Model Soldier (20 page)

Yawning, Emily flipped open her laptop on the kitchen table while the steaming brew dripped slowly into the waiting carafe.

This was another habit Emily had gotten into, checking her email immediately upon waking, before work each morning during the week and obsessively, all day on weekends.

Worse, she’d gotten used to receiving the usual email from Hawk. She’d come to expect to find it waiting there for her. He’d emailed her nearly every day for the past months since she’d gotten home from Afghanistan. An impressive run considering she had never responded, not even once.

How could she respond when she didn’t know what to say? Her pride wouldn’t allow her to admit to him that he’d torn out her heart by sleeping with Kerri. She certainly couldn’t say she forgave him because she didn’t. Yet still she anticipated the correspondence daily.

He’d long since stopped asking her to tell him what had upset her that day back in Bagram—as if he didn’t know! Now, he simply told her about his day, the weather, funny things Wally or Pettit had said or done, apologizing profusely when a mission or an internet outage kept him from emailing her for any length of time. And each day she would read the email about twenty times and then save it in a special file to read again later.

Pitiful.
That was the only word she could think of to describe this long-distance, one-sided, pseudo-relationship with him. Just plain sad.

Emily rubbed her face hard with both hands, then focused her sleepy, bleary eyes on her email inbox. Frowning, she noticed that strangely, there wasn’t an email from Hawk.

Fighting the disappointment, she left the other twenty or so emails from friends, family and spammers unopened and went to the cupboard to grab a coffee mug, making excuses for the lack of word from Hawk the entire way. She’d read online yesterday that there were bad rainstorms in Afghanistan. That must be it. No internet because of the weather.

Pouring the steaming hot, silky black liquid into a large ceramic cup, Emily assured herself that tomorrow, the next day at the latest, she would find an explanation and an apology from Hawk. However, that she had obviously become addicted to hearing from him every day was not at all reassuring.

With a sigh, Emily carried the remainder of her coffee into the bathroom. She might as well shower and get ready for the big day. Emily let out a short laugh at that thought.

The big day. No, it was not her big day, but instead Katie’s. At least Katie and BB got to have a big day. Emily had started to doubt she ever would. Certainly not with Hawk. And most likely not at all if she didn’t get over her obsession with him.

She grabbed her new navy blue dress and hung it behind the bathroom door so any wrinkles would steam out while she showered.

Emily shot the offending items of clothing a dirty look as envy overwhelmed her. While she wore her stupid blue dress today, Katie would be in a long white dress.

Okay, so Katie wouldn’t be wearing a traditional white wedding dress with train and veil today, it was still a wedding dress. And Katie would no doubt look beautiful in the champagne-colored, simple, sleek sheath dress. It totally suited her personality and the high empire waist hid her rapidly growing baby bump perfectly.

Of course Emily was happy for her friends, but she still couldn’t fight the depression she felt over the fact that Katie had found the love of her life. If Emily had ever really thought she had found “the one” in Hawk, she had been proven very wrong.

Hawk was a dirty, rotten bastard who had slept with another woman the same night he’d made love to her, so why couldn’t Emily prevent her heart from clenching each time she thought of him? If she didn’t feel so miserable all the time, she’d think she was in love with him, further proof of how pitiful she was.

What had started many months ago as physical attraction and perhaps infatuation had grown into something more as she read his words in her darkened apartment each day.

Emily shook her head. If this was love, it sucked. Perhaps she was better off without it. She was definitely better off without him. If only she could learn to actually be without him. That would never happen as long as she used his daily emails as a crutch, but the thought of never hearing from him again sent her into a heart-racing panic attack.

With a head that was beginning to ache from lack of sleep and too much thinking, Emily stepped beneath the streaming hot water. Hopefully it would wash away her mood as well as all thoughts of Hawk so she’d be able to enjoy Katie and BB’s special day.

Emily needed to have her wits about her today, because after the nearly two hour train ride to upstate New York, Emily would be serving as Katie’s maid of honor. With all of BB’s siblings and his team there, Emily alone would be representing Katie’s side.

BB may have won the battle to have the ceremony and luncheon afterwards in his hometown in New York with his massive family and his best friends from Zeta in attendance, but Katie had still managed to brutally cut down the guest list to fewer than three-dozen.

Maybe among those there, Emily would meet a nice single man who would steal her heart and make her forget all about David Hawkins.

Yeah, sure. Not likely, but Emily could hope anyway.

Hawk listened with a lump in his throat as his first sergeant praised his heroism before pinning the medal on his chest. A frigging medal for saving the lives of five civilians during the Bagram bombing.

The problem was, Hawk hadn’t done anything. Pretty Boy Dalton and his Zeta boys had ridden in to the rescue. The most Hawk had done was relay Dalton’s damn instructions from over the cell phone and then watch helplessly as they whisked Emily and the others away in the waiting helo.

Having to watch another man rescue his girl…talk about feeling impotent.

The only good thing about Zeta’s dramatic rescue had been, with Emily on her way to safety, Hawk was free to run to his tent and grab his weapon. It had felt damn good to finally have the M16 in his hands and be doing something, anything, besides just sitting there. He’d found Pettit and Wally in the nearest bunker and another piece of his scrambled world settled back into place.

The Black Hawk attack had done much to rattle the insurgents within the perimeter. It didn’t take long before they were all either captured or fled. Hawk helped when and where he could, always wondering about Emily’s location and well being until he finally pinned down Dalton and received confirmation she was safe.

And that was the last he heard about her. Not one damn word in months, and that was no fault of his because he emailed her every damn day. She never once responded, but he did it anyway. Every day he held onto some small hope that there would be a response from her. Every day he found instead disappointment and he finally realized exactly how she had felt when he hadn’t contacted her after Germany.

