Moonlight on the Millpond (43 page)

Maddie's voice had become agitated, and Jace knew he would have to step very carefully. Maddie was right: He was sick to death of this subject. He wished she could just relax and understand that everything was all right.
They
were all right. If Eden or Mr. Muldoon didn't like the way they lived their lives, it was their problem, not his and Maddie's.

“Have you considered talking to Mr. Muldoon?” Jace asked, unable to think of another thing to say.

“No, I'm afraid I'll misunderstand him or get more confused. Each time I leave there, I end up in worse shape.”

“What if I go with you?” Jace offered, dreading the very thought.

Tears filled Maddie's eyes, something Jace hadn't seen before.

“Would you do that?” she whispered. “Would you go with me?”

“Yes, Maddie,” he said gently, his heart touched by how upset she was.

Maddie was out of her chair a moment later, coming to throw her arms around his neck. Jace stood to hold her, not sure what he was getting into but certain he'd said the right thing. His wife was without words, and for the first time since he'd met her, she sobbed against his chest.

Alison shifted in her seat during dinner, trying to get comfortable. She had just picked up her fork again when she realized that her family was staring intently at her.

“All right, all of you,” she scolded with a laugh, “I have six weeks to go. You can't stare at me for all that time.”

“You look so uncomfortable these days,” Hillary said, her voice full of compassion.

“Well, it might be a long six weeks, but we'll just have to wait it out.”

“Mama?” Joshua called her name to ask for the salt, but it had been left in the kitchen.

“I'll get it,” Douglas offered, not wanting his wife to get up.

“Thank you.” Alison smiled at him when he went past, and Douglas touched her shoulder.

He was trying to remember whether Alison had been so uncomfortable with Martin, but the details had slipped his mind. He asked when he got back to the table.

“Not quite this early, I don't think. It was a warm time of the year with Marty, and this time maybe I'm stiff because of the cold.”

“I wonder why we don't remember the details,” Douglas commented. “It's so big at the time, and then the memory fades.”

“There's too much life to be lived after the baby's born,” Alison said. “And it's such a comfort to finally meet the little guy.”

“Little girl,” two of her children said in unison, causing her to laugh. The meal didn't last much longer. Joshua and Peter had to get back to school, and Hillary was taking Martin to visit Mr. Sager.

Alison was not unhappy about any of this. She planned to put her feet up and do a little handwork. She had enough old things for the baby to wear but wanted a few items that were brand new, made especially for him.

When there was a knock on the door, however, she put her work aside and forced herself from the chair. As always, she was surprised to see it was Maddie, and this time the surprise was doubled because Jace had accompanied her.

“Come in,” she welcomed. “Come in and get warm.”

“Thank you,” Maddie told her sincerely. “I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs. Muldoon, but could I please see Mr. Muldoon?”

“It's no bother at all. Go ahead to the parlor, and I'll get Douglas.”

Jace kept his eyes on Maddie. She was nervous and close to tears again. What he couldn't gauge was whether the emotion was fear or relief. Did she finally think her questions would be answered or dread that they never would be?

Douglas joined them in the midst of these speculations, a smile of welcome on his face.

“Hi, Jace. Hi, Maddie. Good to see you.”

“Is this a bad time, Mr. Muldoon?”

“Not at all. Sit right down.”

Maddie did sit down, Jace beside her on the sofa, but she found her mind strangely blank. Jace waited for her to speak, and when she didn't, he tried to help.

“I think Maddie had some questions about eternity and being certain of such things.”

Maddie nodded.

“Are you thinking about what I said on Sunday morning, Maddie?”

“Yes. You said we would have nothing to fear, but I feel like I can't find that place. I am afraid and don't know what to do about it.”

“God does offer peace with Him, Maddie,” Douglas explained to her. “And I think that's what you lack. Am I right?”

“Yes. I rarely feel like I have peace. I have so much else, but I can't even see it.”

“You make a good point, Maddie. We're often blind to all of the blessings in our lives. Clearly you have much to be thankful for. I could even name things for you.”

“Like what?” Maddie was all at once fascinated.

“Your husband, for one. I don't know very many men who would accompany their wives to the pastor's house when she wants to dialog about eternal issues. I have had many women come to me over the years, but not very often with their husbands.”

“I am thankful that Jace came with me,” Maddie admitted, not able to look at the man in question for fear she would cry again.

“And who are you thankful to?” Douglas asked, and then waited.

Maddie had to think about this. She knew he was waiting for her to say God, and she understood why, but it just wouldn't come.

“Do you see what I mean, Maddie? God is so kind and gracious. He gives us life, and others to love us, and every possible thing we can imagine, and much of the time we aren't even aware of all His goodness.

