Moments of Clarity (26 page)

After Sexton left, Sasha buried her face in her arms and wept uncontrollably.

* * *

“I have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, especially Dominique.”

“Okay, I promise.”

Sasha could hear the apprehension in Desiree's voice over the telephone.

“There's something I've been keeping a secret. Sexton and I were married in Vegas.”

An astounded gasp was Desiree's reply.

“He came to my job today and wanted me to sign annulment papers, but I wouldn't because we consummated our marriage in Vegas. Annulment is not an option. I saw that on
Friends
.”

“You're absolutely right,” Desiree confirmed. “What did Sexton say when you refused?”

“He said that he would have divorce papers drawn up and have them sent to me.”

Desiree was quiet, obviously mulling over what Sasha had said. “You don't have to sign them, either. New York is one of the few states left in the country that doesn't recognize no-fault divorce. You have to agree. You can pretty much keep him married to you forever, or at least until they change the law. The state officials are working on that as we speak.”

“But I don't want to stay married to someone who doesn't love me or want to stay married to me,” Sasha whined.

“Then why did you call me to tell me this?” Desiree asked sharply.

“I want your advice.”

Sasha sounded so miserable that Desiree's heart went out to her. “I know you still love Sexton, but could you get an impartial read on him at all as to how he feels about you?”

“No, he's so angry. It was as if he was a different person.”

“Good,” Desiree said with satisfaction. “People don't hold on to anger if it's for someone that they don't care about. When I almost lost Tyler, he took off and I couldn't even find him.”

“I remember. Then he showed up at the hospital thinking you'd been in an accident. Maybe I should pretend to get in an accident,” Sasha said half joking, half seriously.

“Don't play games with him, Sasha,” Desiree admonished her. “You're in enough trouble as it is.”

“I didn't really mean that,” she stuttered. “I just don't know what to do.”

“This is what I would do. Because you're married, you have some leverage. Once I got the papers, I would take them to him unsigned. His lawyer probably will tell him exactly what I just told you. Tell him that if in six months he still wants a divorce you'll sign them. That should give him some time to come to terms with what you did.”

“What kind of marriage is that?” Sasha exclaimed. “Him living in one place and me in another.”

“I don't know what else to tell you, Sasha. As usual, your impetuous nature has gotten you into trouble. You married Sexton in Vegas, obviously a spur of the moment decision, and then you take off and leave him without talking to him. Another spur of the moment decision. Now you say that you'll give him what he says he wants without thinking that through, either. You need to take a step back and do nothing. Maybe when things settle down he'll be more receptive to working things out.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Chastened she hung up the phone.

* * *

Saturday morning the doorbell rang. Sasha turned the stove off and slid her ham and cheese omelet to a cool burner. Throwing open the door, she silently took the Federal Express envelope, signed the receipt, and closed the door.

True to his word, Sexton had quickly sent the divorce papers to her. He had even made check marks at the places for her to sign.

She slammed the papers down on the kitchen counter, picked up her frying pan, which held her breakfast, and emptied the contents in the trash can before she went to douse her face under the bathroom faucet. Hours later, she was sipping her third glass of wine as she mulled over Desiree's advice
. I might as well do what Desiree told me to. After all, I haven't made smart decisions by relying on my own thought processes
.

Standing suddenly, she felt unsteady and realized that the cause was the third glass of wine she had drunk. Realizing she was too tipsy to drive to Madison Square Garden, she decided to take the bus. The bus ground to a stop in front of Madison Square Garden, and once she cautiously descended the stairs, she felt buoyed at the sight of Stefan.

“Hello, Stefan.” Her voice was quiet. She was uncertain as to how to go about asking for Sexton's whereabouts.

Stefan was putting the finishing touches of polish on a limousine, and the smile he gave her was genuine. “How are you doing, Miss Diamond?”

Sasha knew that it was a rhetorical question and he wouldn't want to know the real answer so she lied.

“I'm fine, Stefan. Is Mr. Johnson around?”

“You just missed him. I heard him tell Mr. Calvin that he was going to lunch at Mario's.”

She asked tentatively, “Was he alone?”

Stefan looked at her, surprised. “Of course. Would you like me to take you over there?”

“No thanks, Stefan, I don't want to impose.”

“It's no problem,” he replied, looking up at the sky. “Looks like rain, and by the time the bus got you there, he'd probably be gone.”

Still, Sasha hesitated.

Stefan opened the door and said conspiratorially, “I won't tell anyone.”

