Mirror Image (17 page)

Bertie and Olivia were in the attic by then, opening trunks and
collecting their valises, and by the time they came downstairs again,
Victoria had run swiftly down the stairs and out the front door, wearing
a black dress and a hat with a veil that concealed her face entirely.

She had heard what her father had said, but she had to hear it for
herself this time.

It was impossible to believe. Maybe John Watson was lying.

She had taken a cab to his office, and had almost collided with him on
the steps just as he was leaving. He looked as handsome as ever, but
startled to see who it was, and not particularly pleased to see her.

"I have to speak to you, " she said, fighting back tears, as Toby looked
down at her with obvious irritation.

"Why didn't you just send another lawyer? What did you think you were
going to do? Pressure me into leaving her this week? What's the hurry?"

"I had nothing to do with that. Someone told my father's attorney that
you made a remark about me, that we were having an affair, and he told
my father. And apparently, someone's seen us at the cottage."

"Oh so what, for God's sake. You're a big girl, Miss Modern I Never Want
to Get Married. You knew what was going on. You just wanted to hear all
the pretty words, but you knew exactly what it was all about, and don't
tell me you didn't." She looked shocked at the harshness of what he was
saying, and wished they could go somewhere to talk, but he clearly
didn't want to. He made no move off the steps, and did not invite her to
go back into the building, to his office.

"What was it all about? I don't know what to think now." She asked him
fearfully, as she stood there trembling, the heavy veil concealing the
tears that flowed down her cheeks in silence.

"It was about then, this is now. It was fun. It was great fun.

I would do it all over again in a minute. But that's all it was, a good
time for a short time. All you damn women are the same, you have to
pretend you're going to get a gold ring at the end of it. Don't tell me
how modern you are, you're just as dishonest as the rest of them.

You don't want to go to bed with a man unless you get a wedding ring out
of it. How real is that? Do you really think I'm going to be able to
leave Evangeline and three kids .. . four now .. . do you really think
she'd let me go? Or that this is the love of my life? How the hell would
I know after two days? How do you? All you knew was what I knew, what
was between your legs and what you wanted there, so don't tell me any
pretty stories. That was it, baby, a good time, and we had it. And don't
tell me you thought I was leaving her. The Astors would kill me, and you
know it. So we were playing. We both played. And if you talk, so will I.
I'll tell everyone just how good you were .. . and you were good,
baby...
. you were great." He tipped his hat to her, and bowed low, and when he
came up with a smirk on his face, she slapped him hard and a woman
walking past them looked startled.

I "You're a bastard, Toby Whitticomb, " she said, as the tears flowed
faster. She had never heard anything as disgusting as what he'd just
said to her. He had only used her, and he didn't even have the grace to
admit it. He tried to blame it on her too, to cheapen her, and make her
think that she'd never loved him. The sad thing was that she had, far
too much. She had been incredibly stupid.

"I've been called that before, " he smiled, "by people who really know
too, not just by babies." She had been a complete innocent, easy prey
for him, and he knew it. He had taken every advantage of her, and didn't
give a damn what it did to her now, or what even happened.

"We're leaving tomorrow, " she said miserably, as though she still
expected him to stop her, but of course he wouldn't.

"I think that's a good thing to do. Am I to expect a visit from your
father now too? " he asked unpleasantly. "Or does he only send his
minions? "

"You don't deserve more than that, " she said, wanting to hate him, but
not there yet. He had broken her heart, and yet a part of her still
loved him.

"You know better than that, " he said, looking incredibly seductive
again, as he walked her slowly to a taxi. "We had a good time, Victoria
.. . let it go at that .. . don't ask more of it than there was.

.

.." It was just a game to him. It always had been.

"You said you loved me." Tears rolled down her face as she said it.

"You said you'd never loved anyone like this .. . you said .

.." He had said he would leave his wife, that he wanted to spend the
rest of his life with her, and wanted her babies. They were going to run
away and live in Pads. She was sobbing as she watched him.

"I know what I said, I lied, " he told her as he put her in a cab.

"It doesn't matter now." He looked at her, almost sorry for her this
time.

She was such a kid. It wasn't even a fair game this way, but it was too
late now anyway. The game was over. "Go home and forget me.

You'll marry someone nice one day, but I'll bet you'll remember this as
the most fun you ever had." He grinned at her evilly, and she wanted to
slap him again, but there was no point. It was over. He didn't even
begin to understand what she had felt for him. He l was so empty he
would never know, and her heart ached as she looked at him, and slowly,
finally began to hate him. "I know, " he whispered, as he looked at her
for a last time, drinking in the way she looked.

