Mind the Gap (In Too Deep) (12 page)

Chapter 14

Josh

Brit was extremely distant the
morning after we slept together, which totally confused me. I made love with her two times the night before, and had tons of fun doing it, but she woke up on complete freaking lock down.

Ladies,
let's just get this out in the open. When you clam up the morning after sex, don't expect your man to react the way you want him to—mainly because we have no idea
what the bloody hell you want from us
. Do you want us to leave you alone like you're indicating? Or do you want us to beg you to tell us what we could do to make you feel better?

I'd been in situations similar to this one a time or two in the past, and it
had never turned out well. Anyway, Brit was doing that confusing girl thing, and I just kept to myself rather than say the wrong thing and risk making her upset.

We ate a mostly silent bowl of cereal before I asked if she
wanted me to take her back to Gretchen's and she accepted, saying she felt helpless without her car and wanted to get back to it. She stared at her phone during most of the trip, except for when she felt the need to ask me why I drove a big truck when vehicle emissions were such a big threat to the environment. I explained to her that I had to go over some rough terrain to make it onto certain jobsites. I didn't tell her that I also had it because I
liked
driving a badass truck. That thing was my baby and she was acting like it was an insult to Mother Nature. Couldn't she appreciate the wood accents and custom leather seats? Oh, but
of course
she wouldn't appreciate leather seats. Hell, as I took stock of all the things about my truck that probably offended her, I was surprised she even got into it last night.

"Are you coming to the opening?" she asked, knowing we were getting close to Gretchen's.

I narrowed my eyes at her. She knew how close I was with those friends, and that I wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus, I was reasonably sure I'd already told her I was going. I wondered why she was asking such an obvious question. Was it because she didn't want me to go? I was so frustrated at her and females in general for being so hard to figure out.

"Of course I'm going," I said. "Are
you
going?"

She had the nerve to look offended. "Well duh, it's my art on the walls," she said. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. She knew I was struggling to hide my amusement. "
Uhhh," she moaned. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I was interested in seeing my babies in action. You know, with people and chaos in the foreground."

I
loved that she was proud of her work, but I didn't tell her that.

"I was planning on going, unless you don't want me to," I
finally said in a tone of surrender.

"I'm fine with you being there," she said
, smiling brightly as if to ignore whatever was going on between us. We pulled up at Gretchen's and Brit hoped out of the truck as soon as it came to a stop. "See you tonight then," she said, still over-smiling. "Thanks for the ride, and uh, for last night." Her smile was tinged with thoughtfulness for a split second before going back to Saccharin sweet. "See ya!"

I drove off wondering
whose fault it was that things had turned out awkward between us again. Perhaps I'd never know. I took it out on my heavy bag when I got home, and that made me feel a little better.

****

The grand opening of Mama Tonia's was a raging success. Tonia and Trey made huge portions of the tastiest meat, veggies and casseroles you'd ever want to put in your mouth and served it cafeteria style. The dining room itself felt like you'd been invited into someone's home, and the art Brit created was largely responsible for that.

Tonia pulled two tables
together for our group since there were thirteen of us. I'd love for you to be able to picture it, so I'll go ahead and list all thirteen, couples first, Gretchen and Joel (and the car seat), Collin and Rachel, Ethan and Emily, Bailey and her boyfriend, that made nine (counting the car seat). Then we had Caleb Scott from Bailey's soap opera, Zack Larson, Brit and me. So basically it was Brit and three single guys with four couples and a baby.

We all
gathered around the newly expanded table with our plates piled high. The atmosphere was great, and the food was even better. We sat around filling our stomachs and feeling like we were in Tonia's living room, and I was absolutely sure the restaurant would make it.

Brit was sitting across the table and a little diagonal, but she was still close enough for me to be able to
overhear most of her conversations. She mostly talked about the art she made for the restaurant since that was the most obvious topic, but at one point I heard Gretchen asking about her plans for the next few months.

"
I can't believe it's already almost here," Brit said. "I graduate in six weeks."

