More Than I Can Bear (15 page)

“We appreciate the business, ma'am. Have a good one.” The gentleman exited the room.

Paige had packed up her and Adele's personal items, but all the furniture had been placed into storage. A lot of the items Paige was donating to her church SWATC Ministry, which was a ministry one of the sisters at the church who was a survivor of domestic abuse had founded. It stood for Sheltered Women and Their Children. It assisted victims of domestic abuse any way that it could. One way was to help with the transition from the shelter to the woman and her children living on their own, away from the abuser. A woman from their church had managed to get out of an abusive relationship a couple months ago and had been in a shelter ever since. She was finally moving out on her own with the help of the SWATC Ministry and the resources they'd tapped into on the woman's behalf. Paige had furniture in storage from not only her and Norman's apartment, but from the place she'd had before she even moved in with Blake, all the way down to some of her and Blake's furniture. She couldn't think of better use than to help out a woman who was basically starting over in life. And maybe getting rid of a lot of things from her past she'd managed to keep a hold of would give her an easier new start as well.

Heck, she was basically starting over in life too. She'd started life over before, but now it was with a baby. She looked over at Adele, who was stuffed down inside a little infant swing, staring at the toys that hung above her head.

“I can do this,” Paige told herself. “I have to do this . . . for us.” She continued to unpack when she heard a knock on the door. “Come in.”

“How's it going?” Miss Nettie asked, poking her head in the room. “You need any help?”

Paige shook her head. “Oh, no. This is all just personal stuff. Clothes and whatnot. I got it. So much of this stuff was Adele's newborn stuff that I'm just going to keep it packed and donate it.”

“You've been at it all day. Why don't you finish up tomorrow?”

“Ahh, I just want to get it all finished up tonight, rest, and be ready for church tomorrow.” Paige got excited. “You do know Naomi is going to church with me tomorrow, don't you?” Paige had to admit that if it wasn't for the fact Naomi wanted to go to church so badly, seeing she was still upset with God, she probably wouldn't have gone herself. Truth be told, she was all churched out right about now.

Miss Nettie looked over her shoulder and down the hall to make sure nobody else was around. She then entered Paige's room completely and closed the door behind her. “Do I know the missus is going to church with you tomorrow?” Miss Nettie whispered. “Child, that's all she's been talking about. The woman has had me teaching her church etiquette all week.” The two women laughed softly. “We done went over there to that Christian store on 256 in Pickerington and bought her a Bible and a Bible case. She even got a prayer cloth.” The women chuckled again.

“She is dead serious, huh?”

“Serious ain't the word.” Miss Nettie sat down on the bed. “I just feel like for so many years God used me to plant the seed in Mrs. Vanderdale's life. Here you come along and watered it. And now God's about to make it grow.” She clapped her hands, stomped her foot and shouted, “Hallelujah!”

“Glory to His name,” Paige added out of habit. She then sat down on the other side of the bed. “Won't God do it? I mean look where Naomi and I started. And now look where He brought us.” Paige supposed God perhaps still was somewhat in the midst of things.

“Yeah, I mean, you're on a first name basis with the old woman like y'all the best of friends.”

Paige smiled. “And strangely enough, she kind of feels like a friend. When I'm talking to her it's like talking to . . . Norman. It's just crazy.”

“No, ma'am,” Miss Nettie assured her. “It's God . . . and He ain't crazy. Everything is happening in divine order.” Miss Nettie stood up. “Want me to take the li'l miss?” Miss Nettie nodded over toward Adele.

“No, God no. All you folks do is spoil her rotten. When I go back to work here in a couple of weeks, I'm sure all everybody is going to do is carry her around. The child probably won't even learn how to crawl and walk until she's two.”

“You're probably right. That Sam has got that baby rotten. Now that that baby is here, we see more of Sam than we've seen of her since she moved out of this place. I think she's got the bug: the baby bug. Maybe she'll settle down and find a nice fellow to give her one.”

“It's a lot easier than that these days,” Paige assured her. She stared off while lifting a pair of pants out of a box. “There are so many single mothers it ain't funny. Working, trying to raise kids.” She looked over to Adele. “Kind of like how I'm going to be when I go back to work.”