She was even pretty when she cried. It was almost too bad she wasn't
older.

But he'd had enough fun for a while. It was time to move on now. "I'm a
bad one, " he whispered to her. "That's just the way it is sometimes.

" He gave the driver her address and got out of the cab, and then he
turned and walked down the street without ever looking back. Victoria
Henderson was only a moment in his life. She had come, and gone, and now
it was time for something different.

Victoria cried all the way back to the house. She slipped in the back
door, and ran quietly up the back stairs, and prayed that no one had
found out she was gone. In fact, Olivia had. She had come to bring her a
cup of tea and see how she was, and what had happened with their father.

And she had known instinctively what had happened when she saw that
Victoria was gone, and she knew that Victoria had probably run off to
see Toby. Olivia could feel in her own heart the agony that her sister
was in. And without saying a word about Victoria having disappeared,
Olivia silently closed the door, and went back to her work in the attic
with Bertie.

The two sisters didn't meet again until late that afternoon when Olivia
checked on her again, and this time found her in their room.

Victoria was sitting in a chair, holding a handkerchief and staring out
the window.

She didn't turn when she heard Olivia come into the room, and just
seeing her there that way almost killed Olivia as she watched her.

She walked quietly up to her, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you all right? " Olivia whispered to her. Any anger that had
existed between them had vanished that morning. It was as though they
had found each other again. And Olivia knew how badly her sister was
going to need her.

There was a long silence in answer to her question, and then Victoria
shrugged as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, spilled onto her blouse
and her fingers.

"I was so stupid, " she finally whispered. "How could I be so stupid?

" She sounded tragic.

"You wanted to believe him, and he was very exciting. He wanted you to
believe him. He's very good at it." But just listening to her sister
made Victoria cry more, and finally Olivia just held her. "It'll be all
right again, we'll go home, and you won't see him anymore ..

.

you'll forget, and so will everyone else eventually. Nothing like this
lasts forever."

"How do you know? " Victoria sobbed in her sister's arms as she asked
the question, and Olivia smiled at her. She loved her so much, and
wished she could have taken the pain away, the disappointment, and the
deception. She was furious with Toby Whitticomb on her sister's behalf,
and relieved that Victoria was free of him, and she was also grateful
that she and her twin were close to each other again. Toby had very
definitely come between them.

"I'm older than you are, " Olivia smiled down at her reassuringly, "I
know about things. This won't hurt forever, " she said, trying to sound
hopeful.

"I never knew there were people like him .. . so deceitful .

so evil .. . I hate men .

, , .. .. ..

"Don't, " Olivia said, kissing the top of her head wisely. "Just hate
him." Victoria looked up at her then, and for an instant there was a
familiar look between them. They knew each other so well, every look,
every word, every joy, every moment of sorrow. It was frightening to
realize that for the past few weeks they had almost lost each other.

But Olivia knew, as she always had, that they could never lose each
other.

The bond between them was too tight, too strong, it ran too deep and was
too important. It was like shared bone, or a common heart. It was
something they owned as one, that neither of them could take from the
other.

They held hands together the next day, in the back of the car, as they
drove out of town. Olivia knew everything that her sister felt, the
sorrow, the pain, the regret, the agony of never seeing him again.

And as Victoria wept silently, holding her sister's hands tightly in her
own, their father sat in the front seat in total silence.

Chapter 7.

In some ways, it was a relief for all of them to return to Henderson
Manor in Croton-on-Hudson. The two months in New York had been frantic,
and the shock of the emotions of her affair had left Victoria completely
shattered. It was good for the twins to be alone together again, and to
talk, as they had before, of the things that mattered to them.

It seemed as though Victoria had lost sight of everything in New York,
except Toby.

He had obscured all her goals, all her dreams, all her fervent beliefs
that had once been so important to her. She had given up everything for
him, in the end, even her reputation. In five brief weeks of loving him,
she had destroyed everything, or so it seemed to Victoria now, and even
their father. He spoke very little of it, but it was easy to see how
deeply upset he was over what had happened. Only Olivia remained
somewhat philosophical, and she did everything possible to cheer them
both up.

She pampered her father constantly, bringing him his favorite teas,
ordering his favorite meals for him, planning menus, and cutting flowers
that she knew would please him. But he had remained extremely stern in
their first week back, and very silent with both his daughters.

