Metal Urge (37 page)

Nick stared at the flashing lights looming like beacons in the windscreen and shouted at Nigel to slow down as soon as he saw policemen scrambling in all directions.  He turned and looked at Nigel’s horrified face, and it dawned on him that they were all going to die on that cold, crisp English morning.

A deathly silence filled the air around them so thick and heavy they couldn’t hear their own breathing as it quickened with fear.  Suddenly the air was alive with terrified screams as the Jaguar tore through the wooden orange barriers, splintering them into a thousand pieces and tossing them into the air like matchsticks.  The Jag crashed into two police vehicles, its rear-end flipping up and over the roofs of the decimated cars, spinning round and flipping end over end until it slammed into the asphalt.  Chunks of metal and glass filled the air as the chassis was obliterated.

“Oh, dear God in heaven,” a young policeman cried as he witnessed the devastation.  He crawled to a damaged police car and grabbed the crackling radio.  “Please send help,” he moaned into the radio handset, all protocol forgotten in the wake of the horrific accident.  He started to speak into the handset once more when the Jaguar’s gas tank erupted into hissing yellow and orange flames.  The officer dropped the handset, tears running down his face as he realized that no one could have survived such a horrendous crash.

Chapter 44

The intensive care unit had been off limits to Deanna since Nigel had been admitted to the hospital ten days earlier.  She spent hours in the waiting room every day hoping to run into Neville or his wife to get updates on Nigel’s condition.  Neville told her it was a miracle Nigel had survived the car accident which provided some consolation.  By all accounts he should have died at the scene along with Maggi and Nick…the thought made her stomach clench with terror.  She bowed her head and prayed a silent prayer of forgiveness and mercy for her stubborn refusal to forgive Maggi.  It had been a sad, and unfortunate coincidence that her and Nick had been in the car with Nigel---now they were both dead.  Deanna had attended the memorial service for Maggi, populated by a score of school and work friends, even the remaining members of Beastrage.

And Trevor Hampton.

How could she ever forget the solitary figure sitting at the back of the church, hunched over and sobbing out his grief.  The pathetic creature had loved Maggi, loved her so desperately that it seemed he wouldn't survive the shock of her death.  Deanna felt compelled to creep quietly to his pew and sit with him.  She held his shaking hand as he cried, praying that she would provide him some small comfort.

No Atwell family members turned up that day.

Deanna learned later that Maggi’s cremated remains were being shipped back to Phoenix where her family would mourn her in private.  Grabbing a tissue out of her purse, she sniffed and wiped away a fresh batch of tears.  She had cried so much it seemed impossible that she had any tears left to shed.  She tried to be strong, praying her strength would help Nigel in his struggle to heal.  How she longed to go to him and tell him how much she loved him.  Just speak the words in his ear so he would hear them and know she was there by his side.  Taking out another fresh tissue, she held it to her face and wept quietly.  A warm hand on her shoulder signaled Thom’s arrival.  He gave her a quick hug, and sat beside her in silence until she felt strong enough to speak.  As he asked about Nigel, Deanna saw Neville walking towards them looking less strained and colorless than he had in days.  He even managed a hesitant smile as he shook Thom’s hand and gave Deanna's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“Nigel has opened his eyes.”

As Deanna grabbed his hands crying “Thank God,” he patted her hands gently and shook his head.  “The doctor said it’s a good sign but not to get our hopes up, at least until they've done another brain scan.”

“It’s the first time he’s opened his eyes in almost two weeks, yeah?” Thom said.  “I’m gonna take that as a very good sign.”

“I agree with Thom,” Deanna said, squeezing Neville’s hands.  She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but she was desperate to see Nigel.  If he knew she was there maybe it would help him, especially if she could talk to him, encourage him with her love and support.

“Neville, I don’t want push but…”

He smiled at her and nodded, “I’ve finally convinced mum and dad to let you see him when the doctors say it’s alright of course.”

“Thank you, Neville!” Deanna cried, hugging him with all of the strength she could muster.

