Miles From Home (17 page)

“I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t give out information on the staff,” she says. After several attempts to find out when Maggie’s next shift is, I come up with nothing. I decide to walk down there and find out myself. Three nurses and one doctor later, I know she’s won’t be back until Tuesday night.
That’s too late!
I wrack my brain for any information she may have given me that will lead me to her. I know her Aunt Virginia lives on a lake, but the problem is finding out which lake. I call Adam; he has connections and maybe he can help.

“Adam, I need a favor.” I begin telling him that I need to find the ER nurse that treated me after the accident and within two hours I have her address.

AS THE TAXI pulls into the driveway, my heart feels as if it’s going to jump out of my chest. I sit in the backseat and look at the house; on the front porch there’s a small pink tricycle that has to be Ellie’s. I ask the driver to wait and I take a deep breath as I slowly climb the front steps, each one feeling like I’m climbing the side of a mountain. My hand shakes as I ring the doorbell. I see the curtains move and I hear footsteps getting closer.

“You must be Aunt Virginia,” I say, when the door opens. She studies my face for a second and smiles.

“And you’re Sam. I know those eyes,” she says, stepping back to open the door. “Come in, Maggie is upstairs. I’ll go get her.”

I can feel the sweat slide down my temple as I wait and the seconds feel like hours. When I hear footsteps and I turn to see Maggie coming down the stairs, I can’t believe how beautiful she is.
Why did I ever let her go?
I can see by her puffy eyes she’s been crying and I feel a twinge of pain in my heart because I know I’m the one responsible.

Maggie stands in front of me at a distance.

“What do you want, Sam?” she asks. As I move closer, she moves farther away until she’s backed against the wall. I quickly look around to make sure we are alone and I press myself against her as our mouths crash together. And as I lose myself in this kiss, Maggie kisses me back. Seconds later she presses her hands against my chest and shoves me back, but I know I deserved it. The memories that flood my mind during that kiss are overwhelming and I’m not the only one who felt them.

I step back and take a deep breath, while trying to swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.

“I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m sorry about how I treated you yesterday. I should have never made you go.” I reach for her hand and she takes another step back.

“I think you made it loud and clear how you felt,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t mean it, Maggie. I was in shock. Stop and think, how would you feel if you found out you had a daughter you didn’t know you had?” I keep my hand held out towards her, hoping she will take it. Instead, Maggie turns and walks through the kitchen and out the back door, but I follow. I watch as she walks out to a small dock and looks out towards the lake and I stand just short of where she is, hesitant to move any closer.

When I see her tense up as I walk closer, my heart hurts. “Maggie, tell me why . . . why didn’t you contact me? I would have never let you go through all this alone. I would have been there for you!”

She whips around and the hurt in her eyes are like daggers through my heart.

“I TRIED FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS TO FIND YOU, SAM! I CALLED EVERY DAMN BAR IN THE CHICAGO AREA. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING SAM AUSTINS THERE ARE IN THIS WORLD? A LOT AND I CALLED EVERY ONE OF THEM IN CHICAGO.” Maggie sobs as she drops to her knees, so I kneel down and put my arms around her. I can feel her body shake as I hold her.

“Oh, my God! Maggie, you never found the letter I put in your bag?”

Maggie slowly looks up. “What letter? I never found a letter, Sam. Where did you put it?”

“I put it in the front zipper pocket, since I didn’t want you to find it until I was in Chicago.”

The guilt I feel is just too much. I should have made sure she knew about the letter and I hold her until she can cry no more.

I stand at the front door with my hand on the knob, but I can’t make myself turn it and walk out.

“I can’t leave without seeing her,” I say, softly. “I won’t walk out on her.” I turn to see Maggie standing with her hand over her mouth. I see the fear in her eyes as I stand and wait for her to answer.

“No! I’m not ready, she’s not ready.” She backs away from me.

“I’m supposed to leave for Chicago Monday evening, and I won’t leave Georgia without seeing her. You can’t do this to me.”

We stand and stare at each other, waiting to see which one of us will give up, but I hold my ground. I’m not leaving. My heart races with each step I take up towards Ellie’s room. We stop in front of Ellie’s bedroom door and Maggie turns to me and puts her finger to her lips.

“Shhh, I don’t want to wake her up. You can see her and that’s it.”

A soft glow emits from Ellie’s bedroom as Maggie opens the door. I step in and my heart crashes when I see soft curls peeking out from underneath her blanket. I sit in the small chair next to her bed and quietly watch while she sleeps. She’s absolutely beautiful, so perfect, I can’t take my eyes off of her. When I look back at Maggie and she has tears streaming down her cheeks. I no longer have the strength to hold back the tears as I cradle my face in my hands.

I finally force myself to stand and follow Maggie back downstairs. Before I walk out I turn to Maggie. “I’ll will be back, so I’ll let you decide when a good time would be.”

“Tomorrow, my aunt will be at church from nine until one, so you can come then,” she says, as we walk outside and towards the taxi. I turn to Maggie and pull her to me.

“I don’t know what to say, Maggie. I’ve missed three years of my daughter’s life. I’m not sure how I feel about that.” I lean down, kiss her on the cheek, and climb into the backseat of the taxi.

I see Aunt Virginia’s light on in her bedroom as I make my way upstairs, so I quietly knock. “Come in, sweetie,” she says, as I walk in. “Can we talk?” She pats the empty side of her bed.

“What have I done, Aunt Virginia?” I say, as I lie next to her.

She lays her book on the bedside table and removes her reading glasses. She then wraps her arms tightly around me.

“Stop it, Maggie. It’s going to be okay. There’s a reason Sam is back in your life. Just let the pieces fall into place.”

“I’m worried about Ellie. How will she take this?” I say, sitting up. “Just tell me she’s going to be okay.” I search her eyes for reassurance.

“I can’t tell how Ellie will react, but I do know she has a mother and now a father who only want what’s best for her. I don’t think Sam would have showed up here if his intentions weren’t good.” I nod, agreeing with her.

“I just want to protect her. She’s all that matters.”

“Maggie, she needs a father just as much as a mother. Now stop overthinking it.”

“Okay, thanks for making me feel better. Goodnight.” I kiss her cheek and head to my room.

As I stand in my closet undressing I look up and see my pink bag. My heart pounds as I reach up and take it off the shelf. My hand shakes as I grasp the zipper and slide it open and I take a deep breath as I reach in. I immediately feel the smoothness of the paper and I pull it out. On the front of the envelope it says:
Hermann Hill Vineyard and Inn.

I sit on my bed and unfold the letter:

Maggie, you are one amazing woman. I feel lucky to have spent one of the most unforgettable weekends with you. Saying goodbye is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because I’m not sure if we will ever say hello again. You have a dream to follow and I hope it’s all you ever dreamed it would be. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart. All my contact information is here. If you feel that it’s possible to continue with what we have, then I’m giving you the opportunity to contact me. It’s up to you now.

Ryan’s cell phone number: 773–427–0209

Bar phone number: 773–689–4248

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I fold the letter up and place it under my pillow, and as I drift off to sleep, I wonder how different things would have turned out had I found his letter three years earlier.

When I open my eyes the next morning, I feel a soft warm body lying next to me. I turn and I hear her giggle. “What are you doing in here, pumpkin?”

She wraps her arms around my neck and whispers in my ear, “I woke up and missed you, Mommy.”

I smile and nuzzle my face in her hair as we snuggle. “Ellie, we have to get up. We are going to have company later.”

She sits up and claps her hands together. “Who, Mommy?” I stop and think about what I should say. I’m not sure if she would even understand at this age. “Just a friend. I think you will like him. His name is Sam.”

We both climb out of bed and race to the stairs. I lean down and pick her up to carry her into the kitchen.

“Good morning, we smell yummy pancakes,” I say, kissing my aunt on the cheek. She gives me a wink.

“I’ve already eaten, so you two sit down and I’ll fix your plate,” she says, flipping the pancakes onto the plate.

“Thank you, Aunt Virginia.”

After I finish cleaning up the kitchen, Ellie and I go upstairs to get ready. I hear my aunt yell “goodbye” from downstairs as she leaves for church. I try not to overthink this visit, because I know Sam will respect my wishes not to tell Ellie just yet.

Exactly at nine sharp, I hear a small knock at the door and my heart jumps. I take a deep breath and open it. Standing at the door is Sam, holding a bouquet of daisies and a pink stuffed rabbit.

I smile and open the door, stepping aside. “Hi, Sam. Come in.”

He looks nervous as he steps inside. “These are for you,” he says, handing me the bouquet of daisies.

I take them and close the door. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.” I walk towards the kitchen to put them in some water, but stop and watch Sam, whose eyes are fixed on Ellie as she sits in front of the TV, watching cartoons. My heart jumps when I notice the smile that’s on his face.

“Ellie, can you come say hello to Sam?” I say, trying to get her attention.

I watch Sam’s face as he kneels down to hand her the pink rabbit. “This is for you, Ellie.”

She grabs the rabbit and holds it to her chest. “Mommy, look, he’s so soft. I think I love him.”

“What’s his name?” Sam asks her, watching her every move.

“I don’t know, but I think it’s a bunny,” she softly whispers. “This is the friend I told you about, Ellie. Come sit here by us.” She quickly climbs in my lap.

While Sam and I sit on the sofa, Ellie climbs in between the two of us and I look over to give him a reassuring smile, but I can tell he’s still nervous.

After an hour of Ellie climbing on the two of us, I decide that we should go out by the lake and let her burn off some energy before her nap. While Ellie is playing with her toys, Sam and I sit on the bench so we can keep an eye on her. I can feel Sam looking at me but I keep my eyes on Ellie.

“She needs to know I’m her father, Maggie. I want her to know,” he says, quietly. I swallow hard. I know he’s right even though it scares me.

“I know you’re right, Sam. I’m just not ready yet,” I say. “Please, I just want her to get to know you first.”

Sam is quiet. He’s not happy about waiting. I can see it on his face. “Maggie, you know I’m leaving tomorrow evening. How do you expect me to get on a plane without her knowing?” He runs his hands through his hair and leans over to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Sam, please understand, she’s only three. I’m not sure she would understand all of this,” I say, standing.

“Ellie, come on, pumpkin. Nap time.” I lean down and pick her up. Ellie wraps her arms around my neck and starts to whine.

“No, Mommy! No nap today,” she says, as we walk upstairs. Sam follows behind, holding the pink bunny.

He hands it to her and kisses her on the forehead and says, “Here’s bunny, he needs a nap too.” She hugs it close to her as I lay her down, She closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.