"Do you know where you're going to live?" Joel asked. He knew tons of people in construction, and would probably be able to help her find a place like he did me.

"No," she answered. "I don't think I'll have trouble finding something… the only problem is, I'm afraid of the dark, and I don't want to live alone."

"You have a roommate right now?" Gretchen asked, almost surprised. Brit nodded
and shrugged. "We're not that close. In fact, I rarely see her, but it's nice knowing someone lives there."

"When did you say you're moving?" Emily asked. 

"I graduate in mid-December, so sometime right around then. Definitely before Christmas," Brit said.

Emily looked at Ethan like she didn't want to overstep any bounds and he dipped his head letting her know she should continue.
"Ethan's looking at a few houses, and will probably be ready to move into something by then." Her eyes met Gretchen's when she added, "and I'll be moving in with him."

"Aw, you guys are moving in together?" Rachel asked, ever the fan of a love connection.

"We've been living together for a while now," Ethan said. "It was supposed to be temporary, but I don't think I could make it without Sal."

Emily delivered an elbow that earne
d laughs from around the table then she shot a look of shy regret in Gretchen's direction. "I know this is news to you, and I probably shouldn't have mentioned it since I have no idea what your plans for the guesthouse would be, but I thought the timing might be perfect, and—"

"I love the idea," Gretchen said. "We'd hate to lose you as a neighbor, but you're right about the timing. Brit can be our new Emily, she'll just have to get a big, lazy dog to make the package complete." Gretchen looked at Brit. "No pressure, we'll talk about it later and see if it's something that works for both of us. If not, Joel can help you find a place."

Joel was cooing at the baby, but nodded as if finding an apartment was something he could do in his sleep. I found myself wondering if Joel would hook her up with same people I was renting from, and if there were any units left in my building. By the sound of things, though, it seemed like Brit would just take over residence in Bruce Willis' guesthouse.

Anytime we all got together, it was a good time, and dinner at Mama Tonia's was no exception. I
t didn't hurt that the food was outstanding. A few people stopped by the table saying that Tonia told them Brit was the artist and they wanted to meet her, but the majority of the people who came up to us were fans of Collin, Zack, Ethan, or all three. The soap opera people got some attention as well, but they were on the opposite end of the table where I couldn't really see what was going on. I could hear everything that was said every time someone came up to talk to one of the swimmers, though. Everyone who came up wanted to share their favorite Olympic moment, and ask a question or two about the experience. All three of the guys were thankful and gracious with their fans. People were getting on their phones to tell their friends about the table full of celebrities being there, and by the time we were halfway through our meal the place was packed. Who knows, maybe it would have been packed anyway, but I had the hunch by the way the air crackled with excitement that at least some of the diners had shown up to see the swimmers or the T.V. personalities who were at our table.

Near the end of our meal, Brit g
ot up. I didn't see what excuse she gave, but I figured she'd gone to the restroom. I knew I wouldn't see her again until she moved here, and I wanted to talk to her one last time. I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving on such uncomfortable terms, especially after what I thought was a great time together the night before.

Just as I'd done in the coffee shop in Portland, I got up and followed her. She had indeed gone to the front of the restaurant where the restrooms were. It was a far cry from our dark little coffee shop nook since people were in and out and there was no privacy whatsoever, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from at least saying something. I waited for her to come out of the restroom for what seemed like a really long time
before she finally emerged. I was leaning against the wall, and when I said her name she jumped back in surprise. "Jesus Josh," she said, "you scared me to death."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
surprise you."

"What are you doing here? Were you
just standing there waiting for me?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you and make sure we were cool. You know, after last night."

Brit gave me a look that said I had nothing to worry about. She was smiling a believable smile when she said, "I'm sorry. We're totally cool. Seriously. If I seem out of sorts, it's just that I was really nervous about how the art would go over tonight, but we're cool." She leaned forward and gave me a tight hug all the while wearing a smile and looking light-hearted as hell. "Thanks for checking on me."

