Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery (13 page)

“
Sip, Ingrid, don
’
t gulp. Like this.
”
Emily demonstrated by taking a short, slow sip of her sweet red cabernet from St. Maarten
’
s.

“
Today is a gulping sort of day, Em. You should be glad I
’
m not doing shots of wine.
”

“
Okay, true enough. We
’
ll save our attempts to be cultured for Europe. Even though we are totally going to stand out as brazen American hussies.
”

Ingrid shrugged.
“
That
’
s okay. I think European men like hussies, especially American hussies. I
’
ll make sure not to get back together with Gabe before we go to Prague so I can have a fling with some hot dude who only speaks the language of love.
”

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation.
“
You expecting anyone, Ingrid?
”

She shook her head.
“
Nope.
”

Emily got up to get the door, seeing as Ingrid made no move to get off the couch.
“
Don't worry, I got it. You just keep chugging your wine. I'm pretty sure that fixes everything. Except maybe liver problems, but maybe we can witch those away.
”
Emily looked through the peephole and groaned.
“
Oh great. It
’
s Idiot #1 and #2.
”

She opened the door anyway.
“
Boys,
”
she said, making a sweeping gesture with her hand,
“
welcome. Come in, have a seat, pretend we don't think you are both imbeciles.
”

Gabe and Kevin sat down at Ingrid
’
s monstrous kitchen table, and then Gabe launched into his reasons for being here, completely ignoring Emily
’
s insult.

“
We don
’
t officially suspect that either one of you had anything to do with Sheldon Peter
’
s murder,
”
he began.

Ingrid interrupted, saying snidely,
“
Well, isn
’
t that something?
”

He continued, ignoring her dig.
“
However, we are hoping that you saw something either in the woods or in the car that might help us figure out what happened to him.
”

“
Oh, were you now?
”
asked Emily.
“
Hoping that we could help you? How incredibly naive of you, Gabe.
”

Ingrid chimed in.
“
You should be at Deputy Dumbass
’
s house, given that his wife is likely the murderer. Arrest her cheating self. And get out of my house. And out of my building. Or I
’
ll put you out. There is no help for you here.
”

Emily saw the shot glasses in the cabinet and a moment of genius struck her.
“
I have an idea.
”

She stood up and took four shot glass out and set them on the table in front of the boys.

“
No,
”
Ingrid said.
“
We are not doing wine shots with these jackholes. I don
’
t want them in my house.
”

Emily reassured her.
“
It's fine, Ingrid, trust me. We aren
’
t doing shots of wine. We are doing shots of truth serum. And it's not your house. It
’
s my building, and I say they stay.
”

“
It may be our building, but I paid for the renovations and the decorations with Harrison’s money.
”

“
Yeah, whatever. It
’
s ours. I'm just playing. But really, let them stay. You don
’
t have to answer any question you don
’
t want to. But they must answer all of ours.
”
She raised her eyebrow at Emily.
“
All of them.
”

“
Oh,
”
Ingrid said, catching on to Emily
’
s intentions.

Ingrid quick-brewed some coffee, added some Bailey
’
s Irish Cream for good measure and then a few drops of serum. Emily smiled her approval at the addition of Bailey’s and the amount of truth serum. More than necessary for this many people. She was getting really good at eyeballing the right dosage of truth serum and was afraid that said too much about her and Em
’
s life style.

She handed the pot to Emily, who then poured coffee shots for all four of them and instructed them on the proceedings.
“
Now, jerks, this is how it
’
s going to work. You will do a shot, and then answer one of our questions. For every two questions you answer, we
’
ll answer one. That
’
s the only deal you are gonna get from us and be glad that I don
’
t let Ingrid throw you out of here on your behinds, literally. With magic.
”
Emily slid the glasses in front of them.
“
Now, then. Drink.
”

Gabe sighed, knowing he
’
d lost this battle before he'd walked in the front door and downed his coffee. He choked. It
’
s possible Ingrid had overdone the Bailey
’
s in her current state of wine-drenched anger. Well, good. The alcohol would help the truth-telling along.

“
Ingrid, love, do you have any questions for our dear sheriff?
”

“
No. Make your deputy drink. I want to ask him a question.
”

Gabe nodded at Kevin, who picked up his shot glass and downed it.