Thom nodded his agreement.  “I think she’s just what he needs right now.  I’ll be chuffed to tell the lads they can visit him as well.  They come by or call the hospital every day hoping to hear some good news.”

“I’m sure we can arrange a visit for all of yo
u,
” Neville smiled.  He was rather surprised that Thom had been able to put aside his feelings of hurt and betrayal to lend support for Nigel.  He was almost positive that he wouldn’t be so noble if thrust into the same situation of losing his wife to his best mate.  He clapped Thom on the back and told Deanna he would let her know about visitation as soon as the doctor gave his approval.

She gave Thom a hug after Neville left, murmuring her thanks for his support.  It didn’t really surprise her all that much.  That was exactly the kind of man Thom McCordy was and always would be.

****

“Deanna?” Neville touched her shoulder gently.

She jerked her head up and looked around.  “I must have fallen asleep.”

Sighing, Neville sat down.  He handed her a steaming cup of coffee prepared just the way she liked it.  “You’ve been here all night, love.”

With a bittersweet smile, she thanked him and took a sip of the scalding brew.  Staring at Neville, tears filled her tired, red-rimmed eyes.  “I don’t want to leave him…he needs me.”

“Indeed he does, but he needs you to stay healthy and keep up your strength.”  Neville looked at her, concern furrowing his brow, “You need to get some proper rest.”

“I will,” she said quietly.  “I promise.”

They finished off their coffee, and Deanna stretched her sore, stiff muscles which were cramped from sitting in the uncomfortable waiting room chair all night.  “Do you think I’ll be able to see him today?”

“Yes, but…”

“Thank you, Neville!  Thank you so much!”  She ran her fingers through her hair to get some of the tangles out.  “Can I see him now?  I have to clean up a bit; I don’t want him to see me looking like…”

“I need to talk to you first,” Neville began as Deanna stood up and started for the ladies room. “Wait!  Deanna, please wait!”  He jumped up and went after her, grabbing her arm and leading her back to the seating area.

She looked at him oddly then fear clouded her features.  “He’s okay, right?  Neville, please tell me he’s okay.”  Her voice was high and turning panicky.

Neville held her shoulders, massaging them gently, hoping to calm her down.  “He’s stable at the moment, but you need to understand that he…well, his injuries...they’re quite severe.”  He cupped her face gently, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before, but he doesn’t look like the Nigel you said goodbye to on Christmas morning.  It’s going to be quite a shock I’m afraid.”

Deanna sagged against the chair and swallowed hard.  “What…what does he…?”  She was unable to finish her sentence as tears spilled down her cheeks.

Neville rubbed his face, looking down at the floor while he worked out what to say and how to say it.

“Just tell me the truth, Neville.  I need to know.”

Taking a deep breath, Neville leaned back and crossed his arms.  He cleared his throat a couple of times, feeling Deanna tense up beside him.  “His head is shaved.  It was necessary to do so in order to perform a procedure to help alleviate the pressure on his brain.  His nose was crushed and most of his front teeth knocked out.  His left arm was nearly severed at the shoulder, and they don’t know if he will have the use of it until it heals.”

Deanna moaned and covered her face with shaking hands.  When he asked if she wanted him to go on, she nodded, trying desperately to keep from screaming in anguish.

“Both of his hips were shattered, as well as his knees and his right ankle.  The doctors don’t know if he will…ever walk again.”  Neville stopped and wiped his eyes, his breath hitching.  “He has some bleeding internally and they still haven‘t found the cause.  He’s covered in cuts and bruises, some quite severe.”  Neville took a deep, shaky breath, “and his larynx was crushed.”

He turned to Deanna, his face a mask of pain.  “The throat specialist believes the injury was caused by the steering wheel given the nature of the damage.  He has no idea if surgery will help.  Nigel may never be able to speak again.”

Pushing herself out of the chair, Deanna apologized and stumbled towards the ladies room.

After the door closed with a soft whoosh, Neville heard a faint keening sound that seemed to go on and on and on.  When the door finally opened, Deanna walked towards him, her shoulders back, and her expression composed.