He’d screwed up once, but he wouldn’t do it again, so he wrote, every day he could, and he would continue to do so until she changed her mind or he got shipped home and could see her again in person and change her mind.

“You don’t look as happy as I thought you would, sergeant. Something wrong?” His first sergeant laid an arm around Hawk’s shoulders like they were old drinking buddies.

“No, sir. This is just all a bit unexpected.”
Not to mention undeserved
.

His commander laughed. “Most good things in life are, sergeant.”

Like meeting Emily had been. How the hell he had managed to screw it up so badly and so suddenly, Hawk still didn’t know. And being able to do nothing about it besides cool his heels for the remainder of his deployment could possibly drive him insane.

The sound of a helo in the distance captured Hawk’s attention. Tensing, he frowned, squinting at the horizon until it came into view and he recognized Lou’s chopper. “Could that be supplies already? Seems like we just got them.”

His first sergeant laughed. “You looking a gift horse in the mouth? Mail call and supplies can’t come often enough as far as I’m concerned!”

Hawk smiled. “Yes, sir.”

Lou dropped the chopper in a fast messy landing and came running across the camp, straight toward them.

Hawk’s smile faded as instinct kicked in. “Something’s wrong.”

Taking off in a jog that turned into a full out run, Hawk met the old man not far from where he’d landed.

“Lou. What’s the matter?”

Wheezing what sounded like it could be his last breath, Lou gasped, “Satellite’s down. Couldn’t get word to you. I came to get you.” The breathless man shoved papers into Hawk’s hand.

He looked down and saw the American Red Cross logo on the letterhead and his heart stopped. AmCross orders only came through when someone at home was dying or dead and the soldier needed to get home fast. And these orders had his name on them.

Hawk was anxious to get back to the States, but not like this. He skimmed down the page and saw his sister’s name and his stomach twisted.

Hawk’s first sergeant was next to him in an instant. “What’s wrong?”

“My sister, sir.” Hawk looked up, still in shock. “Our parents are both dead. She’s all I have left. I have to get home.”

Empathy showed on his commander’s face as he took hold of Hawk’s shoulders and physically turned him back toward camp. “Go. Throw what you’ll need in a duffle and get on that helo.”

Good thing the first sergeant was there to tell him what to do, because at the moment, Hawk wasn’t sure he would have known on his own. It seemed as if his brain had stopped working.

Chapter Eighteen

“Hey there, Emmie.”

Emily glanced up from her desk as the familiar voice from the past filled the room. In the doorway to her office stood the cameraman, looking different, and pretty good actually, without the head to toe body armor and camouflage he’d worn in Bagram.

“Mel! What are you doing here?”

“I was in New York for a job. Jai and I met nearby for a cuppa and he suggested I stop by and see you.”

Emily smiled. She had actually missed the guy over the past months. Sadly, that was probably because he reminded her of Afghanistan and the last time she’d seen Hawk.

“So how you been, love?”

Emily shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Keeping busy.”

Mel took a step closer and propped his jean-clad bottom on the edge of her desk. “Jai told me you still have dreams about the bombing.”

Emily scowled. “So much for confiding my secrets in Jai.”

“Don’t be like that, Emmie. He and I have been through it ourselves enough to know what you’re feeling. He’s just concerned about you.”

Emily sighed. “I guess.”

“Well if you need to talk, Emmie, you give me a jingle.” Mel dropped a business card on her desk. “If I’m in the country, I’ll come running. If not, there’s always the phone or email.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

Mel continued, golden eyes crinkling as he smiled at her, “And if you wanted to give me a call to go out, I would like that, too.”

Emily looked up at him with surprise. “Like on a date?”

He laughed and nodded. “Unless you’re still with Hawkins.”

Now it was Emily’s turn to laugh. “I don’t know what I am.”

“Well, love, I have a policy. If a woman isn’t sure if she’s with a man or not, that is invitation enough for me.” Mel sobered and laid a hand over hers. “What’s wrong, love? Someone as pretty as you shouldn’t look so sad.”

Mel read her too easily, and he already knew she’d slept with Hawk so what the heck. Emily could use someone to talk to at the moment.

She took a huge sigh and began. “The morning of the attack, I saw Hawk coming out of Kerri London’s tent half dressed. Mel, he slept with her…” She left the rest of the horrible truth unspoken.
He slept with her right after he was with me.

Mel looked surprised. “He didn’t tell you, love? Maybe not since it happened right before the bombing.”

“What happened?” Emily sat up straighter in her chair.

“Pettit found Wally plonked, starkers, and arse over tit with an Air Force Sheila. With Wally in the cactus, Pettit ran and got Hawk out of the shower and brought him to Kerri London’s tent.”

Emily’s heart began to pound. She didn’t understand half of what he had just said, but she grasped enough to know it was important. “Mel. Please, for god’s sake, could you please speak English this once and tell me what happened again?”

Mel grinned. “Sure, love. Pettit found Wally in Kerri’s tent naked and lying there, drunk with the Air Force woman who was assigned as her liaison. Sex on base is enough to get Wally demoted if not court marshaled and dismissed with a dishonorable discharge. With Wally in so much potential trouble, Pettit ran and pulled Hawk out of the shower. That’s why Hawk was coming out of Kerri’s tent early in the morning half dressed. He was getting Wally out of trouble.”

That she understood. “See now, was that so hard?” Emily grabbed both of his arms. “But Mel, you know all this for a fact?”

“Abso-bloody-lutely,” he responded.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she smiled.

He nodded. “Spot on. It’s a yes. Wally told me himself after I found him emptying the bourbon soaked contents of his belly on the ground outside my tent. Pettit backed up the story. So there’s no need to chuck a spaz.”