Mogul (10 page)

It still made Graham’s stomach turn to think
of it.

Two women. Two babies. And Vanni would likely
never commit himself one-hundred-percent to either one. That
bastard fell ass-backward into things other people could only dream
about.

Graham had minimized the window he was
looking at by the time Maggie came over to stand next to his
desk.

“You know me,” he joked, half smiling. “Sleep
is the enemy.”

She perched on the corner of his desk. “I’m
still going to get you up at eight o’clock. Sleep or no sleep. I’d
advise sleep.”

He moaned as he leaned back in his chair with
a teasing grin. “But Mom, it’s not a school day. Let’s sleep in
late, eat cold cereal and watch cartoons like normal people.”

She laughed. “Because you’re not normal,” she
told him pointedly. “And I doubt very sincerely you took over the
entertainment industry sleeping in late on a Saturday.”

“Busted,” he agreed. “But,” he said as he
ambled to his feet, “I think we do deserve a day off. What do you
say to a drive up to Santa Barbara?”

Her eyebrow lifted. “Really?”

“Why not?” he offered as he grabbed his cane
and hobbled from the office, that way she couldn’t see how he’d
really spent the evening – pathetically daydreaming over things he
could never have.

She followed him slowly from the room. “I
just kind of thought you’d want to stay close to home base. In case
you were needed.”

He glanced over his shoulder to see where she
stood in the hallway, arms crossed. He sighed. “You know me well,
don’t you, Mags?”

He leaned against the wall and she walked
over to face him. “You’re a good man, Graham. Too good. You can’t
keep cleaning up the messes of other people. Especially when they
walk into those messes willingly and happily.”

His mouth twisted into a grin of irony. She
made it seem as if he somehow had a choice in the matter. “Old
habits and all that,” he offered with a helpless shrug.

Her mouth opened with what could only be more
advice, and warnings he couldn’t heed. He reached up with a finger
over her lips and shook his head. Her blue eyes were concerned, and
it was funny how he had never quite noticed how her lashes
perfectly framed them without any makeup whatsoever.

He also couldn’t help but notice how soft her
lips felt against his finger.

He pulled away as quickly as it took the
completely inappropriate feelings to wash over him in a flood. He
cleared his throat. “So. Eight o’clock, then?”

Maggie struggled to compose herself as she
gave him a small nod. She said nothing at all as he turned and
lumbered toward his bedroom.

By the following morning, both Maggie and
Graham had slipped back into their respective roles. She drove him
hard while they worked on his physical therapy, and didn’t say word
one about Andy, Vanni, or their current situation.

Likewise, in a beach house many miles south
of Malibu, Vanni and Andy didn’t talk about their situation either.
They ate their breakfast in silence, and didn’t even talk much when
her morning walk on the beach was cut short by lingering paparazzo
milling around the waterside.

She stayed behind her laptop
computer, corresponding with Shannon regarding
Fierce
, while Vanni tinkered around
on the piano. Normally it would have been a comfortable
cohabitation, but the specter of Holly hung in the air like a
palpable stench.

Vanni wanted to call Holly, or at least text
her, to see if she had bought food with the money he left. He
wanted to recommend that she eat fruit and vegetables, and even
volunteer to take her to the store if need be.

But after he thought about it, the gesture –
though considerate – would generate more harm than good. His taking
his “baby mama” to the store would surely hit the front page of
every tabloid because PING was watching every move he made like a
hawk.

He was relieved that his first covert visit
to see her hadn’t been detected.

He couldn’t risk upsetting Andy any more than
he could risk stoking controversy in front of their new show. The
rumors swirled that he had been attached as a judge, but until the
press conference the following week nothing had been officially
“confirmed.”

The whole, “will he, won’t he,” aspect had
every tongue in town wagging. Fans were foaming at the mouth to see
their favorite rock star on their TV screens every week, so
sponsors were lining up to toss money their direction.

