Mine, Not Hers (True Love Book 1) (3 page)

"Hi, Katie. I was worried about you, I thought you may have gotten lost."

It’s Jason. My insides jump from scared to melting all at once. How can I pull off calm indifference?

"Oh, hi. I didn’t realize just how far down I had walked. Is Colleen ready to leave? Did she send you to find me?"

He closes the dark space between us, and I can see his face. It’s dark out, but his features seem to light up in front of me.

"No, she didn’t. I noticed that you hadn’t come over to the fire, and when I went looking, Missy said that you had gone this way a while ago. I kept hoping that you would come and sit so we could talk."

What?

“Oh, I'm sorry. I just feel, um, a little
embarrassed
by the way I behaved the last time I saw you."

Massive understatement.

"Where have you been all week? I haven't seen you around," I ask with a masked coolness I in no way feel.

"I drove to school this week, and I've been busy. I've been in the library during most of my free time. Just trying to get ahead of things."

He whispers that sentence like he’s thinking about something else entirely, but that’s what came out instead. We stand planted in our respective spots for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say next. I feel his eyes dare to look down and we catch each other in our gazes. It’s so dark, but the distant glow of the fire is enough. I’m transfixed. He slowly steps a few inches closer without breaking our bond. I hear him breathing: It’s shallow and rapid and I know it isn’t from the walk down the beach. I’m breathing just as erratically, and my heart is racing. My cheeks are burning with heat, and I’m so glad he can’t see me blushing. What’s happening?

He closes in on me the slightest bit, until his face is looking straight down at me. God I wish I were taller. In an instant, he squats down and wraps both arms around my legs and hoists me up so that I’m face to face with him. He’s panting now, and so am I. His eyes search for something to give him a sign that this is OK. My lips let out a slight involuntary moan, and that’s all he needs. He kisses me,
hard
. His lips are all over mine begging to release and explore the kiss with him. I eagerly return his ravenous kiss with matched desire. He slowly lowers both of us down, so now I’m standing and he’s kneeling in front of me.

Our lips never break apart. He locates my hair tie around my ponytail, and loosens it gently. The wind is whipping my hair around his face and he moans. Both of his hands are softly kneading my head and stroking my hair. They move to cup my face in the sweetest gesture. We aren't moving like two fumbling teenagers, but more like two lovers in a movie who reunite after years apart.

I lower myself to straddle his legs and push him down to a seating position. The muffled moans and grunts that are coming from our busy mouths are an odd sound in the quiet darkness. My skin buzzes wherever he touches me. He treats my body with reverence, like he’s trying not to break me. He keeps his hands in my hair, on my face, and on my back, never allowing them to travel anywhere else. A piercing scream breaks our connection. We both jerk our heads toward the sound, which is coming from the direction of the fire. From what I can tell, Kevin has tried to throw Colleen into the freezing lake. She’s up on his shoulders, laughing and screaming, and loving every minute of it.

This moment gives us a chance to calm ourselves and come down from our high. Whoa. My heart is racing; I can’t seem to get it to slow down. I see a bead of sweat on his forehead.

"I'm sorry,” he whispers.

No
! Please don’t be sorry! I’m screaming in my head. On the outside I say calmly, "What for?"

"For losing control like that. I don’t know what came over me. I've never felt like that before. I thought that if I didn't kiss you, I would go crazy. I've been feeling that way since the first time I laid eyes on you. I guess it was built up.

What
? Since the first time he saw
me
? When?

"Oh."

Really? That’s all I can spit out? He seems worried at my lack of response. I think he’s assuming I must be offended. He puts his head down, as if he’s ashamed. I know I have to get my voice back.

"It's OK, trust me. I was just caught by surprise, and now I'm even more surprised by your admission."

Get it out, Katie.

"When did you first feel like you wanted to kiss me?"

He seems hesitant to say, but I keep my eyes on him, hoping he’ll feel comfortable enough to let me in on it.

"I'm embarrassed to admit it: The first time I saw you, on your first day of school, last Friday."

