Mia the Magnificent (18 page)

I screamed as she hooked a metal bar onto the top of the nail and looped it through my navel. It was all like something from a horror movie, except it was really happening to me.

Tugging the nail into place, she said, “Well, look at that. This kit actually works. Not bad for something I got on eBay.”

My stomach heaved up and down like a trampoline. “I thought you took a test and got a license!”

“Nah, I just didn’t want you to panic,” Zoë said. “Now, keep this thing clean or it’ll get infected. And if you lose feeling in your lower extremities, call a doctor ASAP.”

“I’m in a wheelchair!” I exclaimed. “How am I supposed to know if I can’t use my legs?”

“Good point,” Zoë said, putting her kit back together. “Just keep it clean, don’t let any fabric rub against it, and you’ll be fine. Now, I’ve got to fly. My band’s meeting up in an hour to go over some new
tunes I wrote.”

“That’s it?” I said, hysteria creeping into my voice. “You put a huge hole in my stomach and just leave?”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic?” Zoë said as she headed to the door. “I said you’ll be fine. Have I ever lied to you before?”

“Wow, look at you,” Eric said later that night as he walked into my house. “I hardly recognize you. You look so, so, so hot. I mean, you always look good, but tonight you’re like—”

“Is it too much?” I blushed. “I mean, too little?”

“No, it’s just right,” Eric replied, his eyes not quite meeting my face.

“Stop staring,” Chris said from the couch. “They’re fake. She used my sweat socks to fill them out.”

“Uh,” Eric said, looking down the hall, “do your parents know you’re going out looking like this? I remember them mentioning something about killing me if I ever touched you. I might not be able to help myself.”

“Don’t worry about it. They’re gone and won’t be home until late tonight,” I said, both thrilled and scared by the effect I was having on Eric.

After getting over the shock of having a spike in my belly, I decided that if I was going to actually pull off this look, I was going to do it right. So as soon as my parents left for the night, I yanked off the baggy sweatshirt I’d been wearing all day to hide my belly button and put the costume back on. Then I sprayed my hair black with the can of hair dye Zoë had left, powdered my face white, and threw the pair of fishnet stockings over my one good leg. When I was done, I was amazed at the transformation. I felt like a completely different
person—which, all things considered, wasn’t such a bad thing.

“I feel kind of lame with just the suit and hat I’m wearing for
Guys and Dolls,”
Eric said. “Your costume is awesome. The pierced belly button looks so real.”

“This?” I forced a chuckle, realizing Chris was in earshot. Pointing at my bruised belly button, I said, “This is just a clip-on. It’s part of the costume.”

“Hold on a minute,” Chris said, bolting upright from the couch and running over to me. “I’d know that phony laugh anywhere. You are totally lying about something.”

I tried to cover up the still tender flesh around my navel, but I wasn’t quick enough and Chris exclaimed, “I can’t believe it! You actually pierced your belly button! Mom and Dad are totally going to kill you when they find out!”

“Which is why you’re not going to tell them,” I said. “You don’t want them to hurt a girl in a wheelchair, now, do you?”

“Are you kidding me?” Chris replied. “Mom and Dad haven’t freaked out on you because they don’t want to yell at a cripple. But this will completely send them over the edge. It’ll be like
Rocky I, II, III, IV,
and V all rolled together!”

“OK, what do you want?” I said. “If it’s money, you’ll have to wait, because I’m broke.”

“Let me come to the Flying Squirrel with you tonight, and I promise not to tell Mom and Dad about your belly button—at least not until I want something else. After all, you owe me after you ruined my chances with Gina.”

“I don’t owe you anything,” I said. “Gina broke up with you all on her own.”

“After you told her about Rachel,” Chris said.

“So what? You’re planning on blackmailing me for the rest of my life because of that?”

“Not for the rest of your life. I’ll only hold this over your head for the next few years. But think about it like this: Every favor you grant
me gives you another day to live,” Chris said. “That sounds pretty fair to me.”

“Go get your coat,” I grumbled, feeling terrible about the look of disappointment on Eric’s face. “We’ll meet you in the car.”

A few minutes later, Chris hopped in the back of Eric’s car wearing a white T-shirt with a giant e scribbled on it, and a paper clip slipped onto the collar.

“What are you supposed to be?” I asked.

“Don’t you get it?” Chris waited for my reaction, but when he saw I was still completely clueless, he sighed. “I think you’ve been sitting on your brains too long. I’m an e-mail attachment, you idiot,” Chris explained, slamming the back door. “Now, let’s get moving. I’ve got a party to get to.”

As Eric wheeled me into the Flying Squirrel, a tall, thin man dressed as a flamingo came rushing over to meet us.

“You must be Mia,” he said, pumping my arm up and down. “I’m Rick, the manager at the Flying Squirrel. I reserved a large table for you and your friends near the band area. I hope that’s enough.”

“Thanks,” I said. This guy seemed to think I looked as lifeless as Zoë had said. “I appreciate it.”

“Oh, look at that smile—and in such dire circumstances!” He bit his lower lip. “You are one brave little soldier.”

As he rushed off in a fit of tears, Eric said, “What was that all about?”

“Who cares?” Chris said, grabbing hold of my wheelchair and pushing me through the crowd, not even attempting to protect my leg. “Let’s get going. I’ve never had a table reserved for me before.”

After Chris rammed my broken leg into a cowboy, a flapper girl, and a witch—who might not have been in costume—we finally made it to our reserved table.

I waved at Lisa, who was already waiting for us, dressed up as Dorothy from
The Wizard of Oz.
“I’m so glad you got my message,” I said. “I didn’t know if you’d be able to whip up a costume on such short notice, but it looks great.”

