Mister Distraction (Distraction #2) (42 page)

“What are you watching?” I was anxious to avoid what was really on my mind.

“It’s
300;
I am almost done.” He moved back towards the TV and sat on the sofa. I noticed his girl asleep on the couch next to him, the blanket pulled up to her chin. I took a longer swig of my beer, thinking about Katarina, hoping she wasn’t somewhere cold. I sat down in the chair beside the couch and he started the movie up again. I watched as the Spartan began to talk to a man with a hunched back, a man who betrayed the Spartan. “I hope you live long,” the Spartan said, and it hit me hard. That hunchback was me, and this was my punishment. I was going to have to live long without Katarina, regretting every day the actions of my past, dwelling on the things I should have said, things I should have done differently. I felt like my heart was going to explode. I stood up, set my unfinished beer on the counter, and made my way to the front door.

“Hey, man, I can’t let you leave. Not like this.” Dave’s eyes were serious, and he placed his hand on my arm to pull me back. He hesitated, and then slowly withdrew his hand. My eyes were fierce on his. He walked with me as I made my way back to the Jeep.

“She left, Dave. She’s gone.” I shook my head, trying to clear the thought. His hand landed on my upper arm again, trying to get my attention.

“Are you sure she left and was not taken again?” His voice was slow in my ears, but once I processed what he just said, I smiled. I am not sure why the idea of her being taken was more appealing than the thought of her outright leaving me, but it was.

“Thanks, man. I hadn’t thought of that.” I got in my Jeep as his concerned eyes followed me. I backed out of his driveway, glancing at him before I pulled away. He held up his hand to his face, signaling me to call him. I waved and took off down the road. I drove for a long while and ended up at the spot where we had our first outing—the waterfall.

I got out of the Jeep and took my flashlight. The full moon was bright, but as I hiked towards the waterfall, the trees covered the moonlight and it was pitch black. My adrenaline pumped as I yelled her name, and I ran through the trails until I reached the waterfall. I took a seat on the rock we sat at that day when I held her close, and continued to yell for her in-between trying to catch my breath.

I hiked back to my Jeep slowly. The journey up the dirt path took twice as long. I used my flashlight to check everywhere I could in the dark. I got back to the Jeep and drove to the maze that we ran through. I ran at first, swearing I heard her giggling and calling out for me to catch her, but I stopped in the middle and sat at a bench, staring at the lights angled towards the animal-shaped bushes and just listened. There was no sound of laughter or breathing. I looked down at my hands. I was shaking, and it wasn’t because I was cold. I shook them out and made my way to my Jeep once again.

I showed up at my sister’s house. I wasn’t even sure how I got there. It was like I was on autopilot and my body needed rest. I rubbed my eyes and got out. I knew it was early in the morning and Jonah had to work, but I couldn’t sleep alone in my house.

I knocked on the door and waited. I paced the porch feeling like a crazy person, not knowing what to do or where to go. After I knocked again, I wanted to run, but where would I run to? I put my hands on my face, pulling them down slowly when the door opened.

“Hey, my brother.” It was Jonah’s way of greeting me, and that was it; he didn’t say any more, just moved aside and let me in. He staggered to the guestroom and opened the door, his hands still rubbing his eyes. “You okay?” He sat at the end of the bed, his head leaning on his hands.

“Yeah, I just need a place to crash.” I turned my back to him, pacing the length of the room while I spoke, feeling anger spread through my body again. He got up and left the room slowly. I sat on the bed in the same position he’d been in, curled up, and covered my face with my hands. I started to feel my legs and arms again. The adrenaline was starting to wear off. I had small scratches and scrapes all over me from the shrubs and trees I ran into. I liked the pain. It gave me something else to focus on. I needed to get up and take a shower, but it was like the light was killing me. I needed darkness. It was where I felt the most at home when I was alone. I heard my sister’s voice as she came in to sit with me. I tried to control my shaking body.

“Trouble in paradise?” I felt her weight against me, and all my emotions came flooding to me. I held every tear back and stuffed it all down like I did when Jacy died, but I felt so weak, so tired. I knew if I started to talk right now I would cry like a fucking baby. So I shut up, lay back on the bed on my side, and she rubbed my back like when we were kids and I had bad dreams. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying hard not to think of all I had lost. After all, she’d said she would leave, and this was something I should have prepared for. I was a hopeless idiot, and I had the pain in my heart to prove it. I drifted off to sleep at some point during my pity party. I think it was a mixture of exhaustion and depression.

Here I was two weeks after my Katarina disappeared from my life. I tried to find her, but between her bodyguards and her brother Brian, everything I did was useless. Katarina was impossible to reach, impossible to stalk even. Dark cars took her to and from places and the paparazzi would only get glimpses of her unless she was at a party and the picture was planned.

I leaned against the bar and scanned the large room. It resembled the Strikers Men’s club in Sacramento, except on steroids. The scene rooms were on the outer edges of the bar. There were twice as many rooms for the sex addicts and sexually extreme clientele. The rooms mirrored the opposite side of the room: every room on one side of the bar decorated in a unique theme. Where bars and chains hung on the wall in one room, a large cross and whips hung in the other. It was fetish style, but all whips and chains. Closer to where I stood were the wax rooms and the examination rooms. The club was geared toward pain, giving and receiving, and I had a front row seat. Well, for the last two nights and tonight, anyway. I offered to help out on Halloween since it brought out the sexual predator in men and the need to make a helpless girl scream went hand in hand. The owner also allowed outside members in to watch the sex play after an interviewing process and completion of paperwork. Seeing the look of horror on a nonmember
was priceless and I needed to laugh, it had been two long fucking weeks. My phone rang and it jerked me from my thoughts. The guy on the other end whispered and it was frickin making my eye twitch. “There is someone who is using your name to get into the club. The girl introduced herself as Adeline Covington and then she said her partner’s name was Jason Riggs.” I moved quickly through the lightly lit, hidden security hall to the break room and stood over the sink, looking at myself and turning on the water trying to process what he was saying. I splashed some water on my face.