Of course there were those who considered
this potential move of his a “sell-out,” namely Yael – who was
still seething in resentment that Vanni had put the brakes on
Dreaming in Blue. He had already been quoted in the press about it,
which – though he didn’t say as much – Andy knew was eating Vanni
up inside. He hated any criticism that he’d let someone down. It
was his biggest fear.

Now that he didn’t have alcohol to trip his
“don’t-give-a-fuck” switch, he felt every barb and sting. He stayed
away from the Internet and didn’t listen to the news. He didn’t
want to hear how badly he was fucking up, when all he was really
trying to do was fix what he’d already turned to shit.

As if his mood couldn’t sink
any lower, Ivy Cunningham called late Friday and told him the
Wilkes had withdrawn the original settlement demand and were now in
a holding pattern to see what kind of payoff he’d be getting
from
Fierce
. She
couldn’t even guarantee him they wouldn’t take him directly to
court and bypass the settlement process entirely.

It seemed his entire life had become a
holding pattern while vultures circled.

Worse, there didn’t seem to be any way to
make everyone happy as he tried to fix it all.

He sank further into a funk as each minute
ticked by. He didn’t say anything to Andy, who juggled her own
anxiety that her baby might have a half-sibling from an opportunist
of a mother. She decided not to talk to Vanni about it, since it
would only serve to make him feel worse. Instead she ended up
texting back and forth to Graham after his first, “How you holding
up, kiddo?” message.

When Vanni went to the gym to clear his head,
she decided to call Graham. He was, as usual, a calming influence.
She was extraordinarily grateful he didn’t use the opportunity to
hammer the point home this was the kind of future she could expect
with Vanni, whose history came with such complications. Instead he
spent most of the call assuring her that until they knew for sure
Holly was pregnant there was no need to twist herself in knots
trying to figure out how to handle it. All they could really do now
was wait.

Only Vanni didn’t have the luxury of waiting.
Holly called him when he was in route to the gym. She had panicked
over some spotting and wanted to go to the ER, but Julian was off
doing day labor and unable to take her. She was beside herself with
worry, panicky and in tears, so Vanni flipped the car around and
headed straight for Hollywood.

He decided not to tell Andy about his change
of plans. She’d try to talk him out of it, which would have been
fruitless, then she would have worried the entire time he was gone.
It was best not to concern her with it until they knew what was
going on – and a hospital visit certainly would confirm a few
things for him.

They waited for hours at the county hospital.
He wore extremely casual workout clothes with his hair tied back
and sunglasses on. If anyone around him recognized him, they made
no mention of it. Holly was the star of that particular show,
especially after she fainted in the waiting room.

They rushed them to an examination room. The
doctor was shocked by her emaciated state, especially in her
condition. The older man sent a look of stern disapproval to the
man at her side, the father, she claimed, who looked like he had
money to spare on a fancy workout outfit. Yet this woman, the
mother of his child, looked practically homeless and starving.

He had her change into a hospital gown so he
could examine her. She winced as he pressed down on her stomach. He
used a fetal monitor to detect the heartbeat, which was fast and
surprisingly strong as it echoed throughout the small room.

For the second time that year, Vanni heard
the reassuring heartbeat of his child.

His
children
.

There were tears in Holly’s eyes as she
reached for his hand. He gave her a small smile as he squeezed it
in response.

The doctor also ordered an ultrasound. Holly
insisted that he stay for the duration, so he could see the results
for himself. She had no way of knowing that this wasn’t the first
ultrasound he had seen, so he understood what the technician was
pointing out. He knew that this was no con game. The doctor
reiterated what she had told him; that she was about eleven weeks
pregnant and had conceived in December.

She had severe nausea and vomiting, though,
which the doctor told them was a medical condition known as
hyperemesis gravidarum. Because of this she had dangerously
dehydrated, so the doctor wanted to admit her and keep her on an
IV.

