Mend the Seams (17 page)

“Savannah!” Michele yells, pulling me to the present.

“I’m here.”

“Congratulations, honey. I don’t know what prompted him to change his mind, but you’re free now.” Free?
FREE!
Michele explains in further detail the process for the divorce while my mind stumbles over the reality of my freedom. Since Josh signed the Petition, reluctantly, she’s pulling strings with Judge Thornhall to have the divorce finalized today.

Pressing end on the phone I drop it to the floor and sit staring at the shiny silver handle of the cabinet. My breathing slows as I try to grasp my new reality.

Divorced.

Safe.

Free.

I hear the back door slam shut but I’m too weak to move. Heavy steps descend toward me but I stay focused on the cabinet, my thoughts running rampant with excitement and relief. Suddenly, a large frame stoops before me. Taking in my frail state, Luke’s large, yet gentle hands cup my face ever so softly and as my eyes drift to his the tears spring free. Without thought, he scoops me into his arms, carrying me to the couch. He brushes my hair back, allowing him the view of my red puffy eyes. His piercing blue eyes soften, filling with sorrow. “Sweetheart,” he whispers as he dips his head and kisses the corner of my lip, “you’re safe.” He swipes the pad of his thumb across my cheek erasing the tears instantly, tightening his gripe around my waist.

“I’m free.” I whisper, suddenly finding the strength to smile.

“What, sweetheart?” Luke asks, his face scrunching in confusion and I can’t help but to cry harder.

“I’m free! I’m free!” I try to find more words to express my happiness but that’s all my mind can focus on – my freedom. Luke doesn’t pry any further for several minutes. He holds me close, giving me the chance to calm my tears, gathering my thoughts.

Suddenly I realize, Luke showed up just when I needed him. After we dropped the kids off at school this morning, he brought me home then left to attend to business. He told me it would be late evening before he’d be home, but to call if I needed him. I didn’t consider calling him, because I didn’t have the chance. Within minutes of ending my call with Michele, he was here just like he knew.

“I didn’t expect you to be home so early.” I say, wiping my eyes. My face is stiff and puffy, surely an ugly sight. But Luke doesn’t pay no mind to my appearance.

“Did you say home?” Luke asks, tilting his head to the side as he searches my face suspiciously. My chest seizes with anxiety and my mouth drops.
You did say home.
Shut up! Don’t go there…momentary lapse in thought.

“Sorry, just used to you being here.” I say shyly as I push up from the couch and pad off into the kitchen for a drink of water. My throat is so dry and scratchy, closing up from the choked up tears I cried.
Or panic that’s rising up your chest.
And then there’s that.

I stand by the sink trying to drag in slow ragged breaths when suddenly I’m embraced by strong, corded arms. Luke dips his face into the curve of my neck, pressing a tender kiss to my delicate flesh. My breath catches in my throat and he inhales slowly then mutters, “Don’t hide from me, Sav. I’m here. No matter how long it takes.”

Emotions swirl and tumble throughout me like wild fire, and I pinch my eyes closed trying to clear my head. My shoulders feel lighter, the weight of a million pounds floating away with one simple phone call, yet the crushing pain that breaks through my chest sends trembles down my spine as my mind clouds. I’m free. Like a delicate sparrow, I’m released of Josh’s torturous talons, his soul crushing words and his sadistic control. I’m free of his rage, the all-consuming heartache that has gripped me for far too long. But as the fear he wracked me with floats away slowly, a new fear seeps into my skin taking hold of me.

Turning in Luke’s arms my hands hover his chest, unsure of where to place them. Gently laying them on his forearms, I cast my head down, too scared to look into the brewing storm of his piercing blue eyes. My lips part as I search for the words, and Luke’s finger tips up my chin forcing me to look at him. “Please. Don’t hide from me anymore, sweetheart.” He pleads, his voice laced with love and concern.

My breath hitches in my chest as I stare at him, his icy blue eyes consuming me, trapping me as I stand encased in his arms. “It’s over, Luke. The divorce is final.” I whisper. Luke’s eyes widen in disbelief, and he grips his arms around me tighter. He presses my head to his chest, breathing me in as he exhales a sigh of utter relief. We stand embraced in each-others’ arms what seems like for hours and as time passes the anxiety melts away.

My legs begin to grow stiff and tired so I pull away from Luke, turning on my heel I traipse off upstairs. I splash my face off quickly, enjoying the crisp cool feel of the water blanketing my warm, flush skin. My emotions are roiling wild, so many thoughts thrashing around my mind from the day. Replaying my conversation with Michele through my mind, I let the realization of my freedom wash over me once more. It’s like new life has been breathed into my tattered soul. I feel renewed, born again.

