing high with fiery flames comes to mind, followed by a crushing weight, heat and suffocation.
She’s safe.

The nurse comes in first offerin’ me ice water to drink and it eases my dry throat almost immediately. She does the usual assessment-blood pressure, oxygen saturation, pulse, then moves outta the way taking notes as the doctor checks me over, listenin’ to my chest and so on.

“Mr. Ashton, do you remember anything?” The doctor asks.

“Not much, everything is still foggy. How long have I been out?” My raspy voice cracks as I speak through the mask.

“For nearly ten hours. You’re oxygen saturation is stabilizing which is fabulous, but the x-ray shows slight tissue damage to the lungs. I think you’re on the mend. We’ll watch you through the remainder of the night and if you’re up for it, we can probably send you home tomorrow. You’ll be sore for a few days, but if you feel like moving around it will help stretch out your muscles.” His cell phone beeps and he pulls it from his pocket as he turns on his heel. “If you need anything, just call out.”

Savannah looks over at me, her soft green eyes marred with streaks of red and my heart collapses. I rip the oxygen mask from my face and with every ounce of strength in me I pull myself up off the bed.

“Luke, what are you doin’? Lay down, you’re hurt!” She shouts. I reach out, wrappin’ my hand around her wrist and pull her into my bare chest and I swear she melts against me. A loud gush of air extinguishes from her lips, ghosting across my chest sendin’ chills up my back. I think that’s the first time she’s exhaled since she got here.

I rake my fingers through the back of her hair and tilt her face up to mine, resting my forehead on hers. “I thought I’d lost you, too. I couldn’t have lived with that heartache, Sav. No damn way.” I part my lips, dyin’ to taste her lips but I think better of it. Right now, she’s high strung on emotion and I don’t wanna confuse her anymore.

“You’re crazy. I can’t believe you nearly sacrificed your life to save mine.” She swallows hard, her eyes driftin’ closed. “I’m so happy that you’re okay.”

“Don’t hide from me like that, sweetheart. Look at me.” I urge, trailin’ the pad of my thumb across her soft cheek. “Tell me what you’re really feelin’, Sav.”

She shakes her head and tries to push away from me, but I keep my grip on her hips holding her firmly in place. “You need to rest, Luke.”

I scoot back on the bed and drag her with me, tuckin’ her to my side. “No, sweetheart. What I need is this-you in my arms, holdin’ you tight. Not lettin’ ya go, Sav.”

“Luke Ashton, you’re gonna kill yourself if you don’t slow it the hell down!” I growl. “And damn it, Colton Weston, you of all people should help me keep his ass in line! What? Is your frickin’ back broke? You couldn’t have carried that in by yourself?” I glance over to Colton who’s surely makin’ himself useful as he props the screen door open with his foot while Luke lugs in the boxed bed frame.

Colton deadpans as he pops a handful of peanuts in his mouth. “I told the dumb ass that’s what the furniture store offered delivery and setup for, but hell no, he’s dead set on doin’ this shit himself. He ain’t dead. His brute ass can handle carryin’ in a box. I carried one in.” Colton shrugs as a cocky laugh falls from his lips and I punch him in the ribs as I pass by him.

“Asshole.”

Luke props the box against the wall, then falls back against the couch panting for air, over exerted from pushing himself too hard these last few days. He was lucky. He didn’t suffer any substantial damage from the fire, just smoke inhalation and some light burns to his arms, face and lung tissue. He was released the very next day-mainly because of his persistence. The doctor gave him very specific instructions to take it easy for a few days, give his body time to recuperate without exerting himself, but Luke ain’t listened in the least.

Knowing he was safe only erased one worry from my troubled mind. When I escaped Josh’s wrath last summer I was intent on rebuilding my life, finding the Savannah who was once resilient and happy. Luke was my anchor while I treaded the murky waters. So many times I felt as if I’d drown I was so exhausted from fighting, but he refused to let me lose hope and made me fight back.

