Monstrous (27 page)

But they might belong to
her
. Who was I really? And why won't Father tell me more about my past?

I must find Father. Warn him of the people coming to find us. He must answer all these troubling questions and put the poisonous doubts to rest.

I manage to regain my shaky footing. The scent of roses lingers in my senses, though there are none here. I shiver.

Home.

I fly as fast as I can.

I alight in the yard—startling the goat-chickens—and run for the front door.

“Father!”

My hands shake as I tear through the cottage.

“Father!”

Noise comes from his room. He bursts around the corner. “Kymera! Where have you been?”

I throw myself into his arms. Stunned, he hugs me and pats my back.

“What is wrong? What happened? I've been looking for you ever since you ran out on me the other day!”

I clutch his shirt and bury my face into it. I wish I'd listened to Father. I never should have spoken to Ren in the first place. Then none of these fears would plague me.

But the doubt Ren planted in my mind continues to thrust its way forward. There's no way to unhear what he said. No way to unknow what I've discovered. But first we must get to safety.

“They're coming for us, Father. We must flee!”

He looks at me askance. “What on earth are you on about, child? We are well hidden in the forest behind our hedges. No one can find us.”

“People from Bryre. They have torches and they want to burn us out!”

He grows still. “Why would they want to do that?”

“Because I disobeyed you.” My voices wobbles. I need answers, but I must be careful. Telling him everything is more likely to inspire discussion than accusing him.

“Kymera, sometimes you are such a fool. We are
protected here. They cannot burn us unless they get inside the grounds, and unless you led them here yourself, they will not find us.” Father sits me down in my favorite chair by the fire. Pippa skitters away from Father's stomping feet. “Now, tell me everything.” His gaze burns into me as though he examines the contents of my thoughts. The idea is more than unsettling.

Father seems certain we're safe, but worry gnaws at me. I have seen for myself how determined the city folk are. “I went into the city. I got caught in the crowd and my cloak came off. I tried to get away, but they captured me. Ren helped me out of the prison. He's close to the king so he must have assumed he'd get away with it.” As I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, I can't help noticing how hard Father clasps the arms of his chair. His knuckles are white.

“What did you do, Kym?” he says in soft voice.

“At first I just fled. But then I heard a horrible noise, wailing and crying. They'd found that girl who died from my sting. They blamed me. The crowd had already taken Ren. They were going to kill him for helping me. But I . . . I saved him. I flew down and grabbed him and left him in the forest.” My face reddens as memories of flying with Ren rush to the front of my mind. That will never happen again, but it's one of the best memories of my short life.

“You are an idiot, girl! You revealed yourself to the entire city? And took one of their own right out from under their noses? Do you want us to fail?”

Father scowls as though he wishes to break me in half. I sink lower into my chair.

“Of course not, Father. But I couldn't let Ren die.” I twist my hands in my skirts. “I think I love him.”

This earns a derisive snort. “Love him? You know nothing of love. Do not be ridiculous.” He shakes his head and his silver hair flies back and forth. “This is why I told you to stay away from the humans. They are too fragile and silly. That boy has confused you.”

I bristle. “It's not ridiculous. It's true. I do. I think he did, too. At least as much as he could love a creature like me. I don't know why he helped me, but it was the bravest thing I've ever seen.”

I try to swallow, but find my throat has gone numb. My next question sinks into the tip of my tongue, terrified to be out in the world.

But ask it I must.

“Father, the venom in my sting, does it do more than put people to sleep? Ren caught me with a girl, yet when I saw him next, he had no recollection of it at all. And the girls, they never remember me the next day. The guards are always so shocked by my entrance.”

Father's eyes shine with a cold, hard light. “Yes, Kymera, that is the only reason why he helped you escape. He truly remembers nothing of seeing you with the girl. Your venom takes away their memories temporarily, up to about an hour before you sting them. That powder I gave you does the very same. You should be grateful for it. Why else do you think you've had such success sneaking in and out of the city?”