“
Well?
”
he asked gruffly.
“
I don
’
t believe in witchcraft.
”

Ingrid didn
’
t hesitate.
“
Oh really?
”

Ingrid and Emily grinned at each other.

“
That
’
s right.
”

“
Is the sky blue?
”

Yes,
”
Kevin said grudgingly and rolled his eyes. Gabe just leaned back and waited.

“
Tell me it
’
s green.
”

The eyeroll was so dramatic that Ingrid thought he could have challenged any middle school girl.

“
The sky is gr
…
blue.
”

“
What color is it?
”
Emily asked, smirking.

“
It
’
s gr
…
blue.
”

“
Blue, huh.
”
Ingrid mocked.
“
Do you hate me?
’

“
N..
“
He tried again,
“
N..
”

He had to stop and actually think before he could say,
“
I don
’
t hate you. But I don
’
t like you, and I think Gabe can and should do better than you.
”

“
That
’
s funny,
”
Ingrid said, narrowing her gaze.
“
I can see we
’
re not going to be friends.
“
Did your wife kill Sheldon?
”

“
No, that is ridiculous and I resent the accusation. Tia couldn't do that. She
’
s not that type of person. And she has an alibi.
”

Emily rolled her eyes.
“
Please. You seem to make a lot of assumptions about the types of people that women are.
”

Ingrid poured another shot in Kevin
’
s glass.
“
Drink again.
”

“
Wait, doesn
’
t Gabe have to answer anything?
”

Ingrid responded, ice in her voice.
“
I
’
ll get to him soon enough.
”
She sounded very final and very, very angry. Still. Emily would definitely not want to be Gabe right now.

Kevin drank as instructed and then Ingrid charged again.
“
Did you know your wife was having an affair with Sheldon?
”

He opened his mouth to speak and Emily held up a hand.
“
Wait. Drink again before you talk. I want to make sure you are good and saturated with truth before you speak. You almost evaded my last question.
”

He drank and then spoke.
“
You can
’
t prove Tia was with Sheldon.
”

Ingrid spoke this time.
“
I don't have to prove anything. I
’
m not the police.
”

“
That was the first I
’
d heard of it until Emily told me this afternoon. I have doubts.
”

Ingrid looked at Emily.
“
You told him? But you told Tia you would tell him if she didn
’
t
—”

Emily smiled wickedly at Ingrid.
“
Yup. I lied. He already knew. Not that he believed me.
”

Kevin's face turned red.
“
Wait. When did you talk to my wife? She tried to get you to not tell me?
”

Kevin was clearly starting to realize that his wife had probably cheated on him when Gabe pushed a shot glass toward Emily, avoiding Ingrid
’
s wrath for the moment.
“
Drink, Emily. We answered two questions. It's only fair.
”

Emily drank, not that she needed it to tell the truth.
“
We broke into your house this afternoon. By the way, your kitchen is a horrible color. And so is your car. You should stop letting Tia make any decisions. She clearly makes bad choices. Like murdering her lover.
”

Kevin
’
s face turned redder and he started blustering, but Gabe put his hand on Kevin
’
s shoulder and said,
“
Relax, man. She
’
s goading you. It
’
s what they do.
”

“
Yep,
”
Ingrid said.
“
And we are good at it. Really good. In fact, drink, Sheriff. Time for your question.
”

He obeyed, and she went for the jugular.
“
Do you love me?
”

His eyes bulged and he turned nearly purple with embarrassment. Emily laughed out loud. Ingrid tapped her hands on the table, expecting an answer.

“
Well, you want us to help you with your case, you
’
ll help me by giving me your truth. I
’
m not going to shed any tears for a jerkhole with no feelings. Or someone who is stupid.
”

Emily watched Gabe gulp under pressure of Ingrid
’
s steely gaze.

He nodded.

“
What was that, Sheriff,
”
Ingrid pushed.
“
I couldn't hear you.
”

“
Yes, okay? Satisfied?
”
His confession was like a dam bursting.
“
Of course I love you. You make me crazy, but you make every day a beautiful adventure and I can
’
t get enough of you and
—”

“
That's enough. Save some of your heartfelt confessions for when we are alone together. That
’
s all I need from you for now. Emily, do you have more questions for this lump?
”