Oh yeah, in the cafeteria, when I was trying not to be obvious that I was staring.

"You were outside the cafeteria looking around. Something pulled me to look out the window, and I saw you. Your eyes are so beautiful, and your face. But there was something more. I don't know what exactly, and that’s why I've been acting so strangely around you. When I saw you at the party, I wasn’t expecting you to be there, I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just wanted to gather my thoughts so I walked away. When I saw you outside shivering, I couldn't stand it. I felt uncomfortable that you were cold.

"I've spent most of my high school years avoiding the dating drama. I saw how my friends would lose their focus on the team, and I have goals and dreams. I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t keep my attention. You've had my attention without even knowing it since the first time I saw you. I'm really sorry if that freaks you out. I just have to be honest. When I tried talking to you during lunch the other day, you looked like you had no interest in my being there, so I left. I tried my best to avoid seeing you until I could figure out why I feel so strongly.

“I noticed you tonight before you even saw me. I saw your beautiful hair pulled back, but still blowing around your face in the wind. I heard your laugh, and saw your smile. If you didn’t speak to me tonight, I don’t know what I would have done."

Oh. My. God.

I'm speechless. I have no words in response to this flood of information. His thoughts flowed out of his mouth faster than I could actually process what he was trying to tell me.
He
noticed
me
! I thought I was the one dumbstruck by
him
. He's waiting for me to say something. He appears to be getting frustrated that I haven’t responded.

I blurt out, "I noticed you too!" Duh. "I mean that, I had similar feelings when I saw you. I just know that every girl around looks at you like that, so I thought you saw me as just another annoying girl you had to let down. I haven't dated much, OK I've only had two dates, and one was a setup. Neither turned out well. I just don’t know how to respond when a boy shows interest, I guess."

His face turns from confusion to joy in rapid-fire sequence. With  great restraint, he gently cups my face with his large hands. He leans in so that he’s only a breath away from me. His eyes are heated and his lids are low as he gazes into my face. It looks as if he’s trying to read a map of a place where he’s never been. Taking it all in, trying to learn it and commit it to memory. He inches closer and kisses me chastely, like he’s trying to apologize for being so forceful before. We sit and hold this soft kiss for ages. I feel as if the earth could swallow us whole, and I wouldn't care. I never want this feeling of intimacy with him to end. It feels more natural than breathing.

Our friends call out for us. They can't see us down the beach, and the fire’s been snuffed out. I pull back from him slowly and notice that his eyes are still closed like he’s in a dream state. Slowly, he opens them, and he looks like the happiest person in the world. I can’t believe
I
make him feel that way! My insides are churning at the thought. I take a quick look down at my watch. Oh no, it’s eleven-thirty. My mom will be waiting for us.

"I have to go, my mom is picking us up now."

He takes a long deep breath.

“OK, I'll walk you back. Can I get your phone number?"

I tell him my number as we walk back down the beach. Colleen's jaw drops when she notices his arm around my waist pulling me tightly to his side as we approach.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he whispers in my ear, "but I'll dream about you tonight."

By saying that he sucks the wind right out of my lungs.

"OK. I'll be home in the afternoon. Bye."

I’m not quite as eloquent saying goodbye, and it’s nothing short of a miracle I have any strength in my legs to walk. My body feels like it has turned into jelly. Colleen pulls me violently out of my reverie by grabbing my arms.

"What were you doing with Jason? Oh my God! Even Kevin was surprised when he saw the two of you! He said that Jason rarely goes after girls. He doesn't have to. What did he say?"

Hello big splash of cold water in my face. Wow. I shake my head, trying to remember what he said to me. I want to play it back in my head over and over again. I feel like I was semiconscious the whole time he was speaking, because I can only remember bits and pieces.

"He just told me that he had noticed me at school, and that he is going to call me tomorrow."

"You guys were down the beach for a while. That can't be everything!"

I feel my face flush.

"He kissed you? How was it? Kevin kissed me, too!"

She keeps talking all the way home. My mom is riveted to the one-sided conversation Colleen is having. After we drop her off, my mother’s gaze pierces the side of my head.