“I already had my costume,” Lisa said. “Don’t you remember Halloween in sixth grade? I guess that’s the one good thing about hitting my full height at the age of twelve.” Lisa slung her arm around Chris’s shoulder. “Great costume—an e-mail attachment, right?”

“See?” Chris said to me. “Lisa gets it.”

“That’s because Lisa’s a genius,” I said. “If it requires an IQ of
over 150 to understand your costume, it’s lame.”

“You’re finally here,” Zoë said as she walked toward our table and stuck her guitar pick into the blood-spattered apron tied around her waist. “I was starting to get worried. I thought maybe Princess had to go to the hospital with a rotted-out belly button or something. When I got home this afternoon, I read the directions on that kit and I think I might’ve done it wrong.”

Eric stared at me. “You let Zoë pierce your belly button?”

“You got your belly button pierced?!” Lisa exclaimed. “And you didn’t consult a doctor or
me
?”

“Man, this is just getting better and better,” Chris said with a grin. “I can’t wait to tell Mom and Dad that not only did you pierce your belly button, but you let Zoë do it!”

“My belly button is fine,” I said, thinking it might have been helpful if Zoë had read the directions
before
she put a hole in my flesh. “A little sore, but so far it’s still there.”

“Good,” Zoë replied. “Let me know if it starts to swell like road kill or turns green or anything.”

“Sure,” I said, feeling my midriff under the table to make sure no strange growths had suddenly emerged.

Rick approached our table with a full tray of lemonades. “I thought you might enjoy these,” he said, setting the tray on the table. “They’re on the house. Nothing is too good for our special guest.”

As Lisa and Eric both turned to look at me, I smiled feebly. “Uh, thanks.”

“So,” Rick said, preening his flamingo feathers as he looked toward the door, “what time did you say the news people were going to get here?”

“They said it would be later on tonight,” Zoë said. “So keep those lemonades coming.”

“Of course.” Rick gave me a compassionate pat on the back. “When they get here, I just hope you remember to mention how
giving the Flying Squirrel was to you and your friends.”

As Rick hustled off to the drink counter, Zoë glanced toward the door. “Jeez, Preppy,” she said, “did you invite the whole freaking St. Hilary’s pep squad here tonight?”

I swiveled my head to see where she was looking and saw Tim, dressed in a Superman costume, huddled by the door next to Alyssa and Mike. “Quick,” I yelled, “everybody hide!”

“Yeah, like I’m really going to do that,” Zoë said.

Tim waved.

“It’s too late anyway,” I said. “They already saw us.”

Lisa stood up. “Well, if I’m going to spend the night watching Mike and Mandy make goo-goo eyes at each other, I’m going to need a second to prepare.”

While Lisa escaped to the restroom, Mike, Alyssa, and Tim made their way to our table.

“Mind if we join you?” Alyssa asked. “This place is packed.”

“Actually,” I said, “these chairs are saved for—”

“No one,” Chris said, staring at the golden lasso attached to Alyssa’s Wonder Woman costume. “There’s plenty of room. I’m Chris, Mia’s sweet and adorable brother.”

Alyssa looked at me. “Mia, why didn’t you tell me you had such a cute little brother?”

“Because I don’t,” I said, giving Chris a dirty look for trading in Lisa’s feelings for the chance to see Wonder Woman’s star-studded costume up close and personal.

“Where’s Lisa?” Mike asked as he took the seat next to me. “I thought I saw her here a minute ago.”

“She’s polishing her ruby slippers,” I said. “She’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Ruby slippers?” Mike asked, his voice full of hope. “Is Lisa wearing that Dorothy costume again? Man, she was cute in that dress back in sixth grade.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Mike immediately turned
an intense shade of tomato red. “You remember what Lisa wore on Halloween four years ago?” I said.

Reaching for a glass of lemonade, Mike mumbled, “I just have a really good long-term memory about some things.”

“So,” I asked, watching Mike chug the entire glass in one gulp, “where’s Mandy? Is she meeting you here later?”

Mike set down the empty glass and sighed. “I guess I should tell you that Mandy and I broke up a couple of days ago. She said she could tell I wasn’t that into her anymore and told me I should be with the girl I really like.”

“Who is...?”

Mike slumped back into his seat. “Lisa.”

I squealed in excitement. “You still like Lisa?!”

“Shh,” Mike said. “You don’t need to tell the whole world. Besides, it doesn’t matter. Lisa can’t stand me.”

Realizing I was now free to convey Lisa’s true feelings about Mike, I blurted out, “I can’t wait to tell you this! Lisa—”

“Hi, everyone,” Lisa said as she returned to the table looking calm, cool, and cheery. “Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

Mike shot me a distinct shut-up stare, so I held my tongue, even though it was about killing me, and instead gestured toward the seat next to Mike. “You didn’t miss a thing, Lisa, but those shoes must be killing you. Why don’t you sit down and rest for a while?”

Lisa’s big blue eyes looked at me in sheer disbelief, but considering I could tell she was trying her hardest not to be rude, she took the seat and smiled at Mike. “Cute costume.”

Mike adjusted his white sailor hat over his red-yarn wig. “Thanks. Mandy and I went out shopping a couple of weeks ago because she wanted us to wear matching costumes tonight. And since she was going to be Raggedy Ann, I ended up buying the Raggedy Andy costume. Personally, I think it’s kind of lame.”

“No, it’s sweet,” Lisa replied through a frozen smile.

“Cute and sweet aren’t usually what a sixteen-year-old guy is
going for on Halloween,” Tim said, flexing his fake muscles. “That’s why I went for studly.”