She gave him a grateful smile and said softly, “Thank you, Stefan.”

* * *

Stefan lowered the partition window and offered with a wink, “Have a drink as a lunch appetizer.”

Sasha hesitated, but her mouth was dry from nervousness about her impending conversation with Sexton. The effects of her early afternoon happy hour had slightly waned, and she felt that she could use just a little more Dutch courage, so she poured herself a generous glass of wine.

The ride to the restaurant took less than fifteen minutes and once they arrived, she handed Stefan a twenty-dollar bill. When he started to protest she said, “I insist.”

Mario's was a small café that she and Sexton had frequented many times. In the fifties it had been a notorious mob hang out, and on the walls there were black and white pictures of many prominent heads of Mafia families. They served homemade pasta dishes that restaurant chains couldn't compete with.

Sasha spied Sexton sitting in a back booth and began to walk over to him. There was a man sitting in the booth across from him and when she got closer she realized that it was Kendall. Just then, emerging from the ladies' room was the woman that Sasha had seen in Sexton's car. The woman halted in front of the booth, and Sexton slid out in order to let her sit on the inside. Smiling at her, he sat back down, resting his arm along the back of the booth behind her shoulders.

Sasha was flabbergasted to find herself in a situation she had hoped to avoid at all costs.
He's introducing her to his brother.
He's really over me. I blew it.

Just as she turned to leave, Sexton's eyes suddenly pinned hers. Then she saw two other pairs of eyes were also staring at her. Not knowing what else to do, Sasha walked towards them. To make matters worse, on her way over to the table, the heel of her shoe turned, and Sasha barely righted herself before falling. She could feel her color run when some people at a nearby table snickered.

Sexton was watching her carefully, his eyes narrowed, his expression bland.

Once she reached the table, she nodded at Kendall and he returned her greeting in the same manner. Then she looked at the woman seated at the table. Now that she was able to examine her so closely, the woman looked eerily familiar and Sasha racked her brain trying to figure out if she had ever really seen her before or whether her mind was working overtime because of the embarrassing situation she had put herself in.

Sasha turned to Sexton and said without preamble, “I got your papers this morning.”

Sexton didn't answer her. Gathering her wits, she mustered up all her strength to finish the ordeal she had engineered. “I'm sorry to intrude, but I expected to find you alone.” She shot an antagonistic look at the woman and was caught off guard by the expression she now encountered because it was one of kindness. Glancing at Kendall, she saw that he had put down the menu and sat back, looking like Sexton when he was very interested in something.

“In New York, married people have to agree to the divorce. I came to tell you that I wasn't going to sign the papers. I was going to ask you to hold off for six months.”

Upon hearing this, Sexton gave a small start of surprise.

“But after my arrival…” Again she looked at the woman, only to be met this time with a look of pity. This riled Sasha, but she knew that she needed to keep her cool so that she didn't look as stupid as she felt. “I've decided that I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want me and has clearly moved on.” She reached in her pocketbook and gently placed the papers down on the table. Quickly she signed them and then held out her car keys to Sexton.

For the first time since she had approached them Sexton spoke. “I don't want the car back.” His manner did not reveal what his thoughts were.

“I don't feel right about keeping it. It's parked in the garage waiting for you. Take care.” Without looking back, Sasha stalked out of the restaurant with her head held high.

Chapter 22

Sasha stared at her at her naked body in the bathroom mirror. She smelled because she had been caught in the rain and her body had air dried before she had reached her loft. Once there she had walked in the dark straight to the bathroom, not turning on a light to help her find her way. Now, as she looked in the mirror, she felt and she looked like crap. She hadn't given herself a beauty treatment since getting home from Vegas. She hadn't really felt the energy or need to.

She reached under her vanity table and withdrew a basket that held her beauty products and took out her jar of sea salt scrub, a loofah, pumice stone, and face polisher. She climbed into the shower and doused herself under the hot, stinging spray.

She grabbed a bottle of shampoo from the side of the tub and, as she scrubbed her hair, she hummed the lyrics to a musical she had seen years ago. Thinking aloud she said, “I really wish that I could wash that man out of my hair.”

Sasha scrubbed, polished, rinsed, and gave attention to each inch of skin she was able to reach.
If Sexton was here, this is the time I would call him to exfoliate my back for me.
She pushed those somber thoughts away. She had to get used to not having him around to pamper her. She stepped from the shower and reached for a large, fluffy towel. After drying off she cleansed her face with astringent and finished off with a small dab of moisturizing lotion. Then she squirted a generous amount of body oil into the palm of her hand and in small, circular motions, covered every inch her skin.

