Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set (138 page)

"You bought me a really nice car.  You're sending me to college and you're trying to help Tony's mom.  I can't thank you enough.  It's the least I can do to go to a play with you on Christmas.  You said that Christmas is for families.  Right now you and Tony look like the closest thing that I've got to family."

"I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you to say that Tory, but I'm honored that you feel that way." 

She gave him a half-hearted smile as the valet returned with his car.  He gave her a much warmer smile back. 

"I'll wait for you two out by the street.  We'll drop the food at home and then you can follow me to the playhouse.  I promise I won't keep you too long after.  I'm sure you're bored to death hanging out with an old man."

"You're not old Langston, and we've had a nice time so far.  The restaurant was beautiful." Tony said. 

"It was" Tory echoed, though she didn’t really mean it.

"Well, I'll see you two in a minute." He gave them a wave as he got behind the wheel of his car. 

The valet returned with her mustang a minute later.  She shook her head when Tony tried to hand her the keys. 

He sighed quietly as he opened her door for her and then went around and got behind the wheel.  "You okay baby?"

"Yeah.  I’m sorry about the scene I made.  I didn't mean to make Langston feel bad.  It just made me so mad."

"You didn't make him feel bad.  He felt bad because what he said upset you so much.  He really does care about you."

"Pretty messed up that he seems to care more about me than my real father."

"You should talk to your dad before you start jumping to conclusions.  Maybe he got married when he was drunk and divorced the chick a day later.  There's got to be a good reason he didn't want you to know about it."

"I want him to tell me the real reason he never told me he had been married.  I want him to tell me the real reason for once and for all that he never bothered to fight Lindsey for custody too.  I know that there's more to it than money.  After Luther hit me with the belt, I heard his mom tell him that they'd take out a mortgage on their house if that's what it took.  Of course I was eight and didn't really understand what a mortgage meant, but I sure as hell do now."

"Yeah, so there's got to be a good explanation."

"I'm half tempted to drive to Montana and confront him in person.  Let him lie to my face.  Of course all I have for him is a damn P.O. box address so I can't do that." 

"Try him on the phone in a couple days when you've calmed down some."

"I already left a message for both him and my mom."

"Tor, things you say when you're upset can come back to bite you in the ass.  I know from experience." 

"I'm tired of tiptoeing around all this shit.  I deserve answers.  I've put up with seventeen and a half years of one form of bullshit or another from both of them.  They at least owe me the truth for once."

"Sometimes all they're doing is trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?  The fact that my father doesn't love me?"

"Oh baby, it kills me to hear you say stuff like that." 

"And if it's true?  Then what Tony?  Are you going to protect me from reality?"

"No baby.  I unfortunately couldn't do that for my mom either.  But I can stand by you; do whatever you need me to to help you through it." 

"Do you think you can screw me into a painless oblivion after the play?"

"That I can always handle darlin'.”  He grinned.  "Langston's okay with it.  Not the sex part, but he knows you need some time."

"Yeah.”

They stopped at the house, and Langston ran the food in.  They parked beside him a few minutes later in the half full parking lot of the playhouse.  He was stopped by several people on the way in, and introduced them to more people than she was ever going to remember. 

They took seats toward the middle of the theatre.  She was glad when Tony put his arm around her.  She needed his closeness. 

She thought that the play was pretty funny.  It was about a guy who was trying to find the perfect Christmas gift for his girlfriend, but kept getting into mishaps along the way.  The guy that Langston had wanted to set her up with was the star of the play.  If she hadn't been with Tony, she'd probably have been drooling over him, along with the rest of the women in the theatre.  He was gorgeous, no doubt about it she thought.  Tall and lanky with dark hair and eyes and a thousand watt smile.  He was a bit on the skinny side, but she'd be willing to bet that he still looked damn good with his shirt off. 

When Langston introduced him after the play, he kissed her hand, saying how disappointed he was that she'd met someone and that Tony was a very lucky man.  Tony gave the guy; whose name was Johnny, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.  It gave her a little thrill to see that he was at least a little jealous. 

They left soon after when Langston was occupied chatting with friends and business associates.  He shook Tony's hand when they left, telling them to have fun but not too much fun.  Yeah, he knew they were going to do it, she thought.  She could see it in his eyes before he turned back to Johnny's grandpa. 

They pulled up to the motel about twenty minutes later.  She followed Tony to the door, waiting while he unlocked it.  When they went inside, the room was freezing.  He turned up the heat, sitting down on the bed and immediately lighting a cigarette, offering her the pack.  She took and lit it, lying back on the bed. 

"Do you wanna talk about it Tor?  We don't have to have sex."

She sighed.  "I don't want to talk about it.  I don't want to think about.  If my dad lied to me about something like this, what else has he lied to me about?  And why do I only have a P.O.  Box address for him?  It's really messed up when you don't have an actual address for your own father."

"There's gotta be a reason Tor.  It's not doing you any good getting upset when you can't talk to your dad right now."

"Yeah and why is that?  I'm sure he's probably got a cell phone-practically everyone does.  So why don't I have the number?  What if we would have gotten in an accident?  I could have died and he wouldn't know until after he got back because the only number I have to contact him is his home number and he's not there."

"Sweetheart please.  You're driving yourself crazy."

"And you and Langston are driving me even crazier.  I'm not a child, so don't treat me like one.  In the restaurant it looked like he wanted to go out and buy me a pair of rose colored glasses so I wouldn't know that both my parents suck."

"It's because he cares about you Tor."

"It's becoming pretty evident that it's more than either of my real parents do."

