Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set (139 page)

"Are you listening to yourself?  You just said you could be a perfect parent and still end up with a messed up kid.  So why bother?"

"I want someone to carry on the memories of my dad.  I want to give a son or a daughter the same kind of fond memories that I have of growing up.  Besides, I think that if Aunt Lori goes without someone to mother for too long, she'll drive Uncle Keith crazy.  And I think that my mom would get a kick out of it too.  With something to live for, she might be able to deal with my dad being gone."

"So you're doing it for everyone else."

He let out an exasperated sigh.  "No, Tor.  I want a child for me too."

"Do you want to be tied down to a kid?  Having to worry about getting someone to watch them when you want to do something?  Having to drag them into the bathroom with you when you're taking a shower because you really need one and they're awake and the baby monitor won't work in the bathroom?  Do you want to have to worry about some little person walking in on you when you're trying to have sex?"

"You are such a pessimist Tor.  Can't you look at the good things?  Seeing their first tooth, hearing their first word, and watching them learn to walk.  I know that hearing someone calling you mom a thousand times a day can certainly sound like a pain in the ass.  But what about when they start school and they worked so hard to make you something and they're so proud when they walk in and hand it to you?  What about when they're little and you get home from work and the first thing you hear is 'Mommy, Mommy I missed you.  I'm so glad you're home'?  Did you think about any of that?" 

"What about when they're teenagers and all you are is a constant embarrassment to them in front of their friends?  What about when they get drunk and you have to go bail them out of jail when they get busted for MIP?  What about when they're twelve and testing their boundaries and want to call you by your first name?  What if no matter what you do, they still grow up and hate you?  What then, huh Tony?"

"We could argue about this all day Tor.  You're not going to change my mind.  No matter how many times a kid can break your heart; they can put it back together in and fill it up completely with one smile or one 'Daddy I need you'.  Sometimes I still want to crawl up in my mom's lap and cry with her.  And I can't stand the thought that Aunt Lori and Uncle Keith are disappointed in me.  I know that even with as long as Uncle Keith's let me get away with dealing, protected me from getting busted, he still doesn't like it.  If my mom knew, she'd probably lose her mind all over again."

"Maybe you can get married to someone else.  Have kids with her.  I'll be your mistress."

"Don't talk like that.  If you don't want kids, I'll deal with it.  No way in hell am I gonna marry some other woman and have kids with her when you're the one I want.  Besides, I thought you'd decided you wanted me for more than sex."

"Of course I do Tony.  I love you.  And I can't stand the thought of you with someone else."

"Yeah, you do get a bit jealous don't you?"  He grinned.  "If looks could kill that waitress would be dead."

"She was picturing you naked.  I think she was hoping you were my brother."

"I could tell you wanted to shove your tongue down my throat to prove her wrong.  Probably would have too, if Langston hadn't been there."

"Don't try to tell me you never get jealous.  I caught that look you gave Johnny when he was teasing me about how disappointed he was that I'd found someone else."

"It's only because I know you'd have been all over him if I hadn't been around.  I know you thought he was hot."

"He was hot.  The only reason that I'm addicted to sex is because you're so good at it.  But if we hadn't gotten back together I probably would have been all over him.  I would have to have had something to distract me from killing my mother."

"So you think Mr.  Johnny would be good in bed?"  He moved over and straddled her.

"Oh, I bet he's fantastic." She was teasing him.

"You think so, huh?"

"Yep." She leaned up and kissed him.  "He's a little on the skinny side, though.  I like my men with some meat on their bones.  All that hard muscle drives me crazy."

"Does it now?"

"Oh yeah.  You drive me absolutely crazy."

"Do I drive you crazy enough to stop you from picturing Johnny when I'm making love to you?"

"Hmm." He'd moved off her and started to remove his shirt.  "I think you'd have to be pretty good to convince me of that."

"You're in luck then." He stood naked before her.  "Because I've been told that I'm the best."

"My, what an ego you have Mr.  Wilson." She kicked her skirt off to rest in the pile beside the bed.  "Who would have given you that silly idea?" 

"I don't know darlin'." He stepped over and helped her pull her shirt over her head, already reaching around to undo her bra.  "But I think she should know that she's the best I've ever had too.”

"Hmm, maybe I can meet her someday, this wonderful girl.”

"Nah, I don't think you'd like her.”  He led her back to the bed. 

"Tony.” She reached out and smacked his bare butt. 

"Kiddin' darlin’.” He gave her a cocky grin and then pressed her gently back onto the bed. 

She had closed her eyes like usual, not because she was thinking about someone else but because it made her feel weird to keep her eyes open.  He stopped in mid thrust a few minutes later, prodding her mouth open with his tongue, then pulled back and said "Open your eyes baby, I want you to see what you do to me."

"You just don't want me thinking about someone else," she teased, but she opened her eyes, looking up into his wide hazel eyes. 

"No darlin’, I want to see in your eyes what I do to you too."

She complied, watching the change in his eyes from when he first started moving above her again; the hunger, the lust that turned into ecstasy and satisfaction when he was about to come. 

He cried out "God Tory, I love you," when he came.  She could see the change then too. 

The hot fire of passion had dimmed but he still had a look in his eyes like she was the only woman in the world.  She had come close to orgasm twice but had never quite made it there.  It wasn't that it really embarrassed her to have him look at her, she figured he probably kept his eyes open a lot, watching her while her eyes were clamped shut.  It was that it touched her in a different way watching him. 

