Mistrust (22 page)

“It’s like a jigsaw puzzle,” I say to her.

“It is. We’ve also got the camping fridge to go in and the cold food too. But, I’m determined to get it done before your father gets home.”

“Or, you could leave it for Dad and let him do it. I remember when we used to go camping, he’d pack it so easily.”

“No,” Mom snaps at me. “I want to do it, so he can relax tonight before we leave early in the morning. He’s been working so many hours that I really want to do this for him so he doesn’t have to worry.”

I go over to Mom and throw my arms around her. “You’re a good person, Mom,” I say to her and kiss her.

“Thank you, sweetheart. Now, let’s play this game of Tetris and hopefully get everything in the car.”

We spend the next hour and a half arranging, re-arranging, and re-arranging yet again. When we get everything in, we end up with lots of room left over. It’s the convenience of Mom’s car being a large SUV—it has an abundance of space.

When we finish, we head inside and start dinner, because we plan on having an early night since we’re leaving for our trip at four in the morning. The campground is only a few hours away, but off-loading and setting everything up will take time.

“I’m really excited for this trip. I think it’ll do everyone a world of good,” Mom says as she prepares the meat for dinner. “Can you peel some potatoes please?”

“Sure.” I take the potatoes out of the bottom of the fridge and start peeling them. There’s something about Mom’s tone which says she’s worried. “What do you mean it’ll do everyone a world of good?”

“Your father’s been working so hard, you’ve been different lately, a lot quieter than normal, and Sam, well she’s now got a boyfriend. It’s just, everything’s changing and I think this trip has come at the best of times.”

Silently, I peel the potatoes and avoid looking over at Mom. Once the potatoes are done, I grab a pan so I can boil them. “Mashed, right?”

“Yeah, mashed.” Mom’s voice is whisper quiet. “Dakota?”

My hands tighten around the pot and I steady my breathing. “Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

A spark of dread surges inside me. Quivering with fear I look over my shoulder to Mom, not fully facing her. “I’m great,” I lie. Worst still, I lie convincingly.

“You sure?”
Obviously not convincingly enough.

“I’m positive, Mom. I’m good. I’ve just come to realize how the people I thought were my friends ended up not really being friends. I’m okay with that, because truthfully they’ve shown their true colors.”

“Are you talking about Levi?”

“And Lindsey.”

“Lindsey? What’s happened with Lindsey?”

“Levi and her are together now. Not even a minute after we split up. And she’s been ignoring me.”
To say the least.
“It’s okay, I’m kind of over it.”

“Over it? You’ve been best friends for years.”

“Yeah, we were. Clearly, she decided to take sides, and she chose Levi over her friendship with me.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” She rubs her hand over my back in comforting circles. “She’ll be back.”

“Honestly, I don’t think I want to be friends with her again. She’s hurt me much more than Levi did by breaking up with me. She’s been mean, to say the least.”

“Mean?” Mom’s voice crackles with concern. It’s a deep seated worry engrained in the fundamental foundation of a mother’s core. “How has she been mean?”

“She’s just not the person I thought she was. It’s okay, Mom, I’m not interested in what she says or does any more. I thought we were friends, but clearly our friendship means absolutely nothing to her. So now, she means absolutely nothing to me.”

“I’m so sad to hear that. You girls have been friends for so long, but if she’s wronged you then I suppose there’s not much anyone can do about that.” She pauses for a moment then adds, “Is there no going back to how it was?”

“I don’t think so. It’s pretty much gone.”

“Hmm,” she huffs. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” I put the potatoes on the stove and lean up against the kitchen counter.

“I’m sorry you’ve had to go through whatever it is that happened.” She offers me a weak smile, and I can tell she wants to know exactly what has been said and done. “Unfortunately, it’s part of growing up. People will always find a way to disappoint us. However there are a rare few who’d rather lift us up than tear us down.”

The words jumble around in my head then fall into place. It makes sense, and I’ll have to be a lot more careful as to who I allow to be part of my life. “It sucks, hey?”

