Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (13 page)

living like the average man in the street, I was becoming like the

average man in the street. I was getting my life back.

Paul

I do try to include my own real life situations in the hope that it will

help people to understand a little more, as I believe that it is much

better than just writing down information.

The following post is entitled
“Taking a Break from Anxiety”

I hope everyone enjoyed a bit of ‘off topic’ in the last post. We did

seem to go back on topic from time to time, but we shared some

stories and some laughs and got to know a little more about each

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other. This was not just an off topic subject, it was also designed to

give people a break and leads me on to my next topic.

I know Scarlet has mentioned the need to take a break to others

and I have mentioned it a lot in my book and in the past, so I thought

that if I put up a post about it and explained it in a little more detail, it

may help people.

It is very important to take some time out from the subject of

anxiety. It’s great to finally find helpful information and read up on

this topic, but sometimes people can immerse themselves far too

much in the subject, searching on Google for symptom after

symptom and spending hours looking for the answers that will make

it all go away. People who have been here for a while will know

that last year I set up a forum and within a few weeks closed it down.

Not only had I taken on too much, but I felt that in the long run it was

not helping people on here. I have never liked forums as they can

become addictive and people spend far too much time on them,

talking about their problems and trying to help others with theirs.

They reading about other people’s symptoms, day in, day out, and

miss out on the vital time outs that we need. It is the same if

someone is depressed and goes on a forum hearing other people’s

stories of depression each day. It tends to just drag you down even

further.

The mistake so many make is that they chase recovery and don’t let

it come to them. By this I mean they will spend hours every day

looking up all their symptoms and chasing that elusive cure that will

make a symptom go away instantly. I can’t tell you how much time I

wasted trying to ‘rid’ myself of anxiety rather than just living with the

anxiety there. I never considered just living and allowing my body to

regain its balance. I fought with myself daily and as far as I was

concerned, I just had to get rid of these feelings. I kept asking

myself “Why do I feel like this? Why am I not getting better? Will this

ever go away? What if I do this, that and the other – will it help? I

never gave myself a break from the subject and made the mistake of

trying to fight and think my way better. This has the same effect as

hitting a broken leg with a hammer, it will never recover.

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It is also very important to place all symptoms under the umbrella of

anxiety and not try to separate and work on each one individually.

Nothing saddens me more than people asking for advice here on a

certain symptom, then asking about another the day after and then

another a week later. I just know that they are going to go round in

circles finding something else to worry about and something else to

Google. You don’t need to separate each symptom, just see anxiety

as one. Worrying about each symptom individually will create 20

different things to worry about. By putting it all under the umbrella of

anxiety, you can never have more than one.

I went from being a person who did nothing but consume himself

with how he felt, hiding away from everything and spending my days

feeling sorry for myself, to one who just said ‘enough is enough’.

The only way to feel normal again is to live as normal a life as

possible. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I would go for a

swim. Instead of worrying about how I felt, I would get my bike out

and go for a ride. Instead of spending hours trying to figure a way

out of this hell, I would take a walk. Instead of hiding away, I began

to socialise again. Doing these things felt odd at first as I was

changing a habit I had developed, but by just living my life and not

living it trying to rid myself of anxiety each day, I felt the old me

returning and I began to feel more normal. My day consisted of

something else other than being immersing in how I felt. My mind

had been given a break and had something else to concentrate on.

I remember going for a swim when I was probably at my worst, full of

anxiety and D.P. I just wanted to shut the world away and not go

out, but I went. I arrived in the changing rooms and felt weird, but I

got changed and went into the pool. I was somewhere else half the

time, my mind reverting back to me, but it was OK. I knew that

things would not change overnight. I finished my swim and got

changed and again felt odd and a little anxious, but that was fine.

When I arrived home I was happy that I had done what I did and felt

just a little better; nothing major, just a little better. I went every week

after that, never demanding or expecting anything, and within a few

weeks I felt almost normal at times, when at first it was the other way

around.

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I remember when I first felt as though I had recovered, I had an odd

feeling of strangeness. That’s because feeling normal felt strange, a

bit like a prisoner feels when first freed from jail. My body needed

time to adjust to feeling normal. This is what I mean when I say

recovery comes in layers. A lot of people don’t want to go through

anxiety. They just think ‘yes, yes, that is all well and good, but I

would rather have the quick route and find the answer to make it all

go away today’. So off they go on their merry way, googling again,

going on numerous forums asking questions on how to get rid of this

damn thing and they just end up going around in circles, chasing

their own tail and getting nowhere.