It inexplicably made her want to cry watching him go from the wants and bodily needs of passion to the comfort and satisfaction of being with someone you love as his movements slowed above her.  It had turned her on at first, watching the fire in his eyes.  That's what had almost pushed her over the edge and into the sweet, heady rush of orgasm.  But when it had changed into the pleasure and satisfaction of being with HER and not just getting off, that's what had made her want to blubber like a baby.

She could see it in his eyes that he loved her.  That he hadn't been lying when he told her that he'd go two months without sex to be with her.  He gave her a questioning glance when she unlocked her legs from around him when he had finished.  Damn, he could tell when she didn't have an orgasm and he cared she thought.  It only made her want to cry more. 

She shook her head at him and he moved off of her, dropping back onto his side of the bed and reaching for a cigarette.  He handed her one, lighting it for her.  She almost choked on her first drag, there was such a big lump in her throat.  She put it out and then got up off of the bed and went to the bathroom. 

She sat down on the toilet and couldn't stop the tears.  She was sobbing so hard she could hardly breathe when the door burst open. 

He got down on his knees in front of her.  "Baby, what's wrong?  Was it that bad?  I didn't mean to embarrass you."

She shook her head, blowing her nose on a wad of toilet paper she'd pulled off of the roll next to her. 

"Oh, I am such an idiot.  I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Don't you dare think that Tony." She looked away from him.  "You've never been anything but thoughtful and caring with me.  Are you forgetting the times I had to tell you when we first got together to stop treating me like some delicate flower that was going to break if you moved too fast?  And I didn't get it then.  You never wanted to screw me, not even the first time.  You've always wanted to make love to me.  I could see it in your eyes.  Even the dirtiest, kinkiest sex with me would never be just sex to you.  That touched me Tony.  How can you love me this much when my parents don't love me?"

He lifted her to her feet and into his arms.  "I'm so sorry baby.  I wish there was something I could say or do that would convince you different, but it's obvious I can't.  All I can do is never let you forget that I love you."

"Oh Tony, I don't deserve you."

"You're forgetting who you're talking to sweetheart.  I'm just a drug dealer that was too stupid to realize that his mother was probably worse off because of the drugs they were giving her than she would have been without them."

"Oh Tony, it's really bothering you isn't it?  I’m being so stupid and selfish going on about how my dad didn't tell me he'd been married.  You're making me feel worse." But she laughed, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair.

"Don't bother yourself about it baby.  I'm gonna make it better.  How is my mom even going to handle being out and still being in town though?  I'm not sure how long I want to stick around that place anymore.  And I don't think that even if my mom is doing better that she'll want to be reminded of what happened to my dad there.  You have a husband, a son, a house that's yours.  Then it's all gone.  Your husband's dead, your son is grown and your house is gone because you messed up and blew a bunch of money.  I don't want to put my mom through that.  I still drive by our old place sometimes.  A young family bought the place.  There are always kids out playing out in the yard.  They kept the tree house up that my dad built for me when I was a kid.  You can still see it from the street when you drive by, on the side of the house.  My mom bitched at my dad when he built it.  He wasn't the greatest at building.  She always said that with the tree being so close to the house it was going to collapse and fall on the house.  But it's still standing now.”

"So you move with me when I go to school, take some classes.  We’ll live off campus, find a place that’s big enough for all of us."

"Maybe.  I've still got to get my shit together before my mom can live with me.  I don't want her to hear that I've been dealing for three years.  You know how good people are about keeping their mouths shut around town.  But I don't want to delay her getting out because I don't have my life together either."

"I'm sure it's going to take a while, Tony.  It's probably better that way.  You don't want her thrown back out into the world when she's been there for three years.  Even if she's a thousand percent better with her new medication.  I'm sure you'll have time to get it all together before they let her out."

"The messed up thing is, I'm gonna have to bust my ass selling for the first little while at least to have any kind of money to fall back on when I do go legit."

"I'll sell my car if I have to."

"No you won't.  Langston would never speak to either of us again if I let you do that.  Especially if he found out why you did it."

"So we don't tell him.  It's not like he's going to be a big fixture in my life when him and my mom get a divorce."

"First you don't want to take the car and then you want to get rid of it and not tell him.  If you let him, Langston would be more than happy to still be a part of your life."

"Then get him to give you a loan.  I'm sure he wouldn't mind.  He likes you well enough now that he's decided he's not going to cut off your penis."

"Ha, ha Tory.  Just because he likes me doesn't mean that I need to take advantage of it."

"And what am I doing by letting him give me a car and pay for college when my mother's leaving him by the side of the road?"

"That was his choice-not yours.  You tried to convince him to take it back remember?"

"Yeah, yeah.  Just think about it Tony.  You let him play grandpa to the million kids that you seem to want to have and he'd probably be more than happy to give you a loan."

"So you're gonna have my babies?"  He kissed the side of her neck. 

"Ah hell, I had to bring that up again didn't I?  Yes Tony, I'll have your babies.  When I'm damned good and ready.  And don't plan on that being anytime soon.  You can get that look off of your face, picturing me pregnant and fat."

"You'd be beautiful."

She shook her head.  "Even if you are one of those crazy men that think pregnant women are hot, what about when the luster fades and all the stretch marks come out?  The saggy boobs and the mommy butt."

"Mommy butt?  Plenty of women have kids and still look good."

"What about the sex?  What woman could possibly want to have sex again after she's given birth?"

"That's what the drugs are for Tor."

"They give you weed in the hospital after you've given birth?"

He rolled his eyes at her.  "A lot of women probably wish they did.  Marijuana isn't a drug.  It's a plant with medicinal purposes.  Ask Carl.  He'll tell you with a fist in the face if you talk shit about his mom for smoking it.  I'm talking about the epidural you dingbat."