Now, I have to rebuild my life in an entirely different way. A new home, new vehicle, new everything. My childhood home-where I’ve been livin’ since Josh nearly killed me is now just a crumbling structure of char and water soaked ashes. Remnants of our childhood lay among the splintered wood and shattered glass just above the lies and secrets that house was built on.

Leaving the hospital with Luke, I felt lost. When you leave one place, you usually go home. But where the hell is home? I didn’t want to impose on Carly and Colton, they’re house just ain’t big enough for two families, and I sure as hell can’t buy a house in just one day. I didn’t have a plan in place. I was too concerned with Luke to consider anything, but once he was released I didn’t know where to go. A hotel?

Luke pulled out onto the road and headed in the opposite direction of Carly’s. I asked him where he was headed and his reply was simple-home. We arrived at his farm house a short bit later and I knew then he must have suffered lack of oxygen to the brain. We argued for a bit, but like everything else with Luke and I, he didn’t give up. He just kept pushing until I surrendered. It doesn’t much matter, Luke has been right by my side for the last four months, sleeping in the guest room at my house. Nothing would change.

But it did
.

I was fine with lying to myself, keeping my guard up where Luke is concerned, but I had grown tired of keeping my façade in place. The very day of the fire, I finally accepted my feelings for him and was prepared to finally talk to him about us, but tragedy struck nearly stripping him from me. We haven’t discussed it much since he’s been home, everything has been too hectic. Trying to get Luke to slow down, letting me and Carly get the house together has been like trying to bath a frickin’ cat. The twins have stayed at her house the last few nights, while I’ve been burning the midnight oil painting their bedrooms.

That was the next issue. Bedrooms. Luke’s house is a three bedroom two bath farm house. A little on the small side, but since Luke hasn’t revamped much, it still holds that old country charm. We were at the hardware store picking out paint. I searched through the neutral colors deciding on an earthy beige. Luke was confused why I was painting both rooms the same color and I was confused why he thought I was painting two rooms. When he realized I was planning for Brailee and Braden to share a room while I took the other he began to protest.

“My little girl’s room is gonna reflect her personality-bright and cheerful. Not some shitty brown. And Braden’s room needs to be kick ass.” His little girl?

“Uhm, they’re sharing a room, you do realize this, right?” I questioned.

“Like hell. They didn’t share a room at your house, they ain’t sharin’ at our house!” There he goes again with the labels-his girl, his little girl, our kiddos, our house.

“So, I guess I should bunk with Brailee then?” I asked him seriously. Panic filled my chest.

I knew then where this was going, I was just hoping he would ease me into it. He shook his head in disbelief, grabbed two paint cards and strutted off to the paint counter. The argument didn’t end there…hell, it still hasn’t ended.

Colton kicks at Luke’s boot, standing firm with his hand on his hips. “Move ya big ass, son. Let’s get this shit put together so you’re brats can get outta my hair already. Ain’t gotta clue how Savannah and Carly put up with all three of the little terrors when they get ‘em together.” Colton shoots me a wink and smirk. He loves Brailee and Braden like they’re his. Luke grumbles at him, his words unintelligible.

“Go on home, Colton. We can get the beds assembled tomorrow.”

“You sure?” He asks with a cocked up, intimidating brow. That look used to scare me, but Colton’s just a gentle teddy bear.

“Yeah, go on home and keep my kids in line. I’ll be by tomorrow morning to pick them up and Heidi Jo can spend the day with us. Maybe that will give Carly a little break.”

Colton nods then looks down at Luke who appears to have fallen asleep with his arm slung over his face and just shakes his head. “Holler if ya need anything.” He says, heading out the front door.

I grab the throw off the back of the couch and just as I toss it over Luke he catches my wrist mid-air and pulls me down into his lap. He nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck and says, “Didn’t think that prick was ever gonna leave.”

“You were awake this entire time!” I laugh, swatting at his thick chest.

“I’m done for the day, Sav. Exhausted. Just wanna hold my girl.” He whispers.

“Your girl, huh?” Luke nods against my neck, peppering tiny kisses along my collarbone. “Maybe we should talk about that?”