The sale of the mill was almost complete by then, but he seemed to have
a great deal on his mind in the first week of November.

The leaves had completely turned, and Olivia loved that time of year on
the Hudson. She urged Victoria to go out walking with her, and even to
go riding with her whenever possible, although Victoria far preferred
driving to riding horses.

"Oh don't be so spoiled, " Olivia teased her late one afternoon, at the
end of their first week home. Things had almost begun to seem normal by
then. The house in New York had been completely closed, and Bertie had
come back with the rest of their things, and the servants.

"Why don't we ride over to Kykuit? " Olivia urged, but Victoria didn't
look enthused about the venture.

"Because the Rockefellers have probably heard what a slut I am, and
they'll throw rocks at me if we go near them, " Victoria said, as Olivia
chuckled at her sister.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'll throw rocks at you if you don't
ride with me this afternoon. I'm tired of sitting here watching you and
Father try to compete for who can be the most gloomy. I want to go
riding, and I'm taking you with me." Victoria finally agreed and they
didn't ride as far as Kykuit, but they had a lovely ride down by the
Aver, and they were most of the way home, when a squirrel ran up a tree
unexpectedly, and Victoria's horse bolted. She hadn't ridden him in a
while, and she'd never been the enthusiastic equestrian her sister was,
and before Olivia could even grab the bridle for her, Victoria had
fallen right out of her saddle. She hit the ground with a thud, and
looked surprised, as her horse galloped easily back to the stable.

"See what I mean? " Victoria picked herself up and dusted herself off as
Olivia laughed at her. "That never happens to me when I steal Father's
cars and go driving." She was smiling.

"You're hopeless. Come on up behind me." Olivia gave Victoria a firm
hand, and Victoria put a toe into her sister's stirrup and a moment
later, she was sitting behind Olivia and they cantered home to the
stable. It was a cold November day, and they were both freezing by the
time they got home, and stood in front of the fire in the library,
warming their hands, and laughing as they told their father about their
adventure. He even smiled at them, and Victoria thought it was the first
time he had talked to her normally since they got back to Croton.

She commented on it to Olivia as they went back to their bedroom to
change for dinner.

"Stop saying that, " Olivia chided her. "He seems
to be perfectly all right now."

"Not when he's alone with me. I don't think he'll ever forgive me, " she
said quietly, waiting for Olivia to pick their dress for dinner.

"That's nonsense, " Olivia said firmly, but she had noticed that their
father was much quieter than he had been, and Victoria herself was far
more docile. She seemed to say very little these days and never went
anywhere. She seemed far less interested in the suffragists and had
stopped going to the meetings. In some ways, her heartbreak over Tobias
Whitticomb seemed to have caused her to soften. She wasn't quite as sure
of herself, or as adventuresome. It was as though she had ventured whole
into the world, confident in herself, and she had returned two months
later, broken. And all Olivia wanted now was to see her sister and her
father become the people they had been. She knew it would happen
eventually, but it was difficult being with either of them in the
meantime. The only good thing that had come of the affair was that she
had never felt as close to her twin sister. They were as inseparable now
suddenly as they had been as children. It was as though in some unspoken
way, Victoria needed her desperately and she knew it. And Olivia was
happier than ever to be with her. They were never apart now for a single
moment. And thus far, fortunately, news of Victoria's misadventure
seemed not to have reached Croton.

They had dinner with their father that night, and as usual, everyone
went to bed early. Olivia had gone to the library and gotten books for
both of them. She was reading O Pioneers and fell asleep at midnight
with the book in her hands. Victoria had long since turned her back on
her and gone to sleep at ten-thirty. And eventually, at some point in
the night, Olivia had woken up and turned their lamp off. There was
still a fire in the grate and the room was warm, and as she drifted off
to sleep, she thought she was dreaming when she heard a soft moaning
beside her. She let the sound lull her to sleep again, but shortly after
that, Olivia felt a pain knife through her in the darkness like none
other she had ever known. It took her breath from her, and she woke
gasping for air, and instinctively reaching for her sister. She
instantly clutched Victoria's hand, but as she woke, she realized that
the pain wasn't her own, but her twin's. She had felt it as her own, but
as she came fully awake, the pain vanished, and what she saw was
Victoria's face, contorted in pain, as she grabbed the bedpost. Her
knees were pulled up to her chest, and she could barely speak as Olivia
bent over her in terror.