“It happens all the time. And don’t think it’s just when you’re a teenager. You have to be careful even as an adult. Even more vigilant when you have kids of your own. There are so many bad people out there, Dakota. You have to keep your eyes open all the time.”

I groan with frustration. “It must be exhausting having to protect us all the time.”

“You have no idea. Trying to keep you safe from not only obvious dangers, things like drugs, and sex. But also from lurking hazards too. How many times do your father and I turn on the news, or read the on-line paper to see teachers, doctors, people with power who are pedophiles or have been arrested for rape? There’s been a spate of assaults in the area and around the neighboring suburbs over the last about eight months or so. It’s terrifying for us to know we have two beautiful girls who could become victims. We just pray, every day, we’ve done enough to teach you and Sam how not to become targets.”

My stomach tightens and a fine sheen of sweat starts to form on the back of my neck. The moisture trickles down my back. I’m fully aware
I am
a victim, I’ve been targeted and I’ll never be able to tell Mom the truth. “You and Dad have done a great job with us.” I lean over and give Mom a kiss on the cheek. “Sam’s super responsible, and I’m seeing my future for how it really is.”

“Sam’s like an old lady in a fourteen-year-old body.” Mom laughs and I can’t help but laugh with her. She’s right, Sam’s wise beyond her years and she always has been. “Now she has a boyfriend, I have to make sure she’s not influenced into doing anything she’s not ready for.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that, Mom. Sam’s pretty smart. She won’t let Taylor pull any of that ‘if you love me’ crap.”

“Oh God, I remember when I was in high school. I had a boyfriend, who I dumped, might I add, because of this crap. First it was, ‘if you love me you’ll let me touch you.’ Then it progressed to, ‘all the girls are doing it, you should too.’ Then it went to, ‘you must be frigid if you don’t want to have sex with me.’ When he called me ‘ice queen’ I dumped his ass. Told him I wasn’t going to let some guy pressure me into doing something I wasn’t ready for.”

“You go, Mom. Good for you.” Mom had some serious balls to be able to do that. A couple of years ago I wouldn’t even want to have this conversation with her, but hearing it now, I know Mom’s tough and so strong.

“Sex is great, Dakota, when it’s with someone you love.”

The feeling in my face suddenly turns into an inferno. “Ahh, okay. This is now officially awkward.”

Mom chuckles and rolls her eyes at me. “Good, I’ve successfully embarrassed you. I wouldn’t be doing my job as a mother if I can’t manage that every so often.” I laugh and hug Mom again. “Dad will be home soon. Do you want to give your sister a call and tell her to get her butt home, then have a quick shower?”

“Sure.” I head over to the house phone, and dial Sam’s number. When she picks up I can hear classical music playing in the background, and I pull the phone away to check the number, “Sam?”

“If you’re calling me to tell me to get home, Taylor’s mom is about to pull into our street.”

“What are you listening to?”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon,” she says, deflecting my question.

“Bye.” I turn to Mom and tell her Sam’s only a few minutes away and go get in the shower. When I get out, I wrap a towel around my body and another around my hair and head straight to my room to get dressed. When I go out to the family room, Dad has his arms around Mom’s waist and is kissing her. “Sorry,” I mumble. I look down at the floor and back away. I hear Mom giggle like a schoolgirl and Dad chuckle.

Knocking on Sam’s door, she yells for me to come in and when I enter her room I find her on her stomach with her legs up and entwined at the ankles while she flirts—I mean chats—on her phone. “I gotta go, Dakota’s here.” She listens for a moment and her face flames a brilliant crimson shade. “Yeah, me too.” She looks at me, and I smile at her. “I’ll see you when I get back. Bye.” She hangs up flips onto her back. “Oh my God, Dakota. I think I really,
really
like Taylor.” She hugs her pillow and squeals.

“I’m so happy for you.” I go and sit on her bed. “Now tell me why you were listening to classical music.”

