Monstrous (30 page)

I AM NOT CERTAIN HOW MUCH TIME PASSES. AT LEAST TWO SUNSETS, I
believe. I spend my time focusing on the one thing I still want: my memories. I replay the visions I've seen in my head, clinging to the faint feeling that I was once loved. That, once, I belonged somewhere.

I was the crown princess. Oliver's daughter, Delia's sister, and Ren's friend. I knew them, loved them, but they would never want to know me as I am now.

Once, I had everything I've longed for. Barnabas stole it from me.

But something in what Darrell said gives me hope—Barnabas removed his memory of me, but eventually it came back. Whatever the spell is, it holds only for so long. Bit by precious bit, more memories rise to the surface now that I'm
away from Barnabas and his memory-erasing touch. Now I have all the time in the world to focus solely on retrieving them. My mother reading me a story. I still cannot see her face, but I hear her voice, the warmth in it. This vision comes with a sense of comfort, love, and quiet joy I've never known since.

In another I tend a small garden surrounded by high hedges, unlike the others I've seen at the palace. It's a mishmash of plants—roses, of course, alongside sunflowers, begonias, and lilies. There are several others I cannot name, but I delight in the look of them. I water each one from an old tin watering can, and pull up the weeds with care. Rosabel loved this garden. I wonder what happened to it?

I cling to each memory, growing fonder of them by the hour, wrapping them around me like a warm blanket. The whispers of the past sing me to sleep.

In the predawn hours, the quiet patter of feet tiptoeing up a rocky path rouses me. Someone approaches our camp. I peek out the hole in the tarp, hoping the person or creature comes into view. For a fleeting moment I consider screaming for help, but I brush that aside.

Anyone who saw me would think Darrell was well within his rights to take me as far from their country as possible. They'd probably applaud him. They might even help.

In the half-light, a shadow creeps past the dull embers of the campfire toward Darrell. My lungs tighten. What if it's a robber and they kill him and steal me? I might be able to defend myself against that sort of men. They wouldn't have the antidote to my poison barb.

The figure leans over Darrell, but I can't see what it does to his sleeping body.

Thwack
.

Darrell cries out for a brief second; then all is silent. It is a robber, I'm sure of it.

The person drags Darrell's body toward my cage, probably intending to stuff him inside. I crawl back under my blanket, feigning sleep, though my claws slide into place and my legs prepare to pounce. Every nerve is a live wire. This is my chance to escape. The sound of keys jingling reaches my ears, and then the interloper tugs off the tarp covering my cage. I risk a peek with one eye.

The hood of his cloak has slipped.

Ren.

The emotions swirling inside form a vise around my chest. I can't breathe. I can hardly think.

He turns the key in the lock and yanks the door open.

“Hello?” he says, putting a hand on my shoulder and shaking me gently.

Just like he would any other captive girl.

The fight slips out of my body. The cage door is open and I've deceived Ren long enough. I sit up slowly, pulling my cloak around my shoulders and letting the blanket that hid me fall to the floor.

Ren recoils.

I hate the expression on his face. Terror. Disgust. He can't stand to look at my monstrous body, half creature, half girl. He must be revolted by how many nights he spent holding my hand. A tear trails down my cheek. I miss him
so much; it's clear I'm the last person he hoped to find in this cage.

We remain still for a moment, eyes locked and wary. Ren doesn't budge. I dash out of the cage, breaking the standoff first. I can't bear to see the hate in his eyes anymore, and it's such a relief to stretch my wings again.

“I'm sorry, Ren.” I have to say it. Even though it's futile. Even though it will mean nothing to him, it means everything to me.

He grunts and stomps out of the cage behind me. “Don't bother. I don't want to hear it. If I'd known it was you in there, I'd never have let you out. Don't you dare try anything. If your tail moves an inch in my direction, I'll cut it off.” He points to the scabbard at his belt. He must've taken a sword from the palace. I've never seen him armed like that before.

“I would never—” I start to say but think better of it. Because in truth, I did.

He doesn't take his eyes off me as he drags Darrell closer to the cage.