Miss Nettie shook her head and stood. “I still don't see why you're going back to that job. I mean, you really don't need to. Mrs. Vanderdale said you can stay here as long as you like, rent free. Besides that, you got money.”

Paige did have money. She hadn't really touched any of the settlement she'd received from her divorce, not even to purchase that Louis Vuitton luggage set she'd been eyeing for years. No, she'd get that with her own hard-earned money.

“And that baby of yours has plenty of money,” Miss Nettie continued. “Norman had made her beneficiary of his life insurance policy. She's even the heir of his trust.” Miss Nettie put her hands on her hips. “And do you know that boy has never taken a dime out of his trust? He's worked for everything he's ever gotten. And you know what? I don't think he did it to prove a point to his parents. He did it to prove a point to himself, that he could do it.” Miss Nettie shook her head. “That boy was some kind of special.”

“I know,” Paige said. “More special than he'll ever know.”

Miss Nettie looked up to see tears flowing down Paige's face. “Oh, now, now. I didn't mean to get you all started up.” She walked over and patted Paige's back. “Take a break. I insist.” Miss Nettie removed the same pair of pants from Paige's hands she'd been messing around with the past few minutes. “Bring yourself on downstairs and eat something.” She whispered in Paige's ear, “I made me up my own personal batch of pig's feet. Got some neck bones and sauerkraut, too. Even got some deviled eggs with beets in the fridge and . . .”

Before Miss Nettie could finish reciting her menu, Paige was gagging. She grabbed her stomach and raced into her bathroom. She barely made it to the commode before she started throwing up in the toilet. Hearing all the hurling going on in there, Miss Nettie entered the bathroom and quickly retrieved a rag from the linen closet. She wet it and made it available to Paige to wipe her mouth.

Paige stood up, flushed the toilet, and went to the sink to brush her teeth. It wasn't until she rinsed her mouth and started to dry it that she realized Miss Nettie had been standing there eyeing her knowingly the entire time. “What?” Paige said to Miss Nettie.

“Oh, nothing, 'cept for the fact you might not want to go getting rid of li'l Miss Adele's newborn things just yet.”

Paige sat in church the next day just admiring Naomi praise and worship God. No one would ever know that was her first time ever being in church, outside of weddings and funerals. Obviously, all Miss Nettie's lessons had paid off. But Paige knew genuine praise and worship when she saw it. Like so many others, she'd faked it enough times herself to know when it was the real thing and when it wasn't. With Naomi, it was the real thing.

As excited as she was that Naomi was so into the service, she just couldn't seem to get into the service herself. Her mind kept drifting a million miles away.
Could I really have let this happen again?
she kept asking herself.

Ever since having Adele, her period hadn't really gone back to normal, so heck, she didn't know if she had missed her period, if it was late, or what. What she did know was that she hadn't gotten on birth control and when she and Norman made love for the first and only time, they hadn't used a condom.

“Jesus!” Paige shouted out.

“That's right, sister, you praise Him,” Naomi said, slapping Paige on the shoulder.

Pastor Margie was preaching so tough that most of the congregation was on their feet. Paige hadn't been, until just now, when Naomi pulled her to her feet.

“I swear she's preaching to me,” Naomi said.

“Because trust me, saints, you do not have to be the old you anymore,” Pastor Margie preached. “You have a choice to move beyond the past. You have a choice to move beyond the pain from the past. The pain you caused and the pain inflicted upon you.”

“Amen!” Naomi shouted, then elbowed Paige. “Did you hear that? It's the truth, 'cause I ain't me no more.”

Paige watched with a wide smile on her face as Naomi lifted her hands and jumped up and down. “Go on, Naomi. Get your praise on.” Before Paige knew it, she was smiling, jumping up and down, and praising right along with Naomi. Here Paige thought she was bringing Naomi to church to show her how it was done, and Naomi had been the one to show Paige a thing or two. She reminded Paige of just who God was and how in all times He should be honored, worshipped, and praised. No matter what circumstances life held for Paige, she was still standing. God had brought her through, and for that, she shouted, danced and praised side by side with her mother-in-law.

