Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD (9 page)

A month later, his ongoing mapping practice helped him find other requirements, greatly relieving many of his PTSD symptoms. As he had mentioned, the first step is to recognize the obvious requirement. Next, by doing the daily assignments, you’ll find other requirements that aren’t obvious right now (hidden requirements).

During the day, observe how your I-System weaves both positive and negative self-talk into stories. What was the situation? Note the hidden requirement.

The negative storylines try to
define
us, and the positive ones try to
confine
us. All storylines lead us into the past, future, or both, taking us away from functioning freely in the present.

Day Six     Date:____________

1. Do a Problem map, using any personal issue that’s troubling you. Write the problem in the oval. Next, take a couple of minutes to scatter around the paper any thoughts that come to mind. Work quickly, without editing your thoughts. Describe your body tension at the bottom of the map.

Body Tension:

______________________________

______________________________

1. Is your mind cluttered or clear?
   

   ______________________________
   

2. Is your body tense or relaxed?
   

   ______________________________
   

3. List your depressors and storylines:
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

4. List your requirements:
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

5. In this mind-body state, how do you act?
   

   ______________________________
   

2. Now do the map again, this time using your bridging awareness practices. Write the same problem in the oval. Before you continue, listen to background sounds, feel your body’s pressure on your seat, sense your feet on the floor, and feel the pen in your hand. Once you feel settled, keep feeling the pen in your hand and start writing. Watch the ink go onto the paper, and listen to background sounds.

Notice the differences between the two maps:

1. Is your mind cluttered or clear?
   

   ______________________________
   

2. Is your body tense or relaxed?
   

   ______________________________
   

3. In this mind-body state, how do you act?
   

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

Day Seven     Date:____________

Today, include all your bridging awareness tools in your activities:

• Bridging awareness practices
  
• Thought labeling
  
• Storyline awareness
  
• Recognizing and defusing the depressor’s activity (befriending the depressor)
  
• Recognizing and defusing requirements
  

1. What happened?

______________________________

______________________________

2. How did you recognize your depressor activity?

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

3. Were you able to defuse the depressor’s activity (befriend your depressor)?

______________________________

______________________________

4. How did you recognize and defuse your requirements?

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

5. How did mind-body bridging practices help with your life?

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

MBB Weekly Evaluation Scale Break the Tyranny of Negative Thoughts

Date: __________

During the past week, how did you do with these practices? Check the description that best matches your practice: hardly ever, occasionally, usually, or almost always

List the main body tensions you notice with the depressor:

______________________________

List the themes of three negative storylines:

______________________________

______________________________

List three behaviors that go with the depressor:

______________________________

______________________________

What’s it like to befriend your depressor and function naturally?

______________________________

______________________________

4.
Why Your Best Efforts Seem to Go Wrong

Jim, a twenty-eight-year-old veteran who’d done tours of duty in both Iraq and Afghanistan, had seen a great deal of combat and been discharged two years ago. He kept feeling “revved up,” and looked for “edgy,” dangerous activities. He sometimes needed to avoid certain social situations. At other times, he was tense, irritable, and frustrated. He thought it weak that he sometimes couldn’t “hold it together,” which pushed him to try harder to be how he was before going into the service. He pushed his symptoms out of his mind and tried to tell himself everything was normal by being upbeat and making others think he could handle anything, He considered his difficulty adjusting to civilian life to be normal and thought it would get better with time, but his symptoms didn’t improve, and his job and marriage held on by a thread.

This chapter focuses on why the feeling of being driven—the “try harder” and “be stronger”attitude—is never enough. For instance, rather than give in to his symptoms, Jim declared war on them. As soon as he saw any sign of helplessness or weakness, he immediately pushed himself to try harder. He came to believe that he was broken because his efforts fell far short of his expectations. Whatever he tried to do, enough was never enough, causing even more mind clutter and body tension. No matter how hard he tried or how well he did, his inner tension never went away. He couldn’t “fix” himself.

The
fixer
is the I-System’s helper, the depressor’s lifelong, faithful partner. The depressor and fixer keep the I-System going and lead to the disruptive mind-body state, the damaged self. Your fixer comes up with overactive thoughts and storylines that focus on how to fix you and the world. The fixer brings a sense of urgency and pressure to your activities, and when it’s in play, enough is never enough. Your fixer starts from the false belief that you are damaged, tries to fix you, and works by making you believe it’s really helping you. You can recognize the fixer by noticing your increased body tension when the embedded depressor fills your mind with thoughts like
Enough is never enough
,
Try harder
,
Do more
,
Be smarter
,or
Be stronger.
No matter what you accomplish, the depressor says,
Not good enough.

Jim didn’t know his fixer was in the driver’s seat. He believed this state of impaired functioning and lack of healing was a “normal” part of his life. His combat experiences activated his I-System, and his PTSD symptoms caused him to experience himself as damaged. Despite Jim’s best efforts, his fixer never fixed his damaged self. Remember from the introduction, the damaged self doesn’t refer to decreased mental or physical functioning due to injury, illness, trauma, or even your DNA. The damaged self is the mind-body state you’re in when your overactive I-System makes you feel incomplete, limited, and damaged, keeping you from healing. The fixer can’t fix the damaged self, because the fixer is part of the I-System, the very thing that causes the ‘damaged self’ state of mind and body.

Using mind-body bridging tools, Jim started recognizing his fixer by noticing his specific body tension and mental pressure. He saw the stress and strain the fixer caused, which was difficult at first, because trying harder, fighting, and overcoming obstacles was part of his nature. But soon, he saw that the need for “fixing” never ended, and felt the extra tension that came with the fixer. He found that for every fixer thought (for example,
Be stronger
or
Be successful
), there was an embedded depressor thought (for example,
I’m weak
or
I’m a failure
). He saw clearly that what motivated him was not success. No matter how many successes he had, the tension never left, and he never found peace of mind or a sense of well-being. During his daily activities, whenever his chest tightened, he realized it was the telltale sign of his depressor and fixer activity. Using his mind-body bridging tools in his everyday life, he drove himself less and accomplished more while reducing his PTSD symptoms. Jim was learning what it was like to function naturally and be free of the disturbances his I-System had caused.

Now it’s your turn.

Day One Date:

1. Throughout the day, notice the signs of your fixer. Remember, you recognize them by noticing body tension and the urgent self-talk (storylines) that make you think you need to fix yourself and the world. When you do an activity, notice any specific body tension, mental pressure, or feeling of being driven.