I grow cold. “Why have you never told me this?”

“Because I was afraid you would take it personally and
refuse to use the barb since most of your own memories are missing.”

He is right. I'm not happy about that. But is that the only reason he concealed it? “But how did you make the venom do that?” I've never heard nor read anything about venom that could do such a thing.

Father smiles tightly. “You do not need to worry about that.”

“But I
am
worried. The things people say worry me, too.” I toy with the end of my tail, studying the barb for the millionth time. “And that isn't the worst of it. That girl's body, the one my sting killed, I found her in one of your cold boxes. Why was she still here? Why did you keep her? And how did she get on the road?” I twist my hands together, mirroring the knots in my stomach. “Father, I am afraid the wizard got hold of her body. How else could they have found her on the road? We must strengthen our defenses around the cottage or he might come after us next!” Tendrils of fear wrap around me.

Father frowns. “The girl was potentially contagious. Belladoma wouldn't take her corpse, so I put her in my cold box until I had time to bury her.” He leans forward. “I didn't tell you, because I saw no need to upset you. The wizard must have discovered where I buried her and left her in the road for the city dwellers to find.”

Relief trickles in and releases some of the tightness in my chest. Father has answers for all my fears. Perhaps he is not enchanted after all. “The wizard must be close, and watching us to have found her so quickly.”

“That is a grave concern indeed. But do not worry, I will take care of it. We are safe here.”

“What will you do?”

Father scowls. “I said do not worry about it.”

I recoil at the harshness in his words, but I press on. “There is more.”

“Kymera . . .”

The scales on my tail are duller than usual, reflecting my mood. “I told Ren everything. One of those girls was his charge, the youngest princess. Did you know there was a younger one the wizard didn't get? I had no idea who she was when I took her, but I've felt guilty ever since.” My eyes are glued to the wooden slats in the floor. “I told him our plans. That we rescue the girls and send them to a better place. He didn't believe me.” My voice cracks.

The fire flares in the hearth, flames leaping up and licking the iron kettle. “You told him.” It is not a question and doesn't require an answer, but the intensity in Father's voice frightens me. The wooden arm of his chair cracks under his tightly squeezing fingers.

“What did he say?”

I swallow, desperate to clear the sand filling my throat. “He said Belladoma tried to attack Bryre years ago. He said I'm a monster. And only a wizard can make a monster.” Tears threaten again, but I hold them in.

“So this boy knows everything, does he? In that case, you have sealed his fate. I shall have to take care of him.”

Tingling flashes of ice prick every inch of my skin. “What do you mean?” I whisper.

“He cannot be allowed to tell anyone what he knows.” Father stands and places a hand on my shoulder. A brush of cool seeps into my arm before I shove his hand away. Right now I need answers, not comfort.

“Why? If he's wrong, it should be easy to prove.” A horrible sick feeling wells up in my gut, buoyed by the weight of too many easily answered questions. “Father, tell me he's wrong.”

A pleading edge creeps into my voice. Ren must be mistaken. We have been saving the girls. But every nerve in my body screams that something is terribly wrong with Father's behavior.

He considers me for a long moment, then paces the area before the hearth. The fire jumps each time he passes.

I can't move. I can't even breathe. The fire in Ren's hearth did not behave like that.

And despite Father's easy answers, no animal I've read about can erase memories with a single sting.

Memories flood over me. Father pressing his hand to Darrell's arm, the angry man calming. He did the same to the girls on occasion. The flames of our cooking fire burning without wood. The always full sack of feed. The chickens with goat legs.

Me.

Why me?

Why do I have visions of the palace in my head and none of Father?

Why Belladoma?

The awful truth threatens to crush me into the ground.
Why else would Father want to silence Ren so thoroughly?

“It's true.” The words choke from my mouth before I can bite them back. “You are the wizard.” Terror marches over every inch of my body like an army of tiny ants.