"
So
? Are you going to tell me who Jason is?"

Thanks, Colleen Bigmouth.

"He's just a boy from school, Mom. He's nice."

I’m dreaming of climbing into my bed so I can focus on remembering his words to me. My mother doesn't stop asking questions until we get home. The last thing I remember her saying was that she was going to talk to Colleen's mom and find out more about him.

Fantastic.

I will never forget the first time I saw Katie. It was the summer before my junior year, and I was working at our family bakery. Usually I came in early to help unload trucks or clean in the back. I had football in the afternoons, so I was there before the store opened. Our coach had given us two days off from practice so he could attend a wedding downstate. I took advantage of getting to sleep in for once, so I told my mom I would be there around nine. When I arrived, she needed me up front to help at the register, and restock while she was getting paperwork done. Mrs. Bay was there as usual, and I was her backup.

I heard her talking to a woman about bread as I walked into the counter area loaded down with two trays of cookies. I set them behind the counter, and I saw a girl standing next to the door. No one else was in the place, and I assumed she was with the woman at the counter.

Her face was stunning. Not necessarily in a traditional sense, but it stunned
me
. It was plain, no makeup, but it glowed. Her eyes were the biggest I had ever seen. She had thick lashes that were trying their best to hide the girl beneath. She appeared shy, and looked miserable tagging along with her mom on errands. I stayed behind the large coffee machine, not wanting to be noticed, so I could keep looking. I felt like if she saw me, she’d run away like a deer spotting the hunter.

I was completely mesmerized. I don’t think I took a breath for a solid two minutes. I’d never felt like that before. I’ve had plenty of girls fawn all over me since the fifth grade, maybe even earlier. I never cared for the attention, and actually found it annoying most of the time. I’ve been so focused on my studies and my sports, that the whole dating scene didn’t hold much appeal. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the company of a few girls in high school, but I made it clear I didn’t do the girlfriend thing. When I saw this girl, I couldn’t even seem to remember my own name. Her mother finished up her purchase, and without ever looking back up she left the store. I could feel Mrs. Bay staring at me.

“Well, well, well! Look who’s blushing!” she giggled.

I shook my head as if the action might reset my brain.

“Who
was
that girl? Do you know them?”

I may have sounded a bit too eager, and she began to laugh.

“She
is
a pretty little thing, isn’t she? That was Mrs. Barnett and her daughter. I don’t know the girl’s name, but she’s been in before with her mom, she’s quiet.”

That I knew!

“Anything else? How old is she, where does she go to school, where does she live?”

“Whoa, settle down, cowboy! That’s all I know. I think she may be in high school, even though she doesn’t look it. I believe I remember her mother mentioning one of the private schools nearby. She was buying cookies for the ladies in the office. Sorry, dear, that’s about all I can give you.”

She smiled her sweet smile, and seemed a little sad for me. She knew I didn’t date a lot, and for me to ask about a girl was pretty big.

It would be a full year before I would lay eyes on her again. Never did I think it would be in my high school cafeteria! I had spent the rest of the summer with my radar up. Everywhere I went, the mall, the beach, even the Cubs games, I was on the lookout for her. How could she live that near, but I never bumped into her? I kept telling myself that I must have built her up in my head for some reason, that there was no way a girl could have a grip on me like this. I actually started to believe it, too, until today.

There she is.

I’m mindlessly listening to my friends go on about some party this weekend, while my eyes scan the room out of boredom. I look out the cafeteria window, and there she is. Wandering and looking a bit lost. It’s her, no doubt about it. Any lies I had told myself about her not being that special fly straight out of my head. Seeing her again sends a spasm clear through me from my head to my toes. I can’t believe I feel this way about a complete stranger after seeing her
once
, a
year
ago! I lose sight of her, and stop these thoughts. I’m losing it. This girl is probably some psycho who transfers schools over and over after she murders the entire cheerleading squad!