“What’s there to talk about, Sav? You see where your ass is planted.”

“Uhm, well,” I trail off, my words suddenly a jumbled collage in my brain and I’m suddenly scared to tell Luke how I feel. “I’m gonna go finish up in the bedrooms. Sit still and rest. I’ll be back in a few.” I say bolting up quickly.

“Sav, just leave it! Come back.” I hear Luke call behind me, but I ignore him and take the stairs two at a time to the bedrooms. He’s too exhausted to come after me right now.

I set to work cleaning up Braden’s room first. I gather the plastic, brushes and rollers, tossing them in the trash bag, then carry the leftover paint and tools to the hallway closet before vacuuming the carpet. Luke did a good job picking themes for each of their rooms. The kids will be so surprised when they come home tomorrow.

Braden’s room is painted royal blue with red accents and a large S shield donning the wall. Luke knows how much Braden loves Superman, and in a way I think this was his way of keeping Sawyer’s memory closer to his heart.

Brailee’s room was a bit challenging because she loves everything, but Luke kept it elegant with pink walls and white and black accents. It struck me as odd that he wanted to put in the work of decorating their rooms, considering he hasn’t really known them all too long. But looking around it seems he knows them better than Josh does, which relieves me.

I finish up their bedrooms and head back downstairs for a hot shower. Luke is nowhere to be found, he’s probably went out to feed Buttercup, so I think nothing of it and go on about my shower. We’ve worked non-stop for the last two days, cleaning, painting and bringing in new furniture that I am ready to become one with the couch and my Kindle.

Walking in the bathroom I notice a wadded up towel heaped in the floor next to the hamper. Oh sweet, I can see Luke’s a bit comfortable in his bachelor life. I wonder if he turns his underwear inside out so he doesn’t have to wash clothes as often, too. I set the shower to steam then pick up after Luke before stepping in. The scalding hot water cascades around me, easing the tight muscles in my shoulders and it feels amazing. I would stand in here all night if I weren’t so damn tired, so I wash off quickly. I towel off then dress in pajama shorts and a tank top, leaving my hair damp and messy.

I pad through the dark hallway, covering my mouth as I yawn. The shower really relaxed me and I’m sure once my head hits the pillow I’ll be out. Suddenly I feel hands on my hips as I’m thrust against the wall. Luke rests his arms over my head, caging me in beneath him.

“I asked you not to hide from me, Sav.” He says, his voice low and husky.

“What?” I ask, taking in his primal state. His piercing blue eyes are stern and urgent. “You know I went upstairs to clean up the kids’ room so we can get the beds up tomorrow.”

“That’s not what I meant, sweetheart. You were confused when I called you my girl, and I replied the way I did so you’d finally open up to me. Supposed to have cleared ya head, ‘member?” He smirks. That damn smirk, ugh I wanna swipe it off his face sometimes…he smirks to flirt, when he knows he’s right about something.

“Well everything got a little crazy for a few days.” I lie.

“Ya know, when I was unconscious I had these crazy as hell dreams. It’s like everything that ever caused me pain was taunting me. The dreams were surreal and it’s bothered me a lot over the last few days because it was just a reminder of what hell I’ve been through.” He stares down at me, gauging my face for a reaction to him, but I’m frozen. “I kept hearin’ you cryin’ but I couldn’t find you. I could hear you talkin’ but couldn’t make out everything you were sayin’. It was enough to drive me mad.”

“It was just a dream, Luke.” I whisper as fear crawls through my chest.

“What were you sayin’ to me when I was out, Sav? Just tell me. I can hear it in my mind, but I need to see it in your eyes when you say it this time. I need to feel it.”

No. Oh no, no, no. I know what he’s referring to, and I meant it when I said it, but right now, with him caging me in like a predator staking claim to his prey, glaring at me through those baby blues, I don’t think I can muster a coherent thought to speak. So I just pinch my eyes together and shake my head, hoping he’ll take that as a sign to let it go.

But he doesn’t.