And just like that she took
off toward the table leaving me feeling confused. I was taken a back by her brevity. I had no idea what she wanted me to say or do. After being married for a year, I knew good and well the mind games women played, but it honestly seemed like Brit had her own stuff going on and just wanted to be left alone. I had a hard time believing that after some of the things we shared with each other the night before, but I thought maybe she acted like that with all her one-night stands. I was bummed, but it wasn't the first time I misunderstood a woman's feelings for me, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

Tonia
and Trey caught up to us before we made it out the door that night. Tonia was moved to tears as she expressed her gratitude to Gretchen and Joel. That got Gretchen and every other girl in the group crying, and there was an impromptu group hug followed by teary-eyed laughs and backhanded swipes at eye makeup. Tonia made a big deal about how talented Brit was and how she'd taken their original vision and made it so much better. Brit was extremely humble saying what an honor it was to work on such a cool project.

Chapter 15

Brit

I fell in love with Josh Rand and
the realization of that left me feeling as if my chest could burst open at any second. I had a case of nerves strong enough to cause nausea when I woke up in his huge arms that Saturday morning. I wasn't sure when it had hit me exactly, and I knew it sounded cheesy, but I felt like I had genuine feelings for him—more than physical lust (which I had no shortage of). I was falling hard, and the unexpected emotions threw me for a loop.

I spent much of the day in a haze of memories of the night before and daydreams of a future with Josh.
At one point in the day, when I had some time to kill, I doodled his name and a drawing of boxer shorts with stripes on a piece of paper. It was so eighth grade of me, but I couldn't help myself. I was overwhelmed by my feelings for Josh, and I knew I needed to get all my
eighth grade
out so I could function properly in a grown-up situation that evening at the restaurant.

The restaurant
's grand opening was an amazing experience. Tonia and Trey had friends come out of the woodwork to support them. One family from their neighborhood came up to the table to talk to us. Their names were Luis and Angel, and they had such kind words to say about Gretchen and Joel. Apparently, Luis was now working at one of Joel's plants, had been given some responsibility, and was doing well. Angel shared with the whole table how Joel had seen potential in Luis and was helping him be able to support his family and become a better man in general. Gretchen had to focus on the baby to keep from losing it while Angel talked.

Several other sets of people stopped by our table that night when we were eating. Two
of them wanted to talk to me about the art, but it seemed like a dozen or so that came up to talk to either the swimmers or the soap stars. Our table was definitely the most gawked-at area of the restaurant, and the feeling of having all eyes on us made me not have much of an appetite. I picked at my food, taking a few bites here and there and hoping to God I didn't have anything stuck in my teeth.

I had to laugh when I saw a lady standing next to one of my paintings, not to admire it, but to write down one of the recipes. Tonya
came up from behind the lady, handing her one of the recipe books they were selling near the cash register. I watched the whole exchange. The lady looked regretful and dug her purse like she wanted to pay Tonya for the book but Tonya wouldn't have any part of it. I knew she was planning on giving some things away for the grand opening, but it was just cool to see her in action. She made that lady's day. The restaurant was alive with energy, and I was thankful to have my handprint on such a cool place.

I couldn't really look at Josh while we were eating dinner. I found myself staring at his lips and imagining them on me. That, in turn, made me giddy
and nervous and prone to excess laughter. I felt like I had a teenage crush... consumed by it, like my heart and soul belonged to someone, and I wouldn't be comfortable in my own skin until he was mine and I was his. When we were just about done with our meal, I started feeling so overwhelmed it made me short of breath. I was sad and regretful that I felt so strongly about him, and he hadn't even bothered to get my number or make any mention of maintaining contact with me. I felt a sudden wave of uncontrollable self-pity, which I detested, so I got up to gather my wits and freshen up.

I sat in the little sitting room
of the ladies restroom with my head in my hands for two or three minutes before washing my hands to make my restroom visit official. I would probably end up trying to interact with Josh as little as possible for no other reason than my uncontrollable nerves.

