Miles From Home (24 page)

Sam checks us in to the DeSoto Beach Bed & Breakfast. While I stand outside looking at the beautiful view, the smell of the ocean drifts through the air and all around me. Sam and I walk up the staircase to our room, and it takes my breath away when he opens the door; everything is white and pale-blues with yellow accents. The four-poster bed is huge and it faces French doors leading out to a small balcony that looks over the ocean. Everything is perfect about this place. There’s a soft knock at the door, and a small, older woman hands Sam a big basket of freshly baked cookies, scones, and muffins. Sam sits it on the bed and joins me on the balcony. He sits down in the big white wicker chair and pulls me into his lap. I kiss him hard and deep. He knows I haven’t forgotten his promise this morning and he’s about to make good on it. He carries me to the bed and lays me down. I keep my eyes on his as he starts to undress, and I unzip my sundress, wiggling out of it. Sam looks at me with intrigue when he sees my red lacy push-up bra and matching thong. The saleslady at Victoria’s Secret promised me that he wouldn’t be disappointed, and by the look on his face . . . he isn’t. Sam slowly pulls my thong down as I lift my hips, but when I start to undo my bra, he stops me.

“No, no, no . . . leave it on. It’s sexy and it makes me HOT!” he says, breathlessly.

I spread my legs wide, giving him all access as he climbs onto the bed. His kisses are rough with passion and need. I feel his hardness as it glides through my wetness and it sends shockwaves through my body. When he pushes into me, a loud moan escapes my mouth and with each thrust harder than the last, I arch my back and grip his arms. Sam covers my mouth with his when he senses I can no longer stifle my moans as I reach my release. Sam grabs my ass and pushes deep one last time before collapsing on top of me. I can feel his warm breath on my neck while he traces his fingers over my face.

“God, I wish you knew how much I love you,” he says, and he leans over and kisses my forehead.

“I think I have an idea,” I reply. “If it’s even close to how much I love you, then I know.”

Sam swats me on the rear as I climb off the bed and head towards the shower. I stop and marvel at the beautiful sunset outside our balcony.

“We have dinner reservations in two hours. Think you can be ready by then?” he asks.

I turn and give him
that
look. “Are you saying it takes me a long time to get ready?” Sam only shakes his head and laughs. “If you had this much hair it would take extra time too.” I turn, wiggling my butt while I go into the bathroom, and I hear him giggle as I shut the door.

Sam takes my hand as we walk towards the entrance of the restaurant. He slides his hand over my bare back, caressing it. “This dress makes you look so hot, Maggie,” he whispers in my ear. I smile because that’s exactly the response I was hoping for.

After the waiter seats us in a nice discreet booth, I slide my strappy heels off and snake my foot up and between his legs until I feel a nice hard bulge. Sam looks over his menu at me and grins, so I move my foot around. I know I have his attention and I use it to drive him crazy.

“Don’t make me bend you over this table in front of everyone and fuck you until you scream.”

I smirk and go back to looking at the menu. After dinner, Sam and I walk along the beach. The sound of the surf is mesmerizing. Sam bends down and picks up a shell, handing it to me; it’s a Van Hyning’s cockle, a heart-shaped shell. I place the shell in my purse as we walk towards the car.

Sam makes me close my eyes before he opens the door to our room. “Maggie, just do it, please.” He gives me that pouty lip, and I could never resist his pouty lip.

“Okay, just hurry.” I close my eyes and place both hands over them. I smell the most delicious smell when he opens the door, a mixture of Jasmine and Lavender. Sam guides me slowly into the room.

“Keep your eyes closed and don’t move.” Sam moves away from me and I stand still, waiting for his cue. “Okay, Maggie, open your eyes,” I hear him say. It takes me a few seconds to finally open them because I wanted that moment to last just a few seconds longer.

“Oh. My. God. Sam! What is all this?” I exclaim, looking around the candlelit room. Every surface has a lighted candle, the glow of the room making it look magical. I continue to take it all in; daisies scattered on the bed, champagne chilling on the balcony table, and Sam kneeling in front of me. On one knee.

