Mind the Gap (In Too Deep) (20 page)

"
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't just take that thing out like that, Josh, you must be trippin right now," Eli said. "You gotta have a mother fucking professional take that out. There's all kinds of veins that run right there, son. I don't need you bleeding out right here by the trashcan."

I looked down at the glass, and realized he might be right.
I breathed a heavy sigh, resigned to go to the hospital to let them remove it safely. Eli drove me to the emergency room in spite of my offers to take a cab. I wasn't about to call Ethan, or my mom, or anybody else for that matter, at midnight on Christmas.

We were at the hospital until
six in the morning. The procedure itself was relatively quick, but the whole hospitalization and release process took a while. Eli stayed with me the whole time, which I was so thankful for, because I was exhausted and delirious. He was too, but at least there were two of us. He dropped me off at Ethan's. I took a pain pill, and wrote Ethan a note that said I was sleeping in. 

I did just that. I slept till 2PM the next day. One of the first things I did was call my mom
. I told her the highlights of what had happened, making sure she knew my phone was destroyed in the fight. I told her I would drive back to Lake Elsinore later that evening.

That afternoon passed in a blur, t
hanks to the pain pills. I wouldn't normally have taken them, but some deep tissue was disturbed since about three inches of glass had gone into my shoulder. The doctors showed it to me. That wanker had strategically broken the stem, making it a weapon. It had a sharp tip and everything.

Ethan ended up driving my truck to Lake Elsinore that evening since I was still a little loopy. Emily followed in
Ethan's car, and they went straight to L.A. after they dropped me off. They said they were planning on heading back anyway, so it wasn't a big deal to make a little detour. I decided to stay one more night at my parents place since I was so out of it.

Chapter 23

Brit

"Collin, can I please use your phone to try to call Josh's mom and see what's going on?" I held out my shaking hand, not intending to take no for an answer.

He put his phone in my hand. "It's under Sheila Rand," he said, "but I doubt she's gonna pick up because I tired to do the same thing myself when I first read the text." 

Gretchen was playing some game about a pickle, but at that point, I couldn't have cared less about games or anything else that didn't involve finding out what happened to Josh. I gave him a worried smile as I walked to the next room to make the phone call. I found her name and pressed call. I was nearly breathless with nerves as I waited for her to pick up.

Mrs. Rand: "Hey Collin, I'm sorry I missed you. I was on the phone with Eli when you called, he was checking in on Josh."

Me: "This is actually Brit. I'm
just using Collin's phone."

I suddenly regretted calling her. What if
Josh hadn't mentioned me at all and she had no idea who I was.

Mrs. Ra
nd: (after a pause) "I'm sorry sweetheart. Is this Collin's wife?"

Me: "
No ma'am. My name's Brit. Collin told me Josh was hurt, and I wanted to call and check on him. Is there any way I could talk to him?"

Another long pause occurred at that time, which had me feeling like
Josh probably hadn't told her a thing about me.

Mrs. Rand "I
t was really kind of you to call and check on Josh, but I'm afraid he's taking a nap."

Me: "Is he okay? What happened?"

Mrs. Rand: "
To tell you the truth, I didn’t get the whole story. I know that he ran into his ex-wife, and there was an altercation with Josh and the guy she's married to now. From what Josh says, the guy stabbed him with a piece of glass in the shoulder during the fight."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt a sudden and extreme wave of depression at the thought of him fighting over his ex-wife. She said some other words but I was too stunned and confused to listen to them. When she paused again, I figured it was my turn to speak.

Me: "Is he badly injured?"

It was the best thing I could come up with when all I wanted to do was hang up, give Collin's phone back, and drive straight home where I could be alone.

Mrs. Rand: "I don't believe it's too bad. The dressing is still on it so I haven't seen it, but he said it's no big deal."

That statement made me even angrier. If it was no big deal why couldn't Josh pick up the phone and call me? That wasn't really the issue, though, now was it? The real issue was that he was still so hung up over his e
mmer effing ex-wife that he got into a shoulder-stabbing fistfight over her. 

Me: "Okay, that's good to hear. I was just calling to check on him."

I was trying to sound as aloof as I could.