She again stared at her reflection. Her skin glowed and was soft to the touch. She looked better and even felt a little better.
Too bad I have no one to share this with. I'm not in the mood to share it with myself. Talk about a glass being three-quarters empty
.

Wrapping a large, fluffy towel around her, she padded back into the darkened bedroom.

“What took you so long to get home?”

Sasha whirled around, dropping the towel. Her eyes followed the unexpected sound of Sexton's stern voice. He sat in the occasional chair in the corner. She bent to retrieve the towel that had slipped from her body in an effort to cover her nakedness.

“Leave it.” Sexton's tone gave no room for her to not do what he said.

She obediently stood before him, unsuccessfully attempting to cover her breasts with the palms of her hands.

He rephrased his initial question. “What took you so long to get here after you stormed out of the restaurant?”

“I took a ride on the Long Island Ferry,” she responded in a voice so low he could barely catch her words.

“What made you go there?”

“Memories,” she replied honestly. “The first time I realized just how much I love you was on the ferry.” Sasha hoped that Sexton could see as she stood before him completely naked that she was also baring her soul to him. She hoped that he could see what she was feeling inside.

He sat there silently for what felt like an eternity. She could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall.

“Sasha, I don't know what I'm going to do with you.” Clearly exasperated, he said, “To run out on your husband during your honeymoon. Who do you think you're supposed to be, Julia Roberts in
The Runaway Bride
?”

She hung her head in mortification, knowing that he only spoke the truth. “I think that there was a small part of me that was insecure about us anyhow.” She mumbled the words, not looking up.

“Why are you so insecure? I've never given you any reason to distrust me.”

His tone had mellowed slightly and Sasha began to feel a flicker of hope.

“I know. It's just I know The All-Star game really put you on the map and you're getting ready to blow up. It's unusual for superstars to be faithful to one woman.”

“I already have more money and prestige than I ever thought I would,” he said wryly. “If I'm not insufferable yet, what would make you think that I would change later?”

Sasha's answer was to stare at the floor.

“Don't believe the hype you see on television. It's an insult to me and all black men if you believe that monogamy is an impossible standard for us. Good black men are out there, we just don't get press in the paper.”

“I believe you,” she replied softly, “my dad's one of them.”

“So was mine.” Curiosity was evident in his voice as if he was trying to get inside her head. “Don't you believe that people are a product of their environment?”

“Yes, I believe that they are more times than not.” She shook her head sadly. “But those pictures. And after what Abdul did to me.” She gave him a measured look, willing him to try and understand. “He didn't even have anything going for him, yet he was unfaithful.” She shuddered with distaste. “Those pictures Tiara sent me fed a small niggling doubt that I had in the back of my mind, not only about you but doubts about myself.”

“This morning, Calvin wouldn't leave my place until he showed me the negatives of the pictures Tiara sent you. I have to admit, they were quite damning. But how could you have not given me a chance to explain?”

“My insane jealousy, Sexton.” She walked over to stand in front of him. “I'm sorry.”

Sexton ran his eyes up the length of her body and said gently, “I know that you are.”

“Does this mean that you're willing to give our marriage a try?” She tried to contain her excitement, not wanting false hope.

“I guess I'll have to. But let me say this, Sasha. You are a pain in the ass.” He severely cautioned her, “If you ever pull another stunt like that again—” He took his hand and slapped her bare bottom.

She felt the small sting and she knew it was meant to warn and not hurt. “I won't,” she promised. “I'll be the perfect wife.”

He grimaced and said, “I doubt that, but everyone has a mission in life, and it appears that you're mine.”

Once she heard the slight mockery in his voice, Sasha sat down on Sexton's lap, wound her arms around his neck and whispered, “I want to start being your wife again, right now.”

Sexton stood, and drawing her close, he encircled her in his arms and squeezed her.

* * *

The next morning she lay nestled in the security of Sexton's arms. She had been lying there quietly, thanking God for giving her a second chance and letting them start their marriage with a clean slate. All of a sudden, her stomach growled. For the first time in weeks, she was hungry.

Suddenly, Sexton pushed Sasha slightly up and spoke. “It's time to get up if you want me to take you to breakfast.”

Sitting up in a hurry, she rushed to the shower.

* * *

Sasha glanced at Sexton as he maneuvered in and out of traffic. “Where are we going to eat breakfast?”

