Miss Whittier Makes a List (41 page)

“
I truly would like to know how you feel about me, Hannah,
”
he asked at last.
“
You kiss me as though you want me, but you have never said so. Tell me in words, my dear.
”

“
I could lie to you,
”
she temporized.

“
I do not think you are capable of it,
”
he replied, p
utting his arm
about her shoulder and pulling her closer.
“
Oh, toni
ght I watched you tease and flirt
with the best of them, but—
”

“
And I should do none of that,
”
she interrupted.
“
I was not raised to be so dissimulating.
”

He leaned back and smiled into the dark.
“
I suppose it would be hard to resist at your age, especially with so many of my friends admiring you. Come on, Hannah, you
’
re just avoiding my original request
.
Do you love me? Am I essential to your happiness?
”

“
Yes,”
she whispered, the word wrenched out of her,
“
but it
’
s very uncomfortable, Daniel. I do not see much happiness ahead for me, no matter how much I love thee. And that is why I say no.
”

He was quiet a long moment. He took his arm from around her shoulder and leaned forward, isolating himself.
“
I suppose you are right,
”
he agreed finally.
“
I have told you that I will be at sea, and you will be in a foreign land.
”

She nodded.
“
Do people in your country ever compromise?
”

“
Some do, I suppose. I do not
.
If you love me and wish to marry me, you will be an Englishwoman, living on my esta
te in
Dorset
,
and I will be at sea as long as Napoleon requires it. That could be years.
”
He spoke quietly, but with great intensity.
“
And better than most wives, you will know how dangerous that is.
”

“
Thee would no
t give up the sea for me,
but remain in
England
?
”

“
Never.
”

“
You would not give up your country
,
and go to sea in my land?
”

“
No.
”

“
Yes, as things stand now.
”
He reached for her hand ag
ain,
and his eyes were pleading with her.
“
I would like to think that my love for you would be sufficient compensation for your losses.
”

She was silent again. He kissed her fingers.
“
At least consider my offer,
Lady A.
”

“
I will consider it,
”
she agreed.

Three days later, she stood with Captain Spark
’
s a
rm
about her as Adam Winslow sailed for Boston on the
Elizabeth Young.
He was only going home ahead of her
,
she told herself, but when she finally had to say goodbye and watch him cross the gangplank to the ship, her hea
rt
failed her. She sta
rt
ed for the gangplank
,
but the heavy pressure of Spark
’
s
arm
on her waist kept her where she was.

“
Just give me a chance, Hannah,
”
Spark sa
id as she strained against his arm
.
“
You promised.
”

So she remained where she was, crying and waving goodbye to Adam, who blew her a kiss and held up the letter she had given to him for her parents. She had written the letter over and over, sitting in the bookroom with Daniel, trying to find the words to say that she had decided to remain a while longer in
England
, and that
perhaps when she saw them next,
she would be a
married
woman.

“
There
’
s no easy way to write it, my love,
”
Spark had told her the night before when the clock struck eleven and he rose to stretch.
“
Just put it in an envelope.
”
/p>

She had chosen the best letter of the fifteen she had written and done as he said, leaving it outside Adam
’
s door for him to find in the morning. And now he waved it back at her like a condemnation, and she wished she had made no promises to Captain Spark, as much as she loved him.

She missed Adam Winslow more tha
n she cared to admit to herself,
even as she smiled and made herself pleasant to the many female callers who brought their cards and their company to the house on Half Moon Street during the next week. They were mostly dowagers and matrons of Lady Spark
’
s age, but some brought their own daughters in tow to meet the American heroine. They spoke of everything and nothing as they talked for hours over ratafia and tea cakes in the drawing room, admired each others
’
clothes, and stared Hannah up and down when they thought she wasn
’
t looking.

Lady Spark was in her element, accepting their visits with high pleasure.
“
My dear, once you are safely riveted to my son, and the season begins in the spring, you will be the toast of the town!
”
she declared over luncheon after the morning
’
s tumult of guests had giggled and admired their last and been shown to the door, with protestations to return soon.

“
I do not
see
how that can be, seeing that I have not accepted his proposal,
”
she murmured in reply, closing the door on their guests.

“
My dear, you will, I am sure!
”
Lady Spark said. She laughed and gathered Hannah close to her.
“
I am not biased in any way
,
I assure you, but Daniel is a fine-looking man.
”
Her face clouded suddenly.
“
If only his nose had not been broken in the
Azores
. The French have such dreadful manners.
”
She brightened again.
“
But he is worth so much, too, my dear, what with all those prize ships taken in the
Caribbean
. Yes, you will be the jewel in next season
’
s crown, depend up
on
it.
”

“
And if I am married, why, surely Daniel will be on the blockade by spring, and I will have no right to flirt through a season in
London
,
”
Hannah said.

Lady Spark would have none of it.
“
There is no h
ar
m in gentlemen companions to while away the hours here until Daniel returns.
”

“
I could never,
”
Hannah said, shocked.

Lady Spark laughed, a tinkling sound artificial and so obviously practiced that Hannah felt a chill down her spine.
“
You may sing a different song when your bed is cold.
”

She could scarcely believe her ears.
“
Madam, he is yo
ur
son!
”
she protested.
“
How can you speak so?
”

Lady Spark only raised her high arched eyebrows higher and tittered again.
“
My dear, this is our society. I can see that I have my work cut out to make you fit into it. Daniel was wise to bring you here.
”

She left the room then, murmuring something about Madame LeTou
rn
ier arriving after luncheon for another ballgown fi
tt
ing. Nauseated to her soul, Hannah went to the salon, wishing herself on board the
Elizabeth Young,
arguing with Adam and pulling farther and farther from
England
. She drew her legs up to her chin and thought of Mama, who would no more flirt with another man than smoke a pipe or spit tobacco. And neither would I. What am I doing here? she thought to herself.

She wanted to ask
Spark that question when he return
ed from his daily visit to the Admiralty House. He came into the salon, letters in hand from the basket by the front door, and sat down beside her. He kissed her cheek and then set the letters aside when he took a good look.

“
I see mutiny on that lovely face,
”
he said, his voice mild. He tried to take her hand, but she pulled away from him.
“
Dear, dear, I fear that since I left the house this morning, the wind has quite blown my sails in chains.
”

She said nothing, too shy to speak of what his mother had so artlessly exclaimed, because she had never been raised to talk so casually of infidelity. He moved closer and took her hand.