Mrs. Rand: "Well, I appreciate you calling, sweet
ie, I'll tell Josh you called. What was your name again?"

Me: "Oh, I was just calling for Collin. He was busy, but wanted to see how Josh was doing. I volunteered to get the scoop for everybody."

Mrs. Rand: "Okay, well tell Collin he's sleeping it off, but he should be fine soon."

Me: "Thanks, I'll tell him."

Mrs. Rand: "Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

Me: "You too."

It was like I was in a dream. I was in the formal dining room of Gretchen's parent's house, and in order to get home I had to make it through a room full of people who were laughing and carrying on. Not to mention, they would all be wanting an update on Josh. What was I going to say? I had to tell them the truth. I had to tell them the very embarrassing news that Josh got in a fight over his ex-wife. That was going to be extremely hard for me to do, especially since I had tears welling up in my eyes.

I would have given just about anything to be transported to my apartment in my bedroom where I could just cry my eyes out and not have to speak to anyone, but that really wasn't an option. I was blinking up at the ceiling
trying to dry my tears when Collin came in the dining room.

"You okay, Brit?"

"Yeah," I said, a little startled at his sudden appearance. "I was just finishing up a conversation… I was just talking to Josh's mom. She said he's fine and it's no big deal. There'
s nothing to worry about." I tried to smile but I knew it looked forced and teary-eyed.

Collin came across the room and put a hand on my shoulder. "You sure you're okay?" He was looking down at me concerned and I knew I wasn't getting out of th
ere without telling him what was going on.

"It's no big deal," I assured hi
m. "He's going to be fine. The only reason you caught me in here like this is because the fight was over his ex-wife."

Collin gave me a regretful half-smile which made the tears well up even more. I was angry—angry
with Josh for caring enough about her to get in a fight, and angry with myself for caring enough about Josh to cry in front of Collin.

"Collin, I'm not really in the mood to go back out there and do that pickle thing," I said. "I was planning on heading home soon anyway. It would mean a lot to me if you could help me get out of here
without having to explain what happened to everyone."

"No problem," he said, rubbing my shoulder. "You can head straight out the front door. Just tell me where your things are, and I'll grab them
for you and meet you outside. Unless you want Rachel to meet you… I could send her if you want—"

"No," I said, not wanting to explain the situation to another living soul.
"If you don't mind, just get my stuff and meet me outside. My bag is next to the couch in the playroom." He started to walk away but I stopped him. "Oh, and Collin?"

"Yeah?"

"Just tell everyone I'm fine, but wasn't feeling my best. Tell them I said thanks for having me."

"You got it," he said sweetly.

I snuck out the front door and Collin did as he said he would, meeting me out there with my bag. I felt so sad and desperate and wanted nothing more than to fall off the grid for a few days.

I drove from Ventura back to my place in Los Angeles, and when I got there, didn't remember the trip at all.
I locked my front door, and spent the entire evening in my bed with a box of tissues and all the junk food I could find.

Gretchen had given me a key to their cabin in the woods, and I thought about going out there so I could
really
be alone, but in spite of me being pitiful and heartbroken, I was still too scared to go into the woods by myself.

I spent
Christmas night alone in my little house, thinking about Josh and every possible outcome. I imagined him coming over to my house, explaining everything, begging for forgiveness, and making the whole situation go away, but I knew that wouldn't happen. It wasn't because I didn't trust Josh to try to make amends. (I kind of figured he would at least make some attempt to explain what happened.) It was more about
me
and the fact that I didn't think I'd be able to be in a relationship where the ex-wife was an issue. I had to remind myself that it was a good thing I figured this out now before we got too serious.

That didn't lessen the sting.

Somehow, before any of this happened, I had myself all worked up into believing that Josh and I could
actually
have something special, and the realization that things weren't going to work out was extremely painful. The disappointment created physical pain in my chest, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt why people called it heartache.

I listened to the song No Air about fifty times. I knew it by heart by the end of the night.
In some of the books I read, the heroine describes herself as feeling "shattered," and that was
exactly
the perfect word to describe how I felt that Christmas—
shattered
into teeny, tiny pieces that would never to go back together again. Humpty freaking Dumpty. I fell asleep in the early morning hours with those types of delirious thoughts.