I cover my face with my hands. “Sam, baby, what have you done?” I look down and he’s holding in the palm of his hand the most beautiful diamond ring I’ve ever seen.

I lean down and take his face in my hands. “Yes. Yes. Yes,” I say, planting soft kisses all over his face. He slides the ring onto my finger and kisses it gently. I hold my hand out in front of me as I gaze at the sparkle on my finger.

“It’s so beautiful, Sam. When did you do all this?”

“Last week, your aunt helped me arrange it all.” He leads me out onto the balcony. Sam pours champagne into each glass and hands me one. “A toast to my soon-to-be wife.” And we clink our glasses together, and later that night Sam and I make love with such passion and intensity, it leaves us both exhausted and sated.

As the sunlight streams in through the windows, I open my eyes and immediately look at my left hand. It’s real; the ring on my finger proves that the amazing night we had wasn’t just a dream, it was a dream come true. Sam’s arms and legs are intertwined with mine. He raises his head and smiles. “Good morning,” he says. I wrap my arms around him as he nuzzles his face between my breasts.

“Sam, I don’t want to wait too long before we get married,” I say. He looks up at me and smiles.

“Well, how soon were you thinking?” He teases each nipple with his tongue.

“Now . . . how about now?” I look down at Sam while he nibbles and bites on my nipple.

“It’s Saturday, Maggie; we will have to wait. Besides, don’t you want to have a wedding?”

I grab his face and pull it close to mine, looking him in the eyes. “No, that’s not important to me. As soon as we get back, I want to get married.” Sam kisses me as he throws the blankets over our heads.

For the next twenty-four hours Sam and I stay under the covers, only getting up long enough to eat and go to the bathroom. I’ve never been so happy.

On the drive home Sunday afternoon, I call Aunt Virginia to tell her the news. She is completely ecstatic, even though she knew about it all along. Sam carries our bags into the house while I unbuckle Ellie and grab her bags, but just as I bend over the seat to grab Ellie’s doll, a sharp pain shoots through my stomach. I catch myself as my knees buckle. The pain is like a hot knife slicing into me. I catch my breath and stand up, looking around to see if Sam noticed. This is the third time in the last two weeks I’ve experienced this pain. I walk slowly up the steps and follow Ellie into the house, with each step a struggle not to scream from the pain. I slowly make my way up the stairs under Sam’s watchful eyes. I was trying to hide any sign of my discomfort from him, but I was not successful enough.

Just as I start to close the bathroom door, Sam stops me and pushes it open.

“Maggie, what’s wrong? And don’t lie to me.” He stands and waits as I drop my head, looking at my feet.

“Sam, please, just let me get into the shower. I’ll be out in a minute,” I say, stripping down to my underwear and bra.

I turn on the shower and continue to get undressed, but Sam watches my every move. It’s no use in hiding the pain that rips through me with each movement and when I open the shower door, the steam bellows out and the warm water beckons me. I stand under the hot stream of water and let it run over me. Sam continues to lean up against the counter. He knows I’m taking my time as I lather up my hair. I can hear his loud sighs while he waits. I step out and the cold air hits me. Sam holds the towel out, so I step forward as he wraps the towel around me, holding me in his arms.

“I’m not playing games with you. There’s something wrong and you’re not telling me.” He turns me to face him and looks into my eyes.

“I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m achy and I feel nauseous.” He runs his hands through his hair as I tie my robe and grab the brush. We sit on the bed, and I can tell Sam’s upset. Our weekend was so perfect and now it just seems like a distant memory when my health seems to take center stage once again.

“First thing in the morning, you and I are going to see your doctor. No arguments.” With that, he walks out of the bedroom and downstairs.