“And if that wasn't enough, He sent His Son to offer us life for all of eternity. But it's not without sacrifice on our parts, Maddie. It's God's way or not at all. We can't choose how we come to Him. He's told us the way.”

“In the Bible.”

“That's right. And I want to tell you that you can have peace with God, but there is a choice to be made here. You must decide what you want more, life your own way, or life God's way.”

“What if life God's way is more than I can bear? What if I do it His way and I'm still upset and afraid?”

“Being upset or afraid is sin, Maddie, and God tells those who have trusted in Him to confess their sins, and He forgives them every time. So even if old habits enter in, there is a way to deal with those.”

“But they might still be there?” Maddie questioned, clearly not happy. “I might still be afraid and have no peace?”

“Maddie,” Douglas tried again to make it clear, “God might choose to take all fear and doubt away the moment you trust in His Son, but He might not. What He does promise is to never give us more than we can bear or leave us alone in any struggle.”

“Why doesn't Mr. Sullins tell us these things?” Jace suddenly asked.

“I'm not sure what Mr. Sullins is teaching, Jace. I will say this, however. God has given you an amazing mind, and you must use it to think on all you've heard, to think and evaluate the things I've said to you,” Douglas stated, wanting very much for Jace to feel responsibility in this matter. “If in your times of thinking you find you have more questions, I would be happy to answer them.”

“Thank you for your time,” Maddie said, and once again Douglas knew the conversation was at an end. He wondered whether Maddie would ever humble herself before God and believe, and for a moment he wrestled with a tactful way to ask.

“Before you go, Maddie, may I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“What do you think about what I've said? Do you think it's foolish or just not for you?”

“I don't know right now. I can't understand how we can know all of this. I don't know how you can be so sure.”

“We all choose to believe in something, Maddie. We all have faith of some kind in something, and I choose to put my trust in the Word of God. That's how I can know.”

Maddie nodded but was already on her feet. Douglas could see that it was over. He looked to Jace, whose face was thoughtful, but that man had no questions either. Douglas saw them to the front door, invited them back anytime, and prayed all the while. He then made his way to the kitchen to ask if Alison had heard.

Douglas had no choice but to assume she'd heard nothing. She was sound asleep by the fire, her knitting forgotten in her lap. Douglas tucked a quilt close around her, knowing she needed her sleep even more than he needed her prayers.

Twenty

Jace waited until they were home to have his say. He was not angry but firm, and Maddie listened as she'd never done before. “I'll say this for the man, Maddie, Mr. Muldoon is sincere about what he believes, but I've had it with pastors. They never answer your questions, and they run back to the Bible every time.

“Well, when are we supposed to use our brains?” he nearly demanded of his wife. “You're a smart woman, Maddie, and you can figure this out. Everything is fine. You're fine. I'm fine. Mr. and Mrs. Muldoon are fine. It's time you stop listening to your doubts.

“I love you. I love the life we have together. Why would we waste a moment worrying when we love each other and we plan to make a life together for the next 40 years? I don't want you to worry anymore. If you don't know the answer to something, don't let it upset you. Keep on as you're doing, and everything will work out fine.”

“Do you really believe that, Jace? Do you really think I'll be all right?”

Jace put his arms around her. “I think you're going to be more than all right. I think you're going to be wonderful.” Jace lowered his head at that point and kissed her for all he was worth. He squeezed her tightly against him, trying to show her that he believed in them. He agreed with Mr. Muldoon: He was choosing to believe in Maddie and the life they were living.

“Better?” he asked, looking down into her flushed face.

“Yes.”

“Just answer this question, Maddie: What's wrong with our life? I like it the way it is. I wish you could too.”

Maddie nodded, relief filling her. Why was she putting them through this? She didn't know that answer but wanted it all to stop. After all, Jace worked hard to make a home for them and gave her anything she wanted. It was time to stop worrying and enjoy it all.

“I love you,” she told him, reaching to kiss him again.

Jace would not pass on such an offer. They held each other for a long time by the fire, both convinced for the first time that all would be well.

January brought lots of snow to Tucker Mills. Jace was nearing the end of the slow season, and it wasn't at all unusual for Maddie to join him in the barn while he worked, especially on days when Clara remained at home. She was now home three days a week, not counting Sundays, and Jace and Maddie enjoyed their time together as never before.

What Jace hadn't seen coming was that his wife could be a bit of a prankster. On one sunny January day past the middle of the month, Jace took for granted that Maddie was in the house. When his tools didn't seem to be in the places he'd left them, he assumed he was tired and forgetful. Not until he heard a small shuffling sound did he begin to wonder.