 

 

“Pastor Margie, this is my third Sunday in a row and I must say the spirit has been higher and higher each time,” Naomi said to Pastor Margie after service. “It's really helping me get through the loss of Norman. I'm going to have to invite my husband next Sunday.”

“Please do. We'd love to have him,” Pastor Margie said. “And tell Paige we hope to see her next Sunday as well. We missed her this week.”

“Yes, she hasn't been feeling well. I know what it's like. Some days I can't believe Norman is gone. I get physically ill and can't get out of bed. But this right here”—Naomi pointed to the church ground—“this helps get me through. I grab that Bible and get to reading. It seems like whatever page I land on is just the Word I need.” A sour look came across Naomi's face. “Is that bad? That I just flip to any ol' page in the Bible? My housekeeper, Nettie, said as long as I'm reading the Word is all that matters. That there ain't no punishment in skipping around, or even jumping right to the end.” Naomi laughed.

Pastor Margie joined her in the brief moment of laughter. “Well, Nettie is right, but eventually you might want to commit to just sitting down and reading the Bible from start to finish. If you like, I can help you. Maybe the two of us can meet up for coffee or something and do some reading together. That way if you have any questions, I can address them for you.”

Naomi's eyes grew the size of saucers. “Are you serious? You'd really do that for me?”

“I'll do it and have done it for anybody who needs it. A babe in Christ, a seasoned saint, what have you. You'll find that you can read the Bible, even the same verse, over and over again, but God always has a new revelation for you in due season.”

Naomi looked a little confused.

“Never mind.” Pastor Margie smiled, patting Naomi's shoulder. “Let's just take it one verse at a time. You'll see what I mean.”

“Okay. Well I'll be calling you sometime this week,” Naomi told her. “I'm really excited about this. Thank you, Pastor.” Naomi gave Pastor Margie a huge hug then headed off to her car, giving everyone she walked by an excited, “Praise the Lord,” “God is good,” and “Hallelujah.” She was so full of joy, so full of peace, and so full of thanks. She didn't know how she would have gotten through this time of loss if Paige hadn't invited her to church and introduced her to Jesus Himself. And she made it up in her mind that she was going to drive straight home and thank Paige.

After a little over a twenty-minute drive, Naomi pulled up to her house, got out of the car, ran into the house, and dashed right toward the steps.

“Honey, is everything okay?” Mr. Vanderdale asked, who was in the sitting room in his chair reading the Sunday paper.

“Oh, sweetheart, I didn't even see you sitting there.” Naomi turned back around and walked toward her husband.

“That's because you dashed through here so quickly.” He laughed, kissing his wife on the cheek as she bent over to hug him.

“I'm sorry, it's just that I have to hurry and thank Paige. That church, honey, it's the best thing that could have ever happened to me.” She looked up. “I take that back. Jesus is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.”

“Well, that's good to hear, but Nettie's been talking about Jesus for years.”

“Yes, I know. I know. And I'm so glad she told me all about Him, because I finally met Him, and thanks to Nettie, He wasn't a stranger.” She snapped her finger. “Guess I owe Nettie a thank you too.”

Mr. Vanderdale was glad to see his wife doing well. The first week of Norman's death she'd seemed to have cried almost twenty-four hours a day. The only time he could recall her not having a constant flow of tears was the day of the funeral. She was putting on a front and being strong for everyone. He honestly thought that was how she'd spend her remaining days. But the joy and the peace she was displaying now was not a front. It was genuine. And to be honest, he couldn't think of a time ever since meeting her where such pure joy and peace rested upon her.

“You just do that, honey,” Mr. Vanderdale told his wife. “And thank them both for me. It does me so well to see you this way.”

Naomi kissed her husband on the forehead. “I love you, dear. We'll get through this. This past month having to deal with Norman's death has been hard, but now with God on our side, I think we'll get through this. I know we will.”

“I know we will too,” Mr. Vanderdale agreed, taking his wife's hand and planting a kiss in her palm.

“I'm going to go check on Paige. How is she? Has she been down any today?”