But why? Why did Josh give up so easily? He never backs down, never gives up what he wants. Then I remember Michele’s statement – “
But he also asked that I give you a letter from Josh. That’s at my office if you want it, if not, we can pretend I never received it.”

Determination sets in. I need to see that letter. I need to see the divorce petition signed, sealed and delivered for my freedom. I get dressed quickly then rush back downstairs to a silent Luke. Approaching him slowly, I ascend my eyes towards him and reach out for his hand. “Michele said everything would be final today. Josh sent me a letter also. I need to see if for myself – to know that it’s real.”

Luke rakes his hand up my neck, pulling me forward as he presses another earth tilting kiss to my temple. Releasing a breathy sigh, he releases me and heads towards the garage.

Anticipation suffocates me, my knee jerking up and down nervously as I wait for Michele to return to her office. Luke remains quiet by my side. His presence is all the support I need in this moment.

"Mrs. Moore," Jodie greets as she waits for me at the hall entry. She tips her head as I approach, then turns on her heel leading me and Luke to Michele's office.

"Well I'm not surprised in the least to see you so soon!" Michele squalls as she shoots up from her desk chair. Instead of the formal handshake you'd half expect from an attorney, she greets me beside her desk, embracing me in a warm friendly hug. Holding me out at arms-length she looks me over with a wide spread grin growing on her face. Shaking her head she says, "Certainly not the woman I met four months ago." She tsks, "Not the same woman at all. It’s like new breath has been blown into your lungs, Savannah. It's a beautiful sight. Have a seat and we'll discuss today's events." She pats my shoulder, motioning for me to sit. Stepping to Luke they exchange introductions before taking their seats. He scoots his chair a little closer towards me, but keeps his hands folded in his lap like a gentleman.

"Granted by our honorable Judge Jonathan Thornhall and the Commonwealth of Kentucky, you are now officially divorced. Congrats, Miss Savannah Simon." Michele states, handing me a file folder. Flipping it open anxiously I scan over each paper, awestruck that my personal Hell is finally over. It feels like my heart zaps back to life, pumping vigorously. "Savannah?" Michele calls to me and I glance up at her questioning face.

"Just a little lost here." I smile bashfully, shrugging my shoulders.

"I mentioned a letter I was asked to pass on to you. What would you like for me to do with it?" Michele questions.

"It was intended for me with reason."

Michele nods. Standing, she makes her way around the desk, handing me the sealed envelope with a scroll of Savannah scratched across the front. "Good luck, Miss Simon. I hope this brings you closure."

Closure.

That word has stayed with me since leaving Michele's office earlier today. My smile never faltered after reading the signed Divorce petition. Seeing Josh's signature scrawled on the line in black and white was the tiny grain of hope that breathed new life into me. Still shattered, broken and bent, this moment is my reckoning – the moment I wash the past away with my salty tears and smile at my future. The darkness is slowly fading, a new dawn brightening my way and although my steps may be heavy laden, the burdens will only grow lighter. I have faith in that.

I can't draw my kids close enough to me. I’ve hovered over them all evening, not able to look away from their chubby little faces for more than a brief moment. Their light lit my path as Luke's hand guided me through Hell.

He's been quiet but observant all evening long, his piercing blue eyes trailing my every move. The look in his eyes muddle my every thought. I know he's consumed with happiness that he saved me and saw me through the wreckage, but now he knows he's one step closer to the prize. I owe Luke for rescuing me more times than I can count, but my heart splinters knowing I just can't give him what he wants.

I deserve to be happy and know with every fiber of my being that Luke would make me happy, but I'm not ready. I wish I could place the shattered shards of my frail heart in his hands, allowing him to mend me back together, but I wouldn't know where to start. The shards span a trail for years, many pieces crushed to dust left in Josh's wake. How do you mend the seams when the jagged pieces can't even fit together?

As silence falls across the house, I tip toe down stairs removing Josh's letter from my purse. I've been so hesitant about reading this all day. I don't understand why Josh decided to sign the divorce petition, and I'm sure this letter holds the answers, but it also has the power to destroy me further just by acknowledging his words.

Quietly unlocking the front door, I pull it open, slipping out into the cool fall air. Lightenin' bugs dance around the night sky, their tails lighting up in sync as they flutter about the old oak tree. Not much longer and they'll be gone, burrowing deep into the Earth so they can survive the fierce Kentucky winter.

Sitting down gently on the old wooden porch swing I set a slow swaying rhythm that blankets me in a peaceful calm. This porch holds so many memories for me. It was always where we could find Daddy on an early Sunday morning, sipping his coffee and smokin’ his cigarettes. It’s where I had my first kiss my freshmen year in high school. It’s where Luke always watched over me, my protector standing guard over my family as we slept.

Finding my courage, I slip my finger inside the corner of the envelope, ripping at the seam.