“Taylor’s Mom is into classical and opera music. He told me she plays it all day and night, and everywhere they go.”

“Wow. Intense.”

“You should meet her. She is really intense, and so proper. She’s nothing like Mom. Mom will have a joke and try to make us laugh, his Mom doesn’t even crack a smile.”

“Lucky Taylor’s normal.”

“
Kinda
normal. He likes classical musical too. Should’ve seen him in the car. He actually closed his eyes and was swaying his head back and forth as if he was in the orchestra.” She mimics what he was doing in the car. “At least he’s into music and not smoking and drinking. That would suck.”

“Yeah, I hear ya. Mom wants you to take your shower.”

“Okay.” She stands and gets her pajamas out of her drawer.

“Hey, let’s try and make this trip extra special, okay?”

Sam frowns and stops walking toward her door. “Why, is everything okay? Are Mom and Dad okay? What do you know? Are they alright?” She quickly becomes agitated.

“Stop stressing; they’re fine. It’s just today when I was helping Mom with the car and dinner, I got the feeling she’s been stressing out about all of us. It’s like she was sad we’re growing up, and this might be one of the last camping trips we’ll ever go on all together. And you know how much Dad loves camping.”

“Remember how he’d make us go fishing with him, and we’d end up soaking wet? Or how he’d make us collect sticks so we could start a fire and he’d try for an hour to rub two sticks together, only to end up using matches to finally start it? Or how we’d go with him to collect fruits and berries which we never ate because we never knew which were poisonous and which weren’t?”

I nod my head and laugh, “Yeah, I think Mom wants to hold on to those kinds of memories for both her and Dad’s sakes. Maybe this camping trip, we can give that to them.”

An easy smile graces Sam’s face and her eyes light up as she nods her head. “We’re getting older, and it’ll only be a matter of time before we’ve both left for college. You’re right, let’s have fun and give Mom and Dad their best camping trip yet.”

“Dinner’s ready,” Mom calls out from the kitchen.

Both Sam and I leave her room and head into the dining room where Mom asks us to set the table as she brings everything out.

Dad’s sitting at the head of the table scanning through his tablet while Sam and I set up. “Do you need help?” he asks not taking his eyes off the tablet.

“Um, no, we’ve got it,” I say when I peek over the tablet and see he’s researching weather conditions for the duration of our camping trip.

Once we set up, Mom sits beside Dad and Sam and I are opposite each other. Sam next to Mom and me on my own. “How’s the weather looking?” I ask Dad once he’s gotten his dinner.

“We might get rain one day, but the rest will be good.” He takes a forkful of his mash potato. “Hmm, good,” he says while shoveling more.

“Dakota made it,” Mom replies with a sly wink to me.

“Not really, I just peeled the potatoes, Mom did the rest.”

“Hey Dad, can we go fishing?” Sam asks enthusiastically.

Dads’ face lights up, a sparkle shines bright in his eyes while a wide, beaming smile lights up his handsome features. “You want to go fishing? You’re not toying with your old man’s heart here?”

“Seriously. Dakota and I were discussing it. We even packed clothes and shoes that won’t matter if they get damaged. We want to go fishing with you, Dad.”

Mom’s fork is frozen in mid-air as she flicks her eyes between Sam and myself. It takes a few seconds of staring at us before she finally finds her voice. “I haven’t packed the fishing gear.” She continues to stare at us disbelievingly.

“I’ll pack it straight after dinner,” Dad happily chimes.

It’s so obvious to me, and to Sam because she taps me under the table, how happy Dad is. And not only Dad, but Mom too.

We eat dinner in a stream of excited chatter, mostly coming from our parents. But I can tell their enthusiasm comes from a place deep inside them. As we eat I cast my eyes over my family and know everything will work out okay.

We’ve been at the campground for three days, and it’s been fun and easy. As the days pass, I’m almost my normal self, as if
that night
had never happened. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed being in the woods.