I woke up sometime later that day to the sound of my phone ringing.
I had a splitting headache from the hours of crying, and had to squint to read the words on the screen of my phone. It was one o'clock in the afternoon, and apparently it wasn't the first missed call. I had five of them and four texts. I didn't really feel like reading all the texts and listening to the voicemails that hot little second. I didn't feel like doing much of anything at all. I was tired, achy, and pissed off.

I set the phone down beside me without bothering to check any of the messages. I took in my surroundings. My bedroom was a
freaking disaster, with clothes, shoes, and blankets strewn about. It looked how I felt.

A shiny object on the carpeted floor caught my eye as I was glancing around
my pigsty of a bedroom. A flash of memory hit me from the previous evening, and I remembered holding that box-cutter, poised for destruction.
No,
I wasn't going to slit my wrist, silly. I loved Josh, but geez.

Just hours ago
, I was planning on taking that painting I'd done for Josh and slashing it to shreds. The painting was still at my house. I'd held on to it for so long making last minute tweaks that I was just planning on giving it to him when we exchanged Christmas gifts, which, by the way, was supposed to have happened the night before. Instead I spent my Christmas with a box of tissues and a box cutter, ready to destroy the painting I used to love so much. Okay, it was a little dramatic. But Lord God, it hurt. I took a deep breath and picked up my phone to face the darkness on the other end of those messages. I blinked to restore focus to my stinging eyes as I read the words on the screen.

The missed calls were
listed as:

A mystery number
x 2,

Rachel x 1,

Gretchen x 1,

And
Mom x 1.

The texts
were from Rachel and my mom.

I skimmed over
the texts, reading them, but really just passing an eye over the words to make sure nothing seemed urgent. They were just concerned and wanted to make sure I was doing okay.

I didn't really concentrate on any of them. I was more interested in the two voicemails
I thought might be from Josh. I made myself listen to the three non-Josh voicemails before I got to those. Don't ask me why I did that. Sometimes I just liked to torture myself. Again, the messages from the girls were just checking to make sure I was okay.

Finally, I pressed play on the first message from a mystery number. I knew it had to be Josh, at least I desperately hoped it would be him.
I was shaking with nerves as I listened.

"Britney, this is Josh." The sound of his deep voice made me ache all over again. "I'm calling from my
mom's phone. It's Christmas, and I know we were supposed to be spending some time together this afternoon, but I got hurt last night, and the doctor gave me some muscle relaxer. Anyway, I'm coming off of it as quick as I can so I can drive back into the city. I just wanted to let you know that I might be a little late."

A little late?

I laughed without humor as I collapsed back onto the bed. It was the day
after
Christmas at one o'clock in the afternoon, and I was still alone in my house. Yeah, you could say he was a little late. The last missed call was from the same mystery number, only it was the one that came through just a few minutes ago—the one that had woken me up.

I pressed play.

"Britney, it's me Josh. This is my mom's phone. Why aren't you picking up? I know you're at home. Your car is in the driveway, and Gretchen said she saw some activity in your house last night when they got back. Please call me back, Brit. I lost my phone, but I have my moms until I can get a new one. Call me on this phone. I need to explain why I wasn't able to come back yesterd—"

The voicemail was cut off in the middle of the word, and fresh tears sprang to my eyes at the retched little thing called hope that threatened to
stir up inside me. I was still catching my breath when a text came through from that same number.

Mystery #: "Britney, if you're in there, please let me in. I'm sorry I was late. I can explain. Gretchen
said I could use her key to get in there and check on you if you don't call one of us back soon. We're worried. Please call."

I looked out my window, but didn't see any
one. I called Gretchen. I figured she'd be easier to talk to, and she could give Josh the message for me. Okay, so maybe that made me a coward, but who cared? I was all about the easy way out after a night's worth of crying. I dialed Gretchen's number.

Gretchen: "Hey girl, you okay? I was starting to worry a little bit."

I could hear a little commotion in the background, and suddenly I heard Gretchen squeal and some shuffling followed by the sound of Josh's booming voice.