"Baby don't say that.  Both of your parents love you very much."

"Yeah, right.  The one who does tell me he loves me is a big liar.  And the one that doesn't tell me well gee don't you think there's a reason she doesn't tell me she loves me?  Couldn't be because maybe she doesn't love me could it?"

"Honey, unfortunately I don't think you're the only child whose parents find it hard to say 'I love you'.  Not everyone can come out and say the words.  Maybe your mother's parents were the same way.  We take a lot of habits from our parents whether we like it or not.  If Lindsey's family wasn't the affectionate type maybe she doesn't know how to show you she loves you."

"More excuses.  My mother is a bitch.  There is no rational justification for the way she acts.  And my father, don't try to blame what he did on his parents.  His parents were wonderful, both of them.  They raised both him and my aunt right.  It's Brenda's fault she turned out a bitch.  He's always kept a part of his life away from me.  He only visited me at my grandparents' house.  I've never been anywhere he's lived since I was; damn I think I was like two.  He had to go to his place and get something, some tool that Grandpa wanted to borrow and he took me with him.  I don't remember much about his place, it was really small; not a lot of stuff but it was clean.  I remember that at least because I was learning to use the toilet and he took me to the bathroom.  No woman lived with him then.  He never wore a wedding ring.  Never had the white lines on his finger that you can see on men who cheat when they try to be sly and take their rings off." 

"You may have been young Tor.  Do you think you'd have noticed?"

"I was young but I wasn't dumb.  I noticed everything about my dad.  And I knew what a wedding ring was.  My mother certainly went through enough of them.  And of course my grandparents always wore them.  The only time Grandma took hers off was when she went to bed.  I don't think Grandpa took his off then.  I saw my dad like two weekends a month and then every weekend during the summer and sometimes during the week if he wasn't working.  He always stayed over at my grandparents' house on the weekends.  If he had a wife don't you think she'd have been upset about that?  Or was it me he was trying to hide from HER?  Maybe he's ashamed of me too."

"Honey, I'm sure that it was nothing like that."

"There you go trying to protect me from reality again.  You can't tell me my mom loves me because you can see that she doesn't.  And you've never met my dad so don't make excuses for him.  He's more of a stranger to me than I thought."

"Baby, I can't help wanting to protect you.  I love you."

"You may be the only one that loves me."

"Oh sweetheart, that's not true.  I think that Langston loves you.  He just doesn't feel comfortable saying it because he doesn't think you want to hear it.  Carl loves you, and Andi already adores you.  Aunt Lori loved you before she met you.  There are a lot of people that love and care about you."

"Yeah, just not my parents.  What does that tell you?"

"Baby, you make me want to take you in my arms and never let go.  You're so wounded."

"Gee thanks."

"Honey, I didn't mean it that way."

"You’re talking to me like I'm a little kid again.  I've never heard as many cute terms of affection out of a man's mouth as I have today.  Between you and Langston, you're gonna honey and sweetheart me to death."

"We care about you Tory.  No one wants to see you hurting."

"You should have to take a parenting course before you can have sex.  If you don't pass and go through an application process you should never be allowed to have kids."

"I'm sure it would help some people.  But there are still people that would slip through the cracks.  A person can seem perfectly normal and be a really crappy parent.  It's certainly not for everyone."

"So why in the hell do you seem to want kids so much?"

"I had half hoped that a grandkid would snap my mom out of it.  Since she seems to be doing better I can probably cross that off my list as a justification.  But I've always known that I wanted kids.  I bugged my mom and dad to let me hang out at Uncle Keith's all the time after Aunt Lori had Carl.  I've always been fascinated with babies."

She scowled, reaching for another cigarette.  She knew she was smoking too much but she didn't have the energy to care.  "Looking at someone else's baby and thinking it’s cute doesn't mean you'd know what to do with one."

"I may have only been five but I helped Aunt Lori quite a bit.  Especially when Carl got a little older.  I helped Uncle Keith potty train him and I had him thinking that naps were fun.  Of course I'd only lay down with him until he fell asleep and then get up and go play, but we made it a game."

"You'd probably be a good father but I think you'd better find another woman to have a baby with.  I wouldn't know what to do with a baby.  Just the thought of it scares me half to death."

"Of course it does Tor.  You're seventeen.  Any teenage girl in her right mind would be scared to death about having a baby."

“So why do you want one so bad?"

"A child is the ultimate show of love between two people.  You're taking a part of yourself and joining it with a part of someone else and creating something beautiful."

"You really are an optimist aren't you?  I guess maybe that's what kids should be.  What they could be if more people thought like you.  And maybe it is that way with some people.  I'm sure that's the way your parents felt about you and your aunt and uncle felt about Carl.  But what happens when some woman gets pregnant to trap a guy or because she thinks she can live off of the child support if she gets herself knocked up enough times?  Or like my parents.  Maybe my dad got Lindsey pregnant on purpose because he thought it would make her stick around.  How many people really have kids for the right reasons?" 

"What can you say the right reason is for having a child?  Some people have kids because they had a bad childhood and want to make it right by making it better for a child of their own.  Some
people may be lonely and need someone to love that will love them unconditionally.  Can you really say any of that is wrong?  I'll bet you that some of the most loved and cherished children in this world weren't planned.”

"But what if you have the best of intentions and you end up with a child that you can't love?"

"We're all born innocent Tory.  Even if a baby cries a lot, or drives you absolutely crazy, that doesn't mean you won't love them.  And you can still do the best you could and have a kid that grows up to be a serial killer.  All you can do is give it your all and hope for the best."