I turn my head, and I feel my face fall. She’s staring right at me. I stare back, temporarily immobilized. I feel my face flushing and she looks away. Whoa. What is going on with me? Have I stayed away from dating for so long now that my system is going haywire? That has to be it. I haven’t spoken a word to this girl, yet I feel like I know her. She looks a little more mature than the last time I saw her. She’s petite and cute. I begin to imagine what her voice sounds like. My buddy, Kevin, hits me hard on the arm.

“Dude! What the hell? Snap out of it! You haven’t heard a word we’ve said, have you?” Kevin laughs, noticing I was focused on something else.

“Sorry, man, I was just thinking about the test in calculus. I’m good,” I say, trying to recover from ignoring my friend.

“Yeah, whatever man. She must have been hot!” he says with a huge slap on my back and a laugh. The bell rings, and we grab our stuff to leave. This has to be one of the weirdest days of my life.

* * *

This is not good. I have
never
bombed a test in my life. I’ve never had anything but straight A’s since kindergarten. I can’t get that girls face out of my head! Mr. Ford, my calculus teacher clears his throat trying to get me to focus. I guess it’s pretty obvious something, or someone, is on my mind. After I turn in the exam, he studies my face.

“Jason, is everything all right with you? You seem a little out of it.”

“Yes, sir, I’m OK, just a lot on my mind. The game tonight, you know.”

What a lie. It will be nothing short of a miracle if I can even remember my plays.

Last period, we suit out for practice. We just have a walk-through since we have a game tonight. At least I won’t see her now; I can try to focus on tonight. As I make my way through the tunnel, I notice that the P.E. classes join us. Great. It’s so annoying to listen to them during practice. The sun is bright, but I see a shape that’s all too familiar. It’s her again. I feel like I’m living in my own personal hell. Just when I think I can get back on track, she pops back up. She and another girl look like they're bored with class. Oh my God, she looks amazing. The sun is shining on her hair and face, and her legs look so sexy in those shorts. She looks up, and I run the other way. God help me. This is not the time to be obsessing over a girl.

Surprisingly, I have a great game. In fact, it’s a record-breaker for passing yards. At practice I focused harder on the plays that I ever had in my life. I knew that if I didn’t, she would wiggle her way into my thoughts. I can’t think of her and the word “wiggle” at the same time.

After the game, everyone’s going to a party at Jeff’s house. I’m not a drinker, so I usually stay for a little while, and then duck out once it gets crazy. I’m not a big one for drama, and a little booze mixed with teenage hormones mean plenty of drama.

Kevin and I are comparing notes about the game, when I hear a scream. I turn toward the sound, and I find myself face to face with her. She and her friend are soaked with trashcan punch. She’s staring at me, and I feel as if I’ve been electrocuted. A jolt of energy makes my body shiver. I don’t know what to do with these emotions; they're frustrating, to say the least. I don’t even know what to say to her right now. I need to compose myself, so I turn and walk away. I may seem like the biggest jerk in the world right now, but if I get any closer to her I may grab her and kiss her. She doesn’t even know me or how I feel about her. I’m sure that grabbing her might seem just a bit weird.

I practically knock people down trying to get outside to get some air. I don’t like feeling this out of control. What the hell? I go around the side of the house where I’ll be alone and can gather my thoughts. This is going to be a problem. Now she’s everywhere. School is hard enough, but now that she’s in my social group I’m going to have to do something, I just don’t know what. I can’t have this distraction right now, senior year is too important. It’s chilly tonight, I assume, based on how everyone is huddling around, but I sure don’t feel it. My body feels nice and warm, and I think I’m even sweating. Just thinking about her gets my system going. Seeing her and smelling her is a major double whammy. Her shirt was wet and see-through, just enough to get a glimpse of her bra. As much as I enjoyed the view, the thought of anyone else seeing her like that infuriates me.
Why
?