Father stops in front of the hearth wearing the strangest look on his face. The flames are so high now, they leap into the chimney. A slow chuckle rumbles in his chest. The rumble grows into an outright guffaw, manic in its intensity.

This terrifies me far more than his angry outbursts.

He stops laughing long enough to speak. “Yes, I am the wizard they all whisper about in Bryre. Why do you think I never go into the city?” He taps his head. “Because I cannot. I set up the warding charms to prevent anyone who would do the city harm from entering. That is where you came in. You were perfect.”

Horror rolls over me in hot and cold waves. I wobble to my feet, claws and tail taut with tension. “What do you mean?”

“You were naive and innocent. Not to mention absolutely certain you were aiding the city and its people.”

Dizziness threatens to overwhelm me. “Belladoma really is the city that attacked Bryre?”

He nods. “Fitting, is it not? Sending Bryre's girls off to its enemy.” He chortles again and I shudder. Even now, I cannot quite grasp that the Father I loved is nothing like I thought.

“Who am I? Who was I really? Before.” I sputter. Am I really his daughter or is everything he's ever told me a lie? I wait while he considers his answer, praying he says anything
but what I fear most.

“Your name was Rosabel.” He draws near, but I match him in my retreat, step for step. “You were a princess. My princess.”

A leaden weight presses on my chest. It's an ache I fear will never subside. My worst fear realized. I'm the king's daughter. Oliver's daughter, returned in a different, monstrous body. My true father would despise me as I am now.

Delia. I gave my own sister over to Bryre's enemies. My legs wobble and I reach out to the wall for support. I am as horrible as Ren believes.

“Why did you lie to me?” Fury cracks my voice.

Father looks affronted. “I did not lie. They promised you to me. But they lied.” His face softens. “I only claimed what I rightfully earned. They made a binding deal. You were supposed to be mine.”

He sneers. “They said they would give anything for help defending Bryre, but when I came to claim Princess Rosabel, they balked.” He folds his arms across his chest as his eyes narrow. “They offered me money, jewels, a title—everything but the one thing I wanted. They threw me out of the palace like I was garbage they could just dispose of. Well, they were quite mistaken.” He throws his hands in the air dismissively. “Besides, Queen Aria should have known better. I was her suitor once when she was just a princess. I wooed her, offered her everything—even tried to give her that choker you wear. But she refused me and chose Oliver. You should have been
my
daughter. It would have been so much simpler if she had chosen me instead.”

Rage twists my heart at these revelations and makes my head throb, but something more troubles me. “If the king and queen refused you, then how did I die? What happened?”

“Years later, I returned in a final attempt to reason with the king and queen. The wards did not affect me then because of the bargain. My intention was not to hurt, but to collect what was owed me. The guards tried to throw me out again, but this time I had had ten years to prepare. I incinerated them. Aria tried to block my path to the princess. I killed her, but Rosabel got in the way. Offering to go with me willingly, of all things, if I would leave her family alone. I killed her, too. I took her body and disappeared.”

My back is flat against the wall of the cottage. I stare at Father, unable to comprehend what he's done. What I've done.

“But if you got the princess, why did you take all those other girls? What did they do to you?”

Father smiles horribly. “Why, Kymera, where do you think I got the parts to bring you back?”

My heart stutters in my chest. “What?” I whisper.

“Each time I tried to bring you back and failed, the magic burned off another piece of you. There is always a price for magic. I tried so many times that I had to replace everything but your head. It was simple work to pick them off the road on the way to the markets in the east and north, at least until the fool king instituted a curfew and quarantined the girls. After you were reborn, charging you with taking more girls from Bryre made my revenge even sweeter.”

Nausea creeps up from my toes, weakening my knees. All this time I was certain I'd find the wizard and punish him for what he did to my family, and I've been living with him all along.

I'm the truly monstrous one. I did his dirty work without question. I'm a living quilt of every girl he killed.