He's afraid. I stare up at the night sky for a few seconds to keep tears from falling. I don't want Ren to see me cry.

He struggles with Darrell's limp form as he attempts to put him in the cage. When I move to grab the man's legs, Ren flinches. I hold my hands up. “I just want to help.”

He shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

I lift Darrell's feet and we throw him inside, locking the bars behind him. Satisfaction warms me, but doesn't dull the sharp desire for revenge. Darrell was an all too willing
participant in the girls' forced slavery; he deserves this more than I do.

Ren wipes the dirt from his hands on his cloak, then pokes at the embers of last night's fire. I can't stand the awkwardness between us.

“Why are you here, Ren?”

“I'm not here to rescue you, if that's what you're asking.”

My face turns pink. “No, I didn't think you were.”

“Good.” He scuffs the embers with the sole of his shoe. “I'm going after Delia. She was my responsibility. Some men in the tavern spoke of a man transporting live goods to Belladoma that he kept tightly under wraps. I figured it was the best shot I had, and that maybe I could find the other girls, too. They described this man exactly.” His eyes blaze. He's angry at everyone and everything and—most of all—me.

Perhaps this is my chance to set things right. And find out whether my sister still lives.

“I'll help you.”

Ren scoffs. “I doubt that. You're probably in league with him.” He nods at the cart. “You could be pretending. Maybe you're a trap. I don't know!” He throws his hands up and sits on a tree stump. The sun is gaining ground, tingeing the world with red and gold, including Ren's hair.

“I'm not with him, but I do know him. This man's name is Darrell and he attacked me on the road. He intended to sell me.” My voices lowers. “Just like the other girls. Said I'd fetch a fine price.” I sit by the dead fire pit, across from Ren. “I'll help you. This is my fault. I'll make things right,
whether you like it or not.”

He snorts. “Wonderful. I've got the monstress on my side.”

“I've always been on your side. Unfortunately, I was deceived by the person I thought was my father.” My face burns again. I'm ashamed of my blindness. But Father was all I knew. What else was I supposed to do? What would anyone else do in my place?

“You should've known. Somehow.” His face twists. “Fine, you can help. But I'm in charge. This is my quest.”

“Thank you.” A smile of relief tugs at the corners of my lips, but I suppress it. It might make him angry again. “What are you going to do with Darrell? Leave him to rot?” I rather like that idea, but Ren shakes his head.

“Not yet. I need to know who he sells the girls to and where they are now. Unless you have that information?” He looks at me skeptically. He will never trust me again. If I were him, I wouldn't.

“I only know what my fa—” I stop myself from using that word. Barnabas doesn't deserve it, and it's an insult to Oliver. “What Barnabas told me about Belladoma, and there's no guarantee it's true.”

Ren picks apart a leaf, bit by bit. He may as well be tearing up my heart. “It's a start. What did he tell you?”

“He said that Belladoma is a city over the mountains”—I point to the purple crests in the distance—“and that the girls are well loved and cared for. He told me the city is filled with gardens and fountains and every pleasure they could want, but I doubt that now.”

“I think that's a safe bet.” Ren says. “At least we know what direction to go. Darrell's path confirms he was headed toward Belladoma.”

My face brightens. That's the first positive thing he's said since he arrived.

“When he wakes up, you can help me convince him to spill the exact whereabouts of the girls in that city.”

I frown. “How? I doubt he'll tell me any faster than he'll tell you.”

Ren laughs bitterly. “Barnabas only taught you what he needed you to know, didn't he? We'll have to torture him. Simple as that. With your claws and that tail, you were made for it.”

“Torture?” The word circles around my brain. To inflict pain. “You want me to hurt him until he tells us what we need to know.”

Ren doesn't answer. He doesn't have to.

I've already hurt so many. Do I really want to hurt another person?

Darrell would have killed me without a moment's hesitation if it served his purpose. I was just more valuable to him alive.

If hurting him will help me reclaim my sister and Ren's good graces, I'll do it. I'll do anything.

When Darrell regains consciousness, we're prepared. He yells and curses at us for a full five minutes before he calms down enough to listen. He almost knocks the cart over in the process.