On the subject of forums, some are good, but there are many that

are poorly moderated and people who are looking for help often end

up trying to help others, the result being that you end up with lots of

conflicting advice that helps nobody. Also, as I have previously

mentioned, I believe they can become addictive and people can end

up spending too much time on there and not just living their life.

So, to sum up, live your life however you feel. Don’t let anxiety make

decisions for you. Go out and do things. Doing so may seem weird

at first, but that’s OK as you are changing a habit. But living a

normal life is where normal feelings, emotions and your body’s

reactions will return. Do everything you would normally do if you did

not have anxiety or depersonalisation. That is the key. It’s OK to

have anxiety, its OK to have depersonalisation. This needs to be

your attitude which is the opposite of spending your day trying to rid

yourself of it.

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OTHER SYMPTOMS EXPLAINED

Here I am going to cover different symptoms which hopefully will

help to ease certain worries that people have. It is important to

realise that all symptoms subside and merge into one as our anxiety

levels go down, so don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to deal

with each symptom individually or that one symptom is more

important than the other.

Headaches

There are two types of headache. Firstly, there is the common

headache from which we all suffer from time to time and then there

is the headache that can feel as if you have a tight band around your

head, which is something I suffered from.

The most common question I have been asked when this happens

is: "Have I got a brain tumour?” What people need to realise is that

our head is full of scalp muscles and when we are tense, these

muscles tighten and we develop a headache, or what I would

describe as a feeling of tightness around the head. Again, it is

nothing to worry about.

When you learn to accept this and give it as little attention as

possible, you may find it eases as your muscles relax. I always tell

people not to try to do anything about it.
Symptoms hate to be

ignored
and this applies to them all. Learn to question none of them.

Trouble sleeping

Many people tell me they have trouble sleeping when suffering with

anxiety and they try everything to get a good nights rest, but to no

avail. I also went through this and a lot of this is the result of an over

active mind. What I did was to let my mind chatter away if need be

and not ‘try’ to get to sleep. I had the attitude that if I sleep, I sleep

and if not, well so be it. This attitude of not putting pressure on

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myself to sleep helped enormously and is the advice I give to

everyone. Don’t put pressure on yourself to sleep, but just let you

mind go where it wants and you may find things much easier.

Trouble swallowing

Some people say that they have trouble swallowing or feel a

constant lump in their throat. Below is some advice I once gave to a

lady wanting help with this symptom.

Do not try and control your swallowing because by doing this you

are fighting and trying to do something about it. It is the same with

any symptom. The more of an issue it becomes and the more you

fight it, the tougher things can become. If you have a little trouble

swallowing then accept that you do and you will find it easier. Don’t

try and make your swallowing perfect. Accept the fact that you find it

difficult at times and as you automatically relax with this attitude, you

may find things become easier. This is quite common as we have

many muscles within our throat and when we are anxious, we can

find it difficult to swallow. Just take the advice above and see how

you go on.

Blurred vision

A lot of people complain about this and it was one of the more

bewildering symptoms that I suffered from also. Everything appears

to be covered in a haze or objects look blurred and you feel as if you

can’t quite focus on them properly.

The reason for this is that our eyes contain muscles and when we

are anxious, these muscles tighten which affects our vision and

causes the symptoms described above. This is merely our body

playing tricks on us and is nothing to worry about. I know this is a

sentence that I use often, but it is true. People who are anxious have

a tendency to worry about everything, as I did. Everything gets

magnified in our tired mind and we need to realise that when we are

healthy again, these fears will hold no weight whatsoever.

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Churning stomach/shaking hands

You may wonder why I have covered two symptoms in one here, but

I feel the explanation for both is so closely related that there is no

point in separating them.

First of all, let me explain something to you. If anybody, healthy or

not, had a job interview or a driving test on any given day, they

would probably suffer the symptoms described above. However,

they would not see them as too much of a problem as they would

expect to feel this way. And that’s the point - these symptoms are

just created by our excited nerves. It’s your nerves that make your

hands shake and your stomach churn. There is no need to see them

as anything different. They are merely there because your nerves

are sensitised, so don’t shy away from them or try to control them.

Take a look at them and see for yourself. Is it that serious that these