Monza (Formula Men #1) (6 page)

My plan had backfired, spinning my world into a desolate, foreign place.

Sei

I was so shaken with anger I didn’t know what to do. Not trusting myself to be around people or to even go behind the wheel of my car, I found myself staying put in the garden, sitting below the tree as my mind flashed back to our encounter minutes ago, still viciously reeling from her explosive baby revelation.

She was with child…

All along, she had been carrying another man’s child while she was giving herself to me. She had most likely been oblivious to the fact, but the moment her pregnancy was confirmed, she immediately took action. No wonder she had to cut me out of her life as harshly as she had. What else could she do? Still, she could have done it without leaving me in such a bewildered state.

I had channeled all of my hatred into wanting to hurt her, yet seeing that it would also affect an innocent party had made me think twice. Accepting defeat wasn’t necessarily my strongest suit; in this case, though, I just might have to.

Nothing was to be done on that front.

Backing down wasn’t my forte, but for tonight, I only wanted to erase the memory of her confession from my mind. Even if for just a few hours, the necessity to simply get lost in sexual pleasure was severe.

I sought solace in a different sense. The infuriating need to be validated as a man was imperative more than ever. Therefore, I drove myself to visit one of my favorite haunts—a member’s only gentleman’s club that was known for its grand debauchery.

Blondes. I desperately needed to surround myself with fair haired women, no brunettes in sight.

Intoxicated and playfully aroused, I went with my usual women: Stasia, Cara, and Tori. All three had different hues of blue eyes, pouty lips, and endless legs. They brought me into the room exclusively designed in black and Roman red. Stasia, the bossy one, gingerly led me towards the red, circular day cushion, pushing me hard and enabling me to fall backwards. Cara and Tori devilishly grinned before they came to join me, stripping me of my clothing, piece by piece.

“
Stasia, per favore, dance for me,” I commanded as I felt a hand take hold of my cock, feverishly stroking it.

“
Anything for you, Luca.” Stasia winked at me then reached for the remote to play some seductive music to sway her delectable body to.

One diligently catered to my length while the other busied herself with toying, licking, and nipping my balls. And the prettiest one out of the three was giving me a striptease, frolicking about the metal pole, all for my enjoyment.

This was what I needed to regain my composure. It was a necessary process to make me feel alive, because what had happened tonight had truly fucked me inside out. All of my escalating emotions had taken a nosedive the moment her secret had been revealed, leaving me in despair.

Could I move past this? I had never been rejected in such a fashion that my pride and ego couldn’t easily recover from. It felt invasive, personal, and for the very first time in my life, the thought of tomorrow brought nothing except anguish.

In my normal state of mind, I would usually choose Stasia or Cara to fuck in order to finish off the sexual festivities. Tonight, however, I had a hard time wanting to fuck anyone. I was rock solid hard, but for some inane reason, the blasted tool didn’t want to be in any woman’s pussy. Well, all but one, one who was spoken for, the forbidden woman my heart belonged to.

My heart…

The trail of my thoughts left me staggering. Wait—I loved her? Did I? It was the only explanation, or I wouldn’t be so distraught about the whole fiasco that was my non-existent love life.

Well, hell. The realization brought me to my knees. I had fallen in love, and I hadn’t even known I was until it was too late. How maddeningly sad was that? How did I live with myself, knowing she was the one I wanted? Or, worse yet, how could I fathom the thought of her starting a little family of her own?

Swallowing the tightened lump in my throat, I suddenly felt the back of my eyeballs starting to burn.

Oh. Fuck. No.

I wasn’t about to let this gloomy story make me cry, too, most especially while I was getting head from two sexy women. Not in this bloody lifetime, I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t live it down; no one would.

Groaning in protest, I used all of my concentration to hone in on the luxurious feel of slick tongues swirling and twirling around my shaft.

“
Suck it harder, Cara. I want to come in your mouth.”

My emotion and mental state were battling against each other. One unyielding to the other as each wanted to take charge of my body, confusing me all the more. Even Cara’s relentless service to my cock did little to alleviate the demons that hounded my mind.

“
Luca,” Stasia said, sauntering towards us. “Let me take care of you. You’ll feel better, I promise.”

No. Nothing would make me better. I was dragged into this without my consent, without giving me a chance to protest. Now I was left to figure this out all by myself. How could one find a way to crawl out of this wretched hole?

“
Mi dispiace
, but I have to go.” Barely glancing at the women, I got up and started to put my clothes on, needing to be free, to be away from anyone so I could lick my wounds.

Love.

That was what people celebrated, dedicating a day for the said word, yet I had never felt such a toxic emotion poisoning my soul. It muddled everything, leaving me defenseless. That was what I was—vulnerable, powerless to fight the eviscerating ache that had seeped into my heart.

I left the private club as if the hounds of Hell were after me. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t supposed to drive hastily around public roads since it would reflect badly on me and my profession. Regardless, I was an Italian man, and we thrived on fast cars, driving them as if red lights were simply a decoration on the street.

The events of this night combined with the pounding headache that felt as if it was splitting my brain in two was just too much to bear. I wanted this dead, abominable cold that had taken over me to be gone. I had no other emotion left except hate, loathing for everything that was in my way.

Arriving back at home, I was immediately greeted by the nurse carrying a small tray that consisted of my medication and water.