Sexton didn't answer her, but she surmised as they headed towards Harlem that they were going to his favorite hang out. “Do you still want me to move into your apartment?”

He smiled at her and said, “I think that it would be better if I moved into your place. We'll start looking for something bigger this week.”

“What are you going to do with your place? Rent it out?

He gave her an enigmatic look. “I don't think so.” Then with an abrupt change of subject he said, “Are you still going to work at the hospital?”

“I plan on it until the babies come.” She smiled shyly.

Sexton's cell phone rang and interrupted their conversation. “Hello. Yes, I'm almost there.”

Before Sasha could ask him who was on the phone they arrived at Sylvia's. Smiling, she followed him up the walk.

Surprised, she saw Teddy sitting in the largest booth in the restaurant. Next to him was Kendall. When she reached the table, she smiled at them and then froze. Sitting across from them was the woman Sexton had been seeing during their estrangement.

Sexton turned to Sasha and said, “Sasha, this is my sister, Destiny. Destiny, this is my wife.”

Sasha felt as if her heart was in her throat as she stared into the eyes that had seemed so familiar before.

There was a look of amusement on Destiny's face and her lips twitched as she watched a myriad of expressions cross Sasha's face, with the last being one of relief.

Sexton said somewhat sheepishly, “It never occurred to me when I read my birth certificate that my twin would be a girl. But I'm happy the way things turned out. Now I have two brothers and a sister. A person couldn't ask for more.”

Destiny held out her hand to Sasha and, as they shook, she shot a look of adoration at Sexton.

“It's very nice to meet you.” Sasha spoke first and Destiny echoed the sentiment.

As Sexton and his brothers devoured every bit of their breakfast, Sasha picked at hers and surreptitiously watched Destiny.

Astutely interpreting her thoughts, Destiny looked directly at Sasha and said, “Sexton had a private eye find me. After the death of our maternal grandmother, I looked for years for my missing brothers but I had to give up after I exhausted the small insurance policy that was left to me.”

Sexton wiped his mouth and explained, “Destiny is going to live in my apartment, which is why we have a change of plans as to our temporary residence.”

“Oh, I see,” Sasha replied, giving no indication as to what she was thinking.

She was aware of Teddy and Kendall watching her closely as they tried to gauge her true feelings about all she'd heard since she and Sexton had arrived at Sylvia's.

“You can't believe how blown away I was when I realized that my brother was Sexton Johnson the basketball player. I've had no family for years, and now I have two brothers, two sisters-in-law and a niece and nephews. My cup runneth over.”

Sasha sipped her cup of coffee and scrutinized Destiny. She was tall with eyes like Sexton's. She seemed to possess his easygoing demeanor, but was that enough? She didn't dare voice her concerns because they'd already accepted her as family. Who was she to dispute it?

Then Destiny picked up the coffee pot. Filling a cup she switched the pot to the other hand to refill Sasha's cup. As she did, Destiny gave her a knowing look. “I'm ambidextrous,” she paused for effect, “just like my twin brother.”

A huge relief flooded Sasha's body. She reached across the table and placed her hand over Destiny's. “Welcome to the family, Sister.”

After breakfast, Sasha and Sexton held hands as they stood outside on the sidewalk. “Anyone need a lift?”

“Naw, man, I got it. We're all riding together.” Kendall pointed to an F-150 that was pulled into a parking place near the entrance.

“Talk to you soon?” He looked at Sexton.

“You can count on it.”

Destiny leaned over and kissed Sexton on the cheek. With a smile that included Sasha, she said, “I'll see you later this week?”

“You can bet on it,” Sexton answered.

They watched as she walked over to the open car door Teddy held out.

Kendall gave Sexton a look of gratitude. “Thank you for finding her.” He gave Sasha a wink before he went to his truck, got in, and drove off.

As Sasha and Sexton watched his family drive away, he turned to her and said with a little tremor in his voice, “Yesterday's the past and tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift and that's why it's called the present. I feel as if my life has gone full circle.”

Sasha felt overwhelmed by Sexton's words and with a catch in her voice she stated with brutal honesty, “I love you, Sexton Johnson.”

“I love you too, Sasha Johnson. Now let's go home, Wifey.”

Sasha took the car keys out of Sexton's hand and opened the car door for him to get him.

Smiling, he nodded at her and slid in.

After closing the door, she strode to the other side, got in and cranked the car, gave him a smile of supreme happiness, and pulled out into traffic.