Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD (8 page)

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Look back at the items on your Depressor map and consider each one. See if you can find additional storylines. When spun by your I-System, storylines aren’t just stories; they have a direct physical effect on your body and try to create your reality. By using your storyline awareness tool (just being aware of the storyline) during the day, you’ll see how much of your day storylines swallow up. We have received hundreds of comments from patients who did this practice, such as, “I procrastinate less,” “The clock’s moving slower,” and “I’m getting more done; I now have time for myself.”

What do you notice?

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Day Two     Date:____________

1. Throughout the day, notice when your depressor gets you down. Observe your body tension, storylines, and behaviors. Note how your depressor interferes with your natural functioning, making you see yourself as damaged.

1. How do you recognize when your depressor is overactive?
   Example:
   “Heavy body, tight feeling in stomach, thoughts that I’m no good”
   

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2. What’s your behavior like?
   Example:
   “Become irritable, want to get away from people, eat too much”
   

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3. How does it interfere with your natural functioning?
   Example:
   “Don’t make good decisions, am a lousy parent”
   

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4. Do you experience yourself as damaged? Yes _____ No ____ If yes, how so?
   

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5. What were today’s storylines?
   Example:
   “The thought—My life is too hard; the storyline—I can’t get things done, I’m not the person I need to be, Why did this happen to me? I’m too tired to get through the day…”
   

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6. In what ways are these thoughts and storylines creating who you are?
   

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7. What are your requirements?
   Example:
   “My life should be easier, I should get things done, I should be the person I used to be, This shouldn’t have happened to me, I shouldn’t be worn ou”
   t.
   

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2. Do a Depressor map, scattering your negative self-talk around the paper. Write as much as you can for a couple of minutes. Describe your body tension at the bottom of the map.

Body Tension:

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Did you have thoughts like
I’m a loser
? Remember, labeling your thought lets you see that a thought is just a thought, which keeps you from identifying with the content of that thought. Instead of thinking,
I’m a loser
, say to yourself
, I’m having the thought “I’m a loser.”
Can you see that the problem is not the content of your thoughts, but rather the depressor capturing that thought, spinning a storyline, and embedding the negativity in your mind and body? When your awareness prevents the depressor from embedding the negativity of your thoughts into your body, we call it
befriending your depressor
.

Observations:

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Day Three     Date:____________

1. Throughout the day, notice what situations (such as being alone, arguing, or making mistakes) and thoughts trigger your depressor. Use your tools: thought labeling, storyline awareness, and bridging awareness practices (using your senses). Can you defuse your depressor’s activity and return to what you were doing?

1. What did you notice today about your situations and the thoughts that activated your depressor?
   

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2. In what situations did you use your mind-body bridging tools? How did it go?
   

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2. Let’s do a Mirror map. Find a quiet place and look in a mirror. Before you start writing, really look at yourself for a minute or so. Next, scatter around the oval any thoughts and feelings that come to mind about what you see. Glance back at the mirror several times and keep writing whatever comes to mind.

Body Tension:

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1. Is your I-System active? Yes ____ No ____
   
2. Do you recognize your depressor? Yes ____ No ____
   
3. What are your storylines?
   

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4. Do you recognize that the depressor’s activity is making you experience your body as an enemy and making you see yourself as damaged goods? Yes ____ No ____
   
5. What are your requirements?
   

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3. Do another Mirror map, this time using your bridging awareness practices. Before writing, listen to any background sounds, feel your body’s pressure on your seat, sense your feet on the floor, and feel the pen in your hand. Now look in the mirror and keep listening to background sounds. After you feel settled, jot around the oval whatever thoughts pop into your mind. Keep listening to background sounds and feeling the pen in your hand. Watch the ink go onto the paper.

1. How is this map different from your first Mirror map?
   

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2. Do you notice that the same facial features are on both maps? Yes ____ No ____
   

Day Four     Date:____________

1. Do a How I Got to Be the Way I Am map.Around the oval, write how you got to be the way you are (for example,
My father was never around
,
I survived repeated abuse
,
Mom was always there to support me
). Write for three to four minutes. List your body tensions at the bottom of the map. A sample map follows.

Body Tension:

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1. What storyline themes run through your map?
   

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2. Next describe when and how often you use these storylines—for example, when you feel like a success or failure, when you’re sad or happy, or when you’re bored or busy.
   

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Whenever your I-System uses stories, the stories keep you from living in the present. No matter what the content, storylines tense your body, limit your awareness, and impair your ability to function. They strengthen your false belief in the damaged self. Being more aware of your storylines lets your I-System rest so that you automatically start seeing yourself as much greater than you thought you were.

Sample Map: How I Got to Be the Way I Am

Body Tension:

“headache, stiff neck”

Day Five     Date:____________

A twenty-five-year-old combat veteran struggled with our exercises, including mapping. He couldn’t see the purpose of these activities, and more important, he didn’t get the benefits. To his credit, he kept doing daily maps and, one day, exclaimed, “I found it!” His clinician asked what he had found, and he told this story:

I was mapping about the strong urge to wash my hands. The items on my initial map were I’m dirty, Bad, Guilty, and Can’t do anything until I wash. I thought my requirement was I need to have clean hands. That didn’t do me any good. I did map after map. Finally, it popped out. The requirement is I should have helped my brother this morning when he called about his car problem.

He went on to explain the sequence of events:

He called me with car troubles this morning. After ten minutes, I hung up on him. Soon after, that hand-washing urge started up. I didn’t pay much attention because the urges weren’t new. But later, I started mapping. Then that requirement I should’ve helped my brother with his car problem popped up. I saw [this requirement] and felt released of my need to wash my hands. I got to the bottom of it, which was not my being dirty. Now when I need to wash my hands, or even if I feel uncomfortable, after doing a map, I can smile because I can figure out the hidden requirement. It’s like finding the last piece of the puzzle. By recognizing my requirements early, I can keep my I-System from activating.