“I’d like to see Nigel now.  I want him to know I’m here for him and that I love him and always will.  No matter what.”

Neville held her hand tightly as they approached the lift, praying that she could hold it together when she saw Nigel laying in that cold, sterile room, hooked up to so many tubes and wires that he looked like something out of a horror film.

She smiled up at him as they entered the lift, trying to conceal the gut-wrenching pain ripping her heart and soul to shreds.  “Dear God, give me strength,” she prayed silently.  “Please, God…for Nigel’s sake.”

****

Nightmares are born of cold, dark spaces permeated by the smell of impending death and despair.

Deanna sagged against Neville when she entered that frozen, nightmarish room, void of any illumination other than the blinking sickly white and yellow lights on ticking, gurgling, beeping machinery.  Nigel lay as immobile as a statue, covered in heavy white plaster casts, blood-stained bandages, and black zigzagging stitches holding his torn and swollen flesh together.  It seemed as though there were needles and tubes attached to every part of his exposed skin.  Her knees turned liquid as she shook her head whispering “
no, no, no”
under her breath.  She could feel Neville frantically trying to keep her upright as she struggled to regain her balance and her composure.  It took several minutes for her to stand on her own.  She staggered towards the bed, her eyes taking in the devastated body of the man she so desperately loved.  His right hand lay palm up surprisingly unscathed except for a large IV needle inserted deeply into a vein and taped to his wrist.  Carefully laying her palm against his, she stroked his thumb and fingers gently.

“Nigel, my love, I’m here.”  She stared at his eyelids hoping to detect even a small movement at the sound of her voice.  “Baby, its Deanna, can you hear me?”

She heard the door shut as Neville left the room.  A slight movement against her fingers startled her.  She watched as Nigel’s fingers closed around hers, and looked up to see him staring at her, tears trailing over his cheekbones and dripping onto his pillow.  “Oh, baby am I hurting you?”

He made a small movement with his head and blinked, bruised and blackened eyes bright with unshed tears.  He reached up to stroke her face, and she pressed her lips to his palm, murmuring how much she loved him against its chilling coldness.  Crying softly, Deanna held his hand against her cheek with her left hand so he could see that she was wearing the carved rose ring he had given her on Christmas Eve while lightly rubbing his forearm with her right hand to warm his cold skin.  Sighing, he closed his eyes and after a few moments the tears stopped.  He looked at her once again with love and relief on his battered face.

“I’m not going to leave the hospital.  I promise I’ll be here day and night so that I can spend as much time with you as possible.”  She kissed his hand and then his fingertips.  “I love you, Nigel Guilford.  Don’t you ever forget that, you hear me?  We're going to get through this together, and before you know it we'll be going home to start our new life together, okay?”

He blinked as if to say “yes” just as a nurse came in to tell Deanna it was time to leave.  Nigel gripped her hand tightly, his eyes begging her not to leave.

“I’ll be right outside if you need me.”  Deanna squeezed his trembling hand and brought it to her lips, kissing each knuckle before letting go.

Nigel’s eyes followed her as she approached the door.

“I love you,” she said, hoping he could hear her over the machinery as the nurse closed the door behind her.

Neville was standing a few feet from the door, and Deanna ran to him, throwing herself into his arms as she sobbed, haunted by the look of fear in Nigel’s eyes.  Why couldn’t she stay with him?  How could they leave him alone in that horrible room?

“Nigel…my sweet, precious, Nigel,” she cried against Neville’s chest.  “Please God, don't let him be afraid,” she pleaded silently.  “Please.”

****

“Have a look at this,” Thom said, laying a large bag overflowing with mail at Deanna’s feet.  She looked around at all of the members of Metal Urge.  They were smiling at her a bit sadly, but seemed glad they were finally going to be allowed to visit Nigel after almost three weeks in the hospital.  He was still in intensive care but some restrictions had been lifted as he continued to recover from his devastating injuries.