“I haven't seen her. Samantha peeked in on her when she came over to go riding. Of course she brought the baby down and we played and cooed with her for a while. Miss Nettie's home from church. She checked on Paige as soon as she got here.”

“Well, okay. Let me go lay eyes on her myself. Besides, I need to relay a message to her from her pastor.”

“Okay. Tell her I hope she's feeling better and that perhaps she'll feel up to joining us at dinner later.”

“Will do,” Naomi said as she ran off to see about Paige. “Knock knock,” she said while simultaneously knocking on Paige's door once making it up the stairs and to Paige's room.

“Come in,” she heard Paige call out from the other side.

Naomi entered the room and saw Paige sitting up in bed reading a book. “How are you?”

“I'm good,” Paige answered.

“Pastor Margie sends her well wishes. She missed you at church today.”

“How was church today?” Paige asked.

Naomi's face lit up. She raced over and sat next to Paige on the bed. “It was awesome. You should have been there, but I took notes. Pastor preached on healing, and not just physical ailments, but healing in your heart, mind, spirit, soul. It was just so amazing.” Naomi went on for about twenty minutes straight reiterating the service to Paige.

Paige had placed her book down and was fully engaged in Naomi's words. She even found herself closing her eyes and swimming in the words of the hymn Naomi sang that she said a dancer had ministered to.

“Naomi, my God, you have a lovely voice. Norman never told me you could sing.”

“Well, now, I can carry a note or two,” she said modestly, blushing all the while.

“What I just heard you do was more than carry a note. Your voice is amazing. I got lost in it.”

“Thank you. You are too kind.”

“Don't let Pastor Margie hear you singing like that. She'll insist you join the choir.”

“I have to join the church first.” Naomi had a knowing look on her face.

“Really?” Paige sat up straight in the bed, whereas before she'd been leaned up against the pillow propped behind her. “Are you truly thinking about joining New Day?”

“I really am, Paige. It just feels right. It feels like . . .” Naomi searched for words.

“Home?”

“Yes, home.”

“I know what you mean. That's how I felt from the minute I walked into New Day. Jesus didn't even have to court me. I fell in love instantly. Dedicated myself to Him and joined the church all on the same day.”

“Thank you, Paige.”

“For what?” Paige asked, confused.

“For inviting me to your church.”

“Oh it was nothing. Besides, Miss Nettie said she'd invited you to her church a million times.”

“Yeah, she had. I just never felt led to go to church. My family wasn't into church. There was no grandmother or auntie to drag us to church. It's not that my family didn't believe in God, it's just that, I don't know, church wasn't something we did.” Naomi shook her head as her eyes filled with tears. “I just wish instead of making sure Samantha and Norman had designer clothes, went to private schools, and had the best family vacations, that I could have given them what really mattered: Jesus.”

Paige let Naomi get out her tears.

Once Naomi gathered herself she looked up at Paige. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much.” She grabbed Paige's hands and squeezed them tight.

“Naomi, please. You don't have to thank me for inviting you to church. That's my job as a saint, to bring in—”

“No, no. I'm not talking about that.” Naomi shook her head. “Thank you for giving my son what I didn't. Paige, you took him to the water and he drank it, like the woman at the well Pastor preached about at Bible Study last week. He's gone, but before he left us, he got saved. He allowed Jesus into his life-his heart. My son is in a much better place. I know that now. Knowing that allows me to sleep at night now. It doesn't mean that I don't still miss Norman. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, but knowing that he is at the right hand of the throne . . .” Naomi exhaled and tears ran down her face. They were tears of complete joy.

Before Paige knew it, her lips were spread into a huge smile and tears of joy were streaming down her face too. Naomi's joy and peace was simply contagious. When Naomi stood and announced she was going to get out of her church clothes and take a nap before supper, Paige didn't want her to leave. Like a small child, Paige wanted to follow Naomi to the bathroom and wait outside the door until she was finished. Naomi reminded Paige what it was like when she first fell in love with Jesus. For Paige, it was like something was ignited in her. Naomi had just unknowingly helped rekindle that fire that Paige never wanted to go out. And since it was Naomi's spirit that seemed to keep that fire burning, Paige was going to make it a point to be a moth to Naomi's flame.