"What is it? What's wrong? " They had felt pain for each other before,
but Olivia had never before felt anything like this one. It had been
like a knife ripping through her, and she could see easily now what
agony Victoria was in. She had no idea what it was, but as she threw
back the bedclothes on her side of the bed, she saw that there was blood
all around them. "Oh my God .. . Victoria .. . speak to me .

.." She had no idea where it was coming from, but it was everywhere, and
there seemed to be a lot of it. It was all over Olivia's nightgown, but
she was sure that she herself wasn't bleeding.

Victoria's face was deathly pale as she turned to her and grabbed
Olivia's hand fiercely in her own. She could hardly speak she was in so
much pain, but she forced out the words very clearly. "Don't call a
doctor."

"Why not? "

"Don't." She looked wild-eyed, as Olivia watched her, helpless in the
face of her sister's agony. "Help me to the bathroom."

Olivia literally carded her, and there was blood everywhere in a trail
behind them. Victoria was hemorrhaging, and Olivia didn't know what to
do to stop it. She was doubled over in pain, and lay on the bathroom
floor, suddenly in even greater agony as she cried and Olivia cried with
her. She was terrified that her twin was dying.

"Tell me what's wrong." She sensed that Victoria knew but wouldn't tell
her. "If you don't, I'll call Bertie and the doctor."

"I'm pregnant." Victoria's face contorted in pain again, as random pains
seemed to rip through her.

"Oh God .. . why didn't you tell me? "

"I couldn't face it, " Victoria said honestly, crying in agony and
sorrow.

"What do I do? " Olivia was kneeling beside her on the bathroom floor,
praying her sister wouldn't bleed to death. It could have been from the
fall from the horse that afternoon, or perhaps it even had something to
do with their own mother's history. But that was too frightening to even
think of, and there was no time now. Olivia was suddenly terrified that
Victoria was going to die in the bathroom.

"I have to call someone, Victoria. You have to let me."

"No .. .

don't .. . stay .. . with .. . me ..

. don't .. .

leave me .. ." She was crying horribly by then, and she seemed to be
bleeding more than ever, and then just as Olivia began truly panicking,
Victoria was seized by a viselike pain and the source of her misery
slipped slowly from her. Neither of them had any idea what was happening
at first, and then they both understood what had occurred.

The pain seemed to gap her interminably, but as it receded eventually,
the baby that might have been lay in a mass between Victoria's legs in
her nightgown.

She began to sob hysterically, and Olivia took it from her, and began
cleaning her. And little by little the bleeding began to lessen.

Olivia had wrapped her in blankets by then, and used towels and rags to
clean everywhere, as Victoria continued to lie on their bathroom floor,
racked by sobs, and despite the blanket Olivia had wrapped her in,
convulsed by such terrible trembling that her teeth shook. It was six
o'clock in the morning by the time Olivia had cleaned everything and
changed both their nightgowns. And then, ever so gently, and with
unusual strength, she carded her sister back to bed, and tucked her in
like a baby.

"It's all right, Victoria, I'm right here. Nothing's going to happen to
you now. You're safe, and I love you. It's all over." Neither of them
had said a word about what had just happened, or the horror they'd seen,
nor said a word about what could have happened if she hadn't lost the
baby. Giving birth to Toby Whitticomb's illegitimate child would truly
have destroyed her life forever, and killed their father. But there was
no chance of that now. The baby had been formed but was still very
early.

Olivia put a log on the fire then, and put another blanket over her
twin, and she sat beside her as she watched her drift off to sleep at
last, deathly pale, and wondering sadly if there was a curse upon them.

Knowing what had happened to their mother when they had been born, she
couldn't help wondering now if either of them would ever be able to have
children. She couldn't imagine herself marrying, let alone having a
child, but it was intriguing wondering if it was even a possibility, or
if they might die in childbirth. No one had ever told them.

Victoria was sleeping soundly by then, and Olivia put a coat over her
nightgown, and went downstairs carrying the huge bundle of dirty linens.

She was going to burn them. But much to her chagrin, the kitchen had
come to life by then. It was nearly eight o'clock, and as she stepped
outside, she was immediately met by Bertie.

"What's all that you've got there? " she asked pleasantly, and Olivia
instinctively turned away from her.

"Nothing. I .. . I'll take care of it, " Olivia said firmly, and the old
woman caught a note in her voice that surprised her.

"What is it? "

"It's nothing, Bertie, " she said, as the two women's eyes met and
Olivia kept a firm gap on the bundle. "I'm going to burn it." There was
an endless pause, as Bertie searched her eyes, and then with a slow step
backwards, she nodded.