When Ren rattles the bars of the cage, Darrell ceases his hysterics.

“Who the hell are you, boy?” A jeer crosses Darrell's face. “Do you fancy the monster girl?”

My skin warms. Ren scowls at the suggestion and that only makes me blush harder.

“I'm here to find out where you take the girls.”

Darrell snickers. “Well, I'm not gonna just tell you that, now am I? I'll be needing some compensation for my assistance.” He holds out his palm and waggles his fingers.

Ren slams the hilt of the sword against the bars. “You're in no position to bargain. We've got you locked up. We can starve you out if we have to.”

“I don't think you'll be doing that. There's far too many travelers on this road. I expect we'll see some merchant friends of mine any hour now.”

Ren's face turns white. Waiting Darrell out isn't an option. And we can't expect him to help us out of the goodness of his heart.

Which leaves one choice.

I step forward, wrapping my clawed fingers around the bars. Darrell flinches. Good, I still scare him.

“You'll tell us where you took the girls. All of them.”

“Not likely.” He scoots to the far side of the cage, but he can't evade my tail as it winds through the bars and curls around his middle and neck. He gasps and struggles, but I squeeze harder. I may not be able to sting him, but I can choke him.

I yank him toward me until he is pressed up against the
cage, close enough that I can smell the rabbit he had for dinner stuck between his teeth.

“You'll tell us where you took the girls. Or I'll carve the information out of your skull.” I tap his temple and a bead of blood forms, then rolls down his face. “Or I could just squeeze it out of you.” I tighten the noose of my tail and and he claws at it. “Your choice.”

“You wouldn't,” he chokes out.

He's testing me. A part of me abhors this, but I must do it for Ren. And for me. I squeeze harder. And harder. He sputters. Gags. The skin on his face takes on a blue shade. I have to look away, but I keep squeezing.

When he manages to nod in agreement, I loosen my hold. He coughs for several seconds and lies still on the floor of the cage, breathing laboriously. Ren must be disgusted by my cruelty. But he was right. It had to be done. If we don't stop Barnabas and Darrell, some other naive hybrid Barnabas creates will be handing over the girls of the city.

I will stop them.

“I take them to King Ensel of Belladoma.” He spits up blood. I wonder if I crushed any of his ribs. I hope so.

Ren pales. “What does he want with them?”

Darrell grimaces, as though he'd like to smile but is in too much pain. “What do you think? Haven't you heard the rumors?”

Ren gasps as understanding dawns on his face. He jabs the point of the sword at Darrell's shoulder, stopping just short of puncturing skin. “You sold them to be fed to the Sonzeeki?”

Darrell holds up his hands. “This was Barnabas's brilliant plan. He just cut me in on the deal. He pays handsomely, and I'm in it for the money. Besides, I'd be a fool to refuse a wizard anything. No, he's up to something else. For him it's personal.” He glances at me. “So was killing you.”

Ren paces before the cage. “All those girls, some so young. And Delia!”

“What is a Sonzeeki?” I ask, bewildered by their conversation.

Ren turns on me with fiery eyes. “Don't you know anything? Belladoma has no flowers or fountains. It's a city of mercenaries and traders. Their idiot king managed to enrage an ancient sea creature that lives below the city's cliffs. If he doesn't send a young girl off the cliff at the apex of each full moon, the Sonzeeki floods the city. It's why Ensel tried to take over Bryre in the first place and began this whole nightmare with the wizard.” He smacks his hand against a nearby tree, then shakes off the sting. Darrell chortles and is rewarded with a blow from the hilt of Ren's sword.

“You.” Ren points and marches toward me. “This is all your fault.”

I stare at the ground, bits of grass poking through the soil. “I know,” I say.

Ren halts. He didn't expect me to agree. He ought to know me better by now. I'm almost disappointed.

Resolve courses through me, washing away my sadness and self-pity. Yes, this is my fault. But I will fix it. Somehow, I'll find a way to make Barnabas and Ensel and
Darrell and anyone else who aided them rue the day they ever heard of Bryre.

I straighten my back and head for the horse pulling the cart. It whinnies and nuzzles my neck as I unfasten the reins.