He stayed with her until she was admitted,
signing off as the responsible party for her care. He advised the
hospital she needed to be in a private room due to elevated
interest from the press. Night had fallen by the time he returned
home, and he knew there was no way to avoid telling Andy where he
had been and what he had learned.

She would be so disappointed, even hurt and
betrayed that he had lied to her and gone behind her back – again –
in regards to another woman.

He could only hope she would be reassured by
the ring on her finger and their own baby in her womb. He may have
to take care of Holly for the duration of her pregnancy, but he was
a one-woman man.

She was napping on the couch when he entered
the house. He dropped his keys in a bowl on the counter before he
stepped down into the sunken living room just under the shadow of
their loft bedroom overhead. He knelt beside her where she slept,
so healthy and radiant and strong. He touched her hair and then
caressed her back. His heart hurt from how much he loved her. How
could he keep letting her down?

With a sigh he sat next to the couch. He’d
made such a mess of things. He was now the father of two babies
from different mothers, due to deliver mere months apart. Holly had
been right; an absentee parent hurts the child. So how in the world
was he going to balance going back and forth between two completely
different families?

He had wanted to marry Andy before their baby
was born, but now he didn’t feel right pressuring her to say “I do”
when he had other, complicated obligations. When she had said yes
to his proposal, Holly hadn’t even been a blip on their radar. Now
it cast a shadow over everything.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand. It wasn’t
entirely Holly’s fault. Despite her scheming, he was the one who
hopped into her bed, repeatedly and enthusiastically. He could
blame the booze or her manipulation, but the fact was he wanted to
sleep with her. When they went on their little sex marathon in
December, he was a willing participant. Sure, he might have done
things differently had he known she was trying to get pregnant… but
he was the dumbass who jumped headlong into a relationship with her
based on her word alone. He could have been smarter about it.

He should have been smarter about it.

Why hadn’t he been? He thought back to
Thanksgiving, when he had fallen hard off the wagon. He could have
blamed Leo for his lapse but he had wanted to take that drink as
much as he wanted to conquer Holly after all the months she made
him wait. They were all convenient excuses so that he could have
some get-out-of-jail free card when consequences finally caught up
with him.

That had been his M.O. for a long time. And
he made peace with it in his own mind that as long as he made no
promises to anyone, he really wasn’t harming anyone but himself.
Anyone who got involved did so at their own risk.

He couldn’t be responsible for everyone,
right?

Only now he was responsible for everyone. He
was responsible for Yael, and the commitment he made to the band.
He was responsible to Holly, who carried his child and faced so
many challenges both with her health and with her finances – even
her security.

He glanced at Andy. In a perfect world he’d
only be responsible to her. But he’d made sure their world was
anything but perfect. He had carved out his own rules that suited
his own purposes at the time, thinking that would patch up the dam
some day when it threatened to burst.

Now everything was leaking and all he could
hope for is that none of them drowned.

Andy moaned in her sleep. She did that a lot
now. She never shared the nightmares that had begun to interrupt
her slumber a few weeks ago, so Vanni didn’t know what kind of
dragons he was fighting as he rubbed her back and crooned to her to
soothe her.

Her eyes fluttered open, and then focused on
him. “You’re back,” she said as she pulled into a sitting position.
“What took you so long?”

He swallowed hard. He hated feeling like the
bad boy about to get a lecture and sent to his room without supper.
He hated knowing that this woman, whose love for him validated him,
would be angry with him about anything. It left him feeling
vulnerable, and he hated that worse than anything in the whole
world.

But he had to tell her.

She had to know.

“I was with Holly,” he said simply.

She crossed her legs and her arms, creating a
barrier between them with nothing but her angry body language. “I
see.”

His first impulse was to leap into the many
excuses he had rehearsed to himself on the way home. He figured he
could put the emphasis on the emergency visit, to prove to Andy her
anger was unjustified. But Vanni knew it was unfair to her to do
that. He had done what he had always done; erred on the side of
asking forgiveness rather than permission. “I also went to see her
the other day.”