“Let them in, give them masks and stall them.” I texted Alex immediately, he was with me in Los Angeles to keep me out of trouble. I asked him to get here quickly because Katarina was here. I ran a hand through my hair, curious about what the hell Katarina was doing here. And although it wasn’t impossible to run into her because the place was packed and I knew she was staying in Los Angeles, the way into the club was full of mazes and strict security. It was a secret club and purposely meant to keep out nonmembers.

I made my way to the front area of the club, “voyeur station,” and I saw her. Katarina was dressed in a snug red dress, her black hair shining even in the low club light. I forgot how petite she was. Every feature had been burned into my brain and I yelled at myself for forgetting how delicate and defensive she was. How was she going to survive in this cruel, sick world when she looked so fragile? I was furious with her and I reminded myself she tricked me and left, taking my heart.

I studied her from a room away, close enough to see her every moment, but so that she wouldn’t see me, not with her two dimensional vision. I also didn’t appear the same as when she left me. I resembled a grizzly bear, angry on the inside and hairy on the outside. Lately, my speech contained a lot of growls and grunts. Katarina also appeared to have lost her glow. She was sitting on someone else’s lap. I fought the urge to escort her out and punch the shit out of him for bringing her here. She was watching the scene in front of her, the orgy of people having consensual sex. Her eyes were fixated, hypnotized, at the erotic soft play. She licked her lips. She was horny, her eyes squeezed shut and a seductive curl hit the corner of her lips. Fuck me I had missed
those lips, the lips that brought me so much joy and pleasure. Her eyes popped open and she turned to the man she was sitting on and kissed him. She frickin kissed him as his hand started moving all over her body and I felt ill.

“Hey man I got this if you want to spy on someone else.” Alex’s voice blasted over the music.

“Yea okay,” I tore my eyes away from Katarina’s hot body and gritted my teeth. The idea of her kissing anyone else was beyond torture. I opened my eyes after long, drooling moments of mental fucking torture just imagining what the fuck he was doing to her now. Yes, doing to her, because Katarina was still innocent in my eyes. I couldn’t avoid it any longer. My eyes snapped open. My impulse was too strong and I couldn’t deny it. In the dark corner of the crowded room, I watched her tiny figure stand up and the moron she was with followed her. I studied her face carefully and noticed the moment her face transformed into disgust and self-loathing. It brought joy to all my parts, knowing that no one could replace me. She took the back of her hand and swiped her mouth, trying to get his trace off of her. My smile widened almost painfully, the look of misery on her face making me instantly happy. Alex hung back and I moved to the other side of the club. My eyes never veered from her for longer than a few seconds. She was wearing a tiny red dress, and she carried her shoes in her hand as she tiptoed on the hard wood floor. She was still the sexiest creature I had ever laid my eyes on. To say that I was one horny ass motherfucker for that girl was an understatement. Her delicate movements, the way her hips rocked from side to side, even the shift of her chin as she entered the new room showed her confidence. I knew from experience she was maintaining a performance in this new uncomfortable setting involving crowds and chaos. The only thing restraining me from running to her and burying my stiff cock deep inside her was the frickin letter. The letter telling me she had no feelings for me, the letter that told me to go fuck myself. So I watched and studied and predicted her next move. She sat in front of a scene and her male companion tried to get her to sit on his lap, but Katarina refused him. Was she playing hard to get? I noticed the expression on her face was forced, practiced. Katarina didn’t like him. My
grin turned smug and my pants grew tight. There are many scenes that Katarina could see from where she sat, but I could only see one from my position. The other scenes were only partial visions. I took a look at the male in the room who was just getting started, wondering how scared she would be by the performer. It was Doc. Doc was raw and it could go either way. I knew Doc when he lived in Sacramento about six years ago before he moved to Los Angeles. He was a dominant I aspired to be like, extremely controlled. I had watched him with his wife and he was dialed into her moans and gave her pleasure after pleasure. His movement swift and precise, he was very meticulous and never missed his mark. He was so into it, the audience never affected him either way. The problem was when he got pissed. If he was with someone other than his wife and she said the wrong thing or reacted the wrong way, he went a little ballistic. Fuck little, it was more like fucking crazy. The pain for the sub got extreme and no one could help her. The only thing she could do was use her safe word. But only if she remembered to. Sometimes a sub was so confused by sudden mood shifts that the sub forgot even her own name. At this point, I hoped the pretty blonde sub he was with played her part to a t, because I wanted to watch Katarina for just a while longer. He pulled out a riding crop with feathers running along the sides. He flicked his wrist and a loud snap rang out and I could feel his rush, the rush of pleasure extending all the way to my feet where I gripped the hardwood floor with my toes. Katarina disappeared from my sight as more people crowded around the scene and I closed my eyes trying to fucking calm myself, reminding myself she was no longer mine, repeating it in my head trying to convince myself. Not. Fucking. Mine.

I turned and watched others enjoying the freedom of the sex club. A man we call Old Man Jefferson was spanking his wife, an Asian woman almost half his age. The older generation didn’t use first names. They had nicknames that helped with the continued privacy. The couple directly in front of me were both sweating and I could feel the sexual intoxication that ran between them. It was thicker than tension and beyond lust. It was a drug that only certain people could let themselves feel, let themselves succumb to. Once you felt it, there was nothing that could replace it.