On my way back to the dining room, Josh's deep voice came from behind me, calling my name. It startled me, and I went off on a big nervous tirade about how "fine" I was with every
thing that happened last night.

What else was I supposed to do? I wasn't ab
out to tell him I thought I might be in
love
with
him after only one night. I was falling fast in spite of our differences—or maybe because of them. Anyway, I knew the truth would come out as desperate, so I kept my mouth shut and acted like I was the queen of nonchalantsville.

I told him thanks for checking on me and then walked off hoping he'd call after me and do any number of things including kissing me in a crowded restaurant. If I couldn't get kissing, I'd settle for a number exchange, but I got neither of those.
Nothing, nada, zip, zero. I walked back to the table, two steps in front of him feeling injured and stubborn.

I couldn't
believe
after everything that was said between us the night before that he wasn't interested in knowing how to contact me. I was hurt and embarrassed that I apparently thought there was more between us than he did.

I
had plans to spend the night at Gretchen's, but I would be leaving first thing in the morning, and knew I wouldn't be seeing Josh again. The closer we got to time to go, the more nervous I got that he never would ask me. My mood got more and more sour by the minute. Josh and I made it all the way out the door and into the parking lot without saying a word to each other.

"You okay Brit? Everything okay with you and Josh?" Rachel asked as we walked toward our cars.
I turned around to make sure Josh hadn't overheard.

"Yeah, oh totally, we're good. You mean last night? No, we're good."
My eyes burned with unshed tears, and I was thankful the sun had mostly set while we were in there. He was going to let me leave this place without saying he wanted to talk to me again, and I felt utterly heartbroken over it, like a heart-broken, name-doodling eighth grader.

"Hey, what do you think about
spending the night at our place tonight?" Rachel asked.

We were nearly to our cars, and I was just planning on going to Gretchen's since that's where my stuff was.
The last few times I'd come to L.A. I'd stayed at Gretchen's. I did it mainly because we had work stuff to talk about, but Gretchen and Joel had a ton of space, and I liked not feeling like I was in the way. Rachel and I had been friends since childhood, though, and I was in need of some girly support that evening. After not much deliberation at all, I agreed to spend the night at her place. She asked if I was up for a game of pool before we went back, but I told her I was in the mood to chill.

Collin heard us talking about
playing pool, and started trying to round people up to go play. Josh and Zack both said they were in without even thinking about it, and I cursed myself for saying I didn't feel like going. I knew Rachel would have me all figured out if I changed my tune, and I wasn't quite ready for her to know just how much I liked Josh. Caleb from Paradise Island decided he wanted to play some pool, so Collin ended up with a crew of guys only. After that, I didn't feel so bad about missing out.

Collin
rode with Josh so Rachel and I could take her car back to their place. We stopped by Gretchen's house to get my stuff before going back to Rachel's for the night. I left my car at Gretchen's house since Rachel and Collin didn't have much parking at their apartment, and told them I'd be back to get it before I left for Seattle in the morning.

In spite of it being
a Saturday night, Rachel and I were both showered and in our pajamas by 9PM. I was stoked about having the evening to hang with my girl. I was a little sad to miss out on seeing Josh a little bit more before I left, but to be honest, I was having trouble knowing what to say to him exactly.

"I know you went to Josh's last night," Rachel said, reading my mind as I came into the living room after my shower.
I could feel the blood rise to my cheeks at the mention of his name, so I crossed the kitchen to make myself a glass of water. "What's the story?" she continued. "Last time I checked you guys were at each other's throats, and then I hear you spent the night."

To my own horror, I was extremely nervous when I answered her.
My voice was shaking a little as I spoke, and I hated myself for not being able to control it. I tried to remember I was just talking to Rachel, but it didn't help. I was just so shaken by the subject matter.