“
Get that out of my sight! I can’t do this right now!” I barked at her. When I saw her terrified, stricken face, I felt like a total heel. “Apologies. I didn’t mean to scream at you. I’ve had a terrible night, excuse me.”

She merely gave me an understanding nod before retreating back to wherever she had come from, quite possibly to the kitchen then into the guest bedroom.

I hadn’t meant to snap, but this demon inside me felt like it was gnawing its way out, eating the very essence of my humanity, transforming me into a man I didn’t want to be. Loathing my deplorable attitude, I hid inside my library, seeking some alcoholic concoction to temporarily remedy the darkness that was overtaking me.

With the bottle in my hand, I swiftly strode over the sofa that faced the fireplace before hurling the damning thing into the fire, sparking a momentarily larger blaze. Transfixed by the beauty that set my eyes aglow, I suddenly felt weak, as if all life had been sucked out of me.

“
Why didn’t I just die?” I murmured into the air as it dawned on me that Jacques could be right. Maybe I was too far gone to care much about life. Fear kept people on their toes, so what happened to a man who had none?

Overwhelmed by the rioting emotions running through my veins, I was heaving severely when my vision started to blur around me, spinning my sight before I saw black. The last thing I recalled was the sound of the hard thump of my body on the Persian rug.

I wasn’t sure how long I was out, but I remembered waking to the most irritating sound of my mother’s shrilling voice echoing throughout the halls of the villa, demanding to know why I wasn’t in my bedroom and if anyone had seen where I was.

“
Merda,” I muttered under my breath as I began to shift my aching body off the carpet, groaning as I did so.

What happened last night? I frowned, wondering if I was so drunk that I simply went out like a light.

“
Luca!” As my mother’s voice neared the library, I braced myself for the kind of confrontation we normally had. She wasn’t an easy woman to deal with, to say the least.

Massaging my temples as I got to my feet, I limped towards the bar, fetching some water to hydrate my parched body.

“
You ungrateful child!” my mother greeted me the second she opened the door and saw me looking like a tragic mess. “Are you done behaving like a stray dog? Your latest shenanigans were published in the newspapers this morning. Are you deliberately trying to ruin our family, Luca?”

“
Mama…” I barely glanced at her coiffed hair and designer suit. Apart from the very exact shade of our emerald eyes, she and I had nothing in common. She was a rare breed, that one.

Gradually approaching me, she indignantly huffed, “
How could you do this to me?
Don’t you care that your actions reflect against the rest of the family? Have you no care about decorum and our reputation?”

Well, hell. She was grating on my last nerve. Each time I did something that wasn’t to her approval, she gave the same old speech. It truly was getting old.

“
In case you have been living under a rock for the past decade, let me remind you that I don’t give a blasted fuck about my reputation or my family’s, for that matter.” I snickered, loving the horrified look on her heavily painted face. “Besides, you’re doing the damage all by yourself by sleeping with men, single or otherwise, just to spite my father.”

She growled before reaching out to slap me fiercely. “
You have no idea what you’re talking about!
”

The insult stung greatly when it was a proven fact that I did.

“
Don’t I? How many folks in the media do you have under payroll just so they can keep your name out of the gossip columns?”

“
That’s none of your business, Luca!” She raised her chin, outraged. “I’m going to have a PR team to spin this bad publicity. You’re going to stay out of the spotlight while you fully recover from your wounds. And, after you’re better, we’re going to announce that you’re engaged.” The woman was purely mad.

“
Engaged?
To whom?
Cinderella’s ghost?
”

“
Don’t be foolish. I have a list of eligible women who will be suitable for you. Unless, of course, you fancy Grazia Conti. She’s not really what I want for a daughter, but I’m willing to compromise.” She put the word delusional to shame.

“
There will be no engagements, Mama! I’m never getting married, so give it up!”

When would her cunning attitude stop targeting me? I didn’t have the capacity to deal with this, amongst other things.

She blinked at me with those heavily coated eyelashes. “
Never?
What do you mean
never
?”

“
Never, as in you’re never going to have a grandchild or a daughter-in-law that you’d hate on sight. Get it? Now that solves everyone’s problems. You can get out of my house now, and don’t bother to come back until you’re a decent human being.”

“
But you need children to continue our name, our history, the di Medici bloodline.” She seemed oblivious to my insults, because she was too concerned about—, you guessed it, family and the tiresome reputation to uphold in society. “I don’t understand you. What would people say?”

“
Again, who gives a fuck about other people?” God, what I wouldn’t do to be anywhere but here. Seriously, the woman was insufferable. “Hell, let them think whatever they want. Better yet, tell them I’m sterile and can’t father a child, and that’s why I don’t want to get married.”

“
You’re out of your senses!” Appalled, my mother looked like the epitome of a woman who was about to combust from anger.

“
Welcome to the club.”

Shaking her head, she dismissed my previous rants, minding her own agenda. “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to have someone drop off the list of eligible women tomorrow. If you’re not going to do this to save the family, I’m going to have your father speak with you.”

“
Right, ‘cause that would really be effective.”

She growled, “You insufferable fool!” before she spun on her heels and walked away. However, before she fully exited the library, I heard her utter, “One day, you’ll thank me for all the sacrifices I make for you.”