I’m getting a little too warm, and I take off my jacket. As I start to move, I see someone come around the corner of the house. Shit! I can’t get five minutes alone. I hear heavy breathing, and I see a small shadow. Shit! Just the person I’m trying to avoid. She’s shivering. Her shirt is soaking wet, and she doesn’t have anything else on over it. An overwhelming sense of protectiveness floods over me. I walk over and touch her shoulder to get her attention. I feel a warmth pass through us both. She must feel it too, because she shudders. I offer her my jacket, but she refuses. Even in the dark, I can make out how beautiful her face is. I’m even closer to her now than I was inside. I can feel her breath as she’s talking to me. She looks nervous, but I feel calmer.

Something has changed inside me, and instead of wanting to avoid her, I come to the conclusion that I can’t. I have to get to know her, and as soon as possible. She walks away from me at first, and then starts running. She’s either painfully shy, which I already know is probably the case, or I’ve hurt her feelings somehow, which would not be a surprise given how I’ve reacted to the poor girl.

I head to my truck to see if I can find her and offer her a ride home. I didn’t see in which direction she headed, so I take my chances and drive up and down the neighborhood streets. No luck. I go back to the party to see if I can find out some more information about her. When I go back in, I notice that Kevin and the girl she came with are getting cozy. I recognize her as the sister of one of my brother’s friends. I think her name is Colleen. She heads toward the bathroom as I pull Kevin over to talk.

“Hey, man! Where were you? We were looking for you and Colleen’s friend. Did you see her?”

Kevin looks hopeful.

“Katie? Short girl covered in punch? No, but I saw her outside. She left. Do you know anything about her?”

I’m trying my best to be cool, but I don’t think it’s working.

“Katie’s awesome!” I hear loudly behind me. I turn toward the shout and Colleen is staring me down.

“Of course, she did find it a bit rude how you glared at her when she bumped you. She didn’t mean to, we were pushed.”

She’s hyper, and
loud
. She’s pretty nice, though, perfect for Kevin. I decide now is not the time for questions and answers though. I slap Kevin on the shoulder.

“Gotta run. See you later. Nice to see you, Colleen.”

With that I leave and head home. My head is beginning to throb. I’m not made for this crap.

I can’t sleep. I keep replaying our face-to-face in the yard in my head. I’m getting hard just thinking about her big eyes looking up at me, and her sweet, sweet scent. I usually masturbate in the shower, with many different girls playing the lead. I’ve had so many show me their tits; I have great mental images to use. This feels different. I don’t feel like masturbating to her image. It feels so good to be this thick for her that I don’t want it to stop. It enhances the strong feelings I have building for her, and makes me want to get to know her that much more. I’ve never been this hard before. I feel like I’m going to explode without even touching myself. The images of her in her shorts, her tight jeans and her wet, see-through shirt are enough to make me crazy. I roll over and try my best to sleep, but I know it’s not happening.

I’m a grouch all weekend. I’ve had no sleep, and a huge boner for about thirty-six hours now. I’ve gone running, mowed the lawn, helped coach my brother’s football game, raked leaves, etc. Nothing seems to help. By Monday morning, I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’m exhausted, and I can’t even study. If I don’t talk to her today and get her out of my head once and for all, I’ll certainly flunk out of school and die from a multi-day erection.

Kevin and I usually walk to school when the weather is nice. He lives farther away, so he drives to my house and we walk from here. He is going on about Colleen; I guess they really hit it off at the party. I hear her voice calling out to him, and we both turn around. Katie is walking with her. Oh God, not now. I didn’t expect to see her this morning. I was going to try to talk to her sometime today, but I can’t see her now. I mutter a quick “See ya” to Kevin and walk on ahead. I hope she doesn’t notice; she’ll probably just add that to the list of why I’m such a jerk.

Monday drags by, as Mondays usually do. Lots of talk about the game Friday, and what a great party it was. It seems like it was all so long ago. The lunch bell rings, and I lag behind my group of friends. I know she and I have the same lunch period; maybe I can talk to her now. I tell my friends I’ll see them later, and I hover around the outside of the cafeteria waiting for her. No luck yet. She can’t have switched out already, has she? I start to walk back up the hill when I notice a small figure walking down the path behind the cafeteria. I’ve never been down there, but I see kids sometimes go down there to smoke. That hardly seems like her.