"I don't really know what to say about it," I said. It was the truth
, I was so full of emotions that I couldn't even put a name on any of them. I hadn't planned on telling Rachel what I felt about Josh, but I couldn't help but follow the urge to get it off my chest. "I think I might have it bad for him, Ray." An uncontrollable smile spread across my face as I said it, and Rachel let out a girlie squeal loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

"Oh, my God, I knew it! But you guys barely said two words to each other tonight, so I thought I was wrong."

"That was me," I said. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just didn't know how to act in front of him. Plus, I was a little hurt that he didn't even try to get my number or anything."

"He didn't?" Rachel asked in disbelief. Her shock made me feel that much worse. "Well, did anything
happen
between you guys?" I could tell she sort of expected me to say no since he didn't even get my number, but I nodded my head. Rachel didn't say anything; she just gave me a loving smile.

"I think I just made more of it than it was," I said. "I'm sure we'll run into each other once I move down here, and we can see where it goes, if anywhere."

"I'm not really surprised that he'd be a little distant," she said. "He had an ugly divorce, which is bad enough, but the whole thing came out of nowhere. I've heard him say that he'll never trust a woman again."

"He said that?"

"Yeah. Josh was all head over heels about his ex, and she up and left him for a guy she reunited with on Facebook. It all went down within a matter of days, and a year into their marriage, he was stuck signing divorce papers and couch surfing with Collin and Ethan."

"
Sheeez," I moaned, leaning back on the couch, "That's a lot of freaking baggage."

"It's not that big of a deal
. She lives in San Diego, and they don't have kids or anything."

"I'm talking about the scars," I said.

"
Naaaa,
Josh is tougher than he gives himself credit for. I don't think he'll have as much trouble learning to trust as he thinks he will."

I wanted to believe her, but I had to remind myself that she was a hopeless romantic who loved a second chance story.

"I don't know," I said sighing. "Don't you think it's kind of
weird
that he's been married? I mean, I guess I sort of knew about it already, but it didn't really sink in until you were talking about it just now."

"
I know. It
is
kind of weird. I can't tell you how I'd feel about it since that wasn't a factor with Collin. He had a girlfriend, which I don't even like to think about. I hope whoever Josh ends up with will be able to get over it, but I honestly can't say how I'd feel if it were me."

I wasn't sure if Rachel had done it intentionally, but her honest answer made me feel like Josh
deserved a second chance with someone who could get over his past. By the end of our conversation, I was more infatuated with Josh than ever.

It was 11PM when Rachel got a text from Collin saying he was on his way home. I figured Josh would be giving him a ride home, and the thought of
him possibly coming up to their place made me hit the bathroom where I straightened myself up. I didn't go as far as putting on regular clothes or anything, I just adjusted my hair and face a little so I wouldn't look like a total slob. Rachel and I were on the couch when the door opened. Collin walked in with nobody behind him. 

"Where's Josh?" Rachel asked, knowing I was looking forward to seeing him.

"Hello to you too, babe," Collin said, leaning over to kiss her on the head.

"Hey babe. But, seriously, why didn't Josh come in?"

Collin gave a shrug and a confused look before it registered that
I
was the one who'd be interested in Josh's whereabouts. "I don't think he even knew you were here," he said, looking at me. His gaze shifted back to Rachel. "I don't think he even knew she was here, babe. Did you tell him she was staying over here?"

Rachel looked as if she was trying to remember if Josh knew Brit would be here. "I have no idea if he knew or not," she finally said. "I didn't tell him,
did you?" She looked at me and I shook my head in denial.

"He had no idea," Collin said, relieved to be off the hook. "I'm sure he would have come up."

I was up until after two that night imagining Josh's boyish face, being mad that he hadn't known I was staying there, and wondering if things could ever work out between us.

****

Collin and Rachel brought me to Gretchen's to pick up my car the next morning around 10:30. We stopped at a local coffee shop to get food and coffee on our way over there. Rachel texted Gretchen and Emily to take orders, and we ended up bringing breakfast and coffee for everyone. Ethan and Emily met us in the main house and we all hung out for an hour or so before I said I needed to be getting back to Seattle.