I’m curled up on my bed when I feel small hands wrap around my neck and I pull Ellie towards me as we lay silence and when I wake, it’s still dark and Ellie is between Sam and I. This is the first time she has slept in the same bed with us and I feel safe and comforted as I lie there listening to their slow steady breathing. When I wake the next morning, Ellie is still snuggled up against me, and I can feel the warmth radiate off of her body. I struggle to open my eyes, and every bone in my body is screaming as I sit up. I can hear Sam in the shower so I slowly walk downstairs to start breakfast. Sam is the first to come downstairs and I immediately see the worry on his face.

“Maggie, go ahead and get ready. I’ll feed Ellie and take her to school. I’ll pick you up afterwards, so please be ready.” His usual smile is absent; I know he’s serious. I kiss Ellie goodbye and finish getting ready.

Sam is quiet on our drive into town, and I hate when he’s like this because I feel like I’m a burden to him. I sit next to Sam after I check in with the receptionist. As I sit and look out the window that looks out on to a lush garden, I think about how this past year with Sam has been more than I could ever hope for and I know it’s all about to change. Sam is due to go back out on tour in one month and I know he won’t go if there’s something wrong. I don’t want to hold him back, but I’d be lost without him . . . we both would. Ellie has gotten so attached to him and he’s been such a great father to her. I’m suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when the nurse calls my name. As we walk down the long hall, Sam places his hand in the small of my back. After the nurse takes all my vital signs, Sam and I are left alone in the exam room. He glances at me and gives me a reassuring smile. I smile back but it’s a weak one at best.

After I explain everything that’s been going on to Dr. Mirabile, he orders a series of test and a full blood work-up and he tells me it will be twenty-four hours before he will know anything. His office will call me tomorrow afternoon, but waiting is the worse. Sam and I seem to go through the next twenty-four hours just barely existing and this seems to be my life lately, waiting and wondering what my fate is. Remembering what my mother went through hurts even more, but I put on a fake smile and go through my day like any other day.

The next afternoon when my phone rings, I don’t even look to see who it is. I just take a deep breath and answer it. My legs go weak as Dr. Mirabile tells me that he would he would like to admit me into the hospital for more tests and Sam can tell by the look on my face that the news wasn’t what I had hoped for. I toss the phone on the table as he reaches for me and holds me in the comfort of his arms. I fight back the tears that threaten to break me. Sam buries his face in my hair and I can feel my body relax as he holds me up and walks me to the sofa. We lie there holding onto each other until Sam finally speaks.

“This doesn’t mean anything, Maggie. Please don’t give up,” he whispers in my ear, and I can feel everything begin to slip away.

TWELVE HOURS LATER I’m lying in a hospital bed and being transported to radiology. I stare at the ceiling, counting the tiles as I’m being pushed down a long hallway, the same hallway I’ve walked down hundreds of times during my twelve-hour shifts. First they do a CT scan and an MRI, followed by more blood work, and I feel like a human pin cushion by the time they’re done with me. Sam sits next to me and holds my hand while Dr. Mirabile stands at the end of the bed. My body goes numb and I feel Sam squeeze my hand tight . . . tighter. I turn my face away from Sam because I can’t bear to look at him, but I can feel his body tremble. Lymphoma, the worst kind, the kind most don’t recover from. Dr. Mirabile continues to speak, but I don’t hear what he is saying. There’s no need to hear. Being a nurse, I know what I’m up against and I know the treatment options, that they are just a Band-Aid and nothing more. Before he even walks out of the room, I’ve already made up my mind about continuing any available treatment. I’ve seen how it destroys the body and the quality of life is non-existent. I can’t do that, I won’t do that. I feel Sam’s head laying on my lap as I continue to stare in the opposite direction, and I can feel his body shake while he holds my hand. I reach over and lay my hand on his head, and he kisses my hand over and over. I can feel the tears as they stream down my face. I know if I look at him he’ll see the fear in my eyes and I’ll break down. I need to be strong for the both of us.

The next morning Sam goes to pull the car around to pick me up and I change into my clothes. Just as I finish buttoning my shirt I hear a small